Wednesday, January 29, 2014

*Reposting* Design How To Tip

I feel like from all your compliments that I have you all deceived in my artistic abilities.  Just to show you that I'm not really a drawer, but a design manipulator, I wanted to show you how to make one of the implements.  From what I show you here, you'll get an idea of how I made them all. :)

I wanted to break down quickly the 10 steps to making a bath brush.  I don't have the step by step versions of the one I made, but made this one larger scale to show you how I did it. :)  Most paint programs will let you do all of this, the only exception may be the 3d/lighten darken feature.  I myself use PSP X6. {PaintShopPro 16}

1. I took a large circle and just drew it down straight until it was the size of the head of the bathbrush that I wanted to draw.
2. Then I drew a second one just like it, and put lines down and across to give the appearance of bristles.
3. I copied the bristles one I made, and place it on top of the first one I made, putting it slightly to the left. 
4. On the area that I left exposed I drew squiqqly lines to make the side view of the bristles.
5. I then selected to make the item 3d, if yours doesn't have this funtion, but has a lighten and darken tool, you can just darken one side of your image with the darkening brush, and use the lighten brush on the other side.
6. I used large and small circles to make the base of the wood.
7. I drew squiggly lines to make the wood effect.
8. I told my program to make the image blurry to blend in the squiggles.  If your program will not blur, shrink your image to 50% and then tell it to make it 200%, returning it to it's original size. :)  That will make it blurry.
9. I made the wood 3d.
10. I copied the bristles and placed them on the wood.

And there you have it, a bath brush.  If you want to try to make an implement of your own, and need any help, let me know, I'll try to walk you through it as best as I can. 

Have a good night everyone. :)

*Reposting* Quick Blog Question

Okay, it's me, being insecure again... sorry... but if I could have your input, it would really help.

I think I finished the new look of my blog, but have to ask... do the insects look stupid?  Can you tell I'm SOOO wanting spring to come?  But I had no idea how to draw little bugs running around, so this is my half butt attempt.  Blame the spiders on the Duke!  I had only cute little friends insects, and then he said there should be a spider.  I told him then that I should put it on his hat!  LOL  But it wouldn't look right.  lol

Anyway... do they look too stupid... too much like a six year old drew them?  Sorry I'm worried again... I'll try working on the insecurities next.  lol

And I am getting to your comments and emails today from yesterday.  Thank you so much guys, I loved your points of view over the last couple of posts, and seeing that I really am not alone in my struggles. :)

Hoh Day is Saturday, anyone getting excited?  I am! :)  I can't write on here though what I'm doing because the Duke will see!  lol  Maybe I can convince him on Friday not to read until after I've spoiled him on Saturday, and I can share a bit of what I'm doing. :)

Hope you all have an absolutely wonderful day. :)

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

*Reposting* DD & Jumping To Conclusions

As promised, here is the other thing I posted in the forums over the weekend.

Here is the post I had in the forums, this event happened on Friday.

Do you find that now that you are in a DD relationship, you have stopped jumping to conclusions as much?

Tonight on the way home from work, I told my husband that I wanted to tell him something, he is known in blogland as "The Duke", so I'll probably slip in my comments on here and call him that. Anyway, just after I told him I had to talk to him, it said on the car radio it was going to give the local weather, and since we have had a number of storms lately, I told him "Just a minute, I want to hear this." He immediately turned off the car radio and then said nothing. Part of me wanted to say rather accusingly "Why did you do that??? I was listening to that, and I even just said so." But another part of me, the part that is growing since DD, said to stop, and ask him why he had done that. Sure enough, he had not heard me say I wanted to hear the weather report, and had turned off the radio so that he could hear me.

I could have really messed up our evening by starting a fight, and had this happened before DD, I have no doubt that that is exactly what it would have done, or at least, feelings would have been hurt and we would have played nice all evening while privately suffering. I look back on my life over the past few months and find I have done this a lot lately, not jumping to conclusions, and find that the Duke really is being nice, and I'm just taking things wrong.

Do you find the same? Are you finding you jump to conclusions less, and are learning that those conclusions are wrong? Or maybe it's just me? I've probably felt way more hurt in my marriage than I needed to, all because I was thinking the Duke had intentions that he didn't. What are your thoughts?

--- And if you want to participate in HoH Day on Saturday, and have not yet heard the details, you can find them here. :) 

Hope you all have a wonderful day out there. :)

Monday, January 27, 2014

*Reposting* The BUT In Being Thankful

I don't have much to share today, so thought I'd post something I shared on a forum on Saturday.  I actually had two good things I shared on there this weekend, so maybe another day this week I'll put the other one up. :)  Here it is. :)

I was not feeling well today, fighting this cold I just can't seem to get a head of. The Duke surprised me with breakfast in bed, and then lunch in bed. He also cleaned the bathroom because he knew I'd be going to do it today. The bathtub was even wiped down and around the toilet as well.

I walk in and see him on the floor, mopping the floor around where we keep the cats' litter... with a white face cloth. And all the sudden there was panic inside of me, and I couldn't stop the words that tumbled from my mouth. They were said respectfully, but they were still out before I realized it. "Are you using a wash cloth on the floor?" I could see uncertainty cross his face, and he admitted with a sudden guiltful expression that he was, and I could tell that up to that moment, he was so happy to be helping me.

I was thankful that he'd done the whole room, why did that panic rise up in me? It's a cloth, a piece of material. He had given up his free time to help me out because I wasn't feeling well, something I'm not sure he ever did before DD, at least not to this extent.

And then it hit me, I didn't care about the cloth. I never did. But one day his mom got after me that I didn't take care of our wash cloths and towels the way she thought I should, and ever since then, I've allowed this worry to build.

But now I'm not going to. My husband helped me today. He took care of me, and did things for me so that I'd be able to rest without worrying about getting so much done today. I almost let that piece of cloth steal my peace. I apologized to the Duke profusely, and he sees now that I did not mean to hurt him in my accusation, and I am so thankful he wasn't hurt, and has forgiven me.

Does that every happen to any of you? You're thankful, BUT.... I know this used to be an issue for me in other areas too, and now that I recognize it, I'm going to be working on it.

***If you would like to participate in HoH Day, the info is in the post before this one. :)  It's February 1st, this coming Saturday. :)

Saturday, January 25, 2014

HoH Day! :)

I want to do an HoH Day, and want to invite you all to play along. 

We have just gotten over the holidays, a time our HoH's really helped step up for many of us, and got us through a time that is usually way more stressful than it was this year.

Also, it's storm season for many of us, and between seasonal depressions, being stuck inside, and cold and flu season, it's just been a bit blah for a lot of us.  What better to get us out of a blah than spending some time thinking of honouring those amazing men in our lives?  :)

So on February 1st, next Saturday, I plan on having an HoH Day here, and invite you to all do the same in your homes.  If you want to play along, here are the suggested rules, but these are SUGGESTIONS, make it your own. :)

1. Write a post, and include at least three things in it.  They should be ways you are truly thankful for your HoH, or ways your life has changed for the better now that he is your HoH, how you feel loved by this or that that he does.  You get the picture.  List as many as you want, but try to have at least three, and give reasons why you feel that way.  ie, "You holding me gives me tingles because I feel so safe in your large and strong arms, knowing you'll protect me from anyone, and anything."  I know some of you are struggling with inconsistent HoH's, but there are still things you can thank them for. :)

2.  Now either read your post to your HoH, or let him read it.

3.  Do at least one thing for him, something at home that is extra special just for him.  Ideas could be:
- Give him a card
- Make his favourite meal
- Wear his favourite outfit of yours, or perhaps nothing at all ;)
- Give him a long massage
- Take him out to something he loves to do
- Get a babysitter and wine and dine him
- Sit and talk
- Dance with him
- Get him something he's been wanting for a while

The ideas are limitless.

I invite you to join me in honouring our husbands next Saturday.  If you wish to play along, please feel free to use this badge I made up on your own blog.  I made it an award because we really are thanking them for being OUR HoH.  The ones that love us, honour us, protect us, guide us, free us, discipline us, and are just there for us.  That should be awarded I feel. :)

Now, before I did this, I looked around and could not find that there already is one, and checked with a long time blogger to see if they had heard of one. If there is, please forgive me for stepping on toes.

Have a wonderful day everyone. :)

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Does Not Equal No?

So, as you know, in the submissive exercises I listed last week, one was to avoid saying no.  And usually I am very good at doing this, but then tonight I almost slipped!  And maybe this still counts as slipping.  LOL

We are with company, and so the Duke can't really call me out on it, but I do wonder what happens when he gets me alone tomorrow... *GULP*

We are storm stayed at friends tonight.  The Duke just looked out not long ago and said that the snow had stopped, and there was still snow on the roads.  But the way he said it, it sounded like he wanted to head home.  Now, in this one area, we're backwards in our roles.  The Duke is the less experienced driver, can read in the car, and prefers to ride shotgun.  Yeah, goes against our blog header a bit, lol.  I can't read in the car, tend to like to drive instead, and am more experienced, so we just naturally have me drive whenever we're together.

Anyway, when he said that, I looked at him and said "Are you asking if I'll drive us home tonight?  Because my answer will be 'Not Yes'".  I have a feeling that might still count as a no?

Part me actually hope it does... I'm feeling a disconnect, a distancing from the Duke, and I don't like it.  I know it's just because it's been a busy week and I'm fighting what I think is a sinus infection, but I miss feeling the security his leading brings me, and being away for two days makes it harder too.  I've gotten out of the habit in the week I've been sick of changing into dresses when I get home, of making the bed before I leave for work, of exercising, and this makes me feel lazy, and like I'm failing.

I am trying to tell myself that I'm needing the rest, and as I sit here now, I am fighting a chill I caught being out in the storm today, it couldn't be avoided, and I am covered in several layers and a thick blanket.  With how sick I was last year, I need to fight a couple of infections on my own so I can to build up my immunity again.  But I still wish I could be doing more.  So in the mean time, I'll half hope that he counts that "Not Yes" as a NO and help me back into a good space. :)

If he doesn't mention it, I'll go and admit to needing a spanking, and maybe will even do so before bed tonight so that he knows for tomorrow.  We go to a wake for a good friend's mother tomorrow night, so we'll be late getting home, but I think we'll still have time before it's my bedtime. 

I hope you're all having a good week. :)

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Submission Exercises - Conclusion

So here is the last post I think I'll be doing for now on submissive exercises.  I've really enjoyed reading your comments, thank you. 

Now here is a warning about today, there are a couple of ideas in today's post that are a bit more racy than the other posts though I did not go into detail, still, if that might bother you, please feel free to skip over this post. :)

Things Your Husband Can Do:
1.  Trust building exercises - I find the physical ones the best because they make a woman really depend on her husband in an interesting way.  Being led around blind folded for several minutes, standing behind her and asking her to let herself fall and trust you'll catch her, some even like tying her hands during intimacy.  These can be so scary, yet very rewarding when we can give in and just let go.  My favourite that the Duke did one I wrote about here - I Want You To Trust Me.
2.  Have a sign to say she's pushed too far -  the Duke's is a look with a slight shake of his head, I've heard that some men rub their hands together, some give a tug on their ear.  Whatever it is, it's a silent cue that we've pushed too far that no one else would catch on to.  It makes my stomach quiver when the Duke does this, and I know it's time to pay WAY more attention to how I'm acting and what I'm doing.
3.  Tuck her in - especially if you enforce a bedtime for her.  I know personally, whenever the Duke tucks me in, it makes me feel the most cherished, and special.  Him leaning over to pull the blankets over me, and giving me a kiss before saying goodnight and then turning out the lights just makes me melt, every single time.
4.  Have fun with it - playful swats get attention, good girl spankings help a woman feel safe, cherished, and playful, the options are limitless.  Just make sure you're not always only about the serious side of DD, let go and show her how much you enjoy the softer sides of her submission.
5.  Don't be afraid to ask her to be naked - there is a lot of humbleness and vulnerability in being naked, even in front of a man that has seen it a thousand times.  I find it brings me to a new place every time the Duke will ask me to disrobe, whether to be just to see me, to lay next to him while he is fully clothed, to get ready for a spanking.  Whatever it is, I am filled with the need to run into the arms of the very man that asked this of me for his protection, it's a very strong emotion.
6.  Admit what you need - as much as we women have learned we need to share with you and admit what we need because you aren't mind readers, we aren't either.  Trust us.  I can't tell you what it meant to me when the Duke finally started admitting what he needed from me, or flat out telling me what he needed from me.  He always felt like he should never ask, never be a burden, but I wanted to help so desperately.  Now that we talk, now that he shares, I can do all I can to meet his needs.
7.  Taking toys away - there is nothing like the Duke deciding something for me, like that I need to lie down, talk to him, relax, and having him take away my kindle or laptop.  It lets me know he means SERIOUS business.  It usually ends up with me pouting, so sad I have to be without, but every time he's done it, it has been exactly what I needed.
8.  Butt plug - I almost didn't write this, and have debated all week if I'd include this, but I'm going to.  Some couples have a firm no against this, and that is totally okay.  And some have a firm yes, and that is totally okay. :)  For those that are okay with this, a lot of women will admit that if their husband puts one in them, they start to feel submissive the second they get into position, and throughout the time they wear one.  It's a constant reminder to behave, of who put it there, of who they answer to, and a sense of being marked, claimed.

Things You Can Do Yourself:
1.  Keep your body the way he likes it prepared.  - keep your hair always brushed, keep shaved and trimmed if he like, use a scent of shampoo he likes.  You don't have to look like a model, or even like your neighbour down the street, but you should at least have clothes that are clean that appeal to him, and have your hair looking like you did look in a mirror that day.  If he wishes more, like a hair updo, makeup, perfume, give it a try, see if you can incorporate it into your daily routine.
2.  Admit to friends what you can - that you have begun to let your husband take the lead, even if you do not mention DD.  Ask his permission to do something in front of others, or admit to others when they ask to do something that you need to ask your husband first.  It doesn't need to be made a big deal of, it can even be as simple as saying "I have to check with the Duke first, and I'll let you know."  You are showing others that you respect your husband, and that you take his input seriously.
3.  Apologize first - when the Duke and I were doing premarital counselling, our pastor told us to each believe it was our own responsibility to apologize first in every confrontation.  That way, on the off chance your spouse won't apologize, you will, because you both decided it that way.  It can be hard, he may be 100% at fault in your eyes, but there is always something we can apologize for.  Losing our cool, not speaking respectfully, getting up and walking away, interrupting.  It may be only 1/1000th of what you feel your spouse did to you, but apologizing opens the door for them to as well.  If no one apologizes, if no one makes the first move, things just get worse and deteriorate quickly.
4.  Stop all you are doing, and kneel in front of him and ask him a question - "What can I do to make you happy tonight?", "What can I do to make you feel cherished tonight?".  Or even to say thank you with your head in his lap "When you took over my chores tonight because I wasn't well, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world." "When you stood up to your mother for me today, I really started to see myself through your eyes.".
5.  Admit when you need help - OH MY GOODNESS, why is that so hard for all of us??? :)  I'm raising my hand here with you guys, I struggle too, a lot at times.  I just want the Duke to see when I'm off, I just want him to know when I need help.  Yeah, it happens, sometimes, not always.  Sometimes I just have to SUCK IT UP and admit I need his help, either with a problem, with needing his time, with a backside that isn't quite tender.... yet! 
6.  Avoid saying no - yes, there will be times when you really don't want to do something, but try to find another way to go about saying you'd rather not.  No, and fighting back are disrespectful, and let's admit it, usually so very bad for our bottoms.  Next time you're tempted to say no, stop and think for a minute.  How bad would it really be if you answered yes instead?
7.  Buy an implement - most of you already have, but if you haven't, it can be a real gift to a man to show your trust.  You are giving him something you may very well view as a weapon, but he'll see it as a gift, you trusting him to lead you, to help mold you, to keep you safe with it.  You are putting your life into his hands when you hand that implement over.
8.  Just be quiet and stop demanding - I am SOOO guilty of this one.  Before I say this to you, I said to to me, often.  I had a picture of what the Duke was to be in DD.  But I had to stop telling him to do it my way.  Now he does it his way, and many times I am floored.  His lines are sometimes better than my dreams, his ideas shock me at times, and make me feel all soft and gooey inside.  He's got this, but he didn't, until I stepped back and actually stopped leading, as some here in blogland call it, topping from the bottom.  It took a long time for him to get his groove, but it didn't even start until I could let go.  I had to be quiet, I had to be patient.

So there you have it, 24 ideas for you, 24 ideas for him.  8 of each in each post.

Submission Exercises - Post 1 is here
Submission Exercises - Post 2 is here

I hope there was something in all that that you found helpful.  I had other ideas and things I'd found online, but I felt that was enough for now.  I hope that none of what I said offended anyone, and if it did, please remember, these are only ideas that "may" help.  They might not.  Always remember when getting any advice, use what will help your marriage, toss the rest. :)

And I have read your comments from my last post, and will be answering them tomorrow.  I had to choose, write this post, or answer comments, I didn't have time for both, sorry.  Hope you'll all forgive me. ;)

Now, here is where the deciding vote will be if there will be one final post on the Submissive Exercises right now.  If I get at least 10 ideas from you guys in comments or emails, that I haven't already done in the past three posts, I'll do up one last post and attribute it to you guys. :)  Or, if you have an idea to expand on something I've mentioned in the last three posts, I'll put that in as one of the ten as well.  So if you have anything that your husband does, or that you do, that really helps set the roles, or your submissive side, then please feel free to share. :)

Have a great night everyone!  :)

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Submission Exercises - Continued

The great thing about looking at submissive exercises, as some of you said, is to see that we actually do, a lot of times, already do a lot of submissive things.  We really do have this down better than we think.  We really do do more than we realize.

Another reason I wanted to share these, is because I struggled with a long time on finding ways to be submissive, but also, the Duke wanted to help me become submissive, but he had no real idea how to foster this in me.  That is why I began looking and thinking up ways that would work for both of us.  Now when he is wondering how to help me, he remembers a lot of the list we have, and uses one of those ideas.

Here are some more suggestions we have tried, or are thinking about trying.  I hope they will help you all in some small way, whether it be to see how well you are doing, or to help you find new ways to foster your submission and his dominance.

I will probably only do one more post, and wrap up the list we have in it.  But here are more for tonight. :)

Things Your Husband Can Do:
1.  Talk in a dominant tone - if your voice is too soft or holds a hint of humour, the Duke really struggled with this, and it was very hard for me to take him seriously as he talked to me as one might talk to a kitten when giving me an order, or when he was near laughing because he was unused to ordering me about, it made it very hard for me to be submissive and respect his authority and strength.
2.  Take care of her health - it isn't always what I want, but it means a lot to me if I'm tired that the Duke tells me to go to bed early, or take a nap, or if I'm not well, that he orders me to lie down and then he takes care of me, or that he makes sure I don't over work myself.
3.  Put your arm around her possessively when hanging out with others - around the shoulders, around the waist, it makes a woman feel extra special when a man shows he's her protector to others, I simply LOVE when the Duke does this, it makes me feel so wanted, so safe.  Another way he makes me feel owned is that he holds my hand slightly tighter than he has to, and almost leads me as we walk around a store, or out in public.  It lets me know he has me, and is taking care of me.
4.  Remind her that you expect her to be good for you - when leaving for work, when going out together, when she goes out alone, but also let her know that you have faith in her that she can, when the Duke does this to me, I just feel, well, responsible to behave for him, reminded that I have to answer to him, and wanting to make him proud
5.  Help her set up a chore list - and check with her often to see that she is keeping to it, and offer suggestions if you find she is over worked, or needs the list rebalanced, and let the chore list be for more than a clean house.  A clean house helps me feel relaxed, especially when company drops by unannounced, it gives me a sense of accomplishment, I am less irritable in a clean house, and we focus on these reasons more so than the house being clean, and in that it helps me feel cared for and that the Duke cares about my well being.
6.  Help her to cut back when needed - we woman often take on too much, with too little time for ourselves, I was involved in eight committees at church, and didn't realize how many, and too much of my time was taken up, so the Duke and I sat down and cut that list down to something very manageable.
7.  Tell her how good she was - it feels so good to be told how proud the Duke is when I have obeyed, when I've accomplished something hard, I need his encouragement as much as I need his direction and discipline, it makes me feel so good to make him proud of me.
8.  Keep her with you - I tend to walk away when angry, feeling I need time and space to think things through, but mostly, I just want the Duke away from me, I want to be strong on my own, but this is not good for me, and when left to my own thoughts too long when I'm upset or angry, then my thoughts turn dark, and darker.  But when he steps in and talks to me, then he keeps the thoughts from feeding on themselves.

Things You Can Do Yourself:
1.  Give him the best - Give him the best selections of meat at dinner, the largest piece of dessert.  When  doing other things, still give him the best, the fluffiest pillow, the softest towel, the plate without a chip, the first dentist appointment, the comfiest seat.
2.  Write him a letter saying how you like being submissive to him -  things you do that help you feel this way, and how it makes you feel loved, feminine, cared for, special, peaceful, less stressed, more sexy.  The more your reflect on it, the more you may find that very submission growing.
3.  Let him order and pay - tell him if there is something you really don't want, but see how well he knows you, let him order your meal for you, and let him end the evening by paying the bill.
4.  Give him a massage - even if you are tired, offer him a back, scalp, foot massage, or what have you. ;)
5.  Hand him the remote - let him decide what you watch for the evening, and watch it with him.  Or go to the movie theatre and let him pick the movie he wants to watch.
6.  Doing what he likes - learn about something he likes so you can talk to him about it. If it is something he does outside of the house, offer to go along once in a while, it might make him feel special, but also do not get offended if this is something he likes to do without you.
7.  Remember him when shopping - get his favourite snack, did he mention something he's been needing, ie deodorant, shampoo, pick it up for him.
8.  Ask him to share a fantasy.  - Pick a night within the next week and do all you can to fulfill it.  If you have to buy things, go out shopping, if you have to set up the room, spend an afternoon getting it perfect.  Then surprise him with it.

Submission Exercises - Post 1 is HERE
Submission Exercises - Conclusion - Post 3 is HERE

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Submission Exercises

I have been spending months looking up submission exercises online, trying to come up with my own, writing down things that made me feel submissive from stories, things that just come up in my dreams, and things the Duke has done out of the blue that have made me melt.  This list has really helped us, some we have tried, some we have not, but I know how hard it can be to find ideas, so I hope it's okay to share.  There are too many to share in one post, so I'm going to share a few tonight, and will do more in another post, it will take a few posts to do the whole list we have.

I am going to list things you can do on your own, or things your husband can do that may help you.

Things Your Husband Can Do:
1.  Say her full name - I don't know about you, but having my full name said makes me SIT UP at attention!  Attention, and boy, I better behave.
2.  Holding her chin - This really makes me feel owned, and that he is INSISTING on having my attention
3.  Having a pet name for her - Being called his, baby girl, little one, or my good girl really sends a shiver of submissive pleasure down my spine.  It's these words that make me see he really does like being dominant.
4.  Ask her who she belongs to - Sometimes the Duke will ask me this, and it will put everything into perspective for me.  I'm his, and he's got me.  I don't have to worry about things being taken care of, he's got it.
5.  Tell her to keep eye contact with you - Oh, I find this so hard, and when I have to be told, I often struggle, and have to be reminded.  But I find this very humbling, and it really does remind me to obey, even when it is hard, whether it be when discussing rules, talking about something hard, or when being intimate.
6.  Remind her that her body is yours - I find I get VERY submissive when the Duke goes to touch me in a way that makes me shy or embarrassed, and then I go to cover myself, only to have him tell me that I am not to cover or hide what is his.
7.  Call her during the day to check in - I love knowing the Duke likes to check up on me, it makes me feel important and worthy of his attention, it also reminds me to be good, because I don't want to have to tell him over the phone or email that I wasn't so good.  It's hard enough in person, it's even harder when I can't see his expression
8.  Tell her to answer with words - I find it hard to swallow at first when in an intense situation where the Duke asks a question, and so I answer with body language.  But now he demands my answer in words every time.  I feel the peace of submission flood through me as I find my voice to obey him, but also am floored by his authority in the moment.

Things You Can Do Yourself:
1.  Do one of his chores just because you want to make him feel special, or make his day easier.  Make it one that takes effort, and even better, make it one you aren't that happy to do.  When you are done, you will realize he now will be the one that won't have to do it.
2.  Make a meal he likes that isn't your favourite, but not something you hate.  Our men notice when we put them ahead of ourselves, and one big way to do that is to eat a meal that you made for his pleasure, not yours.
3.  Ask him if there is something you don't do that he'd like you to do.  ie, start/stop wearing make up.  Start/stop doing your hair a certain way.  Greet him at the door with a drink, have supper ready when he gets home, have the kids entertained when he walks through the door, serve him before yourself at meal times, or what have you.
4.  Write lines, or a small essay on why you are glad he leads you.  Or on ways he leads you.  You might be surprised at all he's doing that has gone unnoticed until you sat down to really think about it.
5.  Leave a note for him in his lunch/briefcase/wallet.  Maybe even make a promise to him of something you wish to do for him that night. ;)  Sign it with a kiss.
6.  Start asking for permission when you buy things, if you can't ask for permission, tell him at the end of every day each place you spent money, and why.
7.  Put on something that isn't exactly your favourite, but something you know he'll love.  Could be a perfume, a thong, a slinky dress, risque heals.  Or go without something, a bra, your underwear, and then whisper to him your little secret half way through his dinner. ;)
8.  Let him know that you are giving him your body, to use when, and how he likes.  Whether it be the middle of the night, or in a position you've been too shy to try before.  Your body is his, and you trust him to take care of it.

I wrote down a ton more, and will try to post more later this week.  I hope you like one or two of the ideas.  Who knows, maybe you've heard them all, or only a few, but I hope there is at least one or two here that catch your fancy. :)

Have fun everyone. :)

Submission Exercises - Continued - Post 2 is HERE
Submission Exercises - Conclusion - Post 3 is HERE
Submission Exercises - When Sick (Added at a later time)

Sunday, January 12, 2014

A Needed Bedtime Spanking

Last night I was in desperate need of a spanking, the Duke had suggested a maintenance spanking in the afternoon, we're trying to do two a week right now, but I asked him to wait until today.  He's been quite sick with a cold, and I didn't want to wear him out.

Then last night we went babysitting, and I had a baby crying for hours because of gas, and it was a bit hard by the end, and of course, she fell asleep only as her parents were coming into the driveway, I am so not kidding about that.  And usually this wouldn't bother me, babies cry, I know this and have looked after several that cried for hours, but I was also getting sick, and PMSing, and had had a very long week.  I just didn't have any energy left, and I was all frazzled.

So when we got home the Duke went straight to bed.  I stayed up to unwind as I had a headache after everything.  But the Duke knew I was off, and he kept checking on me.  Finally he said he thought maybe I should go to bed.  The funny thing was, I was writing a post to you all about how much I needed a spanking, but not just a maintenance or role affirmation spanking, but more along the lines of a punishment spanking.  You know, Missy wrote about something like this this week, and I didn't quite understand.  But now I do.

Well, when I didn't come to bed when he suggested it, he got out the paddle.  As much as I wanted one, I also freaked when the paddle came out.  I told him that he'd only suggested that I go to bed, he hadn't asked or told me to.  I hadn't said no or been defiant.  I had simply said I was still a bit too wound up to sleep, we had not been home for very long.  But over his lap I went.

Did I deserve to be there for disobedience?  No, and we both knew that.  But he also saw how frazzled I was, and emotionally spent, and knew I needed the release of a spanking.  As soon as I was over his lap, I realized how tired I was, I was flat out exhausted, and it took everything in me not to fall asleep the second I was laying over his legs.  He spanked hard and fast, and talked to me throughout, which I really needed.  I was crying in seconds.  Not bawling, or sobs, but just a soft cry, releasing everything.

Afterwards he just let me lay across his lap while he scratched my back, which I love having him do, but he's never done after a spanking.  Then we went to bed, and finally, I was unwound.

He told me that I should have admitted when he suggested a maintenance earlier in the day that I needed it.  I told him that in my heart I knew I needed one, but I also knew in my head that he needed to rest, and really would have waited until today.  He didn't see my point until sometime today, but he does see now that my request was not selfish.  I really was trying to look out for him in this... something I can tell is not going to go over well if I ever try again.

Oh, and the Duke said I should change my slogan since the Duke was more associated with driving a wagon than a car. ;)  So it now says reins instead of wheel. :)  And that reminded me that one day I got bored and made a bunch of hats as joke HOH hats... I think Roz is the only one that ever saw them, anyway, I remembered one was a cowboy hat, so I just had to try it out.  LOL  Does it look too Hickish?

Hope you all have a good week.  I've been working on a few posts, and will try to put one or two of them out this week.  Just some self reflection, and some things I'm learning about submission.

PS, you can ignore the question about the hat, the Duke just found out what I wrote, but he says he really likes it, so either way, I guess I'll be keeping it. ;)

Tuesday, January 07, 2014

HOH Hat Is Sealed On TIGHT

Thank you to everyone that commented on the Duke's post this week.  It meant a lot to me that he wrote, and it meant a lot to us both that you guys responded.

Well, the HOH hat is on, TIGHT, sealed with crazy glue it looks like, and apparently is NOT going anywhere.  *gulp*  Just to show you, these are things that happened over just a two day period.

The Duke was touching me while we were on the sofa. It was tickling me and so I pulled the blanket to cover me.  He PULLS the blanket from me, and tells me to never cover myself when he is touching me.  He then asked in a serious tone if I understood, I nodded in shock that I did. Then he said I had to say it outloud.  So I did, meekly, and in awe.

The Duke said it was time for a maintenance. I went into the bedroom, I was so tired and cold that I laid down and covered up on the bed while waiting for him. He comes in and asks me what I'm in there for. I joke around and say a nap. I get "THE LOOK" I attempted two other weak replies and then he flipped me over and gave me a swat with the paddle. "Okay, Okay! We're here for a maintenance." He then said, "When I tell you we're getting ready for a maintenance, I don't expect to come into the room and find you not in position and all covered up."  - To be fair, the position is over his lap, and when he's not here... how do I get into it? ;)

So, for the same maintenance session, the Duke went to use the paddle, I still felt a little sensitive since the other day, not sore... just my skin felt kind of rashy, or sensitive. He said we were using the paddle, and I could tell by his voice he wasn't going to budge. So I asked "Why don't I get a say in this?"  He replied, "Because you don't get to make this decision."

Then, during the lecture phase he said "How did you ask me a question a few minutes ago?"  UH OH. I hung my head... I hadn't thought about it at the time, but it had been a bit snarky. I honestly didn't mean it to be, but the second I recalled it, I remember there being definite borderline disrespect in my voice, I could HEAR it in the recalling.  How did HE catch it?  He never catches stuff like that.

Then, near the end, I asked him a question.  "Because we're starting a number of new rules this week, can this week be a week of reminders so that if I forget, it's not automatically considered disobedience. Can you just remind me?"  He asked "A reminder?" Harder smack.  Okay girls, I've never claimed to be brilliant, so I said "Yes, a reminder." And then reiterated all I'd just said. He said again afterwards "A reminder?" With an even HARDER smack. Oh, I got his point then! He meant reminder spankings. I said "No, no no no no no, please, just remind me with words." So then he listed off each rule, I could tell he was smiling, and said "You mean a reminder at 10:30 to go to bed?" SMACK "A reminder lights out at 11:00?" SMACK "A reminder to work out three hours a week?" SMACK "A reminder to do your new chores?" SMACK. And on it went down every rule he could remember!

Aside from all that, several times I went to do something and was ordered to sit down so that he could do it for me. I had saved him the last chocolate out of our Christmas chocolates, and he ordered me to have it. So then I joked that he was trying to make me fat. ;)

A few times I've been worried over something, and went to ask him something, and then changed my mind and went off by myself.  Every single time he grabbed my wrists and kept me in front of him until I would tell him what was going on.  He tells me that he needs to know all that I'm thinking so that he knows when he needs to help me.


Where did he come from?  Is it wrong that I feel so much safer now?  So cared for?  So protected from myself?  This change has been going on for over a week, he hasn't relented at all... and even though I feel this is great for us, I also see the confidence in him, and feel he really feels good about this.  If he didn't, I'd want him to back off, and he knows that.  I only want him to make the changes he wants to make.  But I have to admit, if he chooses to keep these new traits, I'm all for it... part of me is sad to lose some freedoms, but I'm more happy than sad.

Sunday, January 05, 2014

*Reposting* New Year's message from The Duke

Greetings all. The Duke here with a quick little post. I wanted to first let you all know that I have apologized to my wife and understand how insensitive I had been. I am sorry that I needed her to shovel when she had a headache and ruined her day that day. I also wanted to let you all know that EsMay really is a wonderful and sweet individual and am very happy I married her. Today is our anniversary and we are celebrating 6 years of marriage which I am very happy about. So, happy anniversary to my lovely wife!

I wanted to tell you all about something I learned about EsMay in the last couple weeks. I noticed that when EsMay has been unhappy with people, either with myself or with another of our friends, she talks about what makes her feel hurt. And often what causes that is from her viewpoint, the person causing the hurting did so intentionally . Like in my case, the reason I realized she was so upset is she thought I purposefully chose to leave later than usual and break my word to her about what time I would be ready to go at in the morning in order to hurt her feelings. However, I would never wish to hurt her feelings intentionally, and the times I have, it is honestly because I have either misunderstood something, or made some accidental mistake, or forgot about something. Whatever the case,  I have realized EsMay has taken it to mean I purposefully meant to hurt her when I did not. However, I have talked with my wife and we have realized that in her past, she has been in some very hurtful situations, where abusive people have purposefully and sadistically said or did things just to hurt her feelings. We have found that this may have taught her that when people do hurt her feelings, it is because they wanted to hurt her, which is not the case at all. So I just wanted to share with you that this is something we are going to work through together.

I also wanted to say what I have been learning lately. First I have learned that consistency is one of my biggest weaknesses as an HoH, which leaves my wife feeling confused and in charge again. What usually happens is I feel stressed or discouraged about my day, so that causes me to retreat or to be quiet, but also makes me not want to feel like spanking my wife. Spanking has become an important part of our marriage, so I am learning that in those moments, even when I feel discouraged, it is important that I still step up as the dominant one in our marriage, and not let a spanking slip by when it is needed. Also, I am learning the lesson to not let my wife get away with things in our marriage, to not let her draw away from me or hold back from me, and just some of the little things like that to help her feel more loved and more taken care of in our marriage. I am also learning the importance of talking to her, even when I don't know what the right words are, just the sound of my voice sometimes tells her that she is important to me.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great 2014!

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

New Year's Toasting

Happy New Year!

So, today the Duke came into the bedroom and let me know that we were starting off 2014 with a spanking... no biggie, EXCEPT that he CLOSED off 2013 with a spanking!  Oh, my poor bottom cannot take anymore.  I told him if I bratted tomorrow, that he still couldn't spank me because I would be too sore, and he said that my being spanked tomorrow was all up to me... hmph... lol.  The stinker.  Thankfully I've never really bratted, but I was tempted to in that moment!  lol

Oh, and just before the spanking this morning, I said to him,

"Will you remember to talk to me when you are toasting my already sore behind?"
"Yeah, it’s a New Year’s Toast."

If you guys lived here, you'd know, this is so the Duke.  He's always coming up with one liners, and more often lately they are puns.  And sadly, yes, they are funny, and I laugh, which only eggs him on for next time.  lol

So, some rules are ones we already had and were sliding on, some are more aggressive rules.  I even put down that I have to blog once a week since I've been getting slack, I haven't often gone more than once a week, but this helps me process, so I want to stick with it.  I also put down to keep up with blogs at least once a week, though I do try every few days, but the Duke made me take it off the list.  SORRY GUYS!  He said he didn't want it to become an excuse for my new stricter bedtime. :(  I fought for you all... and lost. :(

One rule now is that if I'm at home, I'm in a dress or nightgown.  No more PJ's, no more shorts and tshirts... oh man, I LOVE MY SHORTS AND TSHIRTS.  :(  I feel like holding a funeral for them.  *sniff*  *sniff*

Another thing was that we went and did some shopping on PinkCherry.  If you're looking for some bedroom fun, I'd look today.  They have a huge sale, but think it's ending today or tomorrow, and if you put in the coupon code they have at the right of the screen, it's "boxing" you get another 25% off.  We spent $52 on $158 worth of stuff.  It came to $59 after taxes with free shipping.  I could not pass up that deal. lol  And... we didn't already do that one other time this week!!!  *cough*  *cough*  Well, we got money for Christmas... so... lol  And there was stuff we said we'd get later... but realized to pay later would be to pay a LOT more.  So hence the second order... lol  This all started with an innocent look because I have to strengthen my kegels my physiotherapist says, I didn't realize there was a sale... and flashy pictures of products we'd thought of getting at some point or another anyway... lol 

Other than that, the Duke brought home Swiss Chalet for supper last night, my absolute favourite place to eat from, and it's been a quiet New Year.  The Duke says he's going to write you all a post this week, so fingers crossed. :)  Thanks for the encouragement in the last post everyone, hopefully that helped give him a push.  He would have written it sooner I think, but we have been CRAZY busy. 

Happy New Year, and I wish you all a happy year filled with joys and love.  :)

OH, PS!  Thank you to all who supported me as I worried about the dress and the wedding... the dress, well lets just say, the customer service I told you about tells the quality of the dress. One seam opened up DURING the wedding on the left side, and four buttons came off down the back of my dress, and several also came off one of the other bridesmaids dresses. :( Not what you'd expect from a $150 dress. But, still, I looked good, and it was fun. :)  The wedding went good, and the Duke was so great.  BUT had me almost bursting out laughing during the ceremony.  I was maid of honour, he was second groom's men, so we could see each other behind the bride and groom.  He kept making these weird smiles at me that I had to fight not to laugh at, and I finally couldn't look at him anymore because of the looks he was giving me!  LOL 

Happy New Year! :)