Most of you know that our pregnancy last time was hard, and we had a little boy that only lived for two hours.
Because of this, the Duke is extremely worried at spanking me, and we have not done it since we found out we were pregnant. I got him to try a few swats, and he might as well have been spanking the cat with them for all the force he used. That man really does love me, and worries about my safety. :)
So we are on a search to look and try out new disciplines that we don't normally use.
Now, these are what we know to try, but would LOVE to know if you have others that might help us out.
- Corner Time.
- Bedroom Time.
- Lines don't work for some reason for us.
- We're going to try Essays. Though... sometimes I wonder if that is what blogging is, lol. Maybe you guys have tips on how to make Essay's more... punishment like, and educational? But then, those will only work until I'm at the point of bedrest where I'm not even allowed to sit up aside from ten minute meals.
- And having my kindle, tv, or the tablet taken from me is another one we'll try... but on bedrest... wow, that'll be one big whammy. Yikes. :) I think that will be a big motivation for me right there.
Anyway... that's about all we know to do right now. If you have any other ideas, I would really love to hear them. And if you have any ideas on how to foster submission and dominance while on bedrest, that would be wonderful too. I really want us to work on keeping this DD, D/s dynamic throughout the pregnancy. I want to continue to grow and learn in my submission.
Thank you, everyone. And thank you for all the wonderful things you said to our news. :) It really touched both our hearts that so many of you were so incredibly happy for us. You really are such wonderful people. The Duke isn't going to share thoughts on this post because we didn't really feel there was much for him to share. But he'll be back next post. :)
Sunday, June 08, 2014
22 comments:
Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)
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EsMay, this topic was one hubby and I discussed too. We had advice giving completely contrasting opinions, from ‘it is safe’ to ‘don’t do it’. So, it is probably safe, but we refrained from using any form of physical discipline, because if anything went wrong, you’d always have this insecurity and wonder if it was connected to spanking. That was what decided the issue for us. That’s why I cannot wait till December. Baby is due right at the beginning of October, and we thought that Christmas would be the earliest time for us to start spankings again. Are you still allowed (real) coffee? I am not, so this coming Christmas will be such a special time for us: Baby, spankings and coffee. :-)
ReplyDeleteI think your alternative ways of discipline are really good ones. Since I have suffered from sleeplessness lately, bed rest would be a mixed blessing for me. I would enjoy it, if I did sleep, but otherwise it would be dead boring.
My least favourite, but most effective form of punishment is taking privileges away. The worst one is actually not being allowed online and not being allowed to blog. Corner time is a good one, too. Compared to before pregnancy, I feel like cheating with it, though, because I am allowed to use a chair. :-) Actually the chair is necessary now at the latest, because I start having water in my feet after longer periods of standing around.
Sounds, childish, but have you tried taking away a favourite dessert for smaller offenses? Hubby did that once and I hated it. Chocolate! Well, too much is bad anyway. And it was not what my body needed, I guess. … But it felt bad when he did that.
I have been grounded once so far (last weekend), on a wonderful day, when I wanted to be out in the garden. That was a real punishment that hurt. So, if you enjoy the garden, restricting access to it will work.
I have learned that early bedtime is no punishment at all. The punishment comes only if you cannot sleep properly, but I hope that you will have loads of sleep and beautiful dreams.
Please, don’t understand this the wrong way, it is only an observation that I have made over the last months. Hubby has become more lenient and I have appreciated that a lot. I have had moments, where I thought that I was not reasonable, but not willingly breaking rules. Still, this happened. I could have been punished, but I am not sure if I could have changed anything for the better. Some things simply happened. Hubby uses discipline on me, but he is not as strict as before, because the changes that we go through have an influence on everything.
What I want to say is that you should not expect too much, and don’t be hard on yourself, especially now. Don’t raise your expectations on what you should be able to do, too high. And I for one have more or less learned that sometimes the most submissive act you can do is just not to do something, when you have the urge to start. You are not weak when you need a break more and the worst thing that could happen is that you do too much now. Be careful with that, please. … and better leave your fingers from the lawn mower. That was what grounded me last weekend.
many hugs
Nina
So excited for you both!!! I love to do essays, because they really make me think about myself, my husband, and my commitment to the relationship. I think, as long as they are heartfelt and taken seriously, any topic you are asked to write about will be beneficial to the relationship. It's helpful as punishment to write about what you did, why it was harmful, and what you will do to improve upon it in the future.
ReplyDeleteEsMay, I'm not sure I got here before, but I do find you news most wonderful. I have one thing you might try. Many stores, Wal-Mart is one, have extremely rough and course 'welcome' mats. A friend sent me a story once and told me her husband made her sit on it for a certain amount of time. She told me in an email that he began doing this when she was pregnant for the same reason Duke is worried.
ReplyDeleteI tried it myself - wow! It's uncomfortable enough to definitely count as a punishment all on it's own, a mere five minutes was enough for me and it turns a light, light spanking into something serious!
Just a thought and the best of luck to you.
OMG! Congratulations! How did I miss that? So excited for you :)
ReplyDeleteCallie
Congratulations, Es May and Duke. I am very happy for you.
ReplyDeleteMeredith
Esmay... probably best to forgo spankings at this time given your history. It is not likely they would really cause a problem but one never knows for sure so why push the issue. Having never tried any other method I am probably not the best source. I could see the value in having to write an essay as it causes you to reflect on what went wrong and ways to consider avoiding that mistake in the future. Because you already write so well this only makes since. I have every faith that you and Duke will find what will work best for you both so that you are comfortable. Clint and Chelsea with LDD might have some thoughts as they just had their second boy a few months back. Keep us posted with what you come up with. My best to you both.
ReplyDeleteEsMay,
ReplyDeleteHaving never been in your shoes before, I don't know what it will be like for you to be on bed rest. I have heard from relatives and friends who have experienced this though. If things go well and you get to stay home for your bed rest instead of living at the hospital, it seems that the biggest obstacle most women face is the urge to get up when they are not supposed to, and boredom. You would think that not getting up would be a no-brainer when the babys safety is at stake, but I have seriously been told that is the biggest issue, when you need something just across the room, or you feel like if you lay down for one more second you will pull your hair out. My best advice is to prepare any activity that you can do laying down. You'll need a bunch to rotate through, because even if you like doing something, chances are you will get bored with it. As far as punishments, I have heard of switching the back of the legs a few times, hot sauce in the mouth, removal of privileges, very stern lecturing, I don't know if capsaicin cream is safe to use while pregnant, but the "silent spanking"
may be an option. As non-dd as this may sound, this is going to be a stressful time for both of you, so you may want to temporarily shift your focus off of punishments. One thing that may be helpful, and I don't know if you already do this, is to have the Duke pray out loud with you about your behavior or attitude. Also, as Nina mentioned, pregnant people can sometimes forget to think things through logically before acting. I swear its the hormones, it happened to me every time! So due to the nature of the situation, you guys may just find that "normal" dd may not work so well here. I guess my best advice is lots of patience with each other, keeping occupied, and of course plenty of prayer. may be Ann option
Sorry, blogger doesn't like me tonight and published all by itself! Anyway, I said all I could already. Have a wonderful week you guys!
DeleteLove,
River
Hey EsMay...I know you and the Duke want to continue to foster the DD D/s dynamic during your pregnancy but due to your previous issues and what you have to face, I think you need to take all physical consequences off the table immediately. I agree with whoever said if anything happened, even if it had nothing to do with the punishment, neither of you would forgive yourselves.
ReplyDeleteYou EsMay just really need to concentrate on your submission...maybe have Duke text you different times of the day with an instruction or if he can't text during the day, have him leave you a list of instructions. For example...turn off the TV for 30 minutes at 10 am or put your kindle down for 1 hour. If you need discipline, rather than write an essay when you are flat on your back, you can think about it and then give it verbally after Duke gets home.
Bottom line...EsMay honey...keeping the submission dynamic is really gonna fall on your shoulders since you have to be so careful. Email me if there is anything I can do.
Hugs and Blessings...
Cat
EsMay...I am sorry I am late...
ReplyDeleteCongrats !!!!!
What a nice news !!!
Hugs,
Mona Lisa
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI have read through all the comments.
ReplyDeletePlease, EsMay, never use CASP. cream.
Please! There is medication that comes into your blood through your skin ... enough how small clique .. and through the bloodstream to your baby.
I do not understand how can anyone recomend to use medicine to a pregnant woman.
Caps. cream stays in your body for three months in the fatty tissues under your skin and can deep numb for three months.
This is pharmacological evidence.
Please, for God's sake, do not even think about it.
Haven't been by for a while and want to congratulate you both on your pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteDo you know what Esmay, just don't be naughty, and spend the next nine months , nurturing that baby. life is too short to worry about punishments at this time. Forget it and worry about it all later. This is more important at the moment, I wish you all the luck, keep on resting!
ReplyDeletelove Jan,xx
Es May, what wonderful news!!! This is SUCH a happy time for you both - don't even let punishments enter your head! The very most important thing you can do is keep that tiny baby safe and healthy.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds to me as if you have a long "bed rest" ahead of you. I only had a few weeks with both my children, and fortunately I was allowed up to go to the bathroom, and had another very nice girl in the bed next to me so we could chat. (I was in hospital) Tell your husband to get you lots of interesting books to read, DVDs to watch and you can also crochet, knit and sew - yes, even lying flat!
If you want to 'feel' submissive, spend some time each day thinking of different ways to 'cherish' your husband, and try to have some interesting conversation with him each day to ensure he knows you care about him and are concerned about him. It is so easy to forget that the Dad to be has the same fears and anxieties as the Mum to be.
I do so hope you have a wonderful pregnancy and please, please try to enjoy it!
Hugs
Ami
Bucko too has been a little gun shy given my delicate condition. (How awesome is that to say?!) Granted I'm a perfect angel so we really don't have a problem with the punishment aspect, but I do sometimes miss the physical connection. I have been trying to look for the moments that put me in the right head space.
ReplyDeleteLike Bucko the Duke is doing what he thinks is best for you. That's HOH-y right there. I find that the best thing I can do to make Bucko feel his role and me to feel mine is to allow him to do what he is already doing. Take care of me. When he asks me to check my blood sugar, or to go rest, or offers to take care of the dishes/laundry that is him stepping up, and I'm trying to remember to let him.
I'm no expert on this, since this is our first, but I think things have to be different right now. These are special circumstances. I think this is one of those things you figure out as you go. And I don't know about you, but even if I weren't an angel I'm too tired to do anything too awful. Just let him do what he is naturally doing. Remember we are giving them the best gift of all right now, and nothing is more important than making sure that those tiny miracles make it home to their daddies. Just my two cents for what it is worth.
TL
Hey Es May,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I don't think I got a chance to comment on your last post. Congratulations! I'm thrilled for both of you.
One perhaps different idea to ponder. I have a friend who is not dd, but she would herself say that they have a traditional marriage with a leader and a follower. She was on bed rest for her last child and it was tough, b/c she is feisty, was bored, and had 2 other children to take care of. Her husband was crazy bossy and that helped but he also came up with daily rewards. They were little things--her favorite ice cream, car trips to the countryside...stuff that helped her want to get through the day and follow all the doctor's (and husband's) guidelines. It was a good way for him to give her some special attention as well. She got lots of cuddles at the end of the day whether she earned her reward or not but it was motivating and I remember her saying that it was good for their marriage.
I'm going to go out in left field here, but maybe "punishments" that aren't really punishments but would bring you back to your submissive space, ex. write a letter to your future baby, write a note to someone, read something new. Bed rest is going to be so challenging that removing priveleges could make you even more frustrated. We'll be cheering you on!
ReplyDeleteSeems to me this is more a time for pampering than punishments, and how much trouble can you get in on bed rest? He could make you eat your vegetables; at least that will be good for the baby!
ReplyDeleteAngela
Es May, I didn't have a chance to comment on your last post so let me say, CONGRATULATIONS!! I'm so happy for you and Duke. Follow his lead...is all I can say, but then again you already know that so...just know I'm sending prayers from my neck of the woods for all three of you. ;-)
ReplyDeleteWell first of all - CONGRATS CONGRATS CONGRATS! I'm so excited for you guys! Yayyy!
ReplyDeleteAs for punishments - I like what Leah Q suggested - trying some submissive exercises or things that just put you in that submissive mind set might help.
As for making the essays more like punishment - I've learned that when you have to actually do RESEARCH for an essay, it makes it something you really want to avoid!
Congrats again!
Probably the best punishments while on bed rest are going to be revoking privileges. Like no internet. No tv. Lights out rule at a certain time.
ReplyDeleteOthers might be chastisement - him telling you that you've been a bad girl and bad girls don't get to be in bed comfortable. He could make you lay with panties around your ankles and remind you how bad you will need a spanking after these months on break. My hubby makes me lay naked while he melts ice cubes on my nipples - no squirming allowed. Then I'm told to spread my legs and submit to him.