Thursday, February 27, 2014

A Week Of Spankings Finished

So here we go, going to try this new format, and see how it goes. :)

Last night was my last night of  a week long of spankings.  Well, Sunday night fell exactly in the middle, and since I take it as a day of rest, the Duke and I decided to give the spankings a break on that day as well.  Well for me it was because of the day of rest.  For the Duke it was because my bottom was getting very tender, and a bit leathery, so he wanted to give it a day off to give it time to heal some.

I am glad we did this past week.  It really helped me, not just in remembering to do my daily things, like wearing a dress, making the bed, making supper {dinner to some of you}, but it also helped me emotionally.  I have been more centered, more calm, feeling loved and having the Duke's undivided attention through this, and cuddling afterwards.  Well yesterday was not so much this, I was emotional all day yesterday from hormones, but it even helped then because it helped take my mind off of a few problems in my life that were just too hard to deal with yesterday.

I actually am a bit worried to not have the daily spankings now.  But this is good for me to step out from under them, and see how I do.  We will now go back to two maintenance spankings a week like we did before.  Life is a bit overwhelming right now, and my best friend and I are having a misunderstanding that is killing me, work has been crazy because everyone's been sick, my want for a child is coming back, like I said last week, and I don't want it to, and a few other things, so who knows, I still may need to go to him tonight and ask for another spanking, but that is not my goal.

I feel all warm and mushy to the Duke right now, he's taken such good care of me lately.  I did not think the spankings would help me feel even more safe.  I thought by the end of the week I'd be begging to get out of them, but I didn't.  I crawled over his lap every time, and it was great.  I feel so loved and cherished right now, all the bad has been let out, and all I want to do is sit in his arms all day.  But work beacons. :(

Thank you, Duke for taking such good care of me.

- The Duke's Deductions:

I am so proud of my EsMay for getting through a week of spankings. She was overall very willing to allow me to spank her. I am glad to hear that she got so much out of it. I was worried it was just going to be a lot of pain with no reason behind it. I am not sure that I got a lot out of it personally, except perhaps being able to practice my technique and get better control over my spankings. I am finding the keys to spanking success are really the words you use during a spanking, and for the spanking itself it is control. That's why I really have not been working with the majority of the implements we have. The pocket paddle gives me the most control, it is not too long and the surface area is almost the size and shape of the butt cheek. As well, the fact that it is hard and rigid means it is not flopping all over the place, and because it is the length it is I can tell much better where it is going to hit than the full length paddle. Also it is light enough that it does not tire my hand and arm muscles out easily.

These spankings were much more like maintenance spankings than punishment spankings. I would let her know what she was doing right each day as well as what she could be working on. I tried to take time to cuddle with EsMay afterwards as well. I was not always feeling very confident in my leadership abilities before each spanking, but I really believed the daily spankings were important, and so tried to do my best at each spanking anyway. Reading what EsMay wrote above, I believe it was the best choice. It is important as an HoH not to let feelings of weakness cloud your judgement over what is best for your wife or sub. I think we will probably do the twice a week maintenance going forward, as the regular spankings really seem to help EsMay. Anyway, I hope writing about this process may have been good information for some of you if you are ever considering trying this. A strength I see of this blogging community is that everyone seems to try to learn from everyone else, and I think a spirit of openness and willingness to listen to each other will really make everyone's DD relationships stronger.

Thank you for reading this.
The Duke.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

The Duke & EsMay, Together?

The Duke and I have been talking lately about this blog, and some changes we'd like to see happening with it.

The Duke has an amazing mind, but I don't get to see a lot of it.  I didn't realize how far the Duke has come until he joined the forums that I have been on. He first joined just to join in on the Sunday night chat, but then he started getting involved on the forums as well.  His answers floor me, and others have said how much they appreciate his point of view.  So I have come to realize the Duke can write his thoughts out easier than he can say them.

We have talked in the past about him writing posts, like he did two nights ago here, but ideas do not come easily to him.  But after looking at the forums, we talked, and realized there are still ways for him to be more active on this blog.  So, for the next month we are going to try something to see how it works for us.  I'll do a blog post like normal, and then he'll share his thoughts about what I talked about.  This is for me, and us, as much as it is for you guys.  I really feel I'll learn more about his thought precesses this way. :)

For the next month we are going to aim to have him do this at least twice a week.  The Duke is not big on writing back long replies to comments, so hopefully that will not bug anyone, though if you have a question, he'll go into more detail for that. :)

So hopefully this trial change will be one you all like.  I will still have some of my own posts I believe, but we'll see how well this works to see what happens from here on in.  Either way, this blog is keeping on, we're just going to see how this change may go over. :)

Monday, February 24, 2014

Beautiful Tears - By The Duke

Good evening, everyone.

I wanted to write a post tonight about tears. Tears can often be the end result of a spanking. Spankings are a painful thing I am assured, but these tears that come with correction are not necessarily only about pain. I find the tears that come with a spanking beautiful. Does this make me sadistic? I don't believe that is the primary reason I find them beautiful. I am not looking to hurt my mate for the purpose of pain itself; it is part of the disciplinary process. No, the reason tears at the end of a spanking can be beautiful is because of what they represent. 

Tears at the end of a spanking are beautiful because they show the beauty of what is going on in the heart. Sometimes before a spanking, a sub may be bratty, they may be acting selfish, cold, indignant, or what have you, perhaps not all the time, but that can be the case. As the HoH, it is your job to discipline them; to correct their behaviour. This involves spanking, this involves lecture, and this may very well involve other disciplinary practices. However, this is about more than correcting the behavior, this is about changing the patterns that led to the behavior in question. This is about changing their heart.

Before the spanking, before the discipline has been administered, it is possible that the sub may have an attitude of rebellion towards her husband, not all the time you understand. As mentioned, she very well may have for whatever reason felt the need to break a rule or do something against what she and her husband both agreed on. However, as the discipline proceeds, as the lecture and the spanking are administered, something changes inside the wife. I really feel like the tears are a symptom of this change. The heart has been broken ever so slightly, and made stronger than before. The wife has had a change and become more submissive. The tears rolling down her cheeks are the tears of surrender to her husband. She has given up her need for control at this point, and the control has past to the husband. At this point, I am realizing I am back in control of the situation, and in control of the marriage. This is why I find tears beautiful in a spanking, because they are showing the beautiful process that is going on behind the scenes. You may disagree with this, but I thought it would provide food for thought.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

A Few Words Make A Difference

Do you ever find that just a few words can make all the difference?

I was getting a spanking last night, {okay, does it ever not get weird, no matter how long you are in this lifestyle, to flat out tell someone you got a spanking? lol} anyway, I was getting a spanking, and for some reason couldn't settle down. I'd been spanked a few days in a row {working on stress relief and getting me back into the swing of things after being sick for over a month} so it was hurting, and I didn't know if I could take the pain. I was sadly wiggling all over the place.

Then the Duke spoke. "All you need to do right now is submit to me." And all the sudden, my body stilled. I fought so hard to stay still before that and was failing. I kept telling myself to calm down, and just relax over his lap, to be good for him, to honour him, but it wasn't working.  :( Yet that one line, and my whole body went limp.

Have you ever had that happen to you during a spanking, or happen to the one you are spanking? I have no idea why on my own I couldn't calm my body down, and yet as soon as the Duke spoke, it worked. I'm glad it did, it was tiring wriggling all over the place, and I couldn't find my submissive place... but it also bothers me that I couldn't do it on my own. :(
Duke, for your endless patience with me, thank you.  {{{hugs}}}

Friday, February 21, 2014

Spankso Question

First of all, you people in blogland, are AMAZING.  The comments to my post yesterday when I was so upset, the emails, the love and hugs you all sent, THANK YOU!  And I just loved how everyone supported Jan too, just shows what a great place this is. :)

So the other day I called myself a Spankso, and got some questions here and there about it.  Spankso is not a real term, just one I made up for myself.

In all actuality, it's all Tess' fault that I came up with the term.  So feel free to blame her, I do. ;)  {just kidding, Tess. ;)}  Here is the original post I did to it, and it links to her blog post there that started the whole thing. ;)  http://submittingtobeled.blogspot.ca/2013/05/im-spankso.html

To those that were around for the first post I did on this, sorry for the repeat on some ideas here.

So basically, this is why.

I'm not a spanko.  If this term is new to you, basically, from what I understand, it is someone that really likes being spanked.  Rarely will I ask the Duke for a spanking.  A few times I have in a playful way, a few times in a need to get my head on straight kind of way, but that's only been a few times.  I don't get all excited or happy knowing a spanking will be happy generally.

Yet, I'm not a spankno.  If this term is new to you, basically, from what I understand, it is someone that really dislikes being spanked.  Now, I don't like being spanked on the whole, but I don't hate it either.  It plays a real role in my marriage, and without it, DD would not be as effective for us.  It isn't our whole world, but still plays an important part.

So I'm somewhere in the middle.  I can't be a spanko and be honest with where I am in all this.  I can't be a spankno because I need this lifestyle too much.  So where did that leave me?

I realized, I am spanked so that I can get stress relief, spanked so that I can get rid of guilt, spanked so I remember who is in charge, spanked so I can make right wrongs I have done, and the list just goes on and on.  Basically, my quote is, "Spanked So My Marriage Works."

So, I started calling myself a Spankso.  :)  So there you have it.  I'm not really a spanko, not really a spankno, I'm a spankso.  I decided a few months ago I was proud of being one, so I made that silly paddle you see to the right of the blog.  It's who I am. 

I'm spanked so my marriage works.  That's it in a nutshell. :)

Hopefully that makes sense to anyone that asked me about it.  And yes, calling myself this probably shows how much of a geek/nerd I really am.  Oh well, you were going to find out at some point anyway. ;)

Have a great weekend everyone.  And again, thank you for your support last night and today, it just, meant so much to me.

PS, the Duke saw this post, and came at me with Blondie's pocket paddle, laughing and said, "We'll make sure you're a spankno after tonight."  STINKER!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Spanking Gone Bad - Any Advice?

Tonight we started our week of spankings. I ended up with four because of it. :( That has never happened. Ever. :( I wasn't going to post about this, but I have posted so much of the good, that I should be honest with the bad as well.

So the Duke spanked me, I went in to the spanking in a good place, but when he was done, I was all in a funk. It was a long day, good news, it doesn't look like I have a heart problem, bad news, I never get backed up, but that looks like what has caused the problem, and never really dealing with this before, I'm all out of whack. The 18 month old I look after has been sick, and cranky, and CRANKY. "Mom's" been needing extra help with shovelling and errands. D's {my diabetic cat} sugars are going crazy. I've been driving on horrible slipper/snow covered roads with mean drivers that get mad at me for going 10km under the speed limit, about 6 miles for you American folks, when the weather is bad, and a guy blaring his horn at me today for it was the last straw.  All I see around me is how behind I've gotten while I was sick, laundry, unkempt rooms, and I'm trying to get caught back up. And I'm stressed. And then I look around at how little I have to do, and can't imagine for the life of me why I am. I'm a nanny for goodness sake, nothing glamorous, or even close to rocket science. :( I could be doing so much more...

Anyway... so all of this, and I think that led me to my funk. All the sudden I felt like a different person. Not as in I just felt different, but I literally felt like someone completely different, like another being. I was defiant, I was closed off, the Duke tried to joke and bring me out of it, and walls just FLEW up around me. Spanking. Then, HOW DARE HE came through my mind, and I got more defiant. I was yelling at whoever it was that had taken over me to calm the freak down. To just let go and submit, but no way, this other person wasn't having it. She was mad, and she was not going to back down. The Duke went to do another spanking, and it ended up with us full out wrestling... I'm pretty strong, he's definitely stronger, but I can make it very hard for him in the mean time. He finally pinned me and spanked me for all I was worth. And then it happened. I hyperventilated. The spanking had to come to an abrupt halt because I couldn't breathe. It took a few minutes for that loud inhale sound to stop, but still, my breath took several minutes to return to me. I don't know what happened.

And then, I finally snapped out of it.   I was me again, but exhausted, like when I've woken up from a bad nap. All the sudden I was confused, I didn't really know why everything had happened, why I had acted that way, and it felt like there really had been someone else. It was so strange, and I was so tired, and limp, and just wanted to sleep.

I'm back to normal now, and we did another spanking so that we could end off on a good foot, this time a bit softer, with me going willingly over his lap.

I started bawling. I realized how little control I have over everything, and all the sudden, ensuring the Duke has control in our marriage was the last straw. All day I live a life where I don't call the shots, at anything. My boss works from home, and I love her, but she's so afraid of her kids becoming attached to someone other than her, that she's always over my shoulder. I do whatever "mom" needs, and I'm glad to, but it gets hard at times. I want to be a mom, and can't be. I want to get rid of this disease and get smaller, and fight and fight to do so, and get no where. And in so many other things, I have no control. I think part of it was a panic of losing myself, of what I want never really being important. I felt myself slipping away and all the sudden, felt who I was, what I want, no longer mattered.

But am I crazy? I don't remember this panic, this hyperventilating, this stepping outside of myself ever happening during a spanking, I'll have to go back through my posts to see, but I just don't recall it. It scared me. I didn't like it. It makes me feel like I've lost my mind. As hard as that third spanking was, as much as I hate that I hyperventilated, I think I needed it, I'm not sure I would have snapped out of it otherwise. The Duke was beating himself up for it, but I really think had he left me, it would NOT have been good at all.

Does all of this make me a bad submissive wife?  Have I just undid so much of the growth over the past year because I just couldn't give in tonight?  Or worse, led myself to believe in growth that wasn't there?

I hope I haven't made you all think I've gone completely postal. I hope I don't lose anyone because of this... but I would love to hear your points of view as well... I know tomorrow this will all be okay probably, so that is why I'm sharing all of this tonight, while it's still real, while it's my world at the moment.

And I got your comments from yesterday... just, wasn't in the head space tonight after everything to comment back... I'll try to tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

A Week Of Spankings

So, I'm getting better, still not 100%, but on the road to it.  :)  Because of this, the Duke and I have been talking about ways to help me get back into my routine.

One reason I need this, is because I actually have been forgetting to do some pretty basic things.  Dresses when I get home.  I can't remember this, for the life of me. :(  Making the bed in the morning, I was actually getting very good at this, um... not so much now.  I have remembered twice this week, but still, missed a day.  Making the bed with my puppies on the quilt now.  Thank you to the person that gave me the idea in the comments the other day. ;)  Hopefully you know who you are. ;)  I put all three of them on it now. :)  And I might... or might not... *cough* *cough* be sleeping with my new one every night... *cough*  does this make me stupidly childish?  I just can't believe how much that little guy means to me... I've never been so attached to a gift that I can remember.

Anyway, okay, back to topic.  So, in trying to get back into the swing of things, starting tomorrow night, I will be getting a spanking EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.  *GULP*  What is worse, is that it was half my idea.  Well, I wouldn't even say that. lol  I was thinking that might help me, so I went to the Duke and asked if I could ask him something. His reply? "You think you should have a spanking every day for a week, don't you?"  What the????  Okay guys, how in the world, of all the things I could have asked him, did he guess that one????  I literally gave no hints, I am not kidding.  And when should I start freaking out that he can read my mind???

So, he agrees, every day I'll get a spanking, and we'll go over the items I'm doing well on, and then go over some of the items I'm forgetting.  We have decided that this week we will only be looking at me doing some of my chores, making the bed, and putting on dresses.  The rest of my to do list can be added to over the next couple weeks, exercise being one, as we make sure I'm still recovering alright.

One worry, and one reason we're taking it slow, is that for about 30 hours or so this week, my heart felt fluttery, like it might be skipping beats, and racing to 96 beats or so while resting.  My friend who is a nurse said to keep an eye on it.  Once isn't a worry, a second time in the near future she said we'd need to go to the doctor and check for A-Fib... YIKES!!!  Prayer so welcome here, because, YIKES.  That freaked me clear out of my skin.  I happens every now and then going up to 120 beats a minute while resting, always with gas, so I thought it was just the gas causing it all... yeah, looks like that may not be the case.  But the good thing is, I looked it up, if you get it every few months for less than 48 hours, it's supposed to not be too big a deal... yeah, might be talking myself down here, lol.  Anyway, the Duke says I'm making an appointment on Monday to see my doctor, and I'm not allowed to argue.  He then thanked me for being willing to call my doctor.  I told him not to mistake being told to with being willing!  WOOPS!  Thankfully he did not call me on it. lol

So anyway, tonight I had the most energy I've had in a while.  Shoveled out a large section of "mom's" driveway.  Did two loads of laundry when I got home, put away the dishes from the drying rack, tidied up the kitchen, and part of the bedroom, and this morning even made the Duke's lunch!  Sorry Sweetie, for now, don't get too used to it. ;)  But I hope in time it becomes something I do more often for you. :)

I hope you are all having a good week out there.  And in the mean time, wish my very poor bottom a good week.  *gulp*  I've never been spanked more than two days in a row... at least that I can remember.  Heck, I've probably never been spanked more than two to three times in a week... Yeah, I'm a chicken, sue me. ;)  Remember, I'm a spankso, not a spanko.  :)  Here's hoping that changes so that I make it through the week easier.  :)

Monday, February 17, 2014

DD - For Life or A Phase?

I asked this question on the D&L forums the other day, and wanted to ask it here as well because it really is something I've spent time thinking on since I asked it.

A couple of weeks ago we were talking with a friend about DD. She and her fiance know about us now, and she had some questions. She had a question about it being a phase, and some things to ask about it. She did not mean that we were just doing it as a phase, but I was suprised to see the Duke speak up and tell her that if she thought it was just a phase, she had the wrong opinion of it. That DD was for life. If I ever withdrew consent, he'd abide by that, but he'd not feel any peace about it. He saw DD as a life long solution, and wanted her to realize that.

I was surprised first of all, because before DD, the Duke would never have stepped up and defended a belief of his like this. But second of all, part of me always felt I had guilted/forced/tricked the Duke into this lifestyle. I have always felt he is just doing this for me, and one day will get tired of it, and we will stop. This made me realize how much he's really into this, and that it is as much for him as it is for me.

But it made me wonder. Do some people feel this is only a phase thing for them? Something to help them learn and grow for now, and something they will move on past in a while? If so, how would you go about doing that? Do you think you'd miss the structure of DD once it's gone? Or would it be worth the freedoms you'd get?


---  I got different answers, some had done dd and don't now, some had a different perspective on how long it would last from their spouse thought, and some felt it was long term.  I found this all very interesting.  I love to study marriage and see how each couple makes theirs work.  So, I realized, I wanted to know what you all thought.  How do each of you in your marriages think about this?  Do you find you feel different about the duration than your spouse?  Is your goal to do this for life?  Or until a certain stage?

I have to admit, for us, I can't imagine to ever going back to life before DD, and from what I gather from a lot of the blogs I read, I think you feel the same, but maybe I'm just assuming because that is how I feel?

I'd love your point of views. :)

Saturday, February 15, 2014

My Valentine's Puppy Dog :)

I am not a huge stuffed animal fan.  They are cute, but I'm not all over the moon about them.  But the Duke has gotten me two stuffed animals since we have been together, and I love them.  The copper and white one below he got me when we were dating for Valentine's Day.


A few years later, probably about three years into our marriage, he got me the black and brown one you see above for Valentine's Day.  If you remember the picture of our cat J from Christmas, this dog FREAKS HIM OUT.  To show you how horrible I am... at times I will make it bark and wiggle around, just to seem him start to swat and attack it... yes, I am a horrible pet owner.  lol  {Just so you know, so is the Duke!  As I write this, he found the dogs out, and started freaking J out as well!  Just saying, lol.  And he's laughing at him as he swats at it.}

Well all the sudden this year I wanted another stuffed animal.  I am not a gifts person, it scored a whopping 1% on my Love Language tests once, and the other two times, scored a 0%.  But this year, I really wanted a stuffed animal.  I was going to ask for one, but then felt very firmly that it too should be a puppy dog.  I wondered why I didn't want a teddy bear, as that seems to be the norm, and then I remembered, the only other guy I ever dated, he gave me teddy bears for everything.  They crowded my room.  Birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, you name it.  And often with jewelry.  Sorry girls, I don't wear jewelry, I just don't.

So... I asked the Duke if I could have a stuffed puppy dog, about the size of the ones he'd gotten me in the past, or slightly larger.  And here he is!  Isn't he cute! :)  I told the Duke though that I don't know how good a friends we're going to be since he's refusing to let me have the rose.  ;)  I'm a bit embarrassed to say that he's currently in the crook of my left arm as I type this. :)


The Duke has said I have moments where I act all child like, and he wanted me to have this stuffy to help encourage those moments.  Apparently in those moments I'm more vulnerable, but more open and honest as well.  Not age play or anything, {and if that is your thing, there is no judgement here, we all have and use what works for us. :)} it's just a child like wonder and vulnerability I have in those moments... if that makes sense, and the Duke really likes that side of me.  Not sure why, but as long as it doesn't disgust him, good. :)

I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day, and if you didn't, well, why not try for today?  :)

Okay, time to really finish here, the Duke just took the first puppy he gave me, and had it drag its butt across our bed saying it was doing what doggies do when their bottoms itch!!!  Time to rescue my puppies!

Thursday, February 13, 2014

My Crying Spanking

Last night the Duke came in and declared a spanking, and said it was maintenance.  I hadn't told him I thought I still needed something from my spanking the night before, because by that point, I was overwhelmed with a problem in my head, and was trying to work it out.  I'm sad to say, that creeping up to 36 and still not being pregnant again was what was on my mind.  I hadn't thought about it in over a month I believe, and so it shocked me how intense the desire was.

So when the Duke said it was time for a maintenance, I knew it was what I needed, still, I moved slowly.  I knew it was going to be emotionally hard for me to get this spanking.  But over his lap I went.  The warm up was only about 30 swats.  And then when the real spanking began, I was only about five spanks in when I started bawling.  I don't mean just a little, my whole body was shaking from it.  The Duke stopped and asked if I was laughing.  When I didn't answer, he then asked if I was crying.  I still couldn't answer, I was shaking so bad from the sobs.  He apologized for making me cry, which made me giggle for a second in the middle of my tears.  The Duke has said that my tears during a spanking are beautiful, and he's even been tossing around the idea for about a month now on writing a post on it.  So I told him the tears were good.  He sat there and rubbed my back, and then after a bit, pulled me into his arms.

I can't believe how quickly I cried.  Maintenance for us is usually about 5-10 minutes, it gets quite hard at one point, and I can't remember the last time I cried during one.  But evidently I needed to.  After he held me, all was okay in my world again.

I had needed to cry, and just couldn't seem to on my own.  I don't know why a spanking allows that release, whether it's that physical pain that allows the emotional pain to release, or if it's being in the safety of the Duke's lap, but whatever it is, I am thankful for it.

I'm okay again if children don't come our way.  I'm okay with where our life is now.  Yes, according to a number of people, we are way behind on the American dream, no house, one car, no kids, student loan debt.  But, then I remembered something last night, apparently if you have a roof over your head, a car to drive, and food in your fridge and cupboards all at the same time, then you're in the top 3% of the richest people in the world.  And we have all that.  We may not have as much as others, but we still have been blessed, and that is what I have to focus on.  I may never have my house, my kids, or a fat bank account, and that's okay. :)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

A Too Short Dress

I caught up on blogs last night, so did not get to my comments, sorry.  But I will tonight as long as all goes as planned. :)

The Duke has been letting me not change into a dress when I get home because I've been sick since he made the rule.  But this week he let me know that was going to change.  So I washed up my dresses, and being too tired to hang them, put them in the dryer.  I did not realize that my second favorite dress could not be dried! :(  So yesterday he told me that I was going to start changing into dresses when I got home.  I slip the dress on, and it was A LOT shorter.  As in, it buttons all the way down the front and the bottom button was above my crotch. :(  The ribbon at the back that sat at my waist was now half way up my back. :(

I felt horrible.  It was a gift from the woman I call mom.  I felt horrible too because money is tight right now, usually is, and we don't have money to just throw away on me destroying clothes.  It said right on the label not to dry it, but I never look at lables.  I always wash clothes in cold water and hang them, so there really is no need.  But this time, there was.

The Duke told me after a while that I needed a spanking for it.  I told him it was an accident.  He let me know that he knew this, but he also knew I needed to let go of the guilt, and felt that a spanking would do this for me.  So over his lap I went.  He spanked fast and hard, I literally thought he had a paddle in his hand, he DID NOT.  I told him cheekily that if he could spank like that with his bare hand, I was hiding the paddles!!! :)

The spanking helped a bit... I realize now I should have asked for more, but tonight is maintenance I think, and so I think I'll talk to him about it then.  But it did help.  And I do know that he isn't upset with me for this mistake.  He also said that we can go to a second hand shop some time in the next couple of weeks and see if I can find a dress I like as he'd like me to have a few more.  Ruining that one means I have three now, and one skirt.  I think he'd like me to have at least five dresses.

Oh, and to show you more of the Duke's humour.  I needed some more chicken from the store down the street.  He asked if I was going to change first.  I said yes, I was not going to go down the street in a dress that didn't cover anything! {It was only him and I here so I didn't change out of the dress until bedtime}  He then said, "Of course you can't go like that, you need to put your shoes on before you go outside." and then smiled at me cheekily as if that was the only thing I had to fix before leaving the house. :)

The stinker.  But then he offered to go for me so that I could finish preparing the meals for the week I was working on.  I had stuff in the rice cooker, in the oven and the crock pot going, so it was so sweet of him to offer to go for me. :)

I hope you all have a good week, and I loved your comments and will get to them tonight.  PK, I'm going to have to make sure I'm ready for your comments from now on, lol, I literally ended up choking, I was laughing so hard at yours from yesterday.  lol

Monday, February 10, 2014

HOH FOR SALE!

When I told the Duke yesterday that I was going to do a post labled this, he just laughed his soft deep laugh and said "You go ahead and do that."

I love my hubby, I really do, and I realize that he is just taking care of me, but wow.  All weekend, the only thing I saw was my bed.  That's it.  I was allowed to go to the bathroom.  The BATHROOM! :(

He made all my meals, got everything I wanted, let me watch tv and be on the computer.  But I had to stay in bed. 

And tonight I really wanted five minutes grace on bedtime, but because I'm sick, I'm not going to get it. 

I love my husband, I do... but can someone please make me well again so I'm allowed to start doing stuff again??? ;)

This is all in jest, I know he's just worried, and he loves me, and I would NEVER want to get rid of him. :)  I just... have to remind myself of that sometimes when I am going postal stuck in my room.  ;)

I am on the mend, thank you all for your wonderful emails and comments.  Off to bed I go, have less than a minute to post this. :)  Night. :)

Friday, February 07, 2014

No! I'm A Good Girl! ;)

Side note, I do have strep after all, and the infection spread to my mouth, ears, sinuses, and possibly my glands.  I welcome your prayers as I'm so tired and miss eating.  I started the antibiotics today.

So, I sing at random times.  When taking a shower, when doing house work, and as was the case today, when getting dressed.

So, one line of the song I was singing is {scratchy like because of my cold}, "You rinse and you spit, but you don't swallow it."

The Duke's head whips around.  "What are you singing???"

I repeat the last line I'd just sung, laughing as I realize how it sounds.

"Are you being a bad girl?"  He's half shocked, half amused at me as I only listen to clean songs.  He was probably wondering where I picked up such a song.

So I rushed to answer.  "No, no, I'm being a good girl!  It's a Bubble Guppies song!  About brusing your teeth!"  Hey, I work with kids, one who loves the show.  It's not my fault!  Those songs are horribly catchy. lol

Later on, I asked what had shocked/bothered him more.  The idea of being able to spit it out, or that he thought I was singing a song about oral sex.  ;) ;) ;)  I'll leave you to guess his answer.

And in case anyone questions my honesty, this song is in the "Tooth On The Looth" episode. :)

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

The Duke Laughs

I hang out with a woman almost daily who is 70 years old.  For two more months, I am half her age, but I just love this woman to distraction.  So much so that I call her mom, even though there is no relation at all, and she calls me her adopted daughter.

We tease each other, the Duke and her tease each other even more.  It's what we do.

So tonight she was joking around, and then swore.  I pretended to be thoroughly shocked.  The Duke was in the other room, so I called out to him.  "Sweetie.  Mom said a bad word!"

He called out back.  "What did she say?"

I answered back.  "I'm not allowed to say!"

And then all you could hear from the other room was a low, deep chuckle that lasted several long seconds.  Nothing else.  LOL 

Yeah, NO WAY was I falling for that trap!  lol  I doubt that was what he meant it to be, but it still would have been my butt on the line had I answered! :)

Monday, February 03, 2014

Caretaker Duke

I am sick of being sick.  Yesterday my throat got really bad, and since then, it has been killing me to swallow, breathe, anything that requires my throat.  The doctor took a swab today to see if I have strep.  It was all I could do not to beg for the meds now, and not when the test results get in tomorrow.  I can't believe how much it hurts, and I can't talk.  No jokes on how blessed the Duke must be! ;)

Put that on top of wheezing lungs, stuffed sinuses, plugged ears, swollen glands, low grade fever and all out exhaustion, and I'm just a ball of fun to be around!  lol

But the Duke has been so wonderful.  I was able to do everything I had planned for HoH Day, except making him a good meal on Saturday night.  That is when the cold started wearing on me, so he got take out.  But everything else we were able to do. :)

And then, care taker mode went in on the Duke like I'd never seen before.  Except for going to the bathroom, and actually lifting my food off the plate to eat, there was not a thing I was allowed to do yesterday except be on the computer.  He brought me every meal in bed.  He went to the store twice, once to get orange juice, ice cream and cough drops, and then when someone told us that I should have gatorade instead of orange juice, he ran back out.  He kept bringing me in ice cream, and brought me in more blankets when I was so cold.

At one point I went to go put the laundry in the dryer, he put his hand up and said firmly "NO! Stay in bed." I told him he had his HoH Hat on firmly.   He laughed, and then proceeded to pretend to pry an imaginary hat off his head, yanking and pulling as if he was a mime, and then told me "Yeah, it's stuck on good!"  lol I had a good laugh.

He's becoming so dominant.  He wanted to take my temperature, and I didn't want to... but I was told I didn't have a choice in the matter, so in the thermometer went.  I mean, at that point, I wanted nothing in my mouth, it all hurt so bad... but he won.  I had a low grade fever.

There are other things too, but that man loves me, and didn't show once that he minded taking care of me.  I'm so thankful for him.  I'm so thankful for how far we've come.  He truly worries over my health now, something he didn't do before.  And let me tell you, it makes me feel like the most important person in the world to him when he gets all bossy to make sure I'm okay. :)

Duke, thank you for your care of me this past few days.  You are just wonderful. :)

Sunday, February 02, 2014

An Apology

The author of this site let me know that there is already an HoH Day, and so I am sorry for any toes I may have stepped on.

http://adomesticdisciplinesociety.blogspot.ca/2012/10/head-of-household-hoh-appreciation.html

I have already written him an apology letter, as I honestly did not know there was another HoH Day. I had looked around google search and checked with some of you seasoned bloggers.  I honestly did all I could to try to avoid this very mistake because I didn't want anyone hurt if an HoH Day already existed.  So, if anyone was hurt, I am sorry I missed this post, and am sorry that you were hurt.

I have also found the email from the original poster of HoH Day in 2012 and wrote them an apology letter and hope they receive it.  Their blog is no longer posted to, so I cannot guarantee they still check their email, so if you know of a more current email for Cowgirl, I'd greatly appreciate it. 

Again, I am truly sorry if anyone was hurt.

***  Thank you for all the supportive things you guys have been saying.  I had hoped to do this event yearly, and seeing how everyone feels, feel that I will do so. :)  I am glad I did not step on toes.  So I will keep the award, and next year, do another one for either February 1st, or the first weekend of every February.  Before next year I'll ask around to see what people think would work best.  I am glad you guys had such a wonderful day focused on your HoH. :)

Saturday, February 01, 2014

Happy HoH Day!

I have felt so good doing things for the Duke so far, and still have a few things left. :)  And he is liking today so far too. :)  If you want to participate, here are some ideas. :)

I'm going to steal a few minutes right now to write my letter to the Duke.

Dear Duke,

I love you.  And that has a deeper meaning for me now than it ever has before.  I always worried that with my past, I would never full be able to feel love, nor feel loved.  You have proved to me that both were possible.  The amount I love you amazes me, the amount I feel your love in return, overwhelms me, and literally makes my heart smile.  Thank you!

One way you make me feel loved, is your intense need now to know how I'm doing.  You don't just assume I'm okay.  You check with me several times a day to make sure I'm okay.  That makes me feel special and important.  It makes me realize that how I am really matters to you, and that if I'm not okay, you're going to do all you can to make sure I end up being okay.

Another way you make me feel loved is how much time you like to spend with me now.  I dont' know if it's because we have more fun together, or I'm in a less dark place and I'm funner to be around, or what, but I love that you like spending time with me again.  And because of that, I have more fun in general, I feel confident with you behind me, and knowing that, I can let go, and just relax.  I laugh more, I smile more, and I feel more happy.  It wasn't your job to make me happy, I have to own that, yet, somehow, you still found a way to do so.  Thank you.

And the last reason I'll share here today is your ownership.  You take your role as my leader and protector very seriously.  I feel so safe when you hold me close, when you lead me through a store, when you sit with me when I am afraid.  And even more so, you protect me from myself.  When I am upset, you tell me to calm down so I won't do or think things I'll regret later.  When I am depressed and want to crawl into my little shell and just wallow there, you demand that I talk to you.  When I am unwell, you tell me I am to sit down and relax and let you help me, and you tell me in a way that brokes no argument.  I just, feel like I am held accountable to you, and that means a lot to me.

Duke, I just, I didn't know I could be this special to someone.  Thinking of it brings tears to my eyes, I'm so overwhelmed, in a good way.  Thank you for seeing the good in me when I was unable to, and then making me believe it as well.  I will never stop being thankful for you.  {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}  I love you so much.


This award is for you, for all that you do, all that I know about, and all that I don't.  Thank you for being such a GREAT HOH to me. :)

Love, Your Sweetie.