Friday, September 21, 2018

Best Present EVER!!! :)

What is the absolute best gift you can get as a sub/tih from your Dom/HoH/Master?

Well, tonight I got the best gift ever. :)  It's Thursday night, and I already wrote today, so I'm post dating this until tomorrow, but have to get everything out while it's still fresh. :)

We couldn't test out our basement tonight like we hoped,  See post before if you want clarification. :)  Several things came up to stop us.  So I realized we never tried to see how loud the loopy or the wooden dowel are outside our room.  So I asked the Duke if he'd be willing to test them and have me stand outside the door a bit.  I asked if he'd test them a bit on his hand or thigh, or even the bed without any real thought about what this would mean.

Next thing I hear is three whacks and three gasps.  Um, yeah, that wasn't so quiet.  EEK!

I might have already been snickering from his gasps at this point. ;)  May have, won't promise. :P

Then he tried the loopy.  I heard the whack as it hit his skin, and then him cry out.  I whipped the door open, and took in his face that was all shriveled, he was bent over as he hopped from foot to foot to deal with the pain.  And of course, like a good little sub, I calmly went over to him, tended to his wounds and coddled him until he was okay and feeling all better. 


I doubled over laughing, and said "See!  It hurts!"  lol  I asked him if he had more respect for me.  Then he tried it again!  I literally couldn't fight the laughter, so I didn't even try.  His mouth was open as he half cried, half laughed, and he just kept hopping to try to make the pain go away.  He said later that if he had to be standing, leaning over the bed getting spanked with the loopy, he wasn't sure he'd get to three strikes before he fell to the floor.  I think he may have a new appreciation for me now. :)  So this was by far the best gift I've ever gotten in our dynamic. :P LOL  Poor Duke.  Though, the markings from this were gone in less than half an hour, so apparently he didn't his as hard as he hits me as mine can be there for a couple days!  lol  BUT STILL. lol

Afterwards I handed him the loopy, and he asked if I wanted a good girl spanking.  I said yes.  He suggested we use the dowel instead. :P  LOL  I believe this was my first ever good girl spanking.  I know, right?  I was thoroughly happy by the end. :)  Things are still a bit strained, we've hit a really rough patch where I felt really unloved, and it's going to take time to fix, but things are getting better quickly. :)  He's really trying, and I'm so thankful. :)

Thursday, September 20, 2018

I'm Moving Into The Kitchen! :)

Or even the laundry room. ;)

So, a couple days ago the Duke had the day off, and around 2:00pm found out I hadn't had lunch yet.  He made up something for me on the stove.  This is SUPER rare, I was surprised and very pleased.  He came out to talk to me with a wooden spoon in his hand.  Between the parents who had to move in, and our child, spankings are very rare, still, I looked at the spoon with half longing.  He did NOT miss this.  He said he'd do it, and I said he wouldn't.  I guess he doesn't like being challenged because the next thing I know, he's dragging me to the kitchen.  My dad was out, my mom never leaves her room, and baby girl was on the potty.  He pulled my pants down and gave me six swats!  Oh, yes. :)

Then today I was in the kitchen, and being bad!  I never get peanut butter m&ms, but I love them.  I got some yesterday, and opened them this morning and pulled five out.  The Duke told me I was not having them for breakfast, especially since I had just told our daughter she couldn't have ice cream for breakfast.  (Is it fair that the rules I have for her have to be my rules too??? lol)  He let me have the five after I asked, but then he closed up the bag, got a clip for it, and put it up where I CANNOT reach without precariously balancing on a chair and having to lean around the counter and over the fridge.  Darn 9 inch height difference.  :P  He said I wouldn't be having them again until he got home from work.  Okay, so that made me pout.  I finally had my peanut butter m&ms and he was going to hide them so I behaved???  So I jokingly, I want to stress I really was joking, that I was going to eat ten sugary things through out the day, and grabbed sprinkles and marshmallows from the cupboard.  I bake most of our treats, and haven't made anything all week, so there were no actual goodies to grab.  lol  WELL, that earned me a swat with the wood spoon.  I can't remember now if he used his hand two days ago, or the spoon, isn't that HORRIBLE?  Anyway, he used the spoon today, with my pants up as dad was home.  I told him I needed more, and got four in total.  With dad home it's a lot harder to explain away a spanking noise.

So, both times were in the kitchen, and spankings haven't happened in a while, so I think I have to move into the kitchen to ensure they happen more.  But I really just want a long session with him.

So I admitted this to Baker, and how I miss him being able to use his hand as well.  Our room is next to my parents, so with mom never leaving her room, there would be no way to disguise his hand hitting my bottom, nor the pocket paddle I love.  Yes, we have to be painfully quiet when making love, and often only do it in the middle of the night.  lol  So I was emailing Baker this morning about needing a spanking and not seeing how we could, and she suggested maybe trying our basement.  At first I tossed the idea.  There are no doors in the basement, and no backing on the stairs, so noise travels big time. 

But then I remembered the laundry room, it does have a door, it's just permanently open, and so I forget about it.  We use hand made wool dryer balls, so their bouncing would help hide the sound of a spanking.  Our washer agitator is loud, and that would help too. :)  I could also keep a towel down there to put against the bottom of the door to seal the inch gap below it.  SOOO, I wrote the Duke an email so that we remember to talk about it tonight, and maybe even go downstairs tonight.  Dad's desk is downstairs, not far away, and he's at it often, so it will be hit and miss when we can do this, but it does give us way more of an opportunity than normal.  :)  We don't have a chair, but could put one in, or he could just have me bend over the deep freezer.  I'm so freaking excited.  Yep, I'm part freak. :)  This could seriously change my marriage. :) :) :) :) *Insert BIG happy dance* So thankful Baker suggested the basement, I had totally written it off as an option.

UPDATE:  The Duke called on his break and he's super excited about the laundry room when I explained how we could do it. :)  Also, Dad brought home pumpkin pie, haven't had that in ages either.  So I was going to have a slice, where I was firmly told over the phone that I would NOT be having any until after I had my lunch.  *humph*  Frig, he's sexy when he's Doming. :)

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Seducing Consent?

I saw this quoted on another blog a few days ago from a few years ago.

“The number one job of the dominant is to continually seduce consent from the bottom.”
― Joseph Bean

I do not know who the author of this quote is, I'll have to look him up sometime, but man, does it ever have me thinking and pondering.  It is on THIS BLOG in comment number three if you're looking for it. :)

Many of you already know what I say here, I'm just examining it further, and for people getting into DD or D/s, it's stuff I wish I'd known more of in the beginning. :)

What does the job or role of a dominant look like to you?  As many of you know, I'm trying my hand at novel writing, and in working through the characters, I came up with a line that I'm just loving from the male lead.  "I may control the wheel, but you control the brakes."  He's telling her in this scene that he may decide when she needs to do something, he might look like he's the one in control asking her to do things that test her limits, help her feel her submission, to test her obedience, and so forth, but that only happens as far as she lets it.  At any point, she gets to say no.  They can only go as far as she allows, and in that, she has the ultimate control.  She decides what does and does not happen.

So coming upon this other quote from above just really struck me as deeper than it first appears.

The Duke's job is to guide me, but if I buckle down and decide not to let him, there is little he can do to force it, and at that point it would be abuse.  Let me tell you, the Duke has not an abusive bone in his body, even getting into DD was a huge thing for him.  He's very passive in many ways.  So he seduces me.  Not just sexually, but he calls to my submissive side.  He lures it in, whispers to it, demands of it, dances teasingly around it, and calls it to him. 

I long for his seducing of my consent.  I love to have him push my limits in my submission, and feel myself sink further into our roles.  Every time he pushes, I stop, not to disobey, but needing a few seconds to feel that war in me.  Can I go this much further?  Can I submit on a new level?  Can I allow him to control me that much deeper?  And I love the war in me, the deep craving need to submit, to be owned, to please, against the embarrassment, slight fear of the unknown, and the tightening in my chest.  As I look into his eyes, I see what he expects, and he's putting his trust in me to obey, to let him guide me into things I do not know, to allow him to control how we go about this and how far.  He's trusting me to bend to his will, and as long as he's trusting me to let him lead,  trusting me to trust him, I can follow, I can trust in return and let go.  In this moment, I can do things I normally couldn't.  He seduces me to delve further than I normally could comfortably go.

I can stop it all.  I can, it's my choice.  Each step we take is further to being his, to submitting deeper, and I can decide I've gone as far as I'm willing and wanting to go.  Oh, but I don't want to.  I want more.

As the Duke pushes further, as I give him more and more of me, we grow.  We become more one than I ever thought possible when I said my wedding vows.  I insisted on putting the word "I will follow your leading" in my wedding vows.  I always wanted this type of marriage, I just didn't have a name for it for over 4 years, and when I did, I finally brought my desires to him.  I'm so glad looking back, that even in my marriage vows, I promised to obey.  Things aren't perfect, we're struggling right now as the Duke deals with self esteem issues.  But I sit here, and wait, knowing deep inside that he's working on seducing that side of me again, to giving into him, and giving him consent.

Dominance and submission is such a beautiful dance.  And in seducing me, the Duke wins me over, again and again.  I can't wait for him to read this one. :)

Side thought, I would have SWORN to you I said obey in my vows, as that was my intent, but after a lot of thought, I changed it to following his leading because I worried he'd be judged for that.  I forgot that until I just looked at our vows now.  I never even thought of that when picking my blog name.  How appropriate to promise in my vows to following his leading, and then naming my blog submitting to be led.  SOOO cool! :)

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Throw - Beautiful Tears - By The Duke

This short and sweet and very wise post was written by the Duke.  It has got to be one of my most favourite posts we have done.  I love everything about what he says.  Here is the original link, and the post is below. :)  Thank you for reading another Throw Back Thursday post, it is from February 2014. :)

Beautiful Tears - By The Duke 

Good evening, everyone.

I wanted to write a post tonight about tears. Tears can often be the end result of a spanking. Spankings are a painful thing I am assured, but these tears that come with correction are not necessarily only about pain. I find the tears that come with a spanking beautiful. Does this make me sadistic? I don't believe that is the primary reason I find them beautiful. I am not looking to hurt my mate for the purpose of pain itself; it is part of the disciplinary process. No, the reason tears at the end of a spanking can be beautiful is because of what they represent. 

Tears at the end of a spanking are beautiful because they show the beauty of what is going on in the heart. Sometimes before a spanking, a sub may be bratty, they may be acting selfish, cold, indignant, or what have you, perhaps not all the time, but that can be the case. As the HoH, it is your job to discipline them; to correct their behaviour. This involves spanking, this involves lecture, and this may very well involve other disciplinary practices. However, this is about more than correcting the behavior, this is about changing the patterns that led to the behavior in question. This is about changing their heart.

Before the spanking, before the discipline has been administered, it is possible that the sub may have an attitude of rebellion towards her husband, not all the time you understand. As mentioned, she very well may have for whatever reason felt the need to break a rule or do something against what she and her husband both agreed on. However, as the discipline proceeds, as the lecture and the spanking are administered, something changes inside the wife. I really feel like the tears are a symptom of this change. The heart has been broken ever so slightly, and made stronger than before. The wife has had a change and become more submissive. The tears rolling down her cheeks are the tears of surrender to her husband. She has given up her need for control at this point, and the control has past to the husband. At this point, I am realizing I am back in control of the situation, and in control of the marriage. This is why I find tears beautiful in a spanking, because they are showing the beautiful process that is going on behind the scenes. You may disagree with this, but I thought it would provide food for thought.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

A DD Author I Love - 2 Free Books Plus More

I really like Laylah Roberts' books.  Her series have DD, D/s, or BDSM or all. :)  I have been reading her for years, and keep going back to her books.  Because two of her series have been expanding, she has put the first book in both series up for free for now. :)  She also has other series.  I really like both books, so I thought I'd share the free books with you and also show you the covers of the series. :)

Book 1 - Just For You, Sir.
The Doms of Decadence series has 8 books.  It's a break off from the Old Fashioned Series of hers.  It is a group of people that belong to a BDSM club and some of their friends, it also has DD.  The opening scene of the first book is very much into the club, but then goes quickly to real life as well.  This book is about Jacey, a woman who is hiding from her influential husband, and is homeless until she gets on her feet.  Derrick has started to find the whole BDSM scene boring, no longer finding fulfillment just in playing out scenes.  He and Jacey meet by accident, and all the sudden, the protective desires he thought he lost and were gone forever come back.  But then she's gone, and he has to find her, not knowing she's homeless, because she's finally made him feel.  I really liked the male character in this book.  I am only 4 books in, but I really, really, like this series so far, and she has broken another series off of this one.  Can't wait to read that series too.

Book 2 - Lila's Loves.
This second series is Haven, DD type books that go into BDSM after the first book, and it currently has four books in it, and I'm so hoping one of the characters gets in on the fifth book! :)  I have read the first book easily half a dozen times, maybe more because of how I related for a while to Lila, the lead character, just her need for love and acceptance.  Her mother has neglected her, and allows her to be taken by a stranger with three adopted sons.  He raises her, but she makes a mistake and falls for the brothers.  When they realize as adults she has always thought they always wanted her gone, they set on a course to keep her with them and show her that love really can be unconditional.  Some of the scenes are really sweet.  This is an earlier story of hers, and she has grown as an author a lot since then, but still a very good read. :)

And if you have Kindle Unlimited, these three books in the Bad Boys of Wildeside Series are free to read as well.  They are different than her normal writing, the feel and style is different, but still good. :)  Sinclair, even though he is a mob boss, is so human.  I love how much he tries to do the right thing, and his reactions when it's not always right.  He's unlike any character I've ever read.  Very well done.
I got a gift card this week, so I hope to get the rest of the books in the Doms of Decadence Series this weekend. Then I hope to have the money to buy more of her books soon. I have four series I believe, and she has three smaller ones I want to get when we have the money. :) I highly suggest checking her out. :) I really like her. :)

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Paddle Keychain :)

My keys were either lost or stolen last year.  I think they were accidentally stolen, or that is what I'm hoping, and that they weren't purposefully taken.  We had four paramedics in our house that night near where I keep my keys, and hoping they fell into one of their bags by mistake.  Anyway, I had a new set of keys made up, and new locks, and decided today I needed a keychain in case they ever get lost again so I can say what is on the keychain.  I know, I should have done it a year ago. :) 

So tonight I made up the Neapolitan ice cream popsicle out of perler beads because I literally had no idea what to use, and then when I saw it a bit later, thought it looked a bit like a paddle.  So I sat down to kind of design one.  I'll tell people it's a fudgesicle, because I made it to look like one a bit, but to anyone on here, it's a paddle. ;)  I did the two tones of brown to represent grains in the wood a wooden paddle would have.  I really like it, and I like that I can secretly have a symbol of our lifestyle on me.  :)  I am so excited about it. :)  Now not to freak out whenever my Dad takes my keys if he needs our car. :P

Here is the front of it, and the bottom is the back view of it where the perler beads are melted flat. :)  The paddle is only about half an inch longer than a standard house key, so the perfect size for what I wanted.  The light reflected weird, but there is only three shades of brown in it.  I felt I had to use a different brown for the handle to believably pass it off as a fudgesicle, but we all know the truth. ;)

Wednesday, September 05, 2018

Embarrassment - Its Seductive and Submissive Beauty

A week or two ago someone commented on one of my posts about getting past the embarrassment, and that has had me thinking a lot since then.  I hope to the person that wrote that, that it's okay to mention the comment.  It was such a blessing to me to ponder it.

As I thought it over, I realized something that I had thought of from time to time, but never really dwelt on.  Not only have I come to accept the embarrassment that can come in this lifestyle, I actually crave it.  Deep down in my bones, to the center of my core, crave the embarrassment the Duke can cause me. 

Now, I'm not talking about humiliation here.  The Duke would never, ever, for any reason in the world, humiliate me.

I hope I can convey here a bit of the beauty I find in being embarrassed with the Duke.  He asks me to do things that embarrass me, and those are the most beautifully submissive moments to me.

No matter how long we do this, no matter how much of my body he has seen, owns, controls, I still find certain things cause a blush to my face.  A hesitancy in my heart to expose myself so fully to him, again.  Part of me wants to be worthy.  Does he still find me beautiful?  Am I still sexy?  Does he still want me?  Will that piece of cellulite turn him off?  Will that roll make him disgusted?  And in it all is his dominant tone and voice telling me to obey.  He hasn't asked me to wait, to obey only when I feel ready and worthy, he wants me to follow through right then, no questions.  And in that moment, I swallow the embarrassment down into my chest, and let it swallow me as well.  I revel in it.  It feels so good.  I swim in it as I get into the position he's demanded of me.  I've surrendered myself to his will, and at that moment, it doesn't matter what he thinks of my body, because all that matters is that I've obeyed.  Even if he were to find some fault in my body, I need him to find no fault in my behaviour.  All that matters is that I've obeyed, and that he's pleased with my surrender.

Naked kneeling, I flush, I crave and need reassurance.  I'm embarrassed to be naked, kneeling at his feet, sitting as vulnerable as a wolf offering up their neck as a show of submissiveness to the alpha male.  My husband, standing over me, fully clothed, I'm so exposed, so vulnerable, and I love that.

Laying on the bed, arms by my head, bottom in the air so that he can either place a plug in me, or put himself there.  I'm so exposed.  He can see everything, especially if he's taking the time to plug me.  He's so up close.  He's making my body do things that until a few years ago were completely taboo, I wonder what I look like as he stretches me in a way that exposes me even more.  There's an excitement in the embarrassment as he takes pleasure in making me do things that make me blush.  An embarrassment in surrendering my body to his manipulations to make it do things I couldn't on my own.  He always tells me how beautiful it was to watch, or how beautiful I look plugged, and the flush in my face rises.

Him examining me.  For no other reason than he wants to explore what he already knows, to run his gaze over all that is his.  I'm so exposed, especially if I'm on my back, and he wants to study me, down there, very up close.  Why?  I have no idea to this day, really.  I have guesses, but when I ask, he just says it's because he wants to.  And that too, makes me blush.  It's what he wants to do, and he'll do it, because he wills it.  I submit.

Laying over his lap, him fully clothed, me naked, me getting ready to submit to being punished.  To admit his authority over me.  To accept that I've messed up and have earned his correction.  I love being in this place.  The fight of feeling I'm a grown woman who can handle her own messes, but admitting I'm not as strong as I want to be, and that I seriously need his leading and strength.  The struggle of feeling small, taken care of, and even embarrassment for not feeling like I'm enough.  That I've failed.  That maybe I've disappointed him.  Now, feeling those last ones aren't a comfortable feeling, but they sink me even more into submission, to being his, to being owned, and giving him all of me, and ultimate control over me.

There is also something about him talking about what he's doing, expecting, seeing, when he does all these.  Reminding me of my vulnerability, my submission, his control over me, his ownership.  It keeps me fully rooted in the embarrassment and surrender that I want to just immerse myself in.  I feel so fully his, so fully controlled, it's so beautiful.

All this and more, and many of them with my clothes on, I promise. ;)  Him telling me to do something in front of others, politely I will add.  As I said, he never looks to humiliate me.  Him telling me that he wants me to stop what I'm doing and do something else because I'm not making a wise decision on my own.  Him telling me to calm down when I haven't realized I've gotten too upset and that I wasn't able to control it on my own.  Having to go to him and admit when I'm horny, which is a rule.  I have to tell him as soon as possible, and I am embarrassed every single time.

But... I find such a sweet submissive place in these times of embarrassment.  A vulnerability I am not sure I have at any other time.  There is always this fear of rejection.  That he'll be too busy, that he'll wonder why he's doing this.  That he'll find me weak, strange, pathetic, a freak.  He never treats me like this, so it's a gift every time he takes care of me.

Anyway, just some of my thoughts on it.  I used to long to get passed the embarrassment, now I hope I never do. :)  In fact, I hope he finds more ways over the years to push my boundaries and my trust in him.

The Duke is sleeping, but I'm going to show him this when he's up... that too will make me blush. :)