We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Thursday, April 03, 2014

Submission Exercises - When Sick

People get sick, it just happens. It's been a bad winter for the Duke and I, he's missed more time in the past there months from being sick, than he probably has in the last three years. He's had three sick days. I missed a few days myself. We just kept getting colds and flus. :( And in that time, things did not always flow as normally as they did. Roles weren't always as balanced, and it wasn't always easy to find ways to help.

So over some time, here are ideas I thought might help us out the next time we face being sick. Since people liked the last set of Submission Exercises I posted here, I thought I'd share these with you as well. I just picked five of the best for each section. I put down ideas both can do if he is sick, and then ideas for both if she is sick. Hope a few ideas will help in the future if you find one of you sick. And if none of the ideas work, that's okay. You'll find your own ways to work things out over time. :)

If he is sick:
He can:
1. Admit when there are chores you can’t do. Ask her to step in and do them for you.
2. Thank her for being good, even while you are sick. Let her know it means a lot to you that you can trust her to not take advantage of the situation. Remind her you are still there for her.
3. If she goes in to work, tell her that you want her to check in on you during her breaks and after work.
4. Honestly listen to her concerns if she thinks you should take meds or should see a doctor. Remind her that the final decision is still yours.
5. If she needs a punishment or maintenance, let her know if you plan to do it when you are better or not. You could get her to write an essay, do corner time, or what have you in the mean time.
She can:
1. Bring him something you know would make him feel good. Meals, drinks, book to read, remote to the tv.  If he's lonely, offer to sit with him.
2. Offer to run him a bath.
3. Try to cut out all distractions or interruptions if he needs to rest.
4. Get him any meds he needs, remember or write down times so that he doesn't have to worry about remembering.
5. Some men find it very hard to be sick in bed. Thank him for all that he does for you, and that now, you just want to take care of him for a bit.

If she is sick:
He can:
1. Tell her to stay in bed for the day if needed, and not to worry about housework. Give her an earlier bedtime to ensure she gets enough rest. Take all devices away for an hour or two to get her to take a nap to get more rest if needed.
2. Bring her food, tell her how much of it you expect her to eat, knowing that if she doesn’t eat enough, she will not keep up her strength.
3. If she goes to work while sick, give her instructions on how you want her to spend her breaks, and what to do as soon as work is done.
4. If you have gone into work, tell her that unless she is napping, you want emailed updates every hour or two to hear how she is doing. Use these to see if you should tell her to take meds, rest, or what have you.
5. Use your judgement on when she should see a doctor or take medicine.
She can:
1. Admit to him when you need help.
2. Make sure you do not complain repeatedly over the things you are not getting done. It can all wait until later. If he does something for you, don’t complain about it not being done the way you would have done it.
3. Listen to him when he tells you that you need to slow down or rest.
4. When we are sick, we tend to revert to old habits. Shorter tempers, quicker judgements, list of commands, nasty words. Do your best to keep these under wraps.
5. Thank him for the things that he does for you. Share with him briefly how much it means to you that you can depend on him, especially when you are sick.

Not sure any will help any of you out there, but if they will, wanted to share.
Have a great night and weekend everyone. :)

The Duke's Deductions:
Thank you very much EsMay for posting this list. I have to say that when I first heard about this topic of how to practice DD when you are sick, my first thought was that even if you are not feeling well you should try to keep at least some of the structure of DD present in the marriage. I was thinking that those roles do not go away just because somebody is not feeling well, because I feel that for DD couples, the practice of DD can actually help them in stressful situations. However, to be honest as I look over the past winter I realize that I have not been following my own advice. I have been lax in enforcing DD when one of us is not feeling well, I guess because I am a bit of a softie. But if I were to really look at how important DD is to our marriage, I should be realizing that sickness is not the time to give up DD, unless perhaps it was some extreme form of illness. Hopefully looking at EsMay's exercises and trying to practice them the next time one of us is sick will help us to keep up with our DD.