Saturday, November 17, 2018

Happy Love Our Lurkers Day :)

For some reason I kept thinking LOL was 17&18th.  Woops. :)

Hi, everyone.  I don't know how many lurkers I have out there, but I wanted to say hi. 

In case you don't know me well, I'm 40, live in Canada, married to a wonderful man we call Duke on here for almost 11 years now, and started DD 6 years ago this month.  It has had it's up and downs, and we now incorporate D/s and some light BDSM.  We keep learning, we keep growing. :)

I remember back when starting to read about DD, how scary it was, how naughty and exciting, and the fear of writing that first comment.  Was I weird?  Would I come across as some silly woman who didn't know anything?  Would my ignorance on a topic I so wanted to learn get me shunned?  And so many more fears.

Well, I wanted to let you know that none of that happened.  This is a loving community, and I was welcomed with open arms into a group of people who was also searching, guidance from those who had already been there, and no judgement.  I'm not saying you have to comment, I don't ever want you to feel pressured to do something you are not comfortable with.  That is part of what DD, D/s is all about, right?  Not doing something because you feel pressured.  I totally understand that and only ever want you to write because you want to.

This is our squirrel, he lives on our property somewhere.  But always hiding.  He's learning, like I learned, that the world out there isn't so scary. :)  Took this a few years ago, he's much more used to us now. :)  We never engage him, we are just outside a lot, and our presence is no longer as frightening. :)  Hopefully you'll find the same here in blogland. :)

So, if you ever wanted to say hi, or have questions, I'd love to hear from you.  On here, or at

Thank you all who read, I am truly thankful that you find something worth while in all the things I write.

Happy Love Our Lurkers Day.  I am so thankful for you.


Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Not MIA, Just Sick

Wanted to let you guys know that I am not MIA.  Just been fighting sinus infection with bronchitis, and been down for the count, it's made me kind of dopey, and lack of concentration.  On antibiotics since yesterday morning, so I hope to be better soon. :)

The Duke and I have been doing more and more talking, and we had a mini maintenance this week.  It helped.  He also has helped me clean, and made me feel like he cared while I haven't been able to do much.  :)

I hope your week is going well. :)  And hopefully I'll write again by the weekend.  I have only been commenting on a few blogs every few days.  Sorry if I seem hit and miss with that, but trying not to push myself.  Night. :)

Thursday, November 08, 2018


Obey.  Such a simple word, with so much meaning.
Our daughter's group this week talked about obeying parents.  It suggested giving one letter of the word for every instance of obedience, and once all four letters were acquired to spell obey, to reward them with some kind of treat.  Her obedience has been horrible the past few days, several storms will do that to a child.  This trick is working.  Here are her toy letters I used for it.  Going to do it daily for a week, and if she gets all four letters every day, going to take her to buy a book or toy.

My obedience though?  It's as missing as hers has been.  I put an A.P.B. out on it, and got a simple note back. :P
I haven't wanted to submit.  The Duke has been trying since Saturday to have a maintenance, and either I was sick, or we didn't have the time.  I'm a submissive at heart, this rebellion I feel, I don't understand it, but it's there, rearing it's ugly head, demanding attention, wanting to grow stronger, and do things my way, own my own, with my own space, and no one to answer to.  In the middle of it all though is hurt.  I can't even label the hurt.  I don't know what it's from.  The things I think it's from are all resolved.  But there it sits, my heart ready to cause tears at any given moment of the day for a week. It's finally starting to ease, and I finally can write about it.  At times I have felt very alone in my life.  Thank goodness for some of you blog friends, I haven't admitted how things hard were, but you helped me out so much even still. :)  Blogland friends are amazing.

I guess part of this hard week is all the judgement I've gotten this week from people I know in real life.  It's like people have come out in droves to tell me how much I'm failing at being a wife, mother, friend, daughter, etc.  I know at times I talk about the Duke on here, and my attitude isn't always right (I always ask his permission before sharing), but I never complain or talk bad about him in person, ever, and rarely do even with him.  I have to really be struggling first because I don't want to hurt his feelings.  I try to make sure not to complain about other people, put them down, or talk behind their backs.  So it just shocks me sometimes how critical people can be when I don't do the same with them.  I'm finally at a place to put it behind me.  Just so many at once became harder to push aside than normal.

Thank goodness obey is a verb.  Because I don't feel like listening, submitting, following rules, etc.  But still, I obey, it's the right thing to do, even if I have to fight to do it.  I would expect the same from my daughter as much as she can, and I expect no less from me.  I have even done extra projects with baby girl today, and extra cleaning around the house to try to get into a better mindset of serving and being thankful.

Obedience in my heart is here somewhere, it's often a full blown craving that is seldom satisfied.  I'm not exactly sure how to deal with "Who gives a care" EsMay.  People talk about an alter ego.  Maybe she is mine. lol  Hopefully, for my bottom at least, that is not the reply I give the Duke if he asks me anything.  Though I have been tempted.  If I suddenly disappear, you'll know I gave in.  lol   

I have suggested several times this week that we quit DD, did I mention the note from my submission saying it was gone on a LONG vacation?  The Duke says I'm not allowed to make any decisions about it when I'm like this.  The Stinker.  But thankfully he also hasn't pushed any DD structure on me as well... though maybe that is just what I need.  Have the stubborn brat I feel inside beat right out of me. :P  I don't know how to brat, I've never done it, but I feel one growing... she has instigator written all over her.  She wants to stomp around, roll eyes, and stick out her tongue.  Things I don't do, but boy do I want to all the sudden.

I can laugh at the thought of the Duke ruling her, though I'm sure I wouldn't be laughing if he did.  Hopefully it doesn't come to that, today is better than I've been all week.  The sun is out, it's nice and cool, but not cold, and about to go outside.  Hopefully finally seeing the sun will help.  :)  I just opened the window a few minutes ago, and I definitely feel my energy rising.  The headaches I've fought all week are pretty tame today.

I hope you guys are having a better week than I have been.  And if you have any extra submission hanging around, feel free to send it my way while mine is evidently enjoying a cruise or some such nonsense. ;)  I'm not used to not feeling submissive, and feeling a bit lost in it all.  But it should come back soon, unless it finds a tall drink of dominance somewhere.  lol  If it doesn't come back, I'll have to find a new name for my blog. :P  Maybe the Duke should have a set of letters for me to spell obey every day like the ones little girl has above. :)  I wouldn't mind getting a treat every day for behaving, and a toy or book at the end as a reward.  Oh, now I'm going to ask.  HAHAHAHA  I'm so going to ask. :) lol

Friday, November 02, 2018

A Fun Fact About Me

For those of you worried that I don't have any another creative outlets and needed to find other things to make besides implements, I promise, I have some. :)  Here are just a few things I've made.  Just thought I'd share a passion of mine with you.  I'm not good at a lot of things, but I like to be crafty, can't seem to stop myself.  I already showed you my digital creations last week and some of the implements I've made, so I'll show you some hand made things today.  The thing I love about my creative side is that every time I make some digital art, or craft, or project, the Duke just looks at it afterwards in awe and says "I can't believe you made that.  That's amazing."  Or something to that effect.  I love how good that makes me feel.  He would kind of just acknowledge it before DD, now he stands in awe.  I love how much DD has changed him, helped him open up, and share with me. :)  His compliments make my heart soar.

I am an avid knitter.  I made these stockings for us last year.  I erased out our names, but they were done in the colour of the top band of each sock. :)  Mine is in the middle... hehehe didn't mean for it to be the largest.  HAHAHAHA  Not complaining mind you. lol  At some point I may remake them more the same size, but not this year. :)  Or I may just rip the toes out on the Duke's on the left and make it longer. :)

The Duke loves Mario, so I made him a set of coasters out of perler beads a few years ago for Christmas. 

I crocheted these two hats and two blankets for a friend who had twins this year.  The deep waffle pattern made for really squishy warm blankets, they are folded into fours here.  Now I want one.  lol

I made this quilt about 8 years ago.  The denim is starting to wear. :(  This is when it was brand new.  This bed is now my parents.

And I love making teddy bears.  Haven't done it since baby girl was born.  I should try again.  I don't have any myself, I've given them all as gifts.  

Made this knitting roll when keeping all my different sized needles separated, especially those that weren't labelled for size, kept getting mixed up.  I could only find knitting rolls with 8 slots, so I made this.  For any knitters out there, this has rows of long needles, then crochet hooks, then double pointed needles, then tools, then circular needles.  Each column has all the same size hooks and needles.  I love this thing.  It's about 6 years old I'd say, and my best knitting friend.

And this is the blanket I knit for baby girl while I was pregnant. :)  

I took up knitting especially because in my late 20's I was getting arthritis in my wrists and fingers.  This completely reversed it.  15 years or so later, and I have no arthritis for years.

This post isn't DD, sorry.  But thought I might share a bit about who I am.  I love to craft.  Christmas ornament time is coming, and I'm excited.  I also decorate cakes, make fleece car seat ponchos for children in car seats, etc and can follow any lego building instructions. ;)

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Another Loopy ???

I have been requested to make a handful of carpet beaters for someone.  I'm really excited if I can pull it off. :)  When I went to go look at the supply bag I keep to hold extra stuff from making implements, I found this twisty cord that I'd braided and meant to turn into a loopy some months ago... and somehow never finished it.  Because it's twisted with a twisted ridge running down it, the braid amazingly kept it's shape without unravelling.  So I put a handle on it.  The rope is actually a skipping rope, so I just used the skipping rope handle to make the loopy handle. :)

First of all, why, why do I make implements?  Don't worry, I ask myself this too. :P  Well, I love them, I love seeing if I can do it because I like the challenge of crafting things, and I like us having an array of implements to choose from.  We have a tight budget, and as much as I want some of the fancier ones, we can't afford it.  Well, as always, the Duke felt he had to test this little baby out.  It's about 13 inches or so.

It's super stingy.  Eek.  I keep hoping to find a less severe implement to make, but this is almost as bad as that dreaded carpet beater, which I had made thinking it would be better than the original loopy, lol.  I thought with this braid, it would be less stingy and more thuddy.  Well, in a way it is, but it also stings more than just the regular carpet beater as well.  Augh.  Thank goodness it is quiet though.  I almost wasn't.  lol  And thank goodness I'm learning to keep my position, because I literally had to force myself to stay in place while he gave this baby a try out.

So, this is the conversation the Duke and I had following testing this implement out.

Duke: This may be my favourite now.
EsMay: Even more than the carpet beater?  (Seriously ladies, I need a friggin' gag!  I way too often speak without thinking.)
Duke: I'm not sure.  We'll have to try them both out together for me to see.
EsMay: That day is never going to come.
Duke: We'll see.  (He says with a smile.  Stinker. lol)

I'm not sure how I feel about that.  Excited?  Scared?  Definitely I feel happy with the attention.  He's not had time for me almost all week, and I was missing him.  This makes me feel better.  I asked if we should be thinking of a mid week maintenance to help us keep our roles.  He's going to think about it. :)

Here is a close up of the braid.  I think it's pretty. :)

And here it is beside our old loopy if you've never seen it so that you know what I mean above by them being different.  The old one is made out of nylon covered clothesline wire.

Thursday, October 25, 2018

The tih Toy Store ;) LOL

The email conversation started out so innocently.  Baker replying "Something about them holding a paddle that makes me believe they believe they're in charge!" to a comment I made to her.
I replied "Yeah, we should burn all the paddles.  All us tihs should get together and have a large bonfire."

Which quickly went to what implements we had to burn.  Baker asked if I would burn the new carpet beater.  Oh, that beautiful, NASTY carpet beater.  YES, yes, if it would burn, I might try.  But that sucker is nylon covered galvanized steel.  All that would happen is that the nylon would melt down into the messiest, and probably smelliest pile of goo ever done at a bonfire, and the Duke would be left with nothing but steel... something that would be way more harsh on my poor bottom and would possibly mark the end of EsMay.  You'd all have to have a memorial for me, sad blog posts of remember when she did such and such a thing, and really, who wants to go to all that bother?  ;)

But, never fear, your trusty tihs are always prepared.  I kept sending joking replies, and Baker suggested I share them, and of course, I had to add some on. lol  (Did you know it takes blogger 5 times to realize I wanted to put tihs and not the word this???  Oh, silly auto correct lol)

So, ladies, we put our heads together to decide on how to dispose of every implement we own.  After all, our husbands really have been having way too much fun with them, and all at our expense too! ;)  It really is an unbalanced scale, don't you think?

So, loopies, of course every DD submissive out there wants to get rid of those darn loopies, don't they?  I sure do!  LOL  A horrible implement whose sole goal is to turn innocent little bottoms into quivering piles of raw ground beef.  Really, a cruel implement, that would be considered abusive if ever used on even the largest of animals, that any DD submissive who has had the great fortune to have never met one, should steer clear of at any cost.  They are the unwanted guest at any party, and the one everyone talks about with fearful tones.  So, how would we get rid of said implement?  Burning, like my dreaded carpet beater, would probably poison all the guests at our bonfire.  So we've decided to go into toys.  Yep, ladies, toys, respectable toys, for children. :)  Wouldn't that loopy you have look wonderful with a net sewn around the loop?  Just think of all the fish or butterflies a child could catch if there were able to use your dreaded loopy instead for a fun toy. :)

And what about those horrible silicone spatulas?  Children really do need to have safe versions of drum sticks, especially the younger children who are more apt to swing at something other than their pots and pans drums sets. 

Next we have the aforementioned carpet beater.  Why, it would be a lovely gift for a child playing house, or even better, could be a substitute badminton racquet or tennis racquet!  Think of how I could be blessing a child with endless hours of good old fashioned exercise.  It really is the children I'm thinking of here. ;)  (I'm hurt that some of you are doubting me) lol

Now, canes, dowels and the like are pretty easy to burn down if they're made of wood.  But what if you are one of the unlucky tihs whose HoH/Dom has subjected them to the evils of plastic?  Well, have no fear, just think of how wonderful a child would think it to have a wand to conduct an orchestra with?  Music, they say, is the key to all sorts of genius buried in our children.  Who are we to deprive our children of such opportunities?  Or maybe they could find their future career?  They could play teacher and use it as a chalk board pointer.  Every piƱata needs a good stick to break it open with.  And if it has no grip, it would be a great practice toy for a child who eventually wanted to learn baton.  Races where one participant passes the baton to the next?  The ideas could be endless. :)

Plastic paddles could also be a problem for our toasty bonfire, which, on this cold night is sounding more and more pleasant.  lol  If you do indeed have a plastic paddle, and are good with a drill, just put a hole through the center, and attach a ball on an elastic.  Who didn't have one of those growing up?  Think of the hand eye coordination you could be helping a child acquire.  And if you're not good with a drill, any child would love to have a paddle to play paddle ball, or ping pong. :)  But wait, what if your paddle is of the longer and thinner sort?  Some children just do not do well playing baseball with a round bat.  It's just too hard for them.  Think of the self esteem you would be instilling into them to give them your flat paddle that would connects to beautifully with the ball. :)  The smiles, the cheers, aww, another happy child. :)

So ladies, care to join me as we all gather around a nice toasty bonfire while we make plans for our new toy store?  ;)  I'm ready for a new hobby. ;)  Anyone else?  hehe

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

My Offer For Your DD Blogs

I get scared putting myself out there to help people... so this has been something I've wanted to offer for a while, but get too nervous to.  I've been working on my blog, especially the header, updating it with the implements we have, and getting rid of the ones we no longer do.  I ... wanted to offer... that if anyone wanted a specific graphic, or header, or background made for their blog, I could try if it's something I think I could do, as a gift from me to you, to help you personalize your blog.  Here is some of my work in pictures, and ones in implements, to give you an idea of what I can do, and to understand the limitations I have as well.  :)  If you wanted any of the implements, feel free, or I could make up different ones.  These are all in larger size for the originals except the loopy, forgot to save the original.  Doh.  lol

Sorry, put a watermark over the pictures below, I doubt anyone would steal them, but I made these for other projects for people, and wanted to make sure they didn't get copied and shared for free on some clipart site.  The images are all still mine to use, so if you like one, I can share it with you (no watermark, lol) for your blog, but it will also give you an idea of what I can make if you wanted something specific.  I also created my background and header, but the silhouette was super hard for me, so I probably wouldn't do another one of those. lol  These also are much smaller than the originals.

Anyway... I hope it wasn't stupid and ridiculous to offer.  And no worries if no one would like help, but just wanted to offer. :)  If it was something you were interested in for your blog, this would be a free gift from me to you as a fellow blogger.