Tuesday, May 28, 2013

A Spankso

Tess, over at Rules to Love By, wrote a wonderful post a few weeks ago that has got me thinking about the Duke and I.

She wrote about how hard it can be in a DD relationship at times to tell if you are a Spanko or a Spankno.  Many of us are not fans of spanking, and if we are, it's usually the playful, sexy ones.  But usually we are not fans of the punishment ones.  Many of us dread being in trouble, dread the beating our behinds will get when we tell our husbands of a rule we broke, or forbid, they find out before we can tell them.  We hate that we broke a rule, disappointed our husbands, hurt them, made them question our ability to follow their directions, and worst of all, make them question if they are even worthy to lead.  We sit, we worry, we don't want this spanking, we don't want to be held down or told to stay in place, we don't feel ready for the flood of different emotions we'll face, and we definitely don't want the pain that at times makes us break down into inconsolable tears, pain so deep we might feel it for days.

BUT... we also want the spankings, we want the reset, we want the break from guilt, we want the realignment that happens in our marriages, the role affirmation, the reminder that our husbands love us too much to let us wrestle with this or that alone, and that after it is all done, we will be sitting in their arms, being loved upon and cherished.  We want all the beauty this lifestyle has brought us.  We want the closeness we've developed that many of us have missed since our dating days.  We want the sense of freedom and playfulness that now invades even the funniest places in our lives.  We want the joy we only ever dreamed of before.

So where does that leave us?  I made a joke at the time when reading Tess' blog that since I was neither, I would start calling myself a Spankso.  But you know what, the longer I think about it, the more I realized this is true.

Before reading her post, I never once thought about if I was a Spankno or a Spanko, I just got spanked, it was what worked for us.  But now, the line I meant as a joke really seems to fit me, seems to fit about how I feel about the lifestyle we're living. 

This is what I've learned.

I am spanked so the Duke realizes the leadership he has in our home.
I am spanked so the Duke realizes his authority in our marriage.
I am spanked so that our marriaged works.
I am spanked so that we can find the balance in our relationship.
I am spanked so I learn to be submissive.
I am spanked so that I learn to follow the Duke.
I am spanked so I remember to not consider my needs alone.
I am spanked so I can be strong because I find strength in the Duke.
I am spanked so I can forgive myself for wrongs I've done, because guilt often consumes me.
I am spanked so the Duke can remind me I don't have to worry about pleasing others, just him.
I am spanked so that I can break down walls and let the Duke in more.
I am spanked so I can cry when I can't seem to be able to on my own.
I am spanked so that I am shown I don't have to go it alone.
I am spanked so I remember to show respect, to the Duke, but also others.
I am spanked so that I remember to love myself.
I am spanked so that I remember to take care of myself.
I am spanked so I learn to be more safe and act less dangerouly.
I am spanked so that I learn not to take my temper out on others.
I am spanked so I can find release when I am going crazy.
I am spanked so I can find that peace I find across the Duke's lap.
I am spanked so that I can be the very best I can be.

And the list just goes on and on. 

I too can't say I'm a Spankno, or a Spanko.

So from now on, if I feel I ever need to say which I am, I'm going with Spankso.

I am spanked so that my marriage works.  And that works for me. 

I've never fit into a mold anywhere else, why should I now?  I'm rebuilding the mold to fit me. :)

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Spring Fling Challenge - Week 8

Tomorrow I have class most of the day and a test, so I probably won't be able to get on.  And I feel bad because last week I wasn't able to get on.  But I wanted to let you know how Spring Fling Challenge is going.

First of all, I have a question for everyone.  I was asked a few weeks ago to ask you all this, but I kept forgetting to!  To the person I promised to ask for, I am really sorry it kept slipping my mind.  So the question I have for you, is do you have any good up beat music you like to listen to while working out?  It was suggested that having great tunes for workouts would help keep the motivation.  So if you have any good songs, let me know, and I'll pass them on. :)

So, for my challenge, going into week 8, well last week I was sick, and my throat was so sore I couldn't talk, and it literally hurt to breathe and swallow.  So I ate more ice cream than one should really indulge in.  I will defend my right to have done so TOOTH AND NAIL!  ;)   lol  My throat felt so happy every time I took a bite. :)  My scales said "Nana nana na NA!"  3 lbs up again.


But this week, I'm back down.  WHEW.  But just about where I was two weeks ago. :(  I can't seem to get a head.  BUUUTTT, don't let this fool you! :)

I had to take in another two inches in my pants!  And I can actually see dimpling in my stomach!  It actually looks not so pleasant, but it means that the fat under the skin is decreasing.  *Happy Dance* *Happy Dance* My shirts that were snug before now hang loosely. :)  So, my scales do not show much weight loss at all, just over 5 pounds in the 7 weeks done so far, but I can't focus on that.  I am losing size, and I have to be happy about that. :)  The weight will come.

Because of this, I'm trying not to beat myself up over the fact that I only got in jogging on the spot twice last week, half an hour each time, and then one day I got about six minutes of walking on the spot before I couldn't even move.  So I took the rest of the week to relax, and it paid off.  I'm starting to feel better.

I still have a lot of training and work to do over the next week and a half, so I still may be very MIA in blog land, but I'm going to try to slowly catch up.  It might only be a blog a day, but I will try. :)  I really want to get back up to speed. :)  Thank you all for your support as I tackle my weight, eating habits, exercise habits, and house work.

Oh, and my house!???  Literally, someone could drop by still and I wouldn't freak.  If company called and said they'd like to come for a few days visit, I feel I could have the place ready, top to bottom in less than half an hour, if the dishes are done.  ;)  Add ten minutes if I had to do those too. :)  I even decluttered more again today!  I'll have to stop soon or I'll have given away all we own and we'll have nothing left to sit on.  LOL  I don't know what got under my bottom, but I'm loving having less and less stuff in the house.  Less to organize, tidy, dust.  Just is great. :)

I hope you are all doing well on your Spring Fling Challenges.  Whether they look like you planned from the beginning, of they've molded and changed like mine did, I hope you're still feeling proud of the steps you're making! :)  Some weeks are small steps, some may be backward steps, but it's okay, that's the journey of everything else we do in life. :)

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Butt On The Line

I got my butt toasted tonight. :(

Okay, well not quite toasted, but fresh out of the shower was not the time I was expecting to have to take a spanking.

I told the Duke this, and he so kindly, in between swats without missing a beat, thanked me for telling him!  Great, thanks Sweetie.  lol

So, I suppose I should admit what I did.  I stayed up late... a few nights this week.  See, not having the energy to do much around the house, I was surprisingly untired at bedtime.  So I'd stay up 10-15 minutes late.  I wasn't really worried, I get to sleep in right now with my job as training doesn't start until one in the afternoon. 

The Duke however did not see it this way.  I'm starting to feel quite a bit better, and so he decided he would address it today.  I didn't even know he was noticing. 

Well, now that I'm on the mend, I guess I better get my butt back in line!  Or it'll be on the line!  lol

I hope you all have a great weekend. :)

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Duke Post #2

Hi guys,

I wanted to talk to you guys today about something I've read recently. I've been reading Clint's book on Consistency in DD that my wife purchased for us recently and something about it struck. The book was talking about reasons why the husband might be inconsistent, and it was talking the situation where the wife goes to the husband to request DD. In this situation, the husband may agree to try DD, but not be as fully committed to it as his wife is. The book talks about how the husband will give in to his wife's request because he sees it makes her happy.

I feel like this idea relates to leadership and decision-making in general. I realize that I often lack true leadership in some decisions made in the past, the reason being is that in my mind the reason I make my decision is trying to do what I think will make my wife happy, instead of really making a proper decision. To be a true leader, even in a marriage, will mean making hard decisions that may not make everyone happy. Certainly I want to make my wife happy, but that doesn't mean I should make a decision that I feel strongly against. or disagree with. In the future, I will need to take this into consideration when making decisions that affect our household. However, my personality is the type that will go along with what other people (such as my wife) are saying because a lot of the time keeping the peace is more important to me. This just means it will be an ongoing process to try to go against my nature at times, but I believe it will be worth it to have the best marriage possible.

Anyway, hope to talk to you guys again sometime soon.

The Duke.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Maintenance Is GONE

I thought I was starting to get better over the weekend, but it was only a trick played by this horrible cold.  :)  Okay, I'm laughing at the comment, not so much at the cold. 

So, DD has kind of taken a back burner this week.  The Duke hasn't put his foot down on things, and in all honesty, I have not had the energy to act out.  I go to work, do my homework, watch some tv, go to bed.  I get half of my chores done if I have the energy, which most days has been no chores actually.

Oh Saturday we talked.  We are finding that maintenance spankings are not working for me.  The last few times I seem to get very riled up.  I'll be in a good mood before we start, and then get all crabby throughout until at the end I want nothing to do with the Duke.  I don't want to obey him when he asks me to crawl into his arms.  I don't want to be held and comforted.  I just want to go off and blow off the steam.

Yeah, totally the opposite of the intended results for a maintenance spanking.  So we talked.  If I feel I need what we are now calling readjustment spanking, then I'll ask for one.  If the Duke feels by my behaviour and mood that I need a readjustment spanking, he'll give me one.  Right now I do not feel that I need a spanking even though I haven't had one for over a week and a half.  I do however kind of want the Duke to be a bit more demanding.  LOL  But, I also understand.  I am sick.  He doesn't want to push me, and I'm busy with work now, so he doesn't want to push me there as well.

I think I'll ask him to just give me a few orders to let me know he's still in charge.  Just little things, like if he wants me in bed earlier than normal, or what have you.  I think we'll get back to our dynamic once I get to good health again.  :)  We have agreed that if I'm sick on Saturday, I'll be going to the clinic.  I thought it was allergies, and it may have started out like that, but I think now it's a sinus infection again.

Anyway, not a lot going on, and this post is probably just a bunch of mumble jumble.

In case anyone didn't know, I got 100% on my test last week, thank you for the prayers.  This week is the hardest one, and it's on a system I don't fully understand, so I'm really hoping and praying I do well.

I also haven't been online at all, so I haven't been checking blogs.  I'm really sorry.  If I get some energy tonight I may, but I don't see doing so for the next few days.  I still love you guys, and love reading your blogs, and will be checking them again as soon as I'm able to.  {{{HUGS}}}

Friday, May 17, 2013

Being Sick + UPDATE

I am SOOO not in a submissive mood today. :(

I am sick.  On Tuesday I started getting a really bad sore throat.  I took some advice, and the throat is less sore, but I'm more sick.  Come to find out, it's allergies, one of my pollen triggers is high/severe right now.  They've never been this bad.  My throat hurts a lot less now, but it's still raw, my glands are so swollen that my neck is all thick and really hurts, like the muscles have been pulled.  My sinuses are full and hurt, my lungs are raspy, and I am frozen solid.  Two layers of pants, two shirts, two sweaters, and my husband sits around in a tshirt or tank top! 

So, today I should be cleaning.  I should be studying for the test I have in training today (okay, I will get to that) and I should be exercising, I should be eating healthy.

Cleaning and chores, are out the window.  I don't want to.  I don't want to move.  My husband brought home sugar donuts yesterday.  We never have them.  What did I eat for breakfast?  Two!  Yeah, so I'm not on my diet either.  I just want to sit and be miserable.  So even the thought of making breakfast was too much.  I could have had milk and cereal, but thought the milk would make my throat worse.

Why can't I find my submissive side?  Cleaning would only take about 30 minutes.  It would be less if I'd done it yesterday, but I felt this crummy then too.

What do you do when you'd rather just not do the things you're supposed to?  How do you find the motivation to get up and go?  I really just want to go back to bed, and not face the fact that in less than two hours I'll be working, and soon into my shift will be having a test.  I just want to find a rock to crawl under and hide, and sleep! :)  Submission, where are you HIDING???

** UPDATE - Got 100% on my test!  Whew, I was so worried, that with being sick I broke down for a few seconds with the Duke, just being overwhelmed.  So glad it was much easier than they portrayed! :)

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

He Needs Room To Fly

So, before I blog today... I just wanted to share a note.  I noticed all this week how long it actually takes me to keep up with blogs.  It's been several hours every day this week.  So in sitting down and talking with the Duke, I now am to lower this amount of time.

I do feel this is a good decision.  But I wanted to let those of you know that comment here that I will still be continuing to check your blogs as well. :)  I have decided, in talking with the Duke, to not worry about keeping up with blogs that may not visit here for the time being.  That isn't to be a snob, or anything of the like, but just what I am able to handle right now. 

Now, if you write on here, but I haven't visited your blog yet, feel free to let me know that you have a blog I can check out. :)  I really hope I don't offend anyone in doing this, it's just something I really need to do.  Right now I am over a day behind, and I did blogs for hours this morning.  LOL  So I do see the wisdom in stepping back to only bloggers who I communicate back and forth with either through chat or comments. :)

So, anyways.  On Sunday, the Duke got take out Swiss Chalet for us.  When he was on the phone, they kept asking him what he wanted for condiments.  He said some butters, nothing else.  He told them a number of times that he DID NOT want ketchup.  He got very stern, and I was a bit shocked to be honest.

Well, when he went to pick it up, he said that in the condiments back there were a number of ketchup packages.  Now, what he told me next SHOCKED me!  He dumped the bag on the counter, told them he had said he didn't want ketchup, and then put the butters back into the bag.  I almost died of embarrassment, even though I hadn't even been there. 

I asked him about it, asked him if he'd been rude.  Asked him why he did that to the poor counter girl.  His response?  "If you want me to get assertive in areas of my life, it's going to over flow into other areas of my life."

Wow, What???  Yeah, I had to stop for a minute.  He was right.  I did want him to be more assertive.  But how do I help him become that assertive man, and not worry about the fact that I worry he might have been rude to the unsuspecting counter girl?  I wanted to push the issue, I wanted to make him see my point of view, but I knew that that would be wrong.

So I left it.  He's right.  It will spill over.  In fact, on Monday night, he exerted that assertiveness again.  Our landlord is moving, and called us up and offered us a table, we were on speaker phone with him.  I wanted to take a look at it, the Duke shook his head no.  This doesn't happen. :(  He always lets me do what I want to do.  So, I asked him very quietly so that the landlord couldn't hear us if he was sure, I wasn't trying to challenge him on it, I just wanted to make sure it was how he really felt, and not just making a rash judgement.  He indicated that he was certain.  My heart sunk for a minute, but I followed his lead.  I told our landlord thank you, but that we didn't need another table.  And we don't, but I did want the chance to look at it.

I am glad I listened though.  I am glad that I chose to respect the Duke, and not challenge him on it, or defy him.  And in all honesty, after all the purging I just did, I do not want to be bringing new things into our home. 

Getting used to the new sides of the Duke is different than I thought it would be.  But he's becoming more self confident, and that is what I wanted for him. :)  I may have to give up a few things here or there to let him room to spread his wings, but that's okay. :)  He deserves it.  He needs that room to learn to fly.  I have to be willing to give it to him.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Spring Fling Challenge - Half Way Point! :)

I am so tired, so I apologize for not getting to my comments today.  I will tomorrow. :)  It's just that I worked out, long day at work, and Big Garbage is this week and had to be on the curb today.

I just felt I should give a quick note about my Spring Fling Challenge because I promised to keep you all updated. :)

Well, I was SOOO upset when this weekend I'd gained THREE pounds. :(  So I worked out extra hard, especially last night.  But imagine my joy this morning when I found out those three pounds are now GONE. :)  Not sure what happened.  I do know I ate more chocolate this week because of a couple migraines, so that might have done it. :(

I've also been working out a lot, and the Duke says I'm to eat more fruit this week, so that is what I'll be doing.  He bought it for me tonight. :)  He's getting a bit more adamant, which is what I so need to do this.  {{{HUGS}}} to you Duke, thank you for helping me!

I'm off to bed, but I hope your challenges are going well too. :)  Today marks the halfway point, Ladies! :) :)  Still plenty of time to learn new habits, so if you've been struggling, you still have time to make some good habits stick in the next few weeks.  My house was going to be the one I sort of worked on, but now it's my big success.  It looks great, and I'm no longer worried about company just dropping by at all. :)  And the weight, well, I'll keep working at it. :)

Sunday, May 12, 2013

The Newly Red Game

Hello everyone. We were invited to play along in this game, and so thought we'd take a shot at it. :)

If you haven't heard about this game yet, you are still invited to play along. :) Just copy the rules and questions below and put in your own set of answers in place of ours. :)
 Answer the questions in your category first ( ie wife answer questions under wife)
Don't share your answers with your spouse. Next answer the questions in your spouse's category, BUT answer how you THINK he/she will answer.

 Have your spouse repeat the process, with no interference from you! Make sure they know to answer your category questions as he/she would think YOU would answer the questions!
My Answers in Pink
The Duke's are in Blue

Questions for the Wife
What would your husband say was the last thing you did, that made him give you 'the look" ?
Pushing away his touch when I was frustrated after maintenance, and he tried to cuddle me.
tried to disobey
What part of his body does your husband discuss the most?
I don’t know what to say, the Duke never talks about his body...
If I could burn one ( non implement ) possession of my husbands and get off Scott free it would be?
WAIT! Why can’t it be an implement??? Okay, Okay, :) I don’t know. The Duke literally has very little of his own stuff, and most of what he has is stuff he needs. I don’t really think I could answer this one, sorry girls.
What shape would your HoH say your backside is? 1) an apple 2) a pear 3) a pancake 4) never noticed...too distracted
Why isn’t two giant planets an option here? ;) Hmmm, probably an apple. Yeah, more tushie on me than I care to admit. :( That is why the Spring Fling Challenge, I need to give him a smaller target area! :)
Nothing makes me sassier than ( blank)
The Duke teasing me, and me not being allowed to swat at him. Then I get Miss Stinky Pants on my shoulder, egging me on. It’s not my fault she’s so convincing.
not being spanked enough
If my family knew we were in a Dd relationship they would A) be mortified B) be intrigued and ask questions C) High five my HoH, and tell him/her it was about time !
Depends on who you asked. My dad would probably be worried. My mother would freak and demand I leave and she would call the Duke some bad names in the process. One sister would think I was insane, the other would worry until I made her understand, and then would do C, high five the Duke and tell him it was about time, and my brother would judge, but once he got to joking, he too would answer with C. :)
When my husband does (blank) I wish I could spank my mother in law!
Hmmm, trying to figure out here why I’m spanking her for something he did? :) I can’t imagine every spanking the woman. It would be scary, I would have nightmares for days, she’s haunt me for days. *shudders* Best not to think about it. :)

When making whoopee, my husband's theme song should be A) I Will Survive B) Dancing with Myself C) Wake Me Up Before You Go Go D) Shook Me All Night Long
D. :) Definitely D. ;)

If (blank) was an Olympic sport, my husband would take the gold.
Definitely quick whit on demand. He comes out with these one liners that just floor me!
being lazy

Two words that best describe my husband are _______ and _________.
giving and studious
smart funny
Questions for the Husbands
What should your wife's theme song be?
The song from the Nanny
Either “Whistle While You Work” “Cinderella, Cinderella” lol, at least the past couple of weeks. ;)
Finish this sentence, even before ttwd I wanted to spank my wife when she did (blank)
Not listen to me
Got out of hand in bed. *BLUSH*
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought a (blank) would be something I'd spank with
Either a paddle or a belt, he thought they were quite the weapons.
My wife is so adorable when she ( blanks)
get’s excited about something
Runs away from me and makes me chase her. *er, he better find that cute.* LOL Or else I’m in more trouble than I thought. :)
If my wife never makes (blank) again for dinner, it would be too soon.
MEATLOAF! Honestly, it tastes good, everyone else tells me it’s the best they’ve ever had. The Duke? Tells me he doesn’t understand meatloaf because he doesn’t know if he should feel he’s eating bread, or eating meat, and since he can’t decide, he doesn’t like it. *hrumph*  Everything else, he likes or loves.  At least that is good. :)
Pick a bird to represent your wife. What type of bird do you see yourself as?
A flamingo. An Eagle
Me, um, probably a magpie. LOL Or a mockingbird. The Duke? An eagle, circling his prey, ready to swoop in on the poor unsuspecting target! lol Okay, honestly? A penguin, he’s so loyal, even when I’ve made him miserable. He always takes care of me. He’s so great.
When I give my wife the 'look' often I am thinking (blank)
It’s time to show her who’s the boss (Funny, he's never made me watch this show yet) ;)
Man, she’s cute, and I can’t wait to toast that little behind!

The two words that sum up my wife are _______ and _______.
loving wonderful
organized and punctual
If there was NO chance of getting caught, where is one place you would like to make whoopee?
on the beach
On the beach. If this isn’t his answer, I don’t know the Duke at all. ;)

Aside from her bottom, what is your wife's greatest asset?
Her reliability
My nose. Definitely my nose, if we’re talking physical ones that is. Not sure he’ll think that though... hmmm.
I hope you  had fun, and that some of the answers made you laugh. :)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Mother's Day + Free Books

So many of us in blog land have a heart for kids, with no kids to fill our arms.  For those of you in the same boat as me, I'm praying for you.  {{{HUGS}}}  We lost our son two years ago this past winter.  The past two Mother's Days since, I have been pulled aside by women in the church to tell me they are pregnant.  This year I'm already for it, which of course means it probably won't happen.

So last year I started something in our church, and when we got a new pastor since then, was VERY adamant about carrying on the tradition I had started last year, thankfully he agreed.  In the book "Hannah's Hope" by Jennifer Saake, she talks about how Mother's Day is supposed to be a day of joy, but without meaning to, churches end up hurting women who have lost children, or don't have children, without even meaning to.

So, in the book, it has a whole chapter on including all women in Mother's Days.  It also has great ideas for Children Dedication days and such.  So for Mother's Day, as I did last year, every single women in the church is included.  Every single woman helps the children, whether through being a children's leader, a babysitter, hug giver, praiser and encourager, what have you.  Whether we have given birth, or just come along side to help, we have the heart of a mother.  So in plans for tomorrow, I have plants ready to give to every single woman in the church, and some extras in case we have guests.  Two other women are helping, and they too are including events for every woman in the church. 

Whether your arms are full tomorrow, or your heart is breaking, I'm praying for you.  {{{HUGS}}}  I don't know why things turn out the way they do.  I don't know why my arms are empty and everyone else at the church is worrying about new cars because they can't fit all their kids in, same goes with my family.  I'm the oldest, and the only one without several kids.  But I do know this.  We ARE still important.  Our husband STILL LOVE US just as much.  We still have SO MUCH VALUE and SO MUCH LOVE to give.  I wish I could make tomorrow easier for all of you that are hurting, but I can promise, if you need an ear to listen, if you need someone that understands, I'm here.  {{{HUGS}}} 

And at some point, if you're okay with a book with Biblical perspective, I think you might like reading Hannah's Hope.  It can be a bit hard to get through if your heart is set on children and you have none yet, at least it was for me, but it REALLY did help as well to see hope.

And today there are a number of free books, one is about marriage.
And for all you mothers out there, I want to give you a bit of a treat. :)  And so the rest of the books are for, or are about, moms.  HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to you! :)

On Amazon today, not sure for how long, or how good these books even are, but these books are free.  I can't guarantee they are good, but they looked okay, so am sharing them with you.  Just copy and past the title into amazon, and hopefully it will be freen in your country. :)

- A Redneck's Guide To Stayin' Married (sounded like fun)
Parenting from the Overflow (A devotional)
- A Mother's Day Mix: The Ambitious Millipede's Mother's Day Gift (Children's Book)
- Beautiful Muddle (One woman's perspective on kids, marriage, family, and life)
- Don't Put Headphones on the Cat and Other Life Lessons  (Marriage, parenting, having a career….Being Supermom was supposed to be so easy.)
- Called to Adoption: A Christian's Guide to Answering the Call
- Plenty: 31 Sips of Joy for Moms Everywhere (Devotional)
- The Mom Rut: How To Break Out Of Your Mom Rut
- A Gift For Mommy (Children)

Friday, May 10, 2013

I Am So Sorry

I first of all want to say this isn't a real post, our real post for the day was here:

The Duke's Thoughts - The Vote

I want to apologize for something.

I was just reading around blog land on some blogs I don't normally get to look at, and saw different opinions on boot camp.  I did not realize when we were doing ours and posting about it that there was so many for or against it.  I just thought it was something, that if a couple decided it was right for them they did, and if they didn't think it would help, they didn't do it.

To anyone I may have offended in our posts.  I'm extremely sorry.  I do not root for boot camp for all marriages.  It's just what worked for us.  I can see how it would be detrimental to some marriages, and harmful to others, and just may make no difference at all in some.

If you know of anyone that may have been offended, or you yourself were, by our posts that weekend,  I do ask your forgiveness.  I am so sorry if anyone was in any way hurt or felt pressured.  You all mean so much to me, and I wouldn't want you to think I was pushing it as an idea that everyone had to do.  We simply do not believe this, many couples do not need this, many would not benefit from this.  And if we lost any readers because of what we posted, we understand, and still do apologize.

In DD, find what works for you. :)  What works for your spouse.  What works for your marriage. :)  The key is to find what will make your marriage the best it can be, regardless or what works for the Joneses. :)  NEVER let anyone pressure you.  What works for your marriage may not work in others, what works in theirs may not work in yours.  It's your marriage, you get to make the rules. :)

Back to our inital post, and it's a nice short one. :)  - The Duke's Thoughts - The Vote

Thursday, May 09, 2013

The Duke's Thoughts - The Vote

So, the Duke said something to me the other day that made me think, so I ran to write type it down.  I've had it on my desktop on a Sticky Note for a week or two now. 

We were talking about the way disagreements work in marriage, and this was his take on it.

"It's not like you can have a vote in a marriage.  You each will vote for your own side, and it will end up being the person that is more adamant about their position and getting their own way that will ultimately win in a fight.  But more because the other person is worn down, and not happy about it.  More in a 'Well if that's the way we have to do it.' with a sigh thrown in kind of way."
It's true.  And I used to do this.  Most times I would worry about walking all over the Duke.  He has been such a passive man that I would fear crushing him.  So many women in his past had.  So I always took great care to give him the same respect he gave me.  But, come to an argument when I feel like I'm going crazy?  I would DEMAND he change. :(  It was my way or the highway.  Now, you have to understand, until DD, the Duke NEVER stood up to me once we were married (except for something that happened after our son passed away).  The Duke has never once yelled at me, has never let us have a fight.  He gets all the credit on that one.  There have been times when I've been ready to duke fists.  Not him.  And because of this, I'd win the so called argument, no matter what it was over.  He would give in and agree, but his heart was far from in it.

But now I've given voting rights over to him when I might have argued in the past.  When a decision has to be made, he gets to vote.  I get to campaign, I get to give my speeches, but I can't run smear campaigns.  I don't get to bad mouth and belittle to his face, or behind his back.  I get to have a good old fashioned debate and lay all my cards out on the table, but then I have to leave the voting to him. 

The count is easy, no chance of a miscount.


One vote.  No chance at a minority vote.  That one vote wins by a landslide.

And then the choice is mine. 

Do I sit back and grumble and complain about the vote?  Do I yell and get upset because the vote was against what I wanted and he just didn't get it?  How could he not see?

No.  I rally behind that vote.  I do all I can to make the best out of it. 

I don't give up on my government when it's not voted the way I like.

I won't give up on my marriage if the same happens.

But you know what?  In our marriage I get a direct line to the prime minister/president.  I can take my complaints straight to Parliament Hill/the White House.  And that man, the man that rules?  He really truly cares about what I think, and will do what he sees is best for our marriage, and for me. 

I've given up my right to vote.  I'm putting my hand in the Duke's, and giving up my ballot.

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Feeling Loved

I want to first of all apologize that my background keeps changing every few weeks.  Still trying to create one that is me.  I think this is the closest yet.  It would be near perfect, but I have to save the file as a jpg to make it a small enough file, and it's making part of it all pixelated to do so. :(  I might just give in and get a background that is premade and all pretty. (Since posting this I was able to get it to look right, so might keep it) Let me know if the background is too busy for any of you on this one.  I had a similar background already to go, but it was all in shades of pink, and it proved to be TOOO much, too much pink, and way too busy.  lol  (And No, my house, or anything I wear, is NOT this girly.  LOL  But it just seems right for how I feel about DD, and my husband.  If you saw me though, and saw my house, you'd think I was more of a tomboy. hehe)

So anyway.  The last few days have been quite an adventure. 

On Sunday we tried our maintenance.  It didn't go well.  We were supposed to do it on Saturday night, but I had a girls night.  It started at six and was supposed to end around nine, but I loved it when people stayed until 11:30.  That always lets me know I did a good job, and people are enjoying themselves. :)  So that pushed maintenance to Sunday.

The problem was, until Wednesday last week, the Duke was doing good.  He was stepping up, he was being in charge, he was putting his foot down.  Thursday, gone.  Literally, he disappeared and was back to the old husband I'd lived with all along.  I spring cleaned this place from top to bottom, TWICE in the past two months, as I've said before.  Thursday night I just needed his help moving a desk.  It's about 200lbs.  I can move it on my own, but it's very hard, and now the washer we have sticks out into the hallway a bit further than it used to (there is a cut out in the hallway for it) and so it would have been near impossible for me to do on my own, especially without risking hurting myself, a lot because the desk has to be tipped up on it's side to go down the hallway.  Well, I asked the Duke for help, and he gave me a huff of a sigh. :(  I looked around the apartment at the several hours of work I had done that day alone, and I do know he worked all day, but I just needed ten minutes.

Something similar happened on Friday night.  I just needed a bit of help with something I couldn't do on my own.  Nothing big, I can't even remember what it was now, I just remember I couldn't do it alone.  Saturday came, I had the whole place now cleaned from top to bottom.  All I asked of him, because my back was giving out from all I had done all week, was to sweep the kitchen and bathroom, and do the cats' litter.  I cleaned everything else, right down to washing some walls. 

I really didn't feel I'd asked much of him.  While off work I took over all the chores except garbage and cat litter.  But it seemed that the less he had to be responsible for, the less he was willing to help.  Saturday night after everyone left, I knew I needed his help for ten minutes, so I asked for it, knowing he'd huff again like every other time.  I hadn't had a chance yet to run the wires for my office, I just needed him to stand on the other side of the wall to grab the wires as they wouldn't pass through on their own.  It did end up taking a few more minutes, but then we were done.  I only needed it done that night because we'd had no time before to do it, and I needed to know if they were long enough or else I'd have to buy new wires after church.  They were long enough, JUST. Whew. :)

Anyway, come Sunday, I felt like such a burden.  Here I was, doing all this to please him, cleaning the place, making it more relaxing for him, more relaxing so I could be less stressed for him.  I doubt in all those days he even had to do 45 minutes of work.  So when he wanted to do maintenance, I felt so low.  What had happened?  Why was I such a bother?  Was he getting frustrated?  Would it build up and he'd just leave?

So maintenance did not go well.  I ended up frustrated.  I didn't yell, but I did VERY strongly put across my point of how I asked him to do so little to help me, and that I'd worked my butt off every day and night getting our place all cleaned, organized, set up for the office, and finally decluttered.  I've never been this good at decluttering by half, neither has he.  I felt all my pride in my accomplishment go flat.  It no longer felt special that I had been able to do what I'd never been able to before.

Nothing got settled that night, no matter how much we tried.  The next night, we talked.  Monday is our DD evaluation night now.  We established that in boot camp.  He listened.  Really listened.  That night I got another maintenance.  OUCH!  He's NEVER spanked me that hard.  He said it was because apparently the night before hadn't been hard enought.  I couldn't stay still, I tried, it hurt way too much.  So he held me in his new favourite position. :(  You know, the one where he's at the head of the bed, I'm over his right knee, his left one holding my legs down, his right arm holding my back down and his left hand is swinging.  (He's right handed, so glad he used his left, his right would have killed me!)  He kept spanking, and I kept flailing.  I felt so bad about that, I just couldn't stay still.  Then it happened.  What so many of you have talked about, and has never happened to me.  After several minutes, I flopped.  I lay there like a limp noodle over his knee.  He told me that was good, that was how I was supposed to take a spanking.  His insistence surprised me.

I also had a panic attack in the middle, the being held down, I couldn't breathe.  He relaxed his hold, A BIT, and talked me through it.  I was upset with him at the time, why wouldn't he just let me go?  But now I am so glad he didn't.  I needed that spanking.  I needed that reset.  After that I was back to my old playful self again.  Which earned me three sets of swats!  *blush*  But all in good fun. :)

I had saved some documents for him lately, and he read a couple of them last night.  The ones he'd read were the one Mick wrote about a year ago or so for Hoh's and also "I Need" that Willie wrote last week. I added a few things of my own to that list, and then wrote just a few words about why each line was so important to me. It really helped drive the point home.

Later on I wanted to finish my blog look, so when he told me to go to bed, I asked for three more minutes, which ended up being twenty.  At eighteen minutes after my bedtime, he told me to get to bed, NOW... I did... a minute later... but first I opened an email, and replied one sentence to another email I really wanted to send.  I admitted this when we were doing our devotions in bed.  I got swatted for it.  And I felt so loved!

I feel so cared for when he steps up.  Why can't I feel like this when he steps back and off the ball?  He says he doesn't love me any less when he does that... maybe it's because my love languages are Quality Time and Physical Touch.  Both of which a spanking and the cuddle time afterwards give me.  I'll have to think on that.  Do any of you find that your Love Language helps define DD in your marriage?

PS, went to the kitchen after writing this to do last night's dishes, and they are all done!  Okay, maybe I'm PMSing because that makes me want to bawl.  LOL  Wow, I guess our talked really helped.  I feel a bit guilty now for being so hard on him. :(

Monday, May 06, 2013

SO BUSY, and a Spring Fling Note

I feel kind of down today.  I think just too many little things on top of too many little things.

I'm turning 35 this month.

I realize how much my clock is ticking to have a baby.

I haven't had a cycle since December, and the hormones, or lack there are, are getting to me.

I start my new job tomorrow, and it's been such a headache, so many things have gone wrong.

I was just asked by a family, okay begged, to be their nanny.  *gulp*  They even offered to match my pay for the new job I'm getting.  *gulp*  Now to pray about that.

So I don't have a lot to share sorry, but I have been MIA for almost a week, and thought I would check in.

I regutted my house this week of stuff, big garbage coming up, and it's more decluttered than I could have ever hoped for.  I'm thinking about going through the two closets that I haven't attacked in a while, and then maybe I can be all decluttered.  I don't know what that's like, I'm excited to hope for it.  We'll see if I get the time.  But I have added keeping my house clean to the Spring Fling Challenge, and I have been doing good, even though at times with the decluttering it does look like I let a cyclone loose in my house, I always clean it, where as before that might not have happened for days.... and sadly, sometimes even weeks.

I worked out a lot last week, and gained a pound, my pants feel looser though, so trying not to feel like I've failed at Spring Fling Challenge. This is where it gets hard, how is everyone else doing?

I'm looking to do more working out this week, but that may be hard with the new job. The Duke also told me today that I need to eat even healthier. *GULP* So that is going to be a major challenge for me.  I had two headaches this week, and two church events, so that means I ate junk food four different times this week! :(

I hope you are all having a good week.  With all the decluttering I had to do, mostly due to needing to rearrange my house to get my new office set up, I have not had any time for myself, so I have not had time either to catch up on blogs, and it may continue to be that way for the next week or two.  I hope you can forgive me, and not forget about me! :)

I won't lie, I'm so tired tonight, that working out is not going to happen today. :(  I have worked so hard every day for seven days that today my body just up and quit on me.  The decluttering the house again, and moving furniture around, and sorting things, and giving things away, and running errands all day Wednesday, I just haven't really rested.  So I think it is good that today, I did that for most of the day except for when I tidied the kitchen and livingroom and did one load of dishes.  So today I'm not really keeping up to my Spring Fling Challenge Schedule, but I promise to try the rest of the week to do so! :)

I hope you have a good week.

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Be Careful Ladies!

So, the other night I showed the Duke something he might like in a DD Romance.  There was just an idea that I thought could help us.  So what does he do?  Grabs my kindle and wouldn't hand it back for like five minutes.  There is a spanking scene, and he reads it, with me turning fifteen shades of red because I don't know what he's reading!  So then he asks what type of position they're talking about.

So, I read it too, turning a million shades of red now that I know what he just read.  {It wasn't sexual, but the thought of him reading about someone else getting spanked, getting ideas, YIKES}  The position described was with the man on the bed, the woman bent over one leg, and his other leg on top of hers to trap her there, and then one of his arms holding her back down.  Well, STUPID ME started showing him, and by the time I realized what I was doing and tried to get up and away, he already had me pinned.  Needless to say, even though I was being good, I got some hard swats to test out the effectiveness of this position.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm tired tonight.  And got a swatting for going to bed late last night.  On the way over his knee, I was worried he'd try that position again.  So when he didn't, I let out a relieved sigh.  I didn't think about it.  But he heard it. :(  And asked me what I was so happy about.  I tried to deny it, but I quickly folded because I didn't want to lie, nor have a reason for a full out spanking session instead of only a minute or two of hard swats.  So I told him I was glad he didn't try to pin me while spanking me.  Yeah, you read that right, go ahead, laugh.  Shake your heads at me in disbelief.  I deserve it all.  And so you know where I was a few seconds later. :(  Yeah, not able to move.  I have now been told he LOVES this position.  Really? :(  Where is the crying face?  They don't make a crying face on here. :(

So, word to the wise, if you can get your brain to engage before your mouth, watch out what you share with your husbands!  Most of the things I don't like in DD?  I made a mistake and started speaking about before my brain caught up, and then it was too late to stop. 

Oh boy.  Does anyone else have this problem?  I used to be so smart!  *shaking head*  And now it's all gone.