Asking For A Spanking

I feel something close to my heart right now, something I want to share... but it's more advice than life... and that is something I usually try to avoid.  Or maybe I give advice on here and don't know it?  If I do, please let me know so I can work on stopping that, I am so not a know it all, there is so much I DON'T know.  So much I still have to learn, so much I have yet to explore or even begin to scratch the surface on.

But I have noticed some women saying they can't ask their husbands for a spanking because it would make them in control, and not their husbands.  If it is okay with you... I would like to share why asking for a spanking in our marriage actually means the Duke is in control.  I just hate to think some of you are out there, hurting, wishing you could ask, but holding out until your husbands notice, all the while, feeling more and more miserable inside, knowing a spanking could set everything to right.

First of all, I have been where you are, sitting in my room, or wherever you are, needing that spanking, feeling the angst building, the breathing quicken, the heart pounding.  Why doesn't he notice!  What isn't he helping me!  Maybe you guys are better at it than I was, here I was, hiding in another area of the house, expecting him to know I needed him, AND NOW.  LOL yes, I have never claimed to be brilliant. ;)

So then I'd go to where he was in the house, but he would be busy working on something.  When he would notice me, he's smile and say hi.  I'd plaster on a smile to smile back.  Yeah, great, EsMay, what a way to convey your need.  I kept waiting for him to notice, but he didn't.

So I had to sit down and really think about this.  I needed a spanking, I knew I needed one, but the Duke wasn't cluing in.  Was he doing this to be mean?  Was he trying to ignore me?  Was he doing all he could to avoid spanking me because it was too much of an inconvenience to him?  No to every single one of those.  He's a guy, and sorry men, but sometimes you don't always notice, what we women would call obvious, signs of distress. :) 

I had to realize I needed to ask what I wanted for, but I felt as many of you do, that that would be me topping from the bottom.  But I learned I was so very wrong.

When I go to the Duke, and admit that I'm in a bad place, I'm obeying my rule to always be honest with him.  When I tell him I'm spiralling out of control, and tell him I need his help, I'm humbling myself, and saying I can't do all this on my own, and need him to step in.  When I admit that it's the spanking that I need, and flat out ask for it, I'm giving myself to him, putting myself in his hands, and saying that I need his guidance, and asking him to step in for me, in a very respectful way.

Not one of those is me topping from the bottom.  It's hard to ask, especially at first.  My heart would land in my throat, making it near impossible to swallow.  What if he said no?  What if he laughed at me?  What if he told me to grow up and deal with my problems myself?  What if he just didn't have the time, or energy?

Well, none of those happened.  I am second only to God in the Duke's eyes.  He wants to help me.  He wants to be there for me.  He wants to be the one that I can count on to set things right in my world.  But, he isn't a mind reader.  And I have to be okay with that.  But I'll tell you something I didn't think would happen in all of this.  The more I admit what I'm feeling to the Duke, the more I ask for help when I need it, the more the Duke is actually starting to read my body language in a way he never could before, because now I'm showing him what each look means by telling him.

I don't know if this would work for you in your marriage, but breaking down that wall, and just admitting when I do need help, whether it's a spanking, or something else, does not put me in charge.  It actually helps me submit to his taking over the situation, because the second I ask for help, I am not longer in control.

{{{hugs}}}  I hope I did not offend anyone out there, and like everything else in DD, this may or may not help you, but just in case it will, I really felt I should share.  You women are so amazing, and I just hate to think of you hurt, needing his care and attention, and feeling you can't ask.  {{{hugs}}} EsMay

- The Duke's Deductions:

You know, EsMay, I am not sure there is a lot to add to this. It's true I can be dense at times, maybe it's because I'm a man, I don't know. I often find myself wondering what you are a thinking, if you are happy or sad or angry, and if any of those feelings are because of something I have done, or not done, or having nothing to do with me at that moment. Of course, the easy thing about the week of spanking we wrote about before is that I didn't have to wonder if it was appropriate to spank you or not, I KNEW it was appropriate to spank you each day. I guess I have a worry at times about whether or not you will get upset at me for wanting to spank you, or think I am doing "HoH" wrong by wanting to spank you at the wrong time. I guess I want to feel as if I am always making the right decisions, but that may lead to just deciding to do nothing a lot of the times if I try to keep that attitude. I guess I need to be willing to make mistakes if it means I am stepping out in a leadership role in our marriage. People have to understand though that it is very hard for me to attempt to do something if I don't feel very confident beforehand that it is the right decision to make. This is true of me in all aspects of life, but in this relationship dynamic, I feel it becomes more important because it affects EsMay. My decisions do not just affect me anymore, but affect my wife as well. It is a sobering thought, but nobody ever said life was easy. But yeah, it would probably really help a lot of these DD marriages if the wife were to ask the husband at times when she really needs a spanking. It would save a lot of heartache, I agree.

Esmay again - wow, and I guess that too shows how hard it is for our men to know if they should always spank us or not, and all the uncertainty there can be in trying to decide what is best.  I knew he used to feel this way, did not know he still did.  Going to go have a heart to heart with the Duke now to let him know he doesn't have to worry so much, and that I love him, mistakes and all, and that I have faith him in being able to do this, because he has grown so much into a man that is happier now... and I want to be there for him.  Night all.  :)