Knelt, Lectured, SPANKED, and Forgiven

Last Sunday I earned a punishment spanking.  I'm too ashamed to admit what I did.  I did something that could seriously harm our marriage, and I did it without thinking.  I was dead tired, almost asleep, letting my thoughts drift, and wasn't thinking clearly.  Can I just say that I cannot wait until regular sleep is part of my life again. :)

So, I told the Duke.  He forgave me, right away.  I knew he would.  I also knew I still felt guilty, and then felt something in me shift when he looked at me and said "I still have to punish you."

I felt the weight, on me, in me, the guilt, the displeasure, the wait for the punishment.  In all honesty, I think having to wait added an element to the punishment that I needed.  When we lived alone, punishments would happen right away, but this time, it was good to have to reflect on things for a while, to have the punishment hanging over me, reminding me I didn't want to repeat my offense again and end up in the same spot.

Parents quiet, baby girl in bed, and I went into our room and we locked the door.

The Duke told me to strip.  It was our first night doing the naked kneeling.  It was humbling.  So very humbling.  I did as he asked, and knelt when he asked.  My head was bowed, I was so ashamed.  He grasped my chin in his hand, and pulled my face up, and he reminded me what I did wrong, and why we were there.

Have I mentioned the Duke is tall?  5' 11.75" to be exact.  I say 6 foot to save time, but since the Duke will be reading this, he'll want me to be exact. :P  So when I'm kneeling, I have to look WAAAAAYY up.  I mean, he might as well be a giraffe for all of my 5'3" frame.  So, that added to the humbleness and made me feel quite small, and quite submissive.

Then he sat on the bed, and had me crawl over his lap.  Did I ever show you the loopy I made out of clothesline?  I'm grabbing this picture from a previous post.  This guy, the implement on top.  He's mean.  He bites.  He bruises.  (okay, I sort of get proud over the bruises, shh)  And he was my bottom's companion for a good five to ten minutes, to be truthful, I wasn't timing.  You know how you read in romance DD novels that it seemed to go on forever, well, that is what happened. 

I tried to accept it... but it was hard, it felt too hard, I couldn't handle the pain, not just as in I didn't like it, but it was beyond my level, and then it happened, I called my safe word.  I hated myself for it.  I have only ever once needed to call it before, many years ago when we were first starting out.  But all the sudden I couldn't breathe.  I don't know if it was how I was over his lap, the acid reflux I've been suffering with this past year and a half, or what, I don't think it was panic, but still, I couldn't get air in and out.  We took a breath, about 20 seconds, and I could breathe again... he was so good to me, so patient.  He made sure I was okay before we started again, and off we went again.  This time I finished with no problems.  I still bucked about more than I meant to a few times, but I was able to settle more, to calm my legs, and my body and accept his power over me.  I had done something wrong, and it was up to me to accept the punishment due.

When it was over, I was so sore, I just lay there, letting the tears cleanse me, release the guilt, release the feeling of having messed up, and just accepting that I'd paid for my crime.  My bottom literally felt like it had been burned.  I hadn't been spanked like that since pre baby.  And it felt WONDERFUL.  I felt freed, beautiful, loveable.  He rubbed his hands over my welts, ran his fingernails over them, and then kept doing that when I kept jumping from the pain.  I think he wanted to draw out the lesson, without adding more strokes with the loopy.  That, or he just liked making me jump, which is kind of like him tooo.  lol  I felt so utterly his.  After I calmed, he pulled me into his arms, and the slate was clean.  We talked, and I felt so completely loved.  I felt worthy, worthy of his discipline, his love, and his time.

I hadn't been spanked in a while, and I guess the Duke liked it, because he gave me two spankings later in the week just because. :P  The Stinker. ;)  :)  :)  I don't want to earn another punishment spanking any time soon, but I think it was really good for us.  It helped get us into a new groove.  I felt so submissive for days afterwards.  That is starting to fade, I might have to admit my need for a spanking in a few days.  Now that we've started, I've seen how they help me, and several days since one, I feel myself going back to before, and I don't want to anymore.  I want to feel like I'm his, that I belong to him, that I have to submit.  I love that feeling. :)

The Duke's Deductions:

I let things slide a lot sometimes, and to me I could tell from the way she told me about what happened that she needed me to be firm for this one, so I told her I was going to punish her. Getting her to undress for me instead of taking the clothes off her myself actually seemed more controlling to me, because I was getting her to do what I told her.  I tried to use an implement that would not make a lot of noise because we weren't home alone. I love the power behind the wooden paddles but they make a loud slapping noise when they strike. I don't count the spanks when I spank. I try to watch her and decide from what I see when I think she has had enough. I am proud of EsMay for submitting and taking this punishment.