Sunday, October 13, 2019

Closing Down. :)

Hello, everyone. :)  As things move on in our lives, I feel it is time to put this blog to bed.  I am so thankful to everyone that has walked with us on this journey.  I will be taking it down in a couple of weeks, but didn't want to just disappear without saying goodbye.  I wish you all the best. :)

Monday, September 30, 2019

Thank you. :)

Hi, everyone.  Just wanted to let you know that the road is long, and hard, but that things are starting to look up again in our house. :)  Baby step by baby step.  Hoping to be doing posts about our dynamic again before Christmas.... this was the hardest we ever went through since starting DD.... hoping we've turned the corner.  Thank you to everyone who has been sending us love and support.  It really means a lot.

Monday, August 26, 2019

Candy Heart Butt Plugs

I have a bit of an obsession with butt plugs.... 4 sets of plugs plus several single ones that are not parts of sets have led me to this conclusion.... so I don't NEED another plug... or do I??? *giggles*

Not sure if anyone has seen these yet.  They are plugs with candy heart shaped grips!  You can find them on pinkcherry.com and pinkcherry.ca and looking up candy heart plugs. :)  I am telling myself not to buy one of each..... I am telling myself that.... lol  Which one is your favourite? :)  I am not a person who swears... so this might be shocking, bu the top middle is the one I want most. lol  Or spank me. :)






Monday, August 19, 2019

Fun BDSM Test

Sorry that I didn't reply to any of the comments last time.  I did read them all, and carried them in my heart, I just haven't known how to think or feel.  Sorry.  In the mean time, was introduced to this quiz.  It's kind of fun, if anyone wants to try it if you haven't already. :)  I posted my results below. :)

The funny thing is how high I ranked for slave, even though the Duke and I will never do M/s.  But, back in May, I was in a discussion that was led in a chat room about the differences between a submissive and a slave.  The submissives and the slaves in the room all agreed with their sides, but there were a handful of DD wives in there, and we really struggled.  We didn't fit either picture.  We fit both to a degree, but not one or the other.  It was a great comfort when we realized all the DD wives there felt the same.  So, I find it kind of interesting that I reached that on the test.  Not saying anyone is BDSM out there, but just a fun quiz if you have five minutes you want to kill. :)  If you do take it, I'd love to hear about your results. :)

https://bdsmtest.org


Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Hello

Summers don't seem to be good for us it seems.  You've been writing emails to me, or finding me on chats... you friends out there who wonder where I've gone to....

The Duke is struggling again, and I'm once again fighting for our marriage.  But this time I'm so tired.  And this time I don't know what to write.  DD and D/s have been off the table for over a month, and it's just hard.  I hope to be writing again someday soon... but we'll see.

But we are okay, I mean, this is hard, but other wise, we are okay.  I had a scare with a lump that thankfully turned out to be nothing.  Baby girl now knows more than I do, and doesn't think she has to listen to me at all. ;)  My mother turns 60 this coming week and I get to make a carrot cake from scratch unless plans change.  So life is still plugging along.  And this too shall pass.

Hopefully soon, I really will have something fun to write. :)

Tuesday, June 04, 2019

I Am Worthy

First of all, thank you for all the wonderful emails, and checking up on me.  I am okay.  A lot happened this month, and I just couldn't get on. I had four posts I wrote, but none got out in the month of May.  There was a major crisis and several other things going on, and I just couldn't concentrate to post, or visit.  I am terribly sorry.


I Am Worthy

Not words I could have said before, but, right now, I am starting to be able to say it.

I Am Worthy.

These should be simple words to say as a person, but I have struggled with self worth my whole life.  I was abused as a child, the words I heard was that I was hated, unwanted, that I'd ruined my mother's life.  It gets so much worse, and I will spare you the details.

I love the Duke, but he's never really given many compliments either.  They just aren't something he thinks on.  He thinks the world of me, and loves me very much, it just isn't something he thinks of.  The few I get, I've hung on to like a dehydrated man holding onto a newly found jug of water.

The chat room I told you about, about a month ago, and I'm so sorry to have been away so long, this room has been so wonderful for me.  They really love people there, just as they are, without trying to change them.  Well, me they're trying to change, on one thing.  My self esteem.  They wish I could see myself in a better light.  So, one Master took it upon himself to start that change.  He started telling me I was worthy.  Then last week I said to him that for that one moment, I could say it.  I wrote "I am worthy".  I thought it would only be a moment.  Just a blip.  But he asked me to say it again.  So I did.  He asked me to say it louder, so I did in capital letters.  He then asked me to shout it, so I added several explanation points after it. *giggles*

And then came the challenge.  "Go shout it in the main room."  I choked for a few seconds.  Being able to say it to him, and being able to say it in a room full of people, granted I've never met them, but still, were two totally different things.  But I did.  I went into that room and said

"I AM WORTHY!!!!!!!!"  

Let's just say, when a whole room knows you have self confidence issues, and you go in and do that... you get A LOT of compliments, and finallys, and thank goodness you see it now. *giggles*

Then, in that same room, that Master came out and told me he wanted me to make a sign to put up that I would see every morning when I wake up that said those words.  Because baby girl still has a lot of bad nights, and I often am in there, I made a sign for her room, and our room.  He also told me to go to a mirror 2-3 times a day, and say those words to myself while looking at myself.  This was at the beginning of last week, and let me tell you, it's working.  It's really working.  And it's also helping because the people that were in the room that day, if they see me on another time, they tell me again that I'm worthy. :)

This Master says every submissive has a wonderful gift to give in their submission, that they are strong, beautiful, worthy and so much more, and that he wishes every submissive could see this about themselves.  So, I'm submissive, and in that, I'm learning I am beautiful, smart, strong, worthy, and I'm told by many that I make the room smile and light it up... those are hard to say, but, I'm going to work on embracing them all.  I have decided to start a compliments journal.  A small book with compliments I get, so that when the lies of the past start to overwhelm me, I can pull it out and remind myself how others see me. :) 

The Duke is LOVING how my confidence is growing.  He and this Master talk, they are becoming friends too.  When I was told I was no longer allowed to say bad things about myself in the room, the Duke made it a HARD rule at home too.  Like I can't even say "I can't believe I was that stupid." or "I made a pathetic attempt to do (insert thing).  I am not allowed to use any sentence that talks about me and says the word stupid, pathetic, unworthy, or idiot, even if I'm not talking about myself.  I stand no chance at bad self esteem anymore if everyone has a say about it.  It kind of makes me feel really loved. *blush*

I am not an artist by hand, I love to do digital art, but to draw, hahaha.  That eye I did a few months ago was only because I followed a youtube video, all 30 plus minutes, bit by bit.  So, these aren't works of art.  Still, they're my saying, ready to go on the walls. :)  If you struggle like I have, I hope you can take this task I was given, and try it on yourself. :)  You are worthy too. :) :)

I got the ideas for the doodles by looking up bullet journal doodles. :)  As you can see, baby girl got a hold of the one for her room and wrinkled it a bit. hehehe



Monday, April 29, 2019

Some Knowledge Help, Please?

Hello.  I am still here. ;)  Haven't found a gang of gypsies to join and run away with just yet. ;)

If you've been reading my blog for years, you know this time of year is especially hard on my allergies, and I often get sick, so I decided to get a sinus and bronchitis together. ;)  You know me, I can't do anything half way. lol  But I am almost completely done the bronchitis and over half way over the sinus infection, and feeling sooo much better. :)

SOOOOOOOOOOOO.  After ignoring you all for a couple weeks, *hangs head*  really sorry about that, I have a favour to ask... and I know that is greedy.  But I need your help, opinions and knowledge, if you'd be willing to take a few minutes sometime this week?

On Sunday, May 5th, I am going to be hosting a chat on a BDSM chat site about DD.  I am almost done my chat outline, but I wondered if any of you guys would be willing to take a look over, and see if I'm missing out on any key information?  Or if you find something isn't true for you that I can add as a note that other couples see such and such a thing a different way?  I am going to share that just like each BDSM couple, each DD couple is different as well, and the dynamic can look very different between two couples.  I just really want to give an accurate portrayal while showing the beauty of DD.

If you would like to join this chat, it will be Sunday, May 5th with a topic time of 1pm EST and one at 8pm EST with the same notes.  It just allows people from different time zones to attend.  Just send me a comment here, or write me at esmayslife@gmail.com to let you know where. :)

I will warn you though, if you go, I'm a submissive in the room to the Duke, and answer to a few people the Duke has asked to watch over me if he's not in the room.  I don't show much of that on here, this is a DD blog, but I am finding I identify very much as a submissive.  We are still very much keeping our DD roots, we need them.  I need the structure and security DD provides.  And that is partly why the site wants me to do this chat.  To teach people in the BDSM world the treasures that can be found in DD if they think it would work alongside what they do. :)

I'd love to be able to share my notes with a few of you if you'd be open to it, to get feed back to better be able to share and teach this Sunday. :)

And I hope to have a post or two out this week now that my health is returning. :)