Wednesday, November 04, 2015

I Read Somewhere That DD Was Bad, BUT...

It can be interesting while you are looking up new things on DD to see the opinions that are really out there.  Today I came upon a post that a couple had written about how bad DD was.  They then said that the people that practiced it called it a need in their marriage.  They then went on to say how ridiculous that was because then what would we say about single people and widows?  If it was a need, then how would singles and widows every get any help?

I might be a little out of it here... but aren't there always going to be needs in marriage that you won't have fulfilled outside of marriage?  Sex?  Constant companionship?  Being help mates?  A man around the house to kill the spiders in the shower?  The lists could go on and on.  Do we just abandon these needs because they can't be met in the same way when one is single or widowed?  I had needs when I was single that weren't met then that are now, but that doesn't mean I said they had no value.  I just had to wait for a time for them to be met.  Just because I wasn't married didn't mean they didn't exist.

I don't know about some people, I can't speak for any other couple, but I will speak for us.  I can say that at one point, we NEEDED DD.  Needed it with our very breath.  Now we still want to practice, but it isn't so need driven.  But, I really believe our marriage would have died without it.  Was it the fact that the Duke spanked me that saved our marriage.  Psshhh, not a chance, and in a way, YES.

Spanking means the Duke needed to take responsibility, he had to hold me accountable, and to do that, he needed to step up and learn to lead.  I had to learn to submit, I had to learn how to take a punishment, I had to learn how to follow.  And in that, we had to talk, A LOT.  Still do.  If DD taught us nothing else, it taught us to talk, about everything.  Our communication had completely died.  If I had to give up DD forever, I'd still be thankful for the communication skills we learned because of it.  We learned to not only talk about everything, but to do so without judgement.  To know we could share everything, no matter how seemingly bad or embarrassing.  Secrets, even things that didn't seem to be secrets, were no longer kept.  Everything came out in the open.

There will always be people that look down on this lifestyle, which is too bad. Even though I fully believe DD probably isn't for even half the marriages out there, it's sad that people may close off a door that could bless their marriage before even giving the idea a real chance because they look at one aspect they don't like, and so figure the whole practice is garbage.  How much we miss in life if we live that way.

DD may not be such a need now, but we NEEDED the lessons it taught us.  Whether we would need those being single or widowed, doesn't matter right now.  We're married, and so we base our needs on that fact.  And so we practice DD, because it's what our marriage needed to survive.  I will not be ashamed of this fact.  In fact I'm happy, proud, humbled, and so thankful to have found this great tool to help solidify our marriage.  The Duke read this too, and he agrees.  We needed this, and there is no shame in that.


  1. Yes. Yes. Yes. Especially in the beginning DD or TTWD is a definite need, in my mind. We are still at that point where it's needed because we are still figuring it out. But if we hadn't tried? We would be going down a different road than we are now I can tell you that! I'm totally with you, Es May! It may not be for everyone, but it was for us!

  2. I agree DD or TTWD is a need and I would imagine even if single or a widow some might want it then also. I know we have grown closer with TTWD. We always had a happy marriage but it is so more developed with TTWD in it. glad you wrote this Es May. The person who said that about DD is missing out.
    Hugs Lindy

  3. Hi Es May, this is such a great post, Very well said! Actually, a good companion post to Ami's. DD/ttwd, and the benefits of such a lifestyle are hard to understand unless you live it. I agree too that it is a need.


  4. Hi Esmay, I have decided that I don't care a fig for what anyone else thinks. Whether it is a need or a want I am happy practicing ttwd and I absolutely hate reading things people have written when they have never or have no intentions of practicing dd/ttwd. If you know nothing just stay out of it I say!!
    love Jan,xx

  5. Hi EsMay, I am completely with Jan. I only know DD works for us and it was something that made a life possible for me that I wouldn't have had a chance to have otherwise. Of course we can be without DD, and currently the spanking part is gone till next year. Not having all of it shows us pretty clearly how much hubby and I get out of DD and discipline spankings. I am fully with you about communication in a DD relationship; besides there are so many other things connected to DD in a loving relationship, so I'd also say, forget about those who don't believe in DD, because they don't have to. Your relationship is none of their business and a married couple should find the way which is best for them. For us it is DD, and from what you write, it is the same for you.



  6. I think that as with many things in a marriage, you have to work at them, and Dd is no exception to this rule. But then, if you have been consistent, you will find that things not only get easier, but that they start to evolve into a more "doable" form. In other words, what you put into it, you get out of it, with interest.

    As far as Dd being a need in a marriage, perhaps it is. But from my point of view, the benefits certainly outweigh any disadvantages, so I should just ignore these negative people's opinions if I was you.

    Many hugs


  7. Unbelievably well written. This is what my brain has been struggling to grasp for years!
    I’ve been reading your blog a while, and I was so glad to see you pop up here, too.

    1. Awww, thank you, jill. :) It's always wonderful to meet my readers. :)


Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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