Do They Know?

The Duke knows I love him.  I show it to him, in a hundred different ways.  But I've been thinking a lot lately on the power of words.  A lot of times, I'll tell the Duke why I love him, but I wonder how much gets absorbed in the moment.  So I've been working on emails lately.

What has surprised me in this exercise is how much I'm learning for myself from this.  The more I focus on the good things to say to him, the more I'm seeing how truly blessed I am.  I mean, I know I'm blessed, he spoils me rotten, but it still awed me when really focusing on it and made the love and submission grow.

I don't tend to share the intimates of the Duke and I here, but with his permission, I'm sharing a few of the emails I sent to him while we were each at work last week.  It never crossed my mind when writing them that anyone but the Duke would ever see them, so it does weird me out a bit to share.... but I feel like I should share as well...

"Being over your knee makes me feel like you are in charge. Yes, sometimes I am frightened because pain can be hard to take, but I am not frightened of you. When I go over your lap, I know that from there on in I will get no say as to how things will happen. I know that I'm letting go of my say, and must now accept all that you decide to dish out.

When you use that no nonsense voice of yours and tell me to settle, or that I am nor allowed to clench my cheeks, or to put my feet down, I feel 100% that I am under you control, my heart feels completely owned by an outside force - you. I know in that moment I have to obey, or be punished. I feel I must bow, and give in to your wishes. I cannot really explain it except to say that my heart is owned by you, to be played by you however you see fit, it feels as you wish it to feel.

I love you, and am so glad it's you that has taken control of me. I hope to learn soon to be able to take a longer and harder spanking for you. I hope to learn to release better and allow more tears. I hope to give you confidence and help build you up because I see the gem you are, even if you can't see it yourself.

Love you. xoxox"

And another email.

"I love you so much. You make me feel so special, so cherished, so loved, so fragile, so vulnerable, so wanted. Thank you for loving me enough to know the things I need, and for asking in the times you don't. I can't believe how much I have come to love you, and being with you.

I love you. Love, your EsMay" - {substituted my blog name in.}

In DD, it can be so easy, at least in the beginning, to find a lot of flaws in our spouses.  It can be easy to focus on our own needs that aren't being met and get frustrated with them.  But I've learned something.  When we stop looking at us, and start looking at them, we become happier.  We start looking to please them instead of being pleased.  But something wonderful also happens.  In doing this, we give them encouragement.  We boost them up.  We show that we love them, success or failure, we're there, to stay.  We show them we have faith in them, and that we believe they can do anything.  We show them they have value, and that they mean the world to us.  And in that, they start wanting to be a better person, they meet you in meeting your needs like you're meeting them in their needs.  It's a beautiful give and take that happens. 

So, if you haven't already this week, or even today, maybe you could let your loved one know how much they mean to you.  And how thankful you are that they are there in your life.  Don't do this with a hidden agenda.  Don't do this expecting something in return.  Do this with no other thought or hope than that it will bless their heart to hear/see your words.  You might find that in blessing them, you are blessed as well, if for no other reason, than knowing you helped make them feel special and loved. :)

- The Duke's Deductions:
Thank you so much EsMay for your kind words to me. I have been really thankful for these emails from EsMay. Usually she has been sending them to me while I am at work. My work is pretty stressful, and it takes a lot out of me emotionally and mentally (not physically though as I sit at a computer all day for my job). It is really encourage to find out in the midst of that stress that I am so loved by EsMay, and it makes me feel better about myself. These emails make me feel more in charge, and more powerful. When I read her words describing being over my knee, I feel more in control, and more confident. I feel that my own words will carry a weight and authority that they didn't before. I realize that I am in authority over another person, another human being. I feel as if I own EsMay, that she belongs to me. I feel strong, and I think it makes me a better HoH.