Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Protectiveness Grows

It amazes me how much we keep growing in our relationship.  I wanted to start this blogpost saying that all the sudden we were changing, but then I realize how many times I've started blog posts that way.  The great thing about DD, D/s, or whatever it is that we are, is that it's always doing that, changing and growing.  The exciting thing is that it probably always will.

My whole life I wanted someone that would be protective of me.  I'm protective of so many people, even the Duke, but don't often feel that in my own life.  I have a friend that fiercely protects me, but did not feel that from the Duke, and I longed so much to have him want to protect me.  I'd be out late here or there, and not be able to get a hold of the Duke, all of me wishing he would worry just enough so that if I needed help, he'd be thinking of how to get to me.  But I'd come home, and he'd be surprised I was late, not having realized the time, and hadn't worried a second.  Don't get me wrong, I don't want him worry his head off, but knowing I was cared for and important would have been nice.

Well, now, I don't have to wonder.

A month or two ago during that huge storm I showed you guys pictures of, the snow had shadowed the car in such a way that it looked like there was actually someone sitting in our car.  I went to go out and check, and before, the Duke would have never thought anything of it, my going out by myself.  But this time, he pulled me back inside, told me to stay put, and went and checked himself.  There was no one there, but I still felt so safe.

And over the past week I've had several examples.  The other night I was going to get money out of the bank.  I looked up as we pulled in, and there was this large guy that kind of scared me waiting in line for the machine.  The Duke took one look at him and suggested that he go in instead.  I was so relieved that I let him.  I asked him later what would have happened if I had asked to go in, and he told me he would have either gone in with me, or made me stay in the car like I had already done.

Then the next day I was out doing laundry, and when I went to bring in the clothes, there was a giant wasp on a pair of underwear.  I didn't know what to do, and the Duke is not one that likes to deal with bugs.  Imagine my surprise when he ordered me inside, and then knocked it down and stomped on it!  The Duke!  Rescuing me from a bug. :)

And the last thing was the other night.  He had a cold, and he was snoring so loudly.  Usually if I ask the Duke to turn over, he'll stop snoring, but not so this night.  It literally was so loud I couldn't think, and forget sleeping.  So by two in the morning, I went out to the futon in our living room.  It bothered me to be in the same place, and not sleeping in the same room, but I did not see any way around it if I was going to function in the morning.  Well, four in the morning came, the Duke awoke and noticed me gone.  He came out to the living room asked why I was there, and then told me he'd be taking the futon and ordered me back to bed.  I wouldn't budge, I got a firm smack to the bottom (I was sleeping on my side, facing the back of the futon).  He told me again to get to the bedroom.  I told him he was sick, and I was not, and he needed a good night's sleep.  Three more very hard and heavy smacks to my bottom and a direct order to get my bottom into bed.  I went to the bedroom, and found it very hard to sleep in the bed without him.  He went right to sleep. 

He's taking care of me, and he's protecting me.  He's even holding me even closer to him now when we're out, and holding my hand even more firmly.  He really doesn't want anything bad to happen to me.  I wanted this my whole life, and now that it's here, I'm near tears at times, the way I'm feeling, the way I feel special and important, being almost more than I can handle.  I never really thought he'd become protective.  I always wanted it, but did not ever see it being something that would happen as we navigated our way through DD. 

Oh, DD, all the beautiful surprises you hold for us.  I am most excited to see how we'll grow next. :)  Some growing pains are painful, ;) but I'm hoping the next growth is beautiful as well.

I hope you're all having a wonderful week, and thank you so much for your understanding in my needing to be away from blogs right now.  Annabelle, you asked me to check your blog, but I don't have your blog address, sorry, would you mind emailing it to me?  esmayslife@gmail.com.  Thank you. :)

- The Duke's Deductions

Hey Guys,
I feel so good the way EsMay is talking me up here. It's really simple though. Even though I am the dominant one in our relationship, I don't see it as something to use to get my own way at the expense of my spouse. I see it as a way to protect the sub and take care of her by telling her what to do in a situation. I guess in these specific examples she mentioned, it didn't even cross my mind to think about what the best way a good dom would act in these situations. I just immediately felt like doing the things I did in these situations to protect and take care of my wife. I am glad that it is making her feel closer to me.

24 comments:

  1. Beautiful post as always. It is great to see the positive side of this journey especially when we least expect it. That is what makes it that much more special.

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    1. Thank you, Annabelle. And so true, these extra things are what make it more special. :)

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  2. As Annabelle said...it is lovely to see a post with the positives. So very proud of both of you! As long as you continue to communicate and act in each other's best interest, you will be fine!

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Oh Cat, thank you. :) It's hard to believe, even a year ago I was still so unsure, but I think you're right. We're going to be fine, and knowing that, really knowing that, is such a blessing. Thank you for all the words of advice along the way. :) {{{hugs}}}

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  3. EsMay, I am completely with you when it comes to having this feeling of protection and safety. For me feeling this is so very important, just as it is for you. I think one reason why we need to feel that is because there have been times when it was not there. For you, this dates back to pre DD times, when you and the Duke had a different way of being together, I guess. For me it goes back to pre-hubby times. Apart from our husbands showing their strength and protectiveness, there is one more major change that you and I obviously had, because of DD. We have learned to accept that our husbands do what (I’d say) comes rather naturally to them, namely, they protect what’s theirs.
    One of your answers in the award questions was that you consider yourself a work in progress. :) First of all, I liked that a lot, and I think this is also part of what DD does to us. It gives us a chance to improve our relationships and ourselves and for me this is something you described here. I enjoyed reading something that positive –sigh- :)

    hugs

    Nina

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    1. It is true, that saying can be applied to DD. I am hoping we're always learning and growing, in DD, and in other areas of our marriage. :) You know, I was never protected growing up, and I always wish I had been as well, it's funny how our pasts really do shape our futures.

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  4. Let me start by saying that I LOVE your blog! like you, I have had a longing to feel protected and safe. My ex (vanilla marriage) never made me feel protected, actually made feel weak for doing things like checking in, he never cared to check on me. My SO is the complete opposite and I love it :-)

    I am so happy for you.

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    1. Oh, Christie, thank you so much. And it is so great to feel protected, isn't it? :)

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  5. Gosh I love how much you two are growing! It's so wonderful how you are finally feeling so loved and protected. I'm so happy for you EsMay! And I really appreciate reading the Dukes thoughts too.
    hugs,
    Cali

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    1. I am so thankful for that love and protection, so thankful. And I'm glad you like reading his thoughts as well. :) {{{hugs}}}

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  6. It really is wonderful to feel cherished, isn't it? So happy that you two are moving in a positive direction. I agree, too, that it's fun and exciting to wonder what's next ahead in an ever changing dd landscape.

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    1. So absolutely wonderful. :) I hope it is exciting and wonderful, and I have a feeling it will be. :)

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  7. It does get even more beautiful, it is soft and embracing, and sometimes a sweet, soft ache...when his hand is missing from yours, when he is not beside you. And the joy like a soft summer breeze washes over you when his arms enfold you, you catch sight of him. It's an incredible feeling, that intertwining, being your own self, and being part of something so breathtakingly beautiful that others can't help but notice that something different that they just can't put their fingers on. It is beautiful to see you in the garden you have so carefully and lovingly tended.

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    1. You know, I have been told by people that they see how happy we are now, and ask what our secret is. :) I love how you put it, a soft summer breeze, how true that is. :)

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  8. You guys are awesome. I'm truly happy when I read this, because I have also experienced all of these same feelings since starting DD. Some people feel that DD is all about the punishments and the holding accountable, but what you have written, to me, is what it is all about. Anyone can pay a professional to discipline or hold them accountable. You cannot pay for the type of love, protection, and care that comes from DD within a committed relationship.

    Maybe I've seen too many Hollywood movies, but I often feel like it's too good to be true. I ask myself why did I get so lucky, and I worry that things are going so well that something bad *must* be about to happen. I know it's so irrational for me to think this way--we all deserve to feel this type of love and protection, and it shouldn't come with any stipulations or conditions, like so many other things in life.

    Anyway, I'm happy for you both, and happy for anyone that reaches this point in their DD relationship!

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    1. Thank you. :) I do hope many couples find the level of love and hope that we have found, whether they are DD or not. :) I would love it if every couple could be happy. :)

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  9. Love this post! This is exactly why I want this! I do like some of the other ahem benefits as well, but this is the true draw!
    I'm so happy you are there and finding what you need. You guys seem to be in a great place.

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    1. Thank you, and yes, there are so many benefits. :) I am so thankful for them.

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  10. EsMsy!, I'm sorry I am so late in commenting. I loooved this post! This made me smile from ear to ear. I am so very happy for you that you feel so cared for and protective. You guys have grown so much and it's lovely to see the positives you are experiencing with Dd.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. No worries, read when you can, and only if you want to. :) I totally understand. And thank you... it is so great to be experiencing the positives, I feel so blessed. :) {{{hugs}}}

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  11. Great post EsMay, hope all is well with you.
    Love,
    Scarlet ; )

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    1. Thank you. :) And things are going pretty well. :)

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  12. It's such a pleasure to read your posts and watch the two of you grow. I love it!

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    1. Thank you, Maggie, that means a lot. :)

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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