Whether you are new to DD, D/s or what have you, or you've been practicing for a while, hopefully you have heard it said that you need to make DD your own.
Sometimes I want to talk about things we do to encourage submission, but then, some of those things we do were greatly frowned upon by some blogs when I first started out, and so I shied away from ever sharing.
I don't think I've ever shared this before, but maybe I have. We have told you we have a toy chest, so you may have guessed anyway. We use... um... bottom plugs. There. *gulp* We use them. It may not shock anyone, but we grew up so conservative that I don't normally talk about this stuff. We don't use them a lot, but we do find they put me in a submissive mindset in a way that nothing else does. It makes me feel small, owned, cared for, and I feel the need to submit to the core of my being.
In the beginning, I read a popular blog that said that a couple should never use them because the only point in using them was to degrade and humiliate the woman. I was so disappointed.
We hadn't tried one yet, but I really wanted to for some reason, and somehow, I let their words be rule. Thankfully the Duke and I realized through the course of DD that we wanted to take the step to try one. That it would never be used to harm me, or lower me in his eyes in any way. And have we ever been blessed that we tried. It brings me to a place of complete calm that I am not sure I ever feel any way else. Those of you that know I'm a Christian, please don't get me wrong, I have felt calm with God as well, but I think God uses even this moment with the Duke to show me the complete calm I can feel in submission, be it to Him, or the Duke, in a real, tangible way.
So this week we got a new set. I was so excited and terrified all at the same time as one was bigger than I'd ever tried before. But the Duke wanted me to try it, and I wanted to please him so much. He was so patient with me, and I was really proud of myself afterwards. I reached a level of calm and feeling submissive that I just didn't know existed. I think mostly from how the Duke supported and encouraged me and really showed me how much he had me and that I could trust him.
So, just another way we make DD, D/s our own. I feel submission in the center of my chest. Literally, it's not just psychological or emotional, I feel the weight just below the center of my collar bone. It is one of the few things in life that make me feel like I am living my purpose.
What rules did you think there were in DD when you started that you had to break for the sake of your marriage? :)
I know I have many. These may work for your marriage, but they didn't for ours. Some of them are:
- There should be no intimacy after a spanking, it will only reward the tih. - But if I've been really punished, I need that connection afterwards, not as a reward, but because I'm so utterly open and vulnerable, and need to feel his strength.
- We needed to have a list of rules. - That didn't work, it was too much micromanaging that the Duke didn't have time for and made me feel trapped. The Duke and I both know when I've crossed a line in what is appropriate behaviour, we don't need a list of rules to tell us.
- The husband always has to be consistent. - And that would be nice, but life doesn't work that way, especially with little one and parents living in the house with us. To expect him of it really messed up our marriage for a while. Now I know he is when he can be, and that he's not neglecting me if he can't.
I say we're DD and D/s, but not even sure that applies to us. We're us. I hope you're making your marriage yours as well. It won't look like anyone else's. That's not only okay, it's BEAUTIFUL. Find the things that make you different and celebrate it. Different does not mean wrong. I thought I was so different the Duke could never deal with me. Now he not only meets the needs I hid, he insists on meeting them for me to be a happier woman. He likes meeting my needs now, when I used to worry he'd think I was a complete freak.