Monday, March 31, 2014

The Duke Helping Me

I love the Duke.  More and more each day.

I thought DD would be about me learning to do more for the Duke.  But you know, it's also taught him about doing more for me...

He's helping out with laundry because I have a hard time reaching the dryer that is built over the washer.  He sees something that needs to be done, and does it without my having to ask.  If I'm working on something I'm struggling with to do by myself, he'll get up and come and help me before I usually even can ask.

And then there was this Saturday.  I was one of the leaders of a church birthday party.  The whole church was invited.  It was a lot of work, and a lot to do that day.  The night before I was doing up curling ribbon and balloons before hand so that decorating would be easier.  When the Duke saw what I was doing, and I'd even hid in another room so that he wouldn't feel he'd have to help me, he came and started blowing up balloons so that I could focus on the curling ribbon.  I got done so much faster.  The next day he helped set up, and tear down, and then when I started to sweep the gym floor, he took the large broom from me and did it. 

18 months ago, this would not have been how things played out.  If he'd helped me, it would have been because I told him to, or begged him to, and he would have reluctantly.

DD hasn't just helped me help him, it's helped him help me.  And I feel so utterly spoiled.  He helps because he wants to be there for me, to lighten my load, and to do things for me just because he loves me.

Duke, THANK YOU, for seeing not just what I ask of you, but really seeing down to what I need.  Thank you for helping, even if I don't think so ask.  You are making me start to see that I do have value, and that I am worthy of you.  I love you so much.

- The Duke's Deductions:

You are very welcome EsMay. EsMay helps me as well a lot. She really helped me when I had a headache last week. It was a very painful migraine and I couldn't think and was throwing up. She took care of me and set me up for the day before she left for work so I had what I needed. I felt very loved. As I feel more responsible in DD,  I think I end up feeling more responsible for life in general, and more responsible in our marriage, which is probably why EsMay is seeing these changes.

30 comments:

  1. Es May,
    I so love your post!
    Meredith

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  2. This is wonderful EsMay and Duke. It really shows the consideration that each of you give to the other. Just lovely.

    sara :)

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    1. Thank you, Sara. I'm glad you liked. :)

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  3. How beautiful it is, that both of you have found this wonderful place of love and respect. I love that both of you see the change in each other.

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    1. It is kind of cool that we've arrived in this place. :)

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  4. I'm so happy that you guys have been so blessed by using dd in your marriage. It is amazing the changes that happen that you'd never expect. I have a question for the duke though. You said that dd has made you feel more responsibility both in life and in marriage. Can you tell me, do you consider this feeling positive, and does it ever weigh on you? I love the feeling of freedom that dd has given me, but I worry sometimes that all that responsibility might stress my husband out and I'd love to hear your view on this :-)

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    1. It is amazing, and I'm loving the unexpected. :) I told the Duke about your question, and he's going to get to it when he can. :)

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    2. Hi River Wild. I do consider this feeling positive. I am 32, and have constrantly felt the tension throughout my twenties of feeling like I should be more responsible and more like an adult, but not really feeling capable of getting there. DD is helping me feel more confidence which is in turn helping me feel more capable of being a responsible adult. There are all kinds of things in life that you could say have weighed on me since being a teenager. That's a part of life. Of course, I feel like we slowly got into DD and it is a learning process, so I don't really feel like we just jumped in head first all at once into it, but I learned DD over time. Hopefully that makes sense.

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    3. I'm glad to hear that you feel its a positive effect! I am barely 31 and I still feel like a kid playing house sometimes :-) so I get the whole "adult" thing. I can see how that would be more important to a dominant partner, and not being an hoh myself I hadn't thought off it that way. Thank you for your opinion!

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  5. I love that he's helping you more and I love that you're showing your appreciation for it. I think there would be a lot more harmony if couples took the time to let each other know what they appreciate.

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    1. I am finding that us showing each other appreciation is something big in our relationship. It makes us both realize our value so that we're less likely to doubt and question. :)

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  6. Hey EsMay and Duke...what a beautiful post. Ya know, one of the things I really love about TTWD is the way the communication between a couple seems to make it easier to really 'see' our partner...their needs, wants, desires as well as appreciate them.

    Thanks for sharing your wonderful growth!

    Hugs and blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Cat, you always make me feel so humbled and so grateful for where we are. Thank you. :)

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  7. Great post EsMay, so glad to hear you two are in a really great place!
    Love,
    Scarlet ; )

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  8. I think what you write is so wonderful. You show love and respect for each other and you show that you really care. This is so lovely, and obviously you compare and see the difference to less than two years ago. It’s awesome that you actually anticipate what your loved one needs. I think this is very special and adorable.

    hugs

    Nina

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    1. Oh Nina... I don't know what to say... thank you for your kind words. I am glad that you are not here to see how red my face is. :)

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  9. Hi you two, what a lovely post, long may it continue
    love Jan.xx

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    1. Thank you, Jan, I hope so. :)

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  10. What an absolutely exquisite love letter to each other.

    Some think that it is all to the benefit of the HoH, but there is such a richness and a closeness, and a realization of the daily gifts given and received when we choose this lifestyle. We learn and grow as individuals, and as a couple. And that in itself is an incredible gift.

    Blessings to you both (((hugs)))

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    1. *blush* Thank you, June. It has been such a beautiful gift, and I'm so thankful for it. :)

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  11. You guys are so fricken adorable! I hope these changes continue for a long, long time :)

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    1. *blush* You guys are all making me so red, lol. Thank you. :)

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  12. What a beautiful post and as June said, a love letter to each other. Always enjoy visiting and reading about the wonderful beneits you to are seeing from DD and growth in your relationship :)

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    1. Thank you for enjoying visiting here, Ros, that means so much to me. :)

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  13. That's the sweetest benefit of dd! There is just so much growth on both parts. Great post!

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    1. Jennelle, so true, there is so much growth. :)

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  14. What a lovely story. Duke helping you the way he did without being asked shows he really cares.

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    1. It amazes me, after thinking for years that he didn't, to realize how much he does care. :)

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