Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Some Changes In Me

I am so exhausted, and breaking down at the drop of the hat all day today.  I can't wait to get some sleep in a few minutes.

I've noticed over the past two days some amazing things, and the only thing I can think of that helped is DD.

1. I haven't tried to speed once.  I did speed once by mistake, but since then have even made extra sure not to do that.
2. I'm checking, almost obsessively since last week, that I haven't turned the car lights on in the day.  I even dreamt about it last night, lol.
3. I was very frustrated trying to find help online tonight to get my laptop fixed, the touch pad buttons, one broke, and one is breaking.  Normally I would have gotten angry after looking for so long and finding no way to find help, but I realized emotionally I had two choices, and sadly in that moment, I do think there was only two choices.  Cry, or get angry. So the tears started.  I looked at my husband and said "I'm sorry, but I'm so overwhelmed right now, that it's cry, or get angry, and I really don't want to get angry."  The tears just flowed, and flowed, and flowed, but it was good, I really think I needed them.  And by not getting angry, I had nothing I had to apologize for afterwards, to my husband and to God.  I finally did get help, and the man that helped me was so kind, and even asked if I needed to stop to get some warm water for my throat!  So sweet, he was Indian too, and it so reminded me of the movie "Other End Of The Line".
4. I feel so much more balanced, even though I'm so emotional.  I feel safer.  At work the past two days I don't have to worry about feeling overwhelmed because I know that once I'm done work, my husband will only guide me in what is best for me, and I can leave it all in his hands.  Last night I had a migraine, so I laid down and he went out with friends since he hasn't been able to in a few weeks.  Then tonight I was so tired I was almost falling asleep when I picked him up from work, so he said tonight we'd get take out.  I didn't even have to ask what to do for supper.  It was nice.  I hope I start to feel better soon.

We will be skipping maintenance this week, my husband says.  Because of his stitches.  I hope he doesn't add to it for when he can do it again.  *gulp*  But I can honestly say my fear of being spanked again is already gone.  I did just need a few days.  So thankful for that!


  1. It really can make you more mindful, can't it? I've found that as well. I'm glad you're noticing benefits and I hope you feel better soon! (((hugs)))

    1. Going back through my posts today, and don't know how I missed this one, sorry about that, Grace. And yes, totally am more mindful now, even to this day. :)


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