Monday, March 10, 2014

Our 200th Post! - Updated :)

Thank you for all your questions.  We answered these questions separately, so that we couldn`t influence each others answers. :)  We might have gotten a bit wordy, sorry.  But hope you enjoy.  Do not feel you have to read it all. :) I love how similar some of our answers are, guess we're getting on the same page after all. :)

My answers are in pink, the Duke`s are in blue.

Missy,
Hey this question time comes handy right now. See one of my younger cousins, and his quite young wife are moving to Canada at the end of this month. They're both young, and moving very far from their family, bless them. What is the most valuable advise you would give to them about your country ? And yes I've told them to pack their warmest clothes lol
- Well, Missy, I would actually have to know where it is she is moving. :)  Here, we got a low of -37 and a high of 103 in the past year over the course of winter and summer.  So I guess it all depends on the season.  But yet, dress warm for winter. :)  And cool for summer.  Also, we are like any other place.  There are a lot of phone and internet scams.  People still lie, cheat and steal.  We do lock our doors, and we try to help people while making sure they don't cross over the line of using us.
- You know, I have only been to one other country in my life, the USA. I would suggest just being careful, people say Canada is friendly, but not everyone is friendly. I suggest they enjoy themselves, see some of nature, try Canadian food like poutine and donairs. Just general advice like watch how they spend their money, and save what they can, I guess.

Jan,
Hi Esmay, where is your's and the Dukes favourite place to go on a night out?
- For me, it would be to go out to dinner at Swiss Chalet.  For the Duke, he'd like to go out to the movies.  So when possible, we try to do them both together. :)
- I like going to restaurants. I like Swiss Chalet, which is a chain that serves rotiserrie cooked chicken, and there is a 50’s diner I like to go to. We also like going to the movie theatre sometimes too.
Kenzie,
I loved your lists of submissive exercises - do you have one or two favorites that just automatically get you in the right frame of mind?
- The Duke's ones help more to get me submissive quickly.  Demanding an answer, holding my chin, a few passing smacks on the bottom.  For me, making him supper, making him breakfast if he's cleaning out the driveway.  But I find if I need to find my submissive spot fast, it's usually the Duke's exercises that get me there the fastest.
A question for the Duke - Is there anything you haven't tried, that you'd like to? A certain implement, a certain kink, etc.
- We have lots of implements, so there isn't one I don't think that I haven’t tried yet. I guess the new paddles we ordered that are getting shipped to us. I would like to try those.  DD to me is not a kink, and I don’t think of us as kinky people. I don’t know a lot about kink and am not even sure what all the kinks are, so I don’t think there is any I want to try. Maybe Esmay has one she would like to try with me? I don’t know.
For EsMay - What is the least effective punishment you two have tried?
- Probably writing lines.  I can do it mindlessly.  I have a very hard time sitting and doing only one thing, I even have to knit in church to pay attention. So when I'm writing the same thing over and over again, we found it wasn't working, no matter how hard I tried to focus.  
Autumn,
What is a Spankso? You have mentioned you are one.
- Hey there, Autumn.  If you actually click that paddle on the side, it will take you to a post I did on being a Spankso. :)  Basically, most people either are a Spanko, or Spankno.  Spanko meaning they like/love being spanked, and Spankno meaning they hate being spanked.  I'm in the middle I find, I don't like being spanked usually, it hurts, and it deters future bad behaviour.  But, I also want it in my marriage, so that it helps us keep our balance, it helps me relieve stress and so on, sometimes I want and need a spanking just to destress, or have a good cry.  So I would say things like, I'm spanked so I behave, I'm spanked so I'm submissive, I'm spanked so the Duke is in charge.  And realized spankso was the way to go.  Over all, my saying is this, "I'm spanked so my marriage works."  So I'm not a spankno, and not a spanko, I just fall in the middle. :)
- A Spankso is someone who doesn’t necessarily wants spankings, but knows she needs them so wants them in a roundabout way I guess. 
And what exactly is the difference between DD and TTWD?
- Hmm, that is a good one.  For me, Domestic Discipline is about Rules and Punishment, Role Affirmation and strengthening the marriage.  Now, That Thing We Do is different for everyone.  But in it, a lot of people also incorporate other things along with DD.  Things like D/s, sexy spankings, light BDSM, or what have you.  They don't fall distinctly into one group or another, but pick and choose what works best for their marriage.  Which is how it should be. :)  That is my take on it anyway. :)  We say we are DD, but we also have some D/s things, and so on.
- I don’t really know what TTWD is, I think it must just cover a lot of different submission things including DD.

Tomrose,
Craziest place you and your hubby have gotten down to business?
- Here is where I say we are not very adventurous.  LOL  Always bedrooms, or any room in our apartment.  We are not adventurous in the where's, we're adventurous in the how's. ;)  Though, I would say, one day at my in laws for sure.  The bedroom we were in had no door, and the Duke's brother was in the next room! ;)  We were on a fouton mattress on the floor, never tried to be so quiet in all my life.  lol  His brother DID have the TV on quite loud, mind you. 
- Esmay and I aren’t really crazy I don’t think.  We try to keep our sexual lives pretty private even though we are on here. I guess in my parents house maybe? I don’t know, what do you think Esmay?
Your biggest hurdle in DD when you first began?
- Realizing I had to step back and let the Duke lead in his own ways, and not in the ways I was dictating to him.  I had an idea of what we should do and how is should look.  I had to let go of all of that, and completely step back.  I was emasculating him doing it that way.  I started instead to thank him when he did step up, encourage him in areas he was struggling in, and letting him know that I had faith in him, and that I was proud of him.
- The biggest hurdle I think was my reluctance at first, probably because I was scared it was maybe abusive, or maybe that I would be considered sick for wanting to spank my wife.
River Wilde,
What's your favorite thing to do for fun?
- Hmmm, I am SOOO boring.  lol  I like to go to girl nights out which usually only involve talking and board/party games.  I like reading a good book, and getting on to chat about this lifestyle.  I like to write, play video games, and love a good movie.  Not sure I have a favourite in there anywhere though.  lol  Sorry. :)
- I am not sure my favorite thing to do for fun is. Probably travelling and going on trips. I like seeing new places, trying new foods, I like relaxing in the car while my wife drives (lol I need more practice on the highway I guess), not having to cook or clean, and just being away from the stress associated with being home. We don’t really have a lot of money for travel though, but even going to spend the night with a relative, at a friends cottage, or on a church weekend is a lot of fun for me.
Has there ever been a time where spanking was an ineffective punishment and an alternative was needed?
- Spanking has never been ineffective that I can remember.  Though there have been times where I needed to have corner time on top.  The Duke has become very effective at lecturing, and if it's a punishment spanking, I feel contrite right away.
- I don’t know about this. I guess for language I have tried soap in the mouth before. Esmay really does not like that. Maybe spanking without a good lecture has been ineffective, I find spanking on it’s own doesn’t necessary mean much, you need your words to back up your actions in away.
This one's just for the Duke: Have/will you ever let EsMay "test" an implement on you so you know what the effect is?
- Nope, I don’t let Esmay use implements on me. I think it would mess of the balance in the relationship if we spanked each other.

Jennelle,
When did you feel like you made DD your own, when did it feel natural to you?
- I am not sure the exact time frame, probably this past fall.  But it was when the Duke started really stepping up.  He started making me answer any question he asked.  He started enforcing rules.  He started spanking harder, and doing really good lectures.  He grew more confident, and sure of himself.  He grew  more happy and more relaxed.  I couldn't rest really in my role until I knew he was getting comfortable in his.  He also now views DD as something we will do for life, and that has helped too.  I also feel more loved with his attentions, more cherished when he disciplines me because he loves me too much to let me self destruct.  I just, we are still growing, still have so much to learn, to do... but I love this part we're at now, and not going to rush our growth. :)
- I think doing Clint and Chelsea’s bootcamp really helped a lot, its where I got the feel for a lot of DD things. Also, probably reading their book on consistency, and a few of the other DD things I read probably helped gained an insight into what I was doing, so when I practiced it, that made it better for me. It does feel like it becomes more natural and more my own all the time though, so maybe in a year from now I would have another experience and a different answer.
What would be a great date night for you?
- Dinner at Swiss Chalet, followed by a good, non violent, no sex or swearing if at all possible, movie.  I know I probably seem pretty pathetic... but movies with too much of that stuff really get to me.  Then come home and just snuggle and talk, or, some other fun bonding time. ;)
- Date night, probably going to eat out at a favorite restaurant, like Swiss Chalet, and watching a movie together.

Cat,
If there was to be a movie made about your lives, who would be cast to play each of you?
- Hehehe, well the Duke would be played by John Wayne of course! :) :)  Hmm, for me, I have to admit, Maureen O'Hara is my favourite old style film star, and not because she played opposite of John Wayne so often.  Actually, I first fell in love with her in the Parent Trap, over two decades before I ever saw her in anything else.  Now I've seen her in so many movies, and have just grown to love her more and more.  And who can deny how well she worked with the Duke?  So probably her.  Though if I had to pick present day... not sure, I would want someone who had virtue, someone I could look up to in their every day life... and not sure I can think of anyone right now.  Sadly, Hollywood now does not leave many actors worth looking up to. :(
- I would be played by John Wayne, lol, and EsMay would be Maureen O`Hara.
Singing Heart Mama,
Aside from spanking, corner time, & writing lines have you used any other punishments?
- Not really.  We tried the mouth soaping {barely, only a flake} during boot camp, and bedroom time.  Because they were out of context, and just practicing the punishments, I HATED them.  The Duke was talking in chat this weekend with someone who does essays, and he likes the idea, so that might be a new one.  Though I feel any blog posts I do after a punishment, or doing something wrong is kind of an essay as well, so we'll see.  If he does get me to do them, I'd like to share some of them with you guys after, if he will let me.
- We have tried soap in the mouth before, Esmay really does not like that. Lecturing is an important part of punishments. I dont know, I find spanking to be the best. Depending on what the offence was, taking privileges away would probably be appropriate as well.
Also I know you did a boot camp weekend & I just wondered if you had it to do over would you do it? Would you recommend it to a friend? Why/why not?
- haha, speaking of bootcamp.  Did not realize that would be your next question when answering above. :)  I think I really would do another bootcamp, but different.  We would NOT do the night of punishments.  It might be because I was abused so much as a child, but being punished when I did nothing wrong was repeatedly done when I was a child, and it was way too hard on me to be in that place again as an adult.  In all fairness, we did not realize how I would feel when we went into it, but now we do.  I would never recommend boot camp to anyone.  It has to be an individual thing.  Now, if someone wanted to try it, and thought it would help them, and wanted to talk about it first, we definitely would do that, but I would never suggest doing it, as for a lot of people, I think it would do more harm than good.  The reasons I liked it, was because it was a weekend set aside, first of all, for just the Duke and myself.  Second, it was great learning to focus more intently on being submissive, and meeting the Duke's needs.  We do know we'd do it more relaxed next time if we ever did another one.  I don't think we'd call it bootcamp either, since we would do it so different.  Probably something more along the lines of "A Submission Weekend" or "Role Enhancing Weekend" or what have you. :)  It would be more about learning our roles, focusing on each other, deep talks, and finding what works for us.  I think it would be much less structure based.  But, we may never do that either, right now, we're doing great, and I don't think either of us feel the need to look into that right now. :)  But, if it's something you are interested in, I'm always willing to talk about it if it will help others. :)
- Yeah I would do it over, as I had a lot of fun running it. Yes I would recommend it to a friend because I think it draws you both closer together as a couple.

Katie,
What are your fav foods?
- SWISS CHALET CHICKEN ON A KAISER!!!  Oh, sorry, did I say that too emphatically?  :)  It's what I get every time I'm there, when I went completely grain free for six months, I missed it TERRIBLY.  I also love my homemade pizza, the taters from the shop down the street, and CHOCOLATE... hmmm, chocolate. :)
- Soda pop, potato chips, cheeseburgers, French fries,  pizza, chinese food, tacos, nachos, wings, ribs, steak, bacon and eggs, pasta, fried chicken, sausages. Wow that’s a lot. Turkey dinner is good. I have had German noodles before called Spatzel I think and that was really good. I really like food I guess, lol.

Nina,
Is there a rule you have to work especially hard on at the moment?
- Exercising, with out a doubt, exercising. :(  There are two reasons, I have been sick, and the Duke does not feel right enforcing this until I am well, and second of all, now that I'm out of the habit, I just plain forget a lot of days. :(
Have you ever had a role model as an adult?
- I have, there are a few women who treat me like a daughter, and I just love them.  One I call mom, if you ever see me write "mom" on here in quotations like that, I mean her.  She has taken me in as one of her own when I became friends with one of her daughters.  She calls me her adopted daughter, and jokes I was the easiest one to have, no labour pains at all. ;)  Here?  I feel like this is a hard one to answer, because so many people have helped me.  But I guess the ones that really got down into the dirt of some topics with me were Roz, JGirl, June, Grace and Cali Mom, - Roz and Cali Mom let me write dozens of emails. :) Some of these talks were a while ago, so hopefully if they see this, they each remember why their emails meant so much.  They helped me find who I was, listened to me, and helped guide me, in DD, and in just being a wife, and woman.  But that is not to exclude any ladies out there, you have all helped me, so many posts have helped me search inside myself, learn who I was, who we are.  
- For a role model, I think my old pastor was a big role model for me. He seemed smart, seemed like he cared about other people, seemed like he was doing things with his life, and was a great teacher. Perhaps my old testament professor at university, he was smart too and I looked up to him. I don’t believe in using celebrities as role models, as there so much fakeness there.
What are you loved for most by the Duke? (<-I hope this question is not too nosy)
- Hmmm, oh this is a hard one. :)  I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's my child like ways at times.  I did not get to enjoy my childhood, and this is a bit embarrassing to admit, but at times, now, this child like wonder and awe come out.  I get easily exited over little things.  I need comforting and consoling when I'm afraid.  I love joking around, and just feeling free.  The Duke says it's an innocence, and others have said I have this open vulnerability.  I used to hate this side of me, but June, Roz, JGirl and Cali Mom, really helped me see that this was a gift at different times over the past year, see it as a blessing.  So I don't feel stupid when this side of me shows now.  It makes the Duke smile, so I figure, there is no real reason to worry about it. :)
- I love her caring nature, how much she cares for people genuinely, wants to help people. I love her willingness to try things like this DD stuff, her desire to want to make things better, and her openess to making things work with me. I love her faith, how important that is to her and how deep her relationship with God is. I love how creative she is, like all these paddles and things she makes, she designs her blog from scratch so is good with computer graphics and such, and is great at writing. Also, she cooks too.

Quiet Sara,
Will you please do a step by step tutorial for the loopy johnny you made and the flogger (especially the flogger.)
- Yes, I meant to do that last night, but got too tired.  I hope to get at that tonight, but if I can't, Thursday  night will be the soonest probably I can do it after that.  But I will definitely do a tutorial on all three implements for you. :)
What is the number one thing you still struggle with regarding DD/submission?
- Hmmm, I am not sure.  I think it is when I am hormonal.  When I am hormonal, I get really out of whack, and I find myself telling myself not to do things I still do.  I also have this brief time where I am uncontrollably angry, and no matter what I do myself, I can't control it at all, a few words from the Duke, or a stress relief spanking, and it's over.  I can go on meds for this, but I would be on them every day for the handful of times it happens a year.  The Duke and I just do not think it is worth the constant medication.  I want to learn to be submissive during this time without him having to ask/demand it of me.  But I have to admit, it's also hard to learn, as it really does happen so little.  I miss a lot of cycles, I only had three last year, and probably only four or five since we started DD.  So it does make it harder to get a grasp on.  But next PMS time, I will work at it again. :)
- I think I still struggle with consistency, I think it is a constant battle for me to go against what habits I was raised with it, but so worth it. I am naturally lazy too, so it is a challenge sometimes to want to take the reigns when I feel tired or stressed from work, or sick like I am today.

Dana,
If you could go anywhere in the world and money wasn't an issue, where would you go?
- Italy, without a doubt, Italy! :)
- There is a lot of places I would like to go if I had the money. I would love to go to the UK, I’d love to go to Italy. I’d love to go to South Korea to see my brother, I’d love to go to Japan. I want to go to New York, and I would love to go on a cruise. I’ve wanted to go to Florida since I was a kid and see Disney World and the other theme parks there. But I think the first place I would want to go with Esmay is Ontario, Canada. She has family there, I have family there, and one of her best friends lives there. Plus these is a lot of cool stuff to see in and around Toronto.

25 comments:

  1. Thank you both for answering the questions :) they are moving to Vancouver :) I'll be sure to pass this on to them and deffinately tell them to try those foods, they sound interesting :)

    Hugs to both of you x

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    1. They are good, love donairs and poutine. :) Well the good poutine. ;) {{{hugs}}}

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  2. Oh...Swiss Chalet...the one here closed a few years ago and i have never stopped missing them...such yummy chicken!!! After I stopped drooling, I read and loved the rest of yout answers....Thanks for sharing.
    hugs abby

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    1. Oh abby, if Swiss Chalet closed here, there is a possibility I would have to fight tears. You are right, YUMMY CHICKEN. MMMM ;) {{{hugs}}}

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  3. 200 posts is quite the accomplishment! Maurine is awesome in parent Trap and she's so gorgeous! I loved reading your answers. It's really great to get to know everyone with all of this Q&A going around.

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    1. OH, she beautiful, so elegant. I am NONE of those, but heck, might as well look like I am if she were to play me... post humously of course, lol.

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  4. Great answers, I loved them, especially that you can enjoy now what you missed during childhood. Even better, the Duke seems to have a very clear picture of what makes you so special, EsMay. You can see me dreaming now, because what you two wrote was so romantic :) I love that … and I can’t wait to see the tutorial you planned.

    hugs

    Nina

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    1. Thank you... you made me blush... I don't feel that special, but I am glad, that to the Duke, I am. :) {{{hugs}}}

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  5. Hey EsMe and the Duke, :) BEAUTIFUL post!!! Can I just say how refreshing it is to see two young people so in love and so in tune with each other and so willing to work at loving deeply. I got goosebumps reading this. It was really moving!! Thank you for sharing such heartfelt answers!

    Thank you for answering my food question. I totally enjoyed your food answers and it made me laugh. If I ever come your way, I know who to call for some yummy food! :) You two are awesome! Happy 200th Post, EsMay! I look forward to the next 200! :) Many hugs sent your way,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Some day I will get your name spelling right EVERY time!!! Sorry!

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    2. Katie, you can call me "HEY YOU" for all I care. :) What you call me doesn't matter. :) {{{hugs}}} And thank you for calling me young. :) Being 35 and wanting kids, I feel so old lately, but I have to remember, hopefully I have over half of my life ahead of me. :) {{{hugs}}}

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  6. I'm late as usual, but I'm throwing out a question anyway.

    If you could go anywhere in the world and money wasn't an issue, where would you go?

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    1. Since you asked so soon after we posted this, we just added it on to the end of our post. Hope you don't mind. :)

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  7. fun to learn more about you :-) Hugs

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  8. Hi Es May, congratulations on 200 posts! Wow, that is a wonderful milestone :)

    This was such a joy to read. The love and commitment the two of you share is beautiful.

    Thank you so much for your lovely words. You are such a sweetheart and I am both humbled and honoured. If I have helped you in any way that makes me so happy :) I'm so glad you are now able to embrace this part of yourself :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. You have helped me so much. And I'm so happy to know you. :) And thank you, he really is easy to love. :) {{{hugs}}}

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  9. EsMay and Duke

    Thanks so much for answering my questions. I hope that you are both having a wonderful week this week. Thank you EsMay for being so thoughtful and kind.


    love
    sara

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    1. We are both sick, but we're together, so I won't complain. :) I'm praying for you, girl. {{{hugs}}}

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  10. HI you two, congrats on 200 posts and great answers
    love Jan.xx

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  11. Thanks for the great post & all the great answers EsMay & Duke!
    Love,
    Scarlet ; )

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    1. Thank you, Scarlet, glad you liked. :)

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  12. Wow EsMay and Duke...loved all your answers...you two are so well matched and cute together. I have to agree EsMay...Maureen O'Hara was so good in The Parent Trap and it was 100 times better than the remake. Thanks for answering. ;)

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Yeah, she's pretty amazing. :) And yes, WAY better than the remake, I agree, 100 times over. And thank you for the compliment, it made me blush. :)

      {{{hugs}}} EsMay

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