New Year's Message From The Duke

Greetings all. The Duke here with a quick little post. I wanted to first let you all know that I have apologized to my wife and understand how insensitive I had been. I am sorry that I needed her to shovel when she had a headache and ruined her day that day. I also wanted to let you all know that EsMay really is a wonderful and sweet individual and am very happy I married her. Today is our anniversary and we are celebrating 6 years of marriage which I am very happy about. So, happy anniversary to my lovely wife!

I wanted to tell you all about something I learned about EsMay in the last couple weeks. I noticed that when EsMay has been unhappy with people, either with myself or with another of our friends, she talks about what makes her feel hurt. And often what causes that is from her viewpoint, the person causing the hurting did so intentionally . Like in my case, the reason I realized she was so upset is she thought I purposefully chose to leave later than usual and break my word to her about what time I would be ready to go at in the morning in order to hurt her feelings. However, I would never wish to hurt her feelings intentionally, and the times I have, it is honestly because I have either misunderstood something, or made some accidental mistake, or forgot about something. Whatever the case,  I have realized EsMay has taken it to mean I purposefully meant to hurt her when I did not. However, I have talked with my wife and we have realized that in her past, she has been in some very hurtful situations, where abusive people have purposefully and sadistically said or did things just to hurt her feelings. We have found that this may have taught her that when people do hurt her feelings, it is because they wanted to hurt her, which is not the case at all. So I just wanted to share with you that this is something we are going to work through together.

I also wanted to say what I have been learning lately. First I have learned that consistency is one of my biggest weaknesses as an HoH, which leaves my wife feeling confused and in charge again. What usually happens is I feel stressed or discouraged about my day, so that causes me to retreat or to be quiet, but also makes me not want to feel like spanking my wife. Spanking has become an important part of our marriage, so I am learning that in those moments, even when I feel discouraged, it is important that I still step up as the dominant one in our marriage, and not let a spanking slip by when it is needed. Also, I am learning the lesson to not let my wife get away with things in our marriage, to not let her draw away from me or hold back from me, and just some of the little things like that to help her feel more loved and more taken care of in our marriage. I am also learning the importance of talking to her, even when I don't know what the right words are, just the sound of my voice sometimes tells her that she is important to me.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great 2014!