Monday, December 09, 2013

What I've Learned This Year - Part 4 - I Can Let It Go

Tried to keep this one short and sweet. :)

I was the head of our household before DD.  I hated the role, but I did it, because someone had to be.  I have always had a lot of responsibility since I was but four years old.

Now?  Not so much, and I LOVE it.


- I do a lot less housework because the Duke steps beside me and helps
- I'm told when not feeling well to sit down and tell the Duke what I need
- I'm told to calm down when I'm starting to feel worked up
- I'm held when I'm frightened and know I'm not alone
- My tears are encouraged because the Duke knows they bring healing
- I've been encouraged to carry a less volunteer load to free up more time and cause less stress
- Told when to go to bed, so now I have to choose what is really important to be done, and the rest can wait, and it really can wait
- Am asked more often when stressed if what is bothering me really matters
- Am told to share what is bothering me, this is non-negotiable now
- Have started asking the Duke to take over/help on financial items and budgeting and such
- Am questioned often now if I've done the things I need to do to stay healthy
- Have someone checking on oil changes and gas gauges instead of just me
- Have someone that tells me when to say no to things
- Have someone I can ask permission to, especialy when I'm weary about something, and that doesn't make me feel hindered, it makes me think that I don't have to worry about the decision, he'll make it, I just have to follow it.

It's not all about what I can do.  It's not all up to me to get everything done now.  And with that, there is a freedom.  For the first time that I can ever remember, I'm barely dreaming.  I used to dream several dreams a night, every night.  More nightmares than I cared for, and a lot of senseless dreams.  But in the past three months at least, maybe longer, I don't know that I've dreamt ten times.  I think it's because my mind is less worried, less stressed, less full of things that need to be done.  I've got someone helping me now, and in a lot of cases, completely taking over.  I am learning to rest.  I'm learning to take time to just do things for myself, and it feels wonderful.

Duke, thank you for loving me enough to take care of me in all these areas and more.  {{{HUGS}}}


  1. What a lovely positive tribute to not only your Duke but your relationship Es May. So happy for you! I know that you and the Duke are going to keep growing and becoming stronger!


    1. Thank you, Cat. I really do hope we keep growing stronger.

  2. It's so neat to look back on how things have changed. We have been doing a lot of that lately as well. I don't have time to leave more comments but will quickly pop back and read the first three parts of this story. :) Thanks for sharing it with us Es May.

    1. It is kind of cool to see the growth. :) And no worries if you can't check back in on the other posts, I'm just honoured, Susie, that you stopped by to see this one. :)

  3. Beautiful Es May. It's always kind of amazing to realize how much freer I feel when I make less decisions. It's such a comfort to know that we don't have to do it alone. In fact it sounds like in your home and most of the ladies homes, doing it alone is not allowed any more. Yet taking away the "freedom" to over commit and over extend allows us to feel more healthy and to choose more wisely what is really important.

    1. Oh, Clara, so true. We've been taught most of our lives to be so independent, but I am relieved that now I don't have to be. :) And yep, doing it alone is definitely not an option here anymore, lol

  4. These posts of yours are so sweet. They really show how great DD has been for you both. So happy for you! :)

    1. Thank you, Kenzie. :) I am glad that you are enjoying them. :)

  5. Hi Es May, I'm sorry I have missed a couple of these post, things have been hectic and I have been awol from blogland for a wee while. I am so enjoying reading this series of posts.

    As Susie said, it is neat to look back on how things have changed. You and the Duke have grown so much, both as individuals and as a couple. It's wonderful to see :)

    This is a beautiful post and a wonderful list, the feeling of 'freedom' is wonderful isn't it? I'm so happy for you both.


    1. Roz, no need to apologize. :) Oh, the freedom is just amazing, and am so glad to have it. :)


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