Once Does Not Mean Always

Glad you all liked the Duke's Deductions at the end of the last post. :)  I didn't want to go with POV because in my head, that is a Ward and June thing, and I wanted to honour that.  So we tossed about some ideas for a while, and finally came up with deduction, hopefully it makes sense. :)

So to start this, it means admitting a vice I have.  *gasp*  Yes, a vice.  My boss sometimes gets me to take her ipad, and if the little guy is trying to play by himself, she'll ask me to spin her slots game.  She's trying to outdo her husband. ;)  Anyway, there is this one game I really liked, and so downloaded it for myself to play at home.  Now the problem with this game, is that if I get a big win, I automatically want to bid a lot more, but then lose everything quickly if it's not a winning streak.  So the other day I told myself on my first good win, "Once does not mean always", I wanted to make myself check for the pattern first before diving in head first.  And bang, I was taken out of the game, and realized how true that is to life.  How I wish I'd had these words when we started DD.  "Once does not mean always."

When we started DD, the Duke was making real progress in some areas, but like any time we take on a new frame of mind, we slip with the old habits at times.  So no matter how long the Duke had gone doing well with this or that, when he failed, I all the sudden felt like this was our life, this was how it was always going to be.  I was always going to have to carry the weight of our marriage, I was always going to have to be in charge.  I'd just say these things, I'd get down, and that fed more negative thoughts, and you guys know how that goes.

But we're all human.  We all need grace, room to grow.  I needed to realize that one day was just one day.  One failure, or step back was only one.  Everything wasn't all undone, and my life wasn't sentenced to nothing but what I already knew.  I learned the hard way that I needed to remember to look at the growth, and not the setbacks.  I learned that I am going to make huge mistakes, and I needed to let the Duke have that room to fail and grow as well.  I had to stop judging.

How I wish I'd had this line "Once does not mean always" back at the beginning.  I think it would have helped me out so much to remember that there was so much growth already, and to just look at the goal, the journey, and not dwell on the setbacks.  I've learned setbacks are GREAT.  They help us learn, they help us grow, they help us learn to work better together.  Truthfully, without setbacks, there is no strength gained.  You need them to appreciate each other better, to learn to see each other's points of view, to see the struggle the other may have, and learn ways to help them we might not see otherwise.  I hate struggles, but also am so thankful for them.  I have an incredible marriage because of them.

I don't know if this line can help anyone else out there, but wanted to share it just in case, I know it's already helping me now that I'm quoting it.  It's one I hope to remember.

- The Duke's Deductions:

Hi Guys.

I agree with EsMay on this. A lot of times in DD, it was hard because we were taking on roles we were not accustomed to, and so if things were stressful and difficult, we would fall back into our old roles and habits by default. This is not unique to DD, I feel like this happens anytime we try to make a change in life. For instance, I have a desire to lose weight and become healthier. However, it is very difficult because it means making changes to a lifestyle. I've found ways to make it easier to walk everyday for about an hour, but am having a harder time taking on more physically strenuous types of workouts or giving up certain types of junk food. Life is hard, work is hard, and stresses make me want to fall in the old habits of life, either eating junk food, or in DD, not wanting to step up in terms of leading EsMay around. Then, if you slip up and forget something or make a mistake, you want to think that you are a failure, or believe that you can't do it, and give up. However, in those moments, I think it is important to look at the progress you have made, and look at the good times. See the things you did do well, the things you surprised yourself on, and how far you have come. If you are able to remind yourself that you are changing, you are improving, you are better than you thought you were, then you can keep moving forward. Everyday is a new chance to make things better, or to fix things. Today you can make a decision to follow through on DD or whatever else in life. It's hard and there can be a lot of setbacks, but yes, one bad night does not mean your life is ruined.

- And a final note, this is post 195, so soon it will be 200 posts for this blog. How that is possible, I don't even know. But we wanted to spend that post answering questions if you have any. We'd love to hear from you guys. If you are a lurker, feel free to write me/us if you'd rather not comment, and I will just put your comment/question up as anonymous, or put whatever sign name you'd like. It can be a DD question, or just a general question. We'd just love to give you all the opportunity to get to know us a bit better.