Wednesday, February 06, 2013


My  husband actually gave me an honest to goodness spanking.  I mean, he spanked, and spanked, and spanked!  Wow, and it made me so in awe of him. :)  I was actually surprised he remembered maintenance.  I wasn't going to bring it up actually... but he did.  Wow... how did he even remember?

I didn't know he had it in him to spank me like he did.  I'm not sure he knew he had it in himself.  :)  He checked in at one point to make sure I didn't feel like I was being beaten.  I didn't feel that way at all.  I felt safe.  I felt good.  Yes, my bottom was being smacked away upon, but I still felt so safe across my husband's lap.

I am sick today, quite sick, with no real voice.  I did half of my chores today, but when I was having trouble breathing, I knew I had to take a break.  My husband agreed when I asked him about it when he called me just a little after I decided I needed a break.  We had hoped I'd have the energy to finish the rest before he got home, but I did not.  I think the cold I thought I was going away is coming back.

So tonight he mentioned how he gave me a grace period because I was sick, but that he still expects me to finish the rest of my chores tomorrow.  He also put me on a corner time when I asked if that was what I should do next.  Through talking, we've agreed that if I'm not crying after maintenance, that will be what we do so that he can do a lecture phase there too.  I do find it rather humbling and submissive to have to stand facing our bedroom door with my hands up on the door and my bottoms hanging down!

We just cuddled and talked afterwards, and my husband admits he likes the changes he's seeing.  I talked this week about how silly DD seems to me all the sudden, and even felt very strange going over his knee tonight.  It really felt so ridiculous, and I asked what in the world we were doing.  I did ask it nicely, and in utter confusion, but boy did he put his foot down when he said we were doing what had to be done, and I was going to listen to him.  So we're sticking with DD.  I am glad we are.  But all the sudden it seems a bit odd to think I'm going over his lap, on a regular basis.  Not sure why it feels that way all the sudden, but it does.

But my world also feels safer now.  I feel more in control now that there are limits.  I know the goals we want to work towards now, and that makes me feel more safe.  I also aim to please my husband more now that we do DD.  But what I love most is that we're spending time together now.  We're talking more.  Having maintenance twice a weeks means we're bonding at least twice a week, no matter what else goes on in our week, in our world.  I also love the cuddling.  One of my love languages is physical touch.  My husband holding me after a spanking is so great for me, for the security I have in our marriage.  I have really been missing that.  And not only cuddling after a spanking, but my husband is pulling me in for hugs more, kissing me more, and just has his hands on me in love more often lately.  I feel like we are teenagers in love again.  It's so wonderful. :)

So now I sit on a sore bottom, I do feel more submissive, though not as all glowly and sunshiny as normal.  But that could just be the cold talking. :)  The good thing is that I really rested for much of the day today, and except for about an hour or two of chores tomorrow, that is what I will be doing tomorrow as well. :)  I am in a much better frame of mind than I have been all week, that is for sure.

I want to thank you all for all your support this week while my son was on my mind so much.  I know some of that is being further along in the grief journey, but also a lot of it is DD, and a lot of it was knowing I had you guys behind me.  I have felt so loved and supported this week.  You guys really are like another family.  I am so honoured that you not only read along as I share my journey, but that you also share with me.  Thank you for welcoming me into your worlds! :)

Oh, and on a good note.  I didn't roll out of position once tonight!  FINALLY.  I did kick my legs up a few times without realizing, but I atleast never tried to jump up or roll away. :)


  1. Es May, I'm sorry you are sick. Do try and get plenty of rest to make sure you get back to 100%. Thank you for your very lovely comment on my post today :)

    I'm so glad you seem to be feeling so much better, and that you seem to be in a good place with ttwd right now. I love that you feel good and safe. It shows that you are putting your trust in his leadership. Sounds as though he is really developing in his role.

    As for being spanked feeing silly - I went through the same thing. It's new and seems unnatural, but it works though doesn't it? :)


    1. Thank you. I am going to try to get lots of rest today. I'm worried I might have Strep Throat. So if I still have a really hard time swallowing tonight, I'm going to get myself into a clinic.

      I am glad the comment touched you, it was all true. {{{HUGS}}}

      I am so glad I'm not going crazy feeling this is weird all of the sudden. It seemed so natural at first, and my submission now seems natural as well... but having a list of rules... corner time and spankings... all the sudden make me feel like a kid... not sure what to think, but I'll keep processing. So glad I'm not the only one whose gone through it... makes me feel like I'll come out of it okay knowing that.

  2. Es rest and please go see a doctor if your throat is hurting so much. There's so many bugs out there right now and it's better to nip it earlier than let it get terrible.

    Sorry...I'm big sistering.

    I have to agree with Roz. In those moments when it feels a bit surreal and you can't really believe you are going to be doing this for a good long time, hold onto those feelings of safety and love. That's the part that matters most.

  3. You know, being the oldest of four children, I dont mind some big sistering. ;) Thank you, I will definitely try to focus on the feelings of safety and love. Did you go through a surreal phase as well?

    1. Yes I did...and still do at times, especially when it happens multiple times a week and I think, "Wow, how did this happen and will this still be happening when I'm 70?" Then I remember all the why's of what we are doing and don't concentrate so much on the spanking and the surreal stuff fades into the background.

    2. LOL, OH THANK YOU FOR THAT! I have asked myself if I'll still be doing this into my 70's and 80's as well. Oh, you just calmed down my nerves so much! :)

  4. Hi EsMay
    Sorry late again to the party.
    Sorry you were/are poorly. Do take it easy, no point in getting more sick because you didn't rest :)
    You know I get this feeling every time I go otk. I have images of being bent over a zimmerframe getting my backside spanked.
    Yes it feels childish and it's such a weird feeling sometimes. This is what gets me in a lot of trouble, not wanting to get spanked, when I know I've over stepped the line. But once I get over this and the spanking has finished, and I'm being held by hubs, I think yeah I just got my bum spanked, but I feel loved and secure in his arms, and that's the feeling I crave more than anything.
    Hope you feeling better soon and get to the doctor if you're till poorly x that's an order lol

    1. I never consider you late to the party. :) I'm always honoured when you can stop by, and it doesn't matter to me when is most convenient for you. :) I have never heard of a zimmerframe, I'm going to look that up... yet am almost terrified to do so. LOL

      That is so beautiful to think... that you just got your bottom slapped, but that he's holding you and you feel safe and secure in his arms.

      And thank you, I'll take your order as an order. ;) I'm actually going to book an appointment when the lines open soon for this evening. :)

  5. Lol EsMay
    A zimmerframe is a walking frame, it's just a German word for it, which is used in many countries, I think it was developed there first.
    It's one of those things old ladies sort of push in front of them when walking :)
    It was sort of my bad joke of grey haired bend over my walking frame sort of image :)
    Nothing scary hun lol
    Hope you made it to the doctors and are feeling better x

    1. LOL That is good to know. :) That's so cute, thinking of bending over your own walker. LOL I did make it to the doctor's, I'm not allowed to talk until Monday!!! :(


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