I Earned A Spanking

I'm waiting for a spanking I need, a punishment spanking... I haven't had one in a long, loooonngg time.  I asked him if I could just say I was sorry.  Not really wanting to get out of it, but for some reason just feeling like I should show him how sorry I was.  But then he almost reconsidered, and my breath caught.  I didn't want him to back down.

So, I wrote this up for him, and then realized, maybe could share.  I just gave him a basic list, but thought I'd list definitions with the post as well, and will show him that too.  Many of you may already know all these, but it was great for me to sit down and really think about them.  I am using sub for the follower in the relationship, but it's for sub, tih, etc, and will say Dom and it will mean Dom, HoH, Sir, etc.

These are just how we see things.  Every relationship is different, and some of these may not work for your sub, or for you as the Dom.

1. -- To show your sub that you mean what you say, or when trust is needed to be built.
   If you tell your sub a spanking is coming, you need to be willing to stick to your decision.  It actually feels pretty crummy as a sub to realize we talked our way out of one.  That we made you question yourself, that we undermined you.  Sometimes we can't help but try, sometimes it's to feel your resolve, and sometimes it's just fear talking, sometimes it's just hard to accept for a few minutes about what's to happen, and no real disrespect is meant.  I used to be better at this, I'm out of practice, but need to work on not questioning again.
2. -- To show your sub they can depend on you to give a spanking when needed, even when it’s hard to do so.
   We know a spanking it's always convenient.  There may be other things as a Dom you wish you could be doing, like relaxing, watching tv, sipping a beer, but knowing you will take care of needs and then go to your wants, really helps us feel special.  Also, maybe you're tired, giving a spanking when needed helps us feel valued and important.
3. -- To reassure your sub that you love them, that they can trust in you, and will always spank them to help them feel loved, secure, and safe in your love.  
   If you feel or suspect your sub needs a spanking, chances are, you're right.  When a sub starts to question their worth, if they're wanted, if they have value, that they are loved, that they belong, if they are weird, sometimes a spanking can help reaffirm that you love them, and you can use a lecture on all the reasons their doubts are unfounded.  
4. -- When you know your sub needs to feel your control, your strength, and your dominance.
   Sometimes your sub will just feel restless, out of control, fearful, in need or centering.  Sometimes they will just need to feel your strength, control, and dominance.  Sometimes they just need to know you're there to catch them, that you're safe, and strong, and can protect them.  A spanking can drive all this home for them.
5. -- When you know your sub needs to feel grounded, stress relief, emotion relief, and distraction.
   This is a bit like number four, but this is more about a subs own head space instead of outside influences. We subs, and anyone in truth. can be their own worst enemy.  We take on too much, we get exhausted, stressed, frazzled, and need rescuing from ourselves.  It means the world when we can be rescued from our inabilities and unrealistic expectations.
6. -- When a punishment is needed.
   Sometimes we can't forgive ourselves for something we have done, or sometimes we have done something wrong and just need punished.  A lecture, corner time, disappointment, may be enough, but sometimes we need to have the slate washed clean.  A spanking can help us feel like we've paid for our crime, help us release the hurt we're carrying, and that all is forgiven between sub and Dom.  (Amy mentioned the word guilt, and that is often what I call it with the Duke, I carry around such guilt, it just eats at me, a spanking frees me from that.  Thank you, Amy.)
7. -- A precursor to sexual activities.
   We haven't done a lot of good girl spankings, but boy, they can be fun.  I may have to bring the idea to the Duke, I keep meaning to. :)
8. -- Maintenance, reminders, and role affirmation.
   Being reminded of who we belong to, who we answer to, who is in charge, who makes the rules, who enforces them, can be very good for a submissive mindset.  Submissive exercises can help too, but there is nothing like a warm bottom as a reminder.  It can also be a great way to remind the Dom who is in charge, and who is leading and making the decisions.
9. -- When your sub refuses to believe or cannot accept their worth.
   Let's just face it.  The world loves to trample submission.  They see it as weakness, not a strength.  They treat it like garbage, not a gift.  And this isn't even just for subs, this is for everyone.  We all have people that tried to push us down, make us feel like garbage, and that we're not worth anything.  Sometimes we just need someone to come along, and remind us, firmly, that those are lies we are believing.  Sometimes we need to be lectured and questioned during a spanking to help us face and then admit the truth.

And it can be hard to know how far to take a spanking, does your sub just need a bit of a spanking?  Longer?  Do they need to go to tears?  Or just until they're uncomfortable?  That is all something each couple has to figure out on their own.  And what is in your head may not play out as you expect if you are new, that's okay, talk along the way, and afterwards as you're learning.  Heck, it can still be a good idea to, years in.

There are probably many other reasons for a spanking, but these are the ones that I shared with my husband, and then wrote out my explanations for you guys.  Hope it proved interesting for someone. :)

The Duke wanted to add one to the list. ;)

The Duke's Deductions :
10. -- When the Dom/HoH has a Hankering for some Spankering.

- The naked kneeling I wrote about yesterday, we were going to start tomorrow night and do every weeknight, if not every night... I think it will start tonight when the Duke gives me my spanking.  Eeek.