Tonight was so weird. I tried to focus on our son. I couldn't. I tried to focus on spending the evening with my husband, and I found I just couldn't connect. My husband even gave me a good spanking to try to help me, and it didn't happen. I didn't cry. I didn't cry about my son, I didn't cry about the spanking. I did cry for a minute admitting I was a bit scared of ever being pregnant again, but it felt fake, and the second I admitted that to myself, the tears stopped cold.
I think that with all that happened this week, I just had nothing left in me. I'm hoping that is it anyway! :)
Here's hoping tomorrow is different. :)
I want to thank you all for your support this week. I think it helped a lot in me being able to get my work day today okay. :) I actually feel I'm getting closer to the end of my grief. That would be so awesomely beautiful if that is true. :) Today I could think about my son with love, and peace. It was great.
Sorry I don't have much to really write or process tonight, but with you all praying for me, I wanted to let you know that today was so much easier than I expected, and I wanted to say thank you to you all! :) And the disconnect, I do wonder if maybe it's just exhaustion, and once I can sleep later this week maybe I'll be back to normal. :)
Night all. :)