Sunday, January 19, 2014

Submission Exercises - Conclusion

So here is the last post I think I'll be doing for now on submissive exercises.  I've really enjoyed reading your comments, thank you. 

Now here is a warning about today, there are a couple of ideas in today's post that are a bit more racy than the other posts though I did not go into detail, still, if that might bother you, please feel free to skip over this post. :)

Things Your Husband Can Do:
1.  Trust building exercises - I find the physical ones the best because they make a woman really depend on her husband in an interesting way.  Being led around blind folded for several minutes, standing behind her and asking her to let herself fall and trust you'll catch her, some even like tying her hands during intimacy.  These can be so scary, yet very rewarding when we can give in and just let go.  My favourite that the Duke did one I wrote about here - I Want You To Trust Me.
2.  Have a sign to say she's pushed too far -  the Duke's is a look with a slight shake of his head, I've heard that some men rub their hands together, some give a tug on their ear.  Whatever it is, it's a silent cue that we've pushed too far that no one else would catch on to.  It makes my stomach quiver when the Duke does this, and I know it's time to pay WAY more attention to how I'm acting and what I'm doing.
3.  Tuck her in - especially if you enforce a bedtime for her.  I know personally, whenever the Duke tucks me in, it makes me feel the most cherished, and special.  Him leaning over to pull the blankets over me, and giving me a kiss before saying goodnight and then turning out the lights just makes me melt, every single time.
4.  Have fun with it - playful swats get attention, good girl spankings help a woman feel safe, cherished, and playful, the options are limitless.  Just make sure you're not always only about the serious side of DD, let go and show her how much you enjoy the softer sides of her submission.
5.  Don't be afraid to ask her to be naked - there is a lot of humbleness and vulnerability in being naked, even in front of a man that has seen it a thousand times.  I find it brings me to a new place every time the Duke will ask me to disrobe, whether to be just to see me, to lay next to him while he is fully clothed, to get ready for a spanking.  Whatever it is, I am filled with the need to run into the arms of the very man that asked this of me for his protection, it's a very strong emotion.
6.  Admit what you need - as much as we women have learned we need to share with you and admit what we need because you aren't mind readers, we aren't either.  Trust us.  I can't tell you what it meant to me when the Duke finally started admitting what he needed from me, or flat out telling me what he needed from me.  He always felt like he should never ask, never be a burden, but I wanted to help so desperately.  Now that we talk, now that he shares, I can do all I can to meet his needs.
7.  Taking toys away - there is nothing like the Duke deciding something for me, like that I need to lie down, talk to him, relax, and having him take away my kindle or laptop.  It lets me know he means SERIOUS business.  It usually ends up with me pouting, so sad I have to be without, but every time he's done it, it has been exactly what I needed.
8.  Butt plug - I almost didn't write this, and have debated all week if I'd include this, but I'm going to.  Some couples have a firm no against this, and that is totally okay.  And some have a firm yes, and that is totally okay. :)  For those that are okay with this, a lot of women will admit that if their husband puts one in them, they start to feel submissive the second they get into position, and throughout the time they wear one.  It's a constant reminder to behave, of who put it there, of who they answer to, and a sense of being marked, claimed.

Things You Can Do Yourself:
1.  Keep your body the way he likes it prepared.  - keep your hair always brushed, keep shaved and trimmed if he like, use a scent of shampoo he likes.  You don't have to look like a model, or even like your neighbour down the street, but you should at least have clothes that are clean that appeal to him, and have your hair looking like you did look in a mirror that day.  If he wishes more, like a hair updo, makeup, perfume, give it a try, see if you can incorporate it into your daily routine.
2.  Admit to friends what you can - that you have begun to let your husband take the lead, even if you do not mention DD.  Ask his permission to do something in front of others, or admit to others when they ask to do something that you need to ask your husband first.  It doesn't need to be made a big deal of, it can even be as simple as saying "I have to check with the Duke first, and I'll let you know."  You are showing others that you respect your husband, and that you take his input seriously.
3.  Apologize first - when the Duke and I were doing premarital counselling, our pastor told us to each believe it was our own responsibility to apologize first in every confrontation.  That way, on the off chance your spouse won't apologize, you will, because you both decided it that way.  It can be hard, he may be 100% at fault in your eyes, but there is always something we can apologize for.  Losing our cool, not speaking respectfully, getting up and walking away, interrupting.  It may be only 1/1000th of what you feel your spouse did to you, but apologizing opens the door for them to as well.  If no one apologizes, if no one makes the first move, things just get worse and deteriorate quickly.
4.  Stop all you are doing, and kneel in front of him and ask him a question - "What can I do to make you happy tonight?", "What can I do to make you feel cherished tonight?".  Or even to say thank you with your head in his lap "When you took over my chores tonight because I wasn't well, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world." "When you stood up to your mother for me today, I really started to see myself through your eyes.".
5.  Admit when you need help - OH MY GOODNESS, why is that so hard for all of us??? :)  I'm raising my hand here with you guys, I struggle too, a lot at times.  I just want the Duke to see when I'm off, I just want him to know when I need help.  Yeah, it happens, sometimes, not always.  Sometimes I just have to SUCK IT UP and admit I need his help, either with a problem, with needing his time, with a backside that isn't quite tender.... yet! 
6.  Avoid saying no - yes, there will be times when you really don't want to do something, but try to find another way to go about saying you'd rather not.  No, and fighting back are disrespectful, and let's admit it, usually so very bad for our bottoms.  Next time you're tempted to say no, stop and think for a minute.  How bad would it really be if you answered yes instead?
7.  Buy an implement - most of you already have, but if you haven't, it can be a real gift to a man to show your trust.  You are giving him something you may very well view as a weapon, but he'll see it as a gift, you trusting him to lead you, to help mold you, to keep you safe with it.  You are putting your life into his hands when you hand that implement over.
8.  Just be quiet and stop demanding - I am SOOO guilty of this one.  Before I say this to you, I said to to me, often.  I had a picture of what the Duke was to be in DD.  But I had to stop telling him to do it my way.  Now he does it his way, and many times I am floored.  His lines are sometimes better than my dreams, his ideas shock me at times, and make me feel all soft and gooey inside.  He's got this, but he didn't, until I stepped back and actually stopped leading, as some here in blogland call it, topping from the bottom.  It took a long time for him to get his groove, but it didn't even start until I could let go.  I had to be quiet, I had to be patient.

So there you have it, 24 ideas for you, 24 ideas for him.  8 of each in each post.

Submission Exercises - Post 1 is here
Submission Exercises - Post 2 is here

I hope there was something in all that that you found helpful.  I had other ideas and things I'd found online, but I felt that was enough for now.  I hope that none of what I said offended anyone, and if it did, please remember, these are only ideas that "may" help.  They might not.  Always remember when getting any advice, use what will help your marriage, toss the rest. :)

And I have read your comments from my last post, and will be answering them tomorrow.  I had to choose, write this post, or answer comments, I didn't have time for both, sorry.  Hope you'll all forgive me. ;)

Now, here is where the deciding vote will be if there will be one final post on the Submissive Exercises right now.  If I get at least 10 ideas from you guys in comments or emails, that I haven't already done in the past three posts, I'll do up one last post and attribute it to you guys. :)  Or, if you have an idea to expand on something I've mentioned in the last three posts, I'll put that in as one of the ten as well.  So if you have anything that your husband does, or that you do, that really helps set the roles, or your submissive side, then please feel free to share. :)

Have a great night everyone!  :)


  1. Hi Es May, this has been a great set of posts with a lot of wonderful ideas. You have put a lot of thought into this. Thank you, I'm sure these posts are going to be helpful to many of us. I know they have given me food for thought. Speaking of ... hmm, I will have to give it some thought and may email you with some other ideas :)


    1. Thank you, Roz. I did put a lot of thought into this, and some research, and some of it the Duke did naturally that really helped me. And if you do have any ideas, I'd love them. :) I can always use more to add to my own list as I find I need these ideas more often than I would have thought. {{{hugs}}}

  2. This was the best post I think. :) Great ideas (we don't do that one though lol)

    1. Sara, thank you, I was worried when writing this post, I really felt it was the worst, and that it would bore everyone. Thank you. :)

  3. Es May,
    This post is lovely. Thank you

    1. Meredith, thank you, that means a lot.

  4. I loved this set of posts, but this one was my favorite! It's so hard to avoid saying no, but it's something that really can make a huge difference! Ugh Colin has one of those 'signs' when we're out, that subtly means, "Knock it off," Lol .. he'll either shake his hand around like it's a "twitchy palm" kind of thing, or quietly smack his hands together. I love/hate it at the same time!

    One I can think of to add, is reading a special blog entry post to him. There have been a few times I wrote a post that I really wanted him to read, so I asked him to read it. He said he'd like it much better if I read it to him .. it was pretty hard each time, but made me feel very submissive!

    1. Kenzie, thank you, as I shared above, I was most worried about this post, I wondered if some of it was boring, too racy, or what have you. I really loved your idea, read it to the Duke, and then was like, OOPS! Now he'll make me do it! Here's hoping he doesn't, I think I'd die reading some of them to him. LOL.

  5. Thank you for taking time to put together a great blog. I always enjoy reading your site and take away something to think about. We are working specifically on obedience, doing what you are asked when you are asked. So learning to say yes has been critical in moving forward.

    1. Hi, Catherine, it's so great to meet you. :) And thank you for liking my blog, it has come to mean a lot to me. Oh, learning to say yes can be a very hard one, and one I still work on, but it has changed my mindset so beautifully. I am glad I started to try this. :)

  6. Es May, I think these have been lovely posts, although they tell me you are much younger than me. Sigh! I think if you use just a scattering of these ideas you will have a truly long and successful marriage. You have written them down in such a helpful, thoughtful and informative way, I am sure they will be of enormous help to a lot of people.

    Re the (ahem) - yes we use such things, but only for fun! And for us they are not only a bit of a giggle, but they help in ways I would never have thought of when love-making. LOL!


    1. Ami, I am 35, and when it comes to life goals, wanting kids, getting things done, I feel 25, and when I look at my body, and notice the aches and pains, and how much easier it is to get tired, I feel so much older. LOL But thank you, I hope I do have a successful marriage, it is my life goal. :) And er, ahem, we have found them to be quite delightful in the love making department as well. ;) {{{hugs}}}

  7. Very nicely put! :) I love it!

    1. I am glad that you liked, thank you.

  8. These are excellent!!! Thank you for sharing them!!!

    1. Thank you, I hope they prove helpful. :)


Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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