Sunday, June 08, 2014

Non Spanking Punishments?

Most of you know that our pregnancy last time was hard, and we had a little boy that only lived for two hours.

Because of this, the Duke is extremely worried at spanking me, and we have not done it since we found out we were pregnant.  I got him to try a few swats, and he might as well have been spanking the cat with them for all the force he used.  That man really does love me, and worries about my safety. :) 

So we are on a search to look and try out new disciplines that we don't normally use.

Now, these are what we know to try, but would LOVE to know if you have others that might help us out.

- Corner Time. 
- Bedroom Time. 
- Lines don't work for some reason for us. 
- We're going to try Essays.  Though... sometimes I wonder if that is what blogging is, lol.  Maybe you guys have tips on how to make Essay's more... punishment like, and educational?  But then, those will only work until I'm at the point of bedrest where I'm not even allowed to sit up aside from ten minute meals.
- And having my kindle, tv, or the tablet taken from me is another one we'll try... but on bedrest... wow, that'll be one big whammy.  Yikes.  :)  I think that will be a big motivation for me right there.

Anyway... that's about all we know to do right now.  If you have any other ideas, I would really love to hear them.  And if you have any ideas on how to foster submission and dominance while on bedrest, that would be wonderful too.  I really want us to work on keeping this DD, D/s dynamic throughout the pregnancy.  I want to continue to grow and learn in my submission.

Thank you, everyone.  And thank you for all the wonderful things you said to our news. :)  It really touched both our hearts that so many of you were so incredibly happy for us.  You really are such wonderful people.  The Duke isn't going to share thoughts on this post because we didn't really feel there was much for him to share.  But he'll be back next post. :)

Friday, June 06, 2014

Our Own Little Miracle

I haven't been around blog land this month.  I've been so tired, can't seem to keep up with anything, and a lot of nights I am in bed by 9 in the evening. 

I have been praying on how to tell you all our news, and after TL shared hers, felt it right to wait a little more than a day, and then share our news with you. :)

We are expecting our own little bundle of joy, four days after TL and Bucko are expecting theirs. :)  We are almost seven weeks now. :)

We have already had an ultra sound, and doctor visits.  Around the middle of July I'll be having surgery, and then on bedrest.

I need to talk about my faith for a minute, I just need to.  God asked us last year to put a nursery together.  It was hard, and there were tears at times as I got the stuff for it, and at times anger that God was asking us to put together a room for a child we didn't have, so it was hard to put it together, but I/we did.  As we did, I prayed for faith, and God gave it to us, and also gave us, and some friends, several signs and words from Him that a baby REALLY WAS on the way!  Then in April He asked us to ask a friend for the crib she was giving away.  I argued with God, it was one thing to build a nursery, it was another to tell people about it, but He was adamant, and after a week, I gave in, and told her about the nursery and asked her if she could pray about us having the crib.  A week after it was in our home, I was pregnant.  Though I didn't know it for three weeks because I was ignoring the signs, and thought I had the flu, but then we realized no one has the flu that long, lol.  When we took the test, I bawled, HARD.  So much so that the Duke thought the test must have been negative, pulled me to him, and told me it was okay, we'd just try again.  He's so sweet to me!  He was so happy when I told him that no, we didn't need to try again, it was positive.

What is also funny is that just a week before we found out we were pregnant, we were praying about taking clomid, and asked others to pray with us.  They, and we, got a no from God on it.  Which is good, because we would have had to take Rescue Prevara (spelling?) first, and that would have aborted any baby.  I am so happy He said no, but I was so sad at first, lol.

The room is already now, and so it's a relief that with bedrest so close, I don't have to worry my time away in bed over stuff I have to get ready.  We still have a few items that don't go in the nursery to get, but only five items compared to where we'd have to start had God not asked me last fall to get ready.

We are so happy, and really feel this is the baby God has for us to bring home.

Thank you all for your prayers for us, we've prayed over the past few years for a baby since we lost our son. Your love and support have meant so much to us, and we welcome any prayers for our baby and for us that will help support us during this time. :)

Hopefully when on bedrest, I'll have the energy to catch up with you guys again. :)  Right now, I can't promise, as I go lay down as soon as I get home each night, so exhausted from chasing after a toddler at work all day.

- The Duke's Deductions:

Hey Guys,
I am so excited about the future child we are expecting. It has been a long road to get to this point, but God got us here. I am proud of EsMay in keeping faith and getting this nursery together, it is so great for us now as she will not be able to do much once she is on bedrest. Thank you to anyone who prayed for us or had encouraged us in this time.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Our Consistency?

This was written a couple of weeks ago, May 15th, the visit I talk of with my Dad, started that night, and they left this past Tuesday morning, so they are not here now.  I do plan to write some new posts soon, there just has not been time.  Been to the doctors a bit lately too, been really tired, and just not able to keep up.  I'll try to explain it all soon.  Just know that things are well, and my health isn't in danger. :)  So here is what I wrote a few weeks ago...

I'm still here.  It seems the more I try to cut back on stuff, the more busy I actually am.  The Duke and I have not had any real time together in weeks, something we hope to rectify once my parents are gone.  We decided this morning to book Tuesday evenings as a NO BOOK time, it's our time, date night, nothing else is allowed to be booked then.  I can't wait! :)

So, a few weeks ago I said that I had a question I had done up for chat that I really wanted to discuss here.  As you can see, I have not posted in several days!!!  Wow.  So I decided to finally get to the question that was a real eye opener for me. :)

The topic I had done that week was "Consistency"  And one of the questions I had asked was "We often talk about an Hoh's responsibility to be consistent, but what about the subs responsibility to be consistent in their behaviour?"

I don't know where that question came from, I can only assume God, because I pray about each week before I do it, to make sure I'm asking the questions that will help people/couples most.  But this question really struck me.

I do try very hard to be consistent, but do I see that as my role as much as it is his?  Until then, probably not.  I think I thought more along the lines that if I was having a bad day, that's okay, the Duke will help me.  And he does, but I think I was too dependant on that.  I think there were times I could do more on my own, and didn't, making him have to step up more.

So, over the past few weeks, I have been paying real attention to my consistency in being submissive, obedient, and respectful.  And I notice I'm not doing too bad.  I'm not saying this to brag.  But it's good to see that I'm growing in this too.  That I'm making better choices, and doing what I can to honour the Duke.  A year ago I cannot say that I was working on my own consistency.  I thought it was all the Duke's job to make me behave, not really seeing how much responsibility I had in that as well.  I wasn't a bad wife, I did most of the common courtesty things... I just... put me ahead of him more than not. :( 

And then last night happened, I was PMSing, and was really struggling not to let it show in front of my dad.  I want him to respect me, and not see me as this broken child from all that has gone wrong in my life.  I want him to see me as strong.  But last night, I went out to pull down laundry off the line, and the Duke joined me.  I spewed for about 30 seconds, and then the Duke put his arm around me, and that's all I needed to remember I could calm down.  I didn't need to let the war going on inside me win.  It was a very hard next hour, emotions ragged through me, and I went from wanting to laugh, to throw a temper tantrum, to needing to cry my eyes out.  The only part I showed was the laughter.  And after?  I didn't have anything to regret.  So, in this too, I'm going to learn to be consistent. :)  I might fail several times in the learning, but I will learn it. :)

So now I'm looking at consistency in a way I love.  It's both our jobs.  I do try my best to be consistent, but now that I actually see it as my job, it's taking on a much deeper, loving meaning. Lately we've been at the point that it's rare for me to even get one spanking a month for discipline, still have maintenance and stress relief.  I am not saying I have DD down pat everyone, there is still SO MUCH for me to learn, I just tend to be someone who always thrived best being led, and very rarely want to act out against that.  Being led makes me so happy, so fulfilled, so complete that I just settle into it and love it's comfort.  I actually envy those of you with more spunk, more cheek, though I'm sure my bottom doesn't.  LOL  But because of this, that is why I am so big on submission exercises.  It's a way for the Duke and I to keep practicing our roles without me getting frazzled or bratting and earning a spanking.  And so in that, I am learning to be consistent too.  To find ways to keep my submissive mindset, to find ways to help foster the Duke's dominant side.  To create peace and harmony in our marriage to last a life time.  And in times that obeying is hard, I'm learning that being consistent makes it easier to swallow my pride and do what is right.  The Duke has me, that is part of his being consistent, and I don't have to worry about obeying because he's showing me it's the right thing to do.

So, all in all, consistency to me, as my role, is my drive and ability to follow the rules set before me, to be steady and honest.  I want the Duke to be able to depend on me to do what he's asked.  I want him to know that if something happened that he wouldn't find out about, I'll still tell him.  I want to be consistent in my willingness to follow his lead, and submit, even when it's not the first thing I want to do.  I tend to be a bit all over the place with my emotions, and I want to make sure that doesn't spill over into my ability to give of myself in any are of my life to my husband freely, whenever he needs, or wants.

What does consistency look like for you? :)

- The Duke's Deduction:

Hi Guys,

I am very proud to see how much EsMay is practicing consistency in her submission. She is really trying hard to make this work, and I appreciate that. I do have trouble being consistent. DD does not come naturally, and I struggle with being dominant sometimes. So I am so glad that my wife is there to help me along the way. We are learning this lifestyle one step at a time, and it is OK if it is not completely perfect, as long as it works for us. This really is making our marriage a lot better, and I feel it is making me happier in our marriage.  Thank you for trying so hard at this, EsMay, and not giving up on me.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Submission Questions

It was asked a few weeks ago if I would answer the questions I had shown in a post for the chats I do.  I have meant to get back to them a few times, and have not been able to.  But tonight, my parents were tired early, and so I have a few minutes to do a post. :)  So I do my chat questions in orange when I do chat, so I decided to leave them orange here.  There are five questions here on being submissive, that was the topic that night.

Subs, what rule do you find yourself struggling with the most? What things are you setting into place to help you get better at obeying it?  Hohs, what rule does your partner struggle with most? Are there ways, besides punishments, that you can help them over come this struggle?
I find right now that I am struggling with remembering to put on a dress when I am at home.  Especially with how busy we have been.  Several nights in a row we won't ge thome until it is time for bed, so I literally get into pjs and off to bed.  I just need a couple nights like this, and I get completely out of the habit. :(  Right now my dresses are hanging off te back of our bedroom door, I was hoping they would remind me... but with my parents visiting, that doesn't really help as they have our bedroom.  LOL  But hopefully over time I will do better with this rule.

Is there ever a time is it alright to break a rule? What would be the circumstances?
For me, the only times I would find it okay to break a rule would be in extreme circumstances.  Like if being really sick prevented me, or something came up that made following through on the rule extremely dangerous.  The Duke understands these things, and being safe and well cared for are more important to the Duke than a rule being followed.

If your Hoh catches you as you are about to attempt to break a rule, but have not yet broken it, are you still punished as if you had already done it?  Hoh’s, would you punish your sub to the same degree if you stopped them from breaking a rule, as you would if they had actually broken the rule?
We have not come across this yet, but I would hope that the Duke would use the same corrections with me as he would if I had broken the rule.  To me, the intent is just as bad as the follow through because I wasn't the one who stopped myself.  Now, had I stopped myself, then I think there should be some room for grace because I did reign myself in. 

Should rules be followed by the sub, even if the Hoh is not around to notice?  Even if the sub knows the Hoh will never think to ask?  Should the sub tell the Hoh if they broke a rule that the Hoh would never find out about on their own?  Hoh’s, how would you feel if you found out your sub kept a rule break a secret under such conditions?
I think the answer to this is yes.  First, I want to know that I am doing my best to honour and respect the Duke.  If I am not trying to behave when he is not watching me, really, how much control and guidance am I letting him have over my life?  I don't feel that the lifestyle I have chosen is one where I get to pick and choose when I want to be good and when I want to go and do my own thing.  As for the next questions, the Duke and I are looking to increase our intimacy and honesty.  How can this be done if I am okay with keeping secrets from him?  Especially when they concern my willingness/ability to follow through on things he has asked of me?  I feel that a lie by omission is still a lie.
Subs, do you work best with a lot of rules, or only one or two?  Do you find you work better with a lot of room to be yourself, and live your life the way you want, or do you thrive more in having a tighter structure and more accountability?  Hoh’s, what do you find your sub works best with?
I find I am kind of in the middle.  I need the Duke to check in with me daily to show that he is in charge, but it doesn't have to always be with a command.  I do find I need about ten rules probably, but I don't mind having more, of have him micromanage a bit more... do I want every single minute of my day planned?  I don't know, right now, I can't imagine it, but I've thrived in every other aspect of DD, so maybe I would if this happened as well.  I do know that I love being accountable to the Duke about my exercise, making the bed, bedtime, chores, and such, and they have really helped me.  I do notice I'm doing more things lately to keep up with things, and part of me hopes that if he notices, that he'll be proud of me.

So these are my answers, I hope they don't sound too pathetic, or too short.

- The Duke's Deductions:

First off I would like to say that EsMay does a great job with the Sunday night chat, and I think anyone reading this who likes this format should check it out. You get to share your answers to similar type questions with others who are into DD, and though different people may have different answers. I think we can all learn a bit from each other. As for EsMay's answers, I do realize that sometimes EsMay can be lax in the dress rule, however usually on the nights we get home and she is too tired or stressed to put one on, I am also too tired or stressed to even think about what she is wearing. However, I need to realize this is not really an excuse for me, and if I want to get the most out of DD, I should strive to be more consistent in my enforcing of the rules. However, right now with her parents here, I am okay if we do not follow this one every day, as I want EsMay to feel comfortable as she can while visiting. For the rule thing, I knew when I married EsMay that sometimes dues to her health there may be times where she is not able to follow certain rules, and I understand that. As a loving HoH, the health and physical well being of my sub is of paramount importance. In the case of her not actually breaking the rule, I am actually surprised at EsMay's answer. I would have let her get off if it was only intent, because it doesn't seem fair to me. However, realizing that the sub would like her attitudes corrected, not just her behavior, I will know for next time not to give leniency if I am the one who has to stop her. For following the rules when I am not around, I feel that EsMay should still follow the rules. If she does not just because I am not enforcing the punishment, I feel it would not be true submission. However, I know that EsMay would always tell me the truth even if I didn't ask, so I know this would not be an issue for us as a couple. For the last answer, yes, I am very proud of my EsMay for being able to take care of so many chores. Thank you.

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Protectiveness Grows

It amazes me how much we keep growing in our relationship.  I wanted to start this blogpost saying that all the sudden we were changing, but then I realize how many times I've started blog posts that way.  The great thing about DD, D/s, or whatever it is that we are, is that it's always doing that, changing and growing.  The exciting thing is that it probably always will.

My whole life I wanted someone that would be protective of me.  I'm protective of so many people, even the Duke, but don't often feel that in my own life.  I have a friend that fiercely protects me, but did not feel that from the Duke, and I longed so much to have him want to protect me.  I'd be out late here or there, and not be able to get a hold of the Duke, all of me wishing he would worry just enough so that if I needed help, he'd be thinking of how to get to me.  But I'd come home, and he'd be surprised I was late, not having realized the time, and hadn't worried a second.  Don't get me wrong, I don't want him worry his head off, but knowing I was cared for and important would have been nice.

Well, now, I don't have to wonder.

A month or two ago during that huge storm I showed you guys pictures of, the snow had shadowed the car in such a way that it looked like there was actually someone sitting in our car.  I went to go out and check, and before, the Duke would have never thought anything of it, my going out by myself.  But this time, he pulled me back inside, told me to stay put, and went and checked himself.  There was no one there, but I still felt so safe.

And over the past week I've had several examples.  The other night I was going to get money out of the bank.  I looked up as we pulled in, and there was this large guy that kind of scared me waiting in line for the machine.  The Duke took one look at him and suggested that he go in instead.  I was so relieved that I let him.  I asked him later what would have happened if I had asked to go in, and he told me he would have either gone in with me, or made me stay in the car like I had already done.

Then the next day I was out doing laundry, and when I went to bring in the clothes, there was a giant wasp on a pair of underwear.  I didn't know what to do, and the Duke is not one that likes to deal with bugs.  Imagine my surprise when he ordered me inside, and then knocked it down and stomped on it!  The Duke!  Rescuing me from a bug. :)

And the last thing was the other night.  He had a cold, and he was snoring so loudly.  Usually if I ask the Duke to turn over, he'll stop snoring, but not so this night.  It literally was so loud I couldn't think, and forget sleeping.  So by two in the morning, I went out to the futon in our living room.  It bothered me to be in the same place, and not sleeping in the same room, but I did not see any way around it if I was going to function in the morning.  Well, four in the morning came, the Duke awoke and noticed me gone.  He came out to the living room asked why I was there, and then told me he'd be taking the futon and ordered me back to bed.  I wouldn't budge, I got a firm smack to the bottom (I was sleeping on my side, facing the back of the futon).  He told me again to get to the bedroom.  I told him he was sick, and I was not, and he needed a good night's sleep.  Three more very hard and heavy smacks to my bottom and a direct order to get my bottom into bed.  I went to the bedroom, and found it very hard to sleep in the bed without him.  He went right to sleep. 

He's taking care of me, and he's protecting me.  He's even holding me even closer to him now when we're out, and holding my hand even more firmly.  He really doesn't want anything bad to happen to me.  I wanted this my whole life, and now that it's here, I'm near tears at times, the way I'm feeling, the way I feel special and important, being almost more than I can handle.  I never really thought he'd become protective.  I always wanted it, but did not ever see it being something that would happen as we navigated our way through DD. 

Oh, DD, all the beautiful surprises you hold for us.  I am most excited to see how we'll grow next. :)  Some growing pains are painful, ;) but I'm hoping the next growth is beautiful as well.

I hope you're all having a wonderful week, and thank you so much for your understanding in my needing to be away from blogs right now.  Annabelle, you asked me to check your blog, but I don't have your blog address, sorry, would you mind emailing it to me?  esmayslife@gmail.com.  Thank you. :)

- The Duke's Deductions

Hey Guys,
I feel so good the way EsMay is talking me up here. It's really simple though. Even though I am the dominant one in our relationship, I don't see it as something to use to get my own way at the expense of my spouse. I see it as a way to protect the sub and take care of her by telling her what to do in a situation. I guess in these specific examples she mentioned, it didn't even cross my mind to think about what the best way a good dom would act in these situations. I just immediately felt like doing the things I did in these situations to protect and take care of my wife. I am glad that it is making her feel closer to me.

Monday, May 05, 2014

Award

I was nominated by three fine ladies for the Liebster Award.  Thank you for nominating me.  If someone else nominated me, and I didn't see, I am terribly sorry.  Right now, I have been put on a tight blogging restriction.  I need to cut back the amount of things I do, and my stress levels.  So for now, the Duke has let me know that I will only be reading blogs if I am specifically asked by a blog author to check out a certain post.  And even then, he may say no.  So the only rrason I even knew about these nominations was because they wrote and let !e know.  I have not let people know this yet except a quick mention of it in chat one night, because I feel incredibly guilty keeping my blog going when I cannot keep up with all of yours.  I hope you can forgive me.  I would stop blogging, but both of us agree that I need this outlet.

So for the Award, I have been told it has basically died down around blogland, so I won't put up the rules, but I did want to answer back for these fine ladies.  I wrote my answers to each.  Because I did three sets of answers, I did not do the little known facts about myself, figuring, you'd get lots in these answers alone.  And since it has basically died out already, I did not nominate anyone.  But if you did not get a nomination, consider yourself nominated by me and pick any of the questions you see here for your blog. :)

1. What kind of music do you listen to in the car? And do you sing along?
Contemporary Christian music usually, and yes, if I know the words to a song, I sing along, can’t seem to stop myself. :(
2. Do you have an item of clothing that you love but your spouse/family hates?
No, the Duke doesn’t really hate anything, or if he does, he hasn’t told me. ;)
3. Favorite season?
Spring
4. Favorite movie?
Hmmm, no favourite, but love BBC type Period Pieces, like Jane Austin, Elizabeth Gaskell, Charles Dickens.  But don’t get me wrong, I still love comedies, and Marvel Comic movies, and kids movies at times. :)
5. Strangest food you ever tried?
Muscles
6. Least favorite chore about the house?
Cleaning the toilet
7. Do you have a hobby?
Knitting, some crochet, some scrapbooking, reading, writing, blogging, video games, movies
8. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Chocolate
9. Favorite vacation destination?
Hope to go to Italy someday! :)
10. Favorite thing to eat?
OH, what day of the week is it? Lol Pizza, sweet potatoes, chocolate, poutine, donairs, garlic fingers, chicken, yeah, probably Chicken! :)
11. What song takes you right back to high school?
Anything by the Spin Doctors, lol.
1) What are your most liked and least liked implements and why?
We tend to only use the paddle now.  So I don’t know that I like or don’t like them, they do get the job done. ;)
2) If you had to describe the difference DD has made in your marriage in only one sentence, what would you say?
I know I matter now.
3) Have you ever been watching a couple on TV or in real life and found yourself thinking "I would definitely get spanked for that."?
Hmmm, I don’t believe I have… I’ll have to watch for that now. ;)
4) If you could be HoH for a day, what rules would you make?
I get to spank, and he DOESN’T!  lol, but then, I couldn’t spank him, would just be wrong, lol
5) What has been the biggest area of growth you've saw in your HoH?
His belief in himself to do this, and other things in his life.  He’s grown so much.
6) If you could have any animal in the world as a pet with no restrictions, what would it be?
GIRAFFE!!!!  Er, Giraffe. :)
7) What are some of your hobbies?
Woops, answered this above. ;)
8) If someone wrote a biography about you, what would the title be?
The Life Of The Boring And More Bored. ;)
9) Can you whistle?
Yep.  The Duke?  Nope. ;)
10) Are you right or left handed?
Right more so, but quite ambidextrous as well.
11) If money was no object, what would be your dream home and where would it be?
Ah… sigh… a four bedroom, two bathroom, big back yard, in ground pool.  A hundred feet off the ocean where I could walk out onto grass in my front yard, and sand in my backyard. :)  Still would live in Canada though. :)
1. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Chicken. :)
2. What is the part of your body you find most attractive?
My nose.
3. What is your favorite movie genre?
Period Piece Dramas, usually in romantic nature.
4. If you were offered the job of leader of your country, would you take it? Why/why not?
Depends on the advice team I could have with me.  But honestly, probably not.  I would find myself overwhelmed with making decisions when I’m actually trying to give up making decisions.
5. If you had to pick a motto or tagline for your life, what would it be?
Trust me, I’m a work in progress. ;)
6. Do you believe in magic or supernatural phenomena?
I believe in God.  I do know that magic and the supernatural outside of that are real as well, but they are not for me.  I hope I do not offend anyone in that.
7. If you were an animal, what would you be?
A cat.  Get fed, get petted, get my poop cleaned up for me.  What’s there to complain about? ;)
8. What is your favorite indulgence?
Hmmm, I really don’t know.
9. What do you value most about your partner? If you are unattached, what would you look for in a potential partner?
His willingness to find out what our needs are together, and really go for them.  And I would look for someone that could be humble and in charge at the same time.  A man that could lead while being able to admit when he is hurt or in need of help.  A man that looks to love, comfort, be there, be delicate when need be, and who loves God above all else.
10. Do you eat dinner at the table with your family?
Um, no, lol.  We will when we have a family, but for now, we eat in the living room, or at times in the bedroom.
11. Is there anything you wish more people knew about you?
That I really don’t have it altogether, but I will try to be very honest about who I am.  I don’t long to impress, or be popular, or know all the answers.  I long to be okay with who I am, and have the Duke okay with that as well.  Sometimes in that I come across as stuck up… but I’m really not.  I’m no better than anyone else, in fact, I often feel below people, and very unsure of myself, something I am working on.
1.If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
Definitely Italy! :)
2. If you could meet anyone on blogland who would it be and why?
I am always afraid of hurting people's feelings with ones like this... but I'll pick the first four, as there are many I would like to meet. :)  Cali Mom, June, Roz and JGirl.  They have all reached out to me in very special ways, and I have learned so much from each of them, in different ways.  I would not be were I am with DD D/s today if it weren't for them.
3. Favorite implement to use or receive?
Hmmm, guess that would be the paddles, as that's all the Duke uses now.  ;)
4. Would you trade places with your significant other for 24 hours? (I.e. your Dom and she's Sub, you do the opposite for a day all rules included)
SURE!  Well, as long as I didn't have to spank him, lol.  That, I could NOT handle.  But the rest, might be nice being in charge for a day, but only a day.  I wouldn't want it long term.
5. What made you realize this lifestyle was for you?
I've always wanted it, just didn't realize there was a name for what I wanted.  The day I knew there was, I felt so much relief that I wasn't alone.
6. Favorite kink?
Hmmm, not sure I'm ready to share that yet... sorry, feels a little too intimate to share, hope that's okay.
7. Exhibitionist, yes or no?
Not even close.  If I even think someone will hear our bed creaking in another apartment I can't do it...
8. Craziest place you've ever had sex?
In-laws while they were just down the hall, I know, a bit odd after my last answer.
9. Favorite spanking position giving or receiving?
Love, LOVE being over the Duke's lap, I feel so safe there.
10. If you could meet anyone from history who would it be?
OH!  Oh my, that's hard.  Moses, the Disciple Simon Peter, Hana - Samuel's mother, non Biblical I'd like to meet Jane Austen, and ask her about writing, and her understanding of people.
11. Favorite sex position?
Hmmm, sorry, have to pass. :)  Always promised after advice in premarital counselling that we would not share about detailed things in our intimacy, hope that's okay. :)

Friday, May 02, 2014

When Dominance Is Needed

I promised you a post earlier in the week, two posts actually, but life got so crazy busy this week that until last night I honestly did not have two minutes to rub together.  I will try to get them out this coming week. :)  Also, if I owe you an email, I am so sorry, and will try to catch up there too. :)

So, last night, after an insane couple of weeks, the Duke and I really hadn't had time to live our dynamic.  There was just no "us" time.  By Tuesday I could feel that I had slipped away, was gaining my inner dependence back, and was hating every minute of it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm independent in many ways, but when it comes to areas of my personal life, and my marriage, I don't want to be in control.  I want to be able to let go, and let the Duke lead.

The Duke seemed all the sudden as well to be unsure of himself.  I noticed this on Sunday, and spent the time we did have together trying to talk to him, and encourage him.  That might have helped lead to my disconnect the rest of the week, I am not sure.

So, by last night, we were all off kilter.  I retreated to the bedroom feeling exhausted from everything, and needing to just lie down and regroup.  I thought about looking up ways to help the Duke find his dominance again since it seemed to have taken a vacation to a land I'd never heard of before, but then felt that would be topping from the bottom.  So before I could read the pages I'd opened, I closed them all.  I then thought about looking up ways to be more submissive, and was starting to because I wanted to cover that in chat this week, but part way through getting things ready, the Duke came in.  He wanted me off the computer.

We talked for a little bit.  I told him I wasn't sure DD was right for him right now, that maybe I was asking him to be a dominant when he wasn't really, and I didn't want him overwhelmed.  He asked me if maybe he wasn't a dominant quite yet, but maybe he was supposed to be?  I thought on it a bit, and then he asked why I felt the way I did.  I had lots of answers I wanted to give him, lots of things that at first felt true, but as I thought for a minute, realized they were all just shields to what was really going on.  I let the vulnerability come through, and was amazed to see that deep inside, I felt lost, and in need of his strength and comforting, and was afraid with his uncertainty this week of not getting that.  I admitted my struggle, but still needed a minute to admit what the struggle was hiding.

The Duke gave me a minute, and then, got up and left the room to close up a few things.  A minute later he came back, and for the rest of the night, he was very dominant with me, in and out of the bedroom.  He spent the whole evening with me exercising his rights to lead me, and push my limits, and make me feel special, loved and cared for.  He's also been pushing here or there to have, I guess you would call it, my inner child come out.  He says she's softer, sweeter, more in need of protecting, she's more vulnerable, more innocent, and when he can coax that side of me out, I notice healing from my past happens every time.  I feel more loved, more beautiful, more whole.

By the end of the evening I felt very centered.  There was no spanking, just a lot of being pushed in my submission.  When he tucked me in, he hasn't done it in a while so I loved every minute of it, I told him how much better I felt, that I felt loved and protected.  He looked at me with love shining from his eyes and said that he knew, he could see how much more peaceful I already was.  That meant a lot to me.

We will probably always have life get in the way at times, but I'm so glad that he's still there, and is willing to bring me right back to where I need to be.  I honestly needed last night, and crave him even again this morning, his leading, his holding me, his being there.  I love this man of mine.

- The Duke's Deductions:

Hi guys. I just wanted to comment and say that, yes I was being less of a dominant than I had been in the past. I think part of it was that I was starting to think being dominant looked like a certain thing. Probably ideas I got from online somewhere, I don't know, but it seemed like something that was too difficult for me to reach, or didn't really fit with my personality, or would only apply in certain situations. But then last night, I think I realized that really, being dominant in a DD relationship seems to me now to be more about having an idea about what decision in that moment would be best for the relationship or best for the sub, and then just stepping up and saying "This is what we are doing right now," or "this is what I need you to do for me right now." Really, the sub just wants to know that somebody else is in charge or in control of them for their benefit, and that we're there for them, and that's the main thing.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Two Mistakes, One Spanking

So, things here are changing.  Some of these things are going to take a bit of getting used to.  The Duke is really growing into his own, and I really, really, don't have the reigns anymore.

I got spanked the other night, for two offenses. :( I don't get spanked often for things I have failed to do, I really do try to do my best to do as the Duke asks, but on Monday, I failed, twice. I have two rules for submission sake, and only two rules. Make the bed, and wear dresses at home. I am ashamed to say that I didn't do either. And what is worse? I didn't even remember to. Monday, I had the day off, but the Duke did not. I also had a migraine. So with my schedule off, and not feeling well, it honestly never crossed my mind. The bed wasn't made because I'd spent the day in it. A dress wasn't put on, because I stayed in my pjs, just willing the pain away.

The Duke has been so patient with me during this winter. A several month sinus infection, and two bouts of strep throat, and I was quite sick since Christmas. The Duke not only was very patient with me, he also brought me breakfast in bed almost every single morning, and not just toast or cereal, but eggs, a slice of bacon, hash brown patties, and at times , toast with it. He also helped me with several chores several times. He really is taking good care of me.

But Monday, he decided he needed me to be a bit more attentive. Yes, I had a migraine, but I hadn't had it all day, just most of the day. I could have gotten the bed made and a dress on. And even if I'd had it all day, I still had the ability to do both of those things. They aren't hard, don't take a lot of energy, and neither one takes me more than a minute to do.

The spanking the Duke gave me was not hard, and he did wait until my head was able to handle it. It wasn't long. But it was a reminder that he expects a bit more out of me. That I can't take not feeling well as an excuse to get absolutely nothing done. I am to exercise every week day, and clean a room of the house every week day, he didn't hold me accountable to those, he knew they would be too much. But he does want me doing what I can. And he's right. I'm not sure why I forgot, but I expect more out of myself, and now, it seems, so does the Duke.

You know, I'm not even fully sure what it is the Duke is thinking on this, so it'll be kind of cool to read his own thoughts here. :)  Things are changing, DD is growing in areas I hadn't imagined.  The Duke is really getting me to allow him to be in charge in ways I didn't even know I needed a leader. I would have told you that after a migraine, I wasn't up to a spanking, no matter how tame.  But I was, I just didn't know it.  I have a safe word if I ever really needed to use it.  I don't need to use it though.  He knows.  I don't know how, but he knows what I can handle. 

I'm stepping back, and letting him decide.

- The Duke's Deductions:

I knew we didn't do a maintenance this past week, but I knew I still needed to do something to show my dominance and that I was in charge. EsMay is usually a very well behaved girl, but I saw my chance when I saw that she had not made the bed or worn a dress. I knew I had been slack lately on punishing her for not following those rules, so when I had the chance, I made sure to take it. I let her know that she needed a spanking. It was not a long or incredibly hard spanking, but it was enough to let her know who was in charge, and that I had expectations of her that she would need to submit to.

Monday, April 21, 2014

To The New DDers. :)

I wanted to do a post for people starting out in DD. :)  Been getting a lot of emails, thank you to everyone, by the way. :)  And a lot of these emails are from women who are worried because the "rules" of DD aren't working for them.  So I wanted to share.

It's a little advice that I wish I'd understood in my first days.

"Make It Your Own."

You've probably heard this, but the concept is so much bigger than I first thought.  And after having various beginners write me to because they felt they were doing wrong because such and such a site (usually teaching sites) said they could only do things this one way, I wanted to share with you some examples of how it is okay to not be in "the box" of DD, examples of emails I have gotten, or pm's. 

Bruises.
Probably the question I get most of all after sexual contentment.  So many women have been told from sites that bruises are bad.  Well, they may not be desireable, but that does not mean you or your husband did anything wrong.  I'm going to tell you a secret.  For a lot of women, bruises happen.  That's all there is to it.  I don't actually bruise anywhere else on my body except for a few extreme accidents.  BUT, get the loopy or carpet beater out, and I'm going to have bruises.  If you know about warm ups, they can help, but are not a guarantee.  After you do have bruises, I have heard that arnicia cream or white vinegar rubbed over the bruises.  But my biggest advice, don't worry when bruises happen.  For men, if your wives tell you they don't feel abused or beaten, take them at their word. :)  Women, if you don't feel abused or beaten, then the bruises will fade, and life will go on. :)  If it does feel like abuse then sit down and talk about it, and how it should maybe go different next time so that the feeling of abuse is not likely to happen.  The Duke and I had a few of those times where I felt like it crossed over into abuse, probably due to my abuseful past, but we worked through it, and now it's been a while since I had a night like that. :)

Rules.
I have gotten letters about this, but I fell for this trap myself.  I read a blog post on a blog that said to start DD with a list of rules, and start by using the 4 D's.  Disobedience, Disrespect, Dishonesty and Dangerous.  So we made up our LONG list of rules.  Well some we made up just because they were suggested, things I didn't even struggle with.  But then it became a rule, and all the sudden the pressure was there to make sure I didn't do it, something I'd never done before anyway.  It also was too many for the Duke to remember to keep track of.  So over time, we have simplified the rules, and they are more of what we need, and not just to have rules.  A lot of rules may not work for you, and that is totally okay.  But maybe you need more rules, more accountability, and that is okay too.  What works for you, works for you.

Butt Plugs.
Yeah, TABOO topic, but I wanted to cover it briefly.  I have seen on sights people being publically admonished for mentioning it as a way to help submission.  They were told it was only there to humiliate and degrade the sub.  Well, I want to say that that may be so in some marriages, but it might not be so in yours.  It isn't in ours.  It has been a tool used to help in submission.  If the sub does not feel she is being degraded, and that is not the Hoh's intent, if the Hoh is trying to help the sub find submission, and the sub finds she flourishes, then use what works for you, even if others don't agree.

Punishements and Sexuality.
Some teaching blogs will tell you that it is flat out wrong to mix punishments with intimacy.  But, look at it this way, you have been told to be half naked or fully naked over your Hoh's lap.  You have then had their bare hand on your bare skin.  Not only that, but you're extra vulnerable after a spanking, in need of attention, love, cherishing.  These can natually lead to intimacy after a spanking.  It might be different for each couple, but most I talk to admit that the lesson is no less learned if it is followed by intimacy.  It isn't a reward, it's more of a bonding, and need to be in the arms of the one we love.  If this works for you, then go with it. :)

DD Is Only DD.
Well, I think you would be very hard pressed to find a relationship where this is true.  A lot of marriages, once they start DD, find they also might incorporate some D/s, some light forms of BDSM, some mild Daddy/Little Girl play, some this or that .  And maybe some of these are more intense than the mild forms I've listed.  None are right, none are wrong.  It's if it's right for YOU. :)  That is what truly matters, what works for you both.

So what I'm trying to say here is, find what works for you.  DD is different for every couple.  If something you have read or seen or heard does not resound with you, then don't feel you have to try it.  If someone says something you are doing is wrong, but you both feel it is working for your relationship, and neither of you view it as abusive or degrading, then that is what matters.  If I stuck with the sites that say bruises are bad, I need to have a ton of rules, butt plugs are humiliating and degrading, and intimacy with punishments is a no no, and DD can only be DD, then DD would not work for my marriage.  Now, there are things they have said that do work as well.  So, pick and choose what works for you. :)  I have a saying I have taken on - "Getting marriage advice should be like going to a buffet.  Take what's right for you, leave the rest behind." 

So go ahead, have fun, make it your own. :)  You also will probably find in blogs there are a lot of people that advocate picking what works right for you as well. :)  And if you ever wonder, or need someone to talk to, I, and several other bloggers, would be glad to help in any way we can.  If you see an email for them on their blog, chances are, they'll be open to your emails and your questions. :)

- The Duke's Deductions:
I agree with EsMay. The point of DD or anything else in marriage is to make you and your spouse have a happier better marriage, it is not to make some person online happy. So use what you find works and drop the things that you find don't work. Different people can't expect the same things to work the same way in different marriages.
Yes, with bruising, I admit I was worried at first. I did not want to hurt EsMay and did not want this to be abuse, so I was afraid to spank too hard. But you need to learn the best way to do spankings, and sometimes bruising may happen. And yes, I do have a hard time at times keeping track of rules if there are too many. I think a lot of HOH's may have this issue, so it is important to focus on working on the specific things that you want to work on or need to be worked on in your marriage and not try to do everything at once. And for the other stuff, yes butt plugs seem to help in making the sub more submissive. And yes, having your naked wife over your lap while you spank her can be a turn on, and I think that is OK. DD is bringing us closer together. And yeah, in general different couples will find different things that work well for them or that they like, or things that do not work for them or that they hate the thought of. That is OK. You do not have to do this the same way somebody else is doing it, and likewise if somebody else is doing this differently than you that is OK too.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

An Unwillingness To Submit

For those of you that have been worried, I wanted to let you know I am on the mend... I forgot two nights to take my last dose of meds for the day... :(  I think the reason I'm finding it so hard to remember this time, is because even though I'm still so very tired, I don't have a sore throat, and so I keep forgetting to take the meds because of this.  Thankfully just a couple more days, and I'll be done, and I do feel a lot better aside from being tired. :)

This weekend, Saturday mostly, I found my submission reaching new levels, and I have to admit, I've never really struggled more to submit.  And the horrible thing, it was over LITTLE things.

I'm short, I'm 5'3", I'm fat, I probably weigh twice of what I should {thanks to a disease the doctors and I can't seem to get under control}, but despite all that, I stay very active, and work out.  Most of my friends are 5'8" or taller, the Duke is 6'0", yet, I walk a lot, and I walk fast, faster than all of them.  I try to slow down, but I don't do it well.

Over the weekend, the Duke's parents visited us, and we went shopping at a mall with them.  The Duke and I have not been in a mall since we really got doing well with DD, and so I did not realize the ways just going to a mall would challenge me.  When we go to a store or restaurant now, the Duke pulls me right against him, and holds my hand tight until we are inside.  He has never been protective of me before, but now, he worries about a car hitting me.  Once we are inside though, I'm given free reign.  Knowing I walk so much faster than him, the Duke and I will usually walk around each other while we do our shopping.  Well, apparently the mall does not count the same as walking around a store.  It counts as a parking lot.  So the Duke kept me tight to him, and a few times, I got so annoyed with walking slow that I found myself leading him around, pulling at him to try to get him to go faster.  Yet the faster I tried to walk, the more the Duke pulled me to him, tightened his grip, and even slowed down.  It went against everything in me, I'm not kidding, I had to fight to just breathe. I felt trapped, I felt restrained.

And then I had to stop.  I didn't want to, I wanted to go, I wanted to get to where I was going.  I H.A.T.E. walking slow.  It's actually very hard for me to do for some reason.  So I decided I had to submit, I had to go at the Duke's pace, I had to let HIM lead.  Did I succeed like I normally do?  NOT AT ALL.  Three times I found myself pulling at him again, just wanting to go.  Three times I had to tell myself to submit, and three times I did it with a very unwilling heart. :(  I wanted to honour the Duke, but boy, did I ever just not want to do what he wanted in that moment.  And over what?  Walking at the speed I wanted to?

And what happened next?  This round of strep has really bothered my sugars.  With this disease, it's not uncommon for it to make my sugars too low, but this past week they've crashed a lot more.  When we were out shopping, they dropped, I knew I only had a few minutes before I was in serious trouble, but before I could even tell the Duke, he could see me swaying, trying to keep my balance without letting his parents know what was going on.  But he told them that we were leaving because he was taking me to get food.  He took me to the food court, asked me what I wanted, and made sure I sat down to conserve energy, and then he took care of me.

And yet I fought on walking beside him?  This man that would do anything for me, and all he wanted was for me to walk beside him and let him lead, and I just couldn't give in with a heart of thankfulness and a willingness to submit.  I usually thrive in being submissive, and so I've been spending a lot of time this week trying to figure out why I struggled so much.  I don't have any answers yet, and then being submissive the rest of the week has been just like normal.  So maybe I don't have to worry too much about one off day, but I do want to keep it in mind for now, to have it to chew on here or there so that I can make sure not to repeat this behaviour again in the future.

Duke, I'm sorry I struggled so much to do what is right, but I am so thankful, that me being well behaved or not, you are there, taking care of me, regardless of how well I respect you or not.  Love you.

I asked the Duke if he wanted to write to this post, like I do every post, but he said this time he was going to skip this post, that this post was about me.  I hope you don't mind.

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

The Duke Stands Firm

The Duke gets his way.  I'm still getting used to it, but that is the way I asked to have it when I brought DD to him.

I am sick again.  Strep throat again.  Hopefully I did not jinx myself with my last post.  Lol.

The thing is, while the swab was being tested for a few days, I prayed that I would be able to bear through because last time I got really sick.  So by yesterday afternoon, even though the was feeling tired and coughing, my throat felt quite a bit better.  Imagine my surprise when I got home to find a message on my machine saying I tested positive for strep.

I told the Duke I was going to ask my friend, the one I call mom, since she was a nurse, to see if since I was doing so well if I really needed to still take the meds.

He said "Okay." But as soon as the phone started ringing he said...

Wait a minute, no matter what she says, you'll still be taking the antibiotics.

But I feel so much better, I really don't want to.

You still have to take it.

There may have been a bit of a pout as mom picked up the phone.  It is a good thing I believe in obeying, even when I don't want to, or I might have thought to put the phone on talk instead of speaker phone.  She said strep is strep, and can be sneaky and can hide ten reappear later, worse than before.  I've also been fighting a sinus infection since around Christmas on my own, so I'm worn out, she knows.  Yeah, she was right.  What could I say then?  And the Duke heard every word.

I then resigned myself.  I know he's only worried about me.  So I agreed and said I would obey, since I did not have time to say so when my friend answered the phone.  I was a bit down about the ten days of meds, but I tried not to let it show, I wanted to be respectful.

We'll today I'm glad I agreed.  I was up half the night coughing, and had to take my inhaler twice.  I have not had to take it in years.  I also am getting more soreness in my throat again.  So as soon as the pharmacy is open, we are heading over.

Submitting to the Duke is not always easy, sometimes it even hurts my heart in the moment to do so, to give up what I want so strongly.  But in the end, it is always for the best, and I'm always thankful when he puts his foot down.  Even all weekend, I really wanted to do stuff, but the Duke put his foot down.  Except for a trip to the doctor on Saturday, I had to lay down all weekend, and nap on Saturday.  It was hard, but he did it out of love and concern.  Thank you, Duke, for loving me enough to go against what I want at times to do what I need.

- The Duke's Deductions:

I am so glad EsMay obeyed me without requiring a spanking.  At first I thought that if she was feeling better than maybe she didn't need them. After all she probably knows her own body. But then I realized that it was my responsibility as the HOH to look after her, and to make the hard decisions for her. To tell her what she knows she has to do even when she doesn't want to. As an HOH my job is not to make the most popular decisions but the best ones. I knew my wife's health was more important than making her happy with me in that moment and it would make her happier in the long run to know I could say no to her and take care of her.

Thursday, April 03, 2014

Submission Exercises - When Sick

People get sick, it just happens. It's been a bad winter for the Duke and I, he's missed more time in the past there months from being sick, than he probably has in the last three years. He's had three sick days. I missed a few days myself. We just kept getting colds and flus. :( And in that time, things did not always flow as normally as they did. Roles weren't always as balanced, and it wasn't always easy to find ways to help.

So over some time, here are ideas I thought might help us out the next time we face being sick. Since people liked the last set of Submission Exercises I posted here, I thought I'd share these with you as well. I just picked five of the best for each section. I put down ideas both can do if he is sick, and then ideas for both if she is sick. Hope a few ideas will help in the future if you find one of you sick. And if none of the ideas work, that's okay. You'll find your own ways to work things out over time. :)

If he is sick:
He can:
1. Admit when there are chores you can’t do. Ask her to step in and do them for you.
2. Thank her for being good, even while you are sick. Let her know it means a lot to you that you can trust her to not take advantage of the situation. Remind her you are still there for her.
3. If she goes in to work, tell her that you want her to check in on you during her breaks and after work.
4. Honestly listen to her concerns if she thinks you should take meds or should see a doctor. Remind her that the final decision is still yours.
5. If she needs a punishment or maintenance, let her know if you plan to do it when you are better or not. You could get her to write an essay, do corner time, or what have you in the mean time.
She can:
1. Bring him something you know would make him feel good. Meals, drinks, book to read, remote to the tv.  If he's lonely, offer to sit with him.
2. Offer to run him a bath.
3. Try to cut out all distractions or interruptions if he needs to rest.
4. Get him any meds he needs, remember or write down times so that he doesn't have to worry about remembering.
5. Some men find it very hard to be sick in bed. Thank him for all that he does for you, and that now, you just want to take care of him for a bit.

If she is sick:
He can:
1. Tell her to stay in bed for the day if needed, and not to worry about housework. Give her an earlier bedtime to ensure she gets enough rest. Take all devices away for an hour or two to get her to take a nap to get more rest if needed.
2. Bring her food, tell her how much of it you expect her to eat, knowing that if she doesn’t eat enough, she will not keep up her strength.
3. If she goes to work while sick, give her instructions on how you want her to spend her breaks, and what to do as soon as work is done.
4. If you have gone into work, tell her that unless she is napping, you want emailed updates every hour or two to hear how she is doing. Use these to see if you should tell her to take meds, rest, or what have you.
5. Use your judgement on when she should see a doctor or take medicine.
She can:
1. Admit to him when you need help.
2. Make sure you do not complain repeatedly over the things you are not getting done. It can all wait until later. If he does something for you, don’t complain about it not being done the way you would have done it.
3. Listen to him when he tells you that you need to slow down or rest.
4. When we are sick, we tend to revert to old habits. Shorter tempers, quicker judgements, list of commands, nasty words. Do your best to keep these under wraps.
5. Thank him for the things that he does for you. Share with him briefly how much it means to you that you can depend on him, especially when you are sick.

Not sure any will help any of you out there, but if they will, wanted to share.
Have a great night and weekend everyone. :)


The Duke's Deductions:
Thank you very much EsMay for posting this list. I have to say that when I first heard about this topic of how to practice DD when you are sick, my first thought was that even if you are not feeling well you should try to keep at least some of the structure of DD present in the marriage. I was thinking that those roles do not go away just because somebody is not feeling well, because I feel that for DD couples, the practice of DD can actually help them in stressful situations. However, to be honest as I look over the past winter I realize that I have not been following my own advice. I have been lax in enforcing DD when one of us is not feeling well, I guess because I am a bit of a softie. But if I were to really look at how important DD is to our marriage, I should be realizing that sickness is not the time to give up DD, unless perhaps it was some extreme form of illness. Hopefully looking at EsMay's exercises and trying to practice them the next time one of us is sick will help us to keep up with our DD.

Monday, March 31, 2014

The Duke Helping Me

I love the Duke.  More and more each day.

I thought DD would be about me learning to do more for the Duke.  But you know, it's also taught him about doing more for me...

He's helping out with laundry because I have a hard time reaching the dryer that is built over the washer.  He sees something that needs to be done, and does it without my having to ask.  If I'm working on something I'm struggling with to do by myself, he'll get up and come and help me before I usually even can ask.

And then there was this Saturday.  I was one of the leaders of a church birthday party.  The whole church was invited.  It was a lot of work, and a lot to do that day.  The night before I was doing up curling ribbon and balloons before hand so that decorating would be easier.  When the Duke saw what I was doing, and I'd even hid in another room so that he wouldn't feel he'd have to help me, he came and started blowing up balloons so that I could focus on the curling ribbon.  I got done so much faster.  The next day he helped set up, and tear down, and then when I started to sweep the gym floor, he took the large broom from me and did it. 

18 months ago, this would not have been how things played out.  If he'd helped me, it would have been because I told him to, or begged him to, and he would have reluctantly.

DD hasn't just helped me help him, it's helped him help me.  And I feel so utterly spoiled.  He helps because he wants to be there for me, to lighten my load, and to do things for me just because he loves me.

Duke, THANK YOU, for seeing not just what I ask of you, but really seeing down to what I need.  Thank you for helping, even if I don't think so ask.  You are making me start to see that I do have value, and that I am worthy of you.  I love you so much.

- The Duke's Deductions:

You are very welcome EsMay. EsMay helps me as well a lot. She really helped me when I had a headache last week. It was a very painful migraine and I couldn't think and was throwing up. She took care of me and set me up for the day before she left for work so I had what I needed. I felt very loved. As I feel more responsible in DD,  I think I end up feeling more responsible for life in general, and more responsible in our marriage, which is probably why EsMay is seeing these changes.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Homemade Implements

First of all, I have not gotten around to blogs this week.  I have not had any time to myself, sorry. :(  And I can't promise to get to any of them this week.  Hopefully on Saturday I'll be able to start catching up on the new blog posts, but I'm really sorry I have been MIA this week. :(  And next week, I have a huge church function, so if I'm still behind then, I'm sorry. :(

Here are the tutorials I was asked by some people to do of the implements I have made, and I promised to do up. :)  I'm showing how to make three implements, and how to make the handle for the flogger I showed you guys last week. :)  Without the handles, these will take less than ten minutes to make.  If you use the handle I show here, it will probably take 10-15 minutes.

Flogger
1.  I started with a rope called Clothes Line Rope.  It's soft, but got a good weight to it.
2. For the handle I used a thin rope called Mason Twine.
3. Then I cut the rope into the lengths I wanted.  The rope frays really quickly, so I knotted it as I cut the lengths.  When you're figuring out the lengths you want, figure out first how many knots you want, add about one inch of length to each knot you want to add.  And then figure out the length of the handle.  So if you want the handle to be 5 inches, and 5 knots, and 12 inches of length, then you want at least 22 inches, plus some extra that can be cut off after.
4. I made 15 lengths for this flogger.  I then knotted five of the ends 3 times, five of them 4 times, and five of them 5 times.
5. Here is the finished flogger.  I cut the end of the handle close to where I had done the grip.

Handle
1. Am going to show you on only two ropes so you can see better, but when I did the flogger, this was done around all 15 ropes.  You do not need to secure the ropes, as this will secure it for you.  When making a flogger, I put the knot for the two strings between half the lengths of rope, and then it is hidden. I used two colours to help you see better what is going on. The two top ropes in the pics are just the extra, they have no purpose.
2. I am using pink as the top colour and green as the bottom colour. Bring the top colour, pink, over and around the top of what you are making into a handle, and then, slide the bottom colour, green, over it to hang down.
3. Bring green rope under the handle, and put it through the loop made on the side by the pink. Pull the ends of the rope to tighten the knot around the handle.
4. Take the pink and bring it over the top of the handle again. Bring the green down over it on the side.
5. Loop the green under the handle, and then slip through the side loop of the pink. Pull tight. At this point, make sure there is a knot showing on either side of the handle of the green, under colour. They may try to slip to the back, if they do, bring them to the sides, once they are at the sides on your second set of knots, they will automatically go to the sides without you having to check them.
6. Repeat steps 2-5 until the handle is as long as you want. Make sure each knot is pulled tight.  Note the top colour always stays on top, and the bottom colour always stays on the bottom. They never switch. You can also do this with one colour, but I wanted you to be able to see the steps clearly. Now, tie off, and you are done. :) 
This is what the handle will look like as you keep going.  Te other size it all green with just the pink at the sides, the opposite of what you see here.

 Carpet Beater
 1. I did not have coax cable around to show this, so I used rope, but it will give you the same step by step instructions.  The new steps I highlighted in red each time.  Start with a 4 foot coax cable {or material of choice}
2. Make a loop to the right.
3. Bring your rope around and make another rope to the left and up from it, it will look a bit like a pretzel.
 
4. Bring your rope under the part of the rope that will be your handle.
5. Bring your rope around to make a loop to the left at the same height as your beginning loop.  Bring it over the first rope it encounters, which is the first side of the top loop, and under the next, which is the first rope to the very right loop.
6. Keep the rope going in a straight line, and over the next rope, which is the second side of the top loop, and then under the last rope, which is the other side of the right loop.
7.   Bring your rope end down, and even out the ends for the handles. Next even out the loops, labelled A, B and C. Four holes should form around the center circles, I labelled them 1, 2, 3, and 4.

Loopy
I did not have skipping rope around, so I just show here a general idea of how to make a loopy.  Some people keep the ropes for the handle straight before taping it down.  But it's just generally make 1-3 loops, however many you want, with tubing, coax cable, skippy rope, or what have you.  It is very simple to make. :)

If anything in this post was unclear, and you're making your own, please feel free to ask.  Hopefully  I didn't make it too difficult to understand.

Our next post will be a real post, well real as in dealing with DD life. :)  Maybe to tell you all how much I wish I'd kept the lable from my paddles so that I could RETURN TO SENDER.  ;)  Okay, not really, but boy, putting holes in a paddle really does make it hurt more!  lol



Monday, March 17, 2014

The Three Little Paddles

The Duke's birthday is next week, and I wanted to get him something special.  He mentioned to me a few weeks ago that he really likes the size of the Pocket Paddle we got from Blondie's because it's the perfect size for an over the lap spanking.

So I wanted to get him a few more paddles in that size, but being only 11 inches long, I knew my options were limited.  But I need not have feared.  I wrote Blondie, and told her what I was looking for, and she and Ty were more than willing to help me out! :)  They have a shop called Blondie's if you want to look at their selection on Etsy, or you can talk to them about custom ordering, they are very good to work with, and showed me some pictures half way through the square headed paddle to make sure what I was saying matched with what they were making. :)

The paddle in the middle is the one we already had, and the other two were the ones I custom ordered. 



I had to let the Duke know in the end that I was getting them because they were a bit over the amount I'm allowed to spend without permission.  So I let him open them a week early since he was so excited to get them.  And guess whose bottom paid for that mistake in judgement!!!

I joked when he said we should try them out.  I said I agreed, I needed the practice to give him a proper birthday spanking on the big day... he didn't agree with me!

I am very happy with these new paddles, but my poor bottom is refusing to even speak to me anymore.  Poor thing, it's so not going to be friends with our new wooden friends. ;) 

We do have one larger paddle, but it's a bit awkward for over the knee, so these three will be his main ones, I can already tell.  He's already wanting another spanking, and let me tell you, I'm so glad he's waiting for another day, I don't think my bottom can take more!  No lie.  He broke them in pretty good.

I have yet to finish commenting on all my comments this week, hope to be caught up tomorrow. :)  And hope to have the tutorials on the loopy, carpet beater and flogger done tomorrow night. :)  And for those that did not see, anonymous comments can be left now.  Please keep it kind. :)

Sunday, March 16, 2014

*Reposting* Unblocking Comments

Been hearing from various people that they wished they could comment, but don't have a blogger account.  Today when someone else said it, we decided to take the block off the commenting for now. 

So for the next little bit at least, anyone can comment.  We will try and see if we get a lot of trolls or spam, and if we do, we will be putting the block back on to only allow people with blogger accounts to comment.

Hopefully it will allow those of you that like to lurk a chance to share as well and still be anonymous. :)

*Reposting* Clarification - Fighting A Spanking

I was going to wait to write this tomorrow, but really felt I had to clarify my last post.

I wanted to let everyone know that I firmly believe that there are times a spanking must be put off or stopped, and the wife has every right to say so. 

I can think of so many reasons off the bat.  Having pain already somewhere in your body.  I can't do a spanking when I have a migraine.  If the Duke says we're having a spanking then, I just have to tell him I'm in pain, and the spanking is postponed.  I have suffered from PTSD, still am over coming parts of it, and so that effects us at times.  There are times I'm just too sick, like when I had strep throat.  There were a few times where the Duke thought I should be spanked, and my heart just hurt too much from one thing or another going on in our lives for me to be able to handle one.  And the lists can endlessly go on. 

I am sorry if it seemed like we meant to never postpone or renegotiate a spanking.  What we meant was more along the lines of trying to fight a justified, needed, punishment, or what have you, spanking.  Some reasons to try to get out of these spankings are, fear it will hurt, or not wanting to admit a spanking is deserved after a rule was broken.  Things like this, where you have no valid reason to give for the spanking not happening, but you're still fighting anyway.  Sometimes it seems odd that we are grown women asking for spankings, so we fight, or sometimes we're embarrassed to go over his knee, or what have you. 

I do fully believe in talking as well, but after a good talk, will still usually submit to the spanking because the Duke has made his point of view known.  But there are times where the Duke has changed his mind after we have had a talk, and a spanking didn't happen.  I am sorry if it seemed like I believe we women should all be mindless drones that do whatever we are asked, because my having an opinion and a voice is most important to me in my marriage, and am sure it is just as important in your marriages.

Hopefully this will help clarify.  The last post was honestly just talking about letting go when you can.  Sometimes we fight multiple spankings, and have no real reason why we do it.  It was just to help encourage, or challenge us all, me included, to think about what submitting during those times, even though it is hard, could do to help our marriages become stronger. 

I want to learn to be more submissive, swallow more of my pride, and let go of the need to control the situation more often when it comes to spankings.  To let go more and trust the Duke more.

And like everything else in DD, we may not all agree on this, but it's great to hear all the points of view.  Looking forward to anwering your comments tomorrow from the last post once I get up in the morning.

Hope you all have a wonderful night. :)