UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Thursday, May 09, 2013

The Duke's Thoughts - The Vote

So, the Duke said something to me the other day that made me think, so I ran to write type it down.  I've had it on my desktop on a Sticky Note for a week or two now. 

We were talking about the way disagreements work in marriage, and this was his take on it.

"It's not like you can have a vote in a marriage.  You each will vote for your own side, and it will end up being the person that is more adamant about their position and getting their own way that will ultimately win in a fight.  But more because the other person is worn down, and not happy about it.  More in a 'Well if that's the way we have to do it.' with a sigh thrown in kind of way."
It's true.  And I used to do this.  Most times I would worry about walking all over the Duke.  He has been such a passive man that I would fear crushing him.  So many women in his past had.  So I always took great care to give him the same respect he gave me.  But, come to an argument when I feel like I'm going crazy?  I would DEMAND he change. :(  It was my way or the highway.  Now, you have to understand, until DD, the Duke NEVER stood up to me once we were married (except for something that happened after our son passed away).  The Duke has never once yelled at me, has never let us have a fight.  He gets all the credit on that one.  There have been times when I've been ready to duke fists.  Not him.  And because of this, I'd win the so called argument, no matter what it was over.  He would give in and agree, but his heart was far from in it.

But now I've given voting rights over to him when I might have argued in the past.  When a decision has to be made, he gets to vote.  I get to campaign, I get to give my speeches, but I can't run smear campaigns.  I don't get to bad mouth and belittle to his face, or behind his back.  I get to have a good old fashioned debate and lay all my cards out on the table, but then I have to leave the voting to him. 

The count is easy, no chance of a miscount.

One. 

One vote.  No chance at a minority vote.  That one vote wins by a landslide.

And then the choice is mine. 

Do I sit back and grumble and complain about the vote?  Do I yell and get upset because the vote was against what I wanted and he just didn't get it?  How could he not see?

No.  I rally behind that vote.  I do all I can to make the best out of it. 

I don't give up on my government when it's not voted the way I like.

I won't give up on my marriage if the same happens.

But you know what?  In our marriage I get a direct line to the prime minister/president.  I can take my complaints straight to Parliament Hill/the White House.  And that man, the man that rules?  He really truly cares about what I think, and will do what he sees is best for our marriage, and for me. 

I've given up my right to vote.  I'm putting my hand in the Duke's, and giving up my ballot.

22 comments:

  1. What an awesome post. Great analogy!!! Very well said. It just ally spoke to me. Love it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sarah. :) It really started making more and more sense the more I pondered it.

      Delete
  2. EsMay this is awesome! I find when I RESPECTFULLY give my opinion the vote tends to lean my direction more than if I stomp my feet and pout about wanting it my way. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Betsy, isn't it so true? I think it's because it's been proven that once our voice hits a certain volume, the other person stops listening. They hears your words, but the meaning does not penetrate. But when we talk calmly, they are open, really taking in what we are saying. Also, if they do hear us when we're angry and loud, sometimes because we've upset them, they don't give into us so that we don't feel we won, because we did it the wrong way. So it is good to talk to them respectfully. :) At least in my household, and it seems yours too. ;)

      Delete
  3. Well said EsMay. I really like this too! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Cali Mom. :) It certainly still has me thinking. :)

      Delete
  4. I like the way you have explained this. It is like having a vote and choosing to give it up.

    I wonder if I can just do that at the next federal election?? I'm sure H woudn't be too impressed with the 'failure to vote' fine though :P

    Callie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL, Callie, I kept wondering if should put something in about not giving up my rights to vote in a federal election. I doubt we can somehow convince the government to let us hand our ballots over to our husbands to fill in for us! LOL

      Delete
  5. I love this post Es May. You stated it very well and I love the analogy. You get to campaign and put your case forward then leave the voting up to him and perhaps most importantly, stand behind the vote, even if you may not necessarily have voted the same way.

    Awesome post!

    Hugs,
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. {{{HUGS}}} Thank you, Roz. It is true, and something I am learning to do... and would you believe the hardest one to support so far is bedtime? :( Wow, I feel like a child admitting that one. LOL

      Delete
    2. LoL. Going to bed when told is the hardest for me too LoL ... along with not playing on the cell phone in bed on nights he's not there!

      Delete
    3. The Duke came home late last night, way after my bedtime, but it literally never occured to me to go to bed without him there. Yeah, I got ORDERED to bed. LOL Yes, with out hubby here, I'd be WAY more tempted to break the bedtime rule. *gulp*

      Delete
  6. Great analogy. Happy for you and the Duke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, sunnygirl. :)

      Delete
  7. Wow, great post. I love how you explained it :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Mischief, I owe it all to the Duke though for the idea. :)

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. Ellie May, thank you, and thank you for dropping by. :)

      Delete
  9. Hey Es May...wonderful post...you have an extremely wise man there.

    Blessings,
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I sometimes forget it, but I do, don't I? :) Just don't tell him that! I really don't want his head to swell. LOL

      Delete
  10. Absolutely love this....great post! I was kind of like how you described before ttwd. MY vote always won because I wore the poor man down....but now....he said to me today that when he makes a decision he always thinks of me first...and I have to say, that is pretty cool :)

    ~Lucy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, Lucy, that is so wonderful. :) Makes you feel all squishy inside, doesn't it? :)

      Delete

Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

Troll comments and spam will be deleted.