We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Wednesday, November 04, 2015

I Read Somewhere That DD Was Bad, BUT...

It can be interesting while you are looking up new things on DD to see the opinions that are really out there.  Today I came upon a post that a couple had written about how bad DD was.  They then said that the people that practiced it called it a need in their marriage.  They then went on to say how ridiculous that was because then what would we say about single people and widows?  If it was a need, then how would singles and widows every get any help?

I might be a little out of it here... but aren't there always going to be needs in marriage that you won't have fulfilled outside of marriage?  Sex?  Constant companionship?  Being help mates?  A man around the house to kill the spiders in the shower?  The lists could go on and on.  Do we just abandon these needs because they can't be met in the same way when one is single or widowed?  I had needs when I was single that weren't met then that are now, but that doesn't mean I said they had no value.  I just had to wait for a time for them to be met.  Just because I wasn't married didn't mean they didn't exist.

I don't know about some people, I can't speak for any other couple, but I will speak for us.  I can say that at one point, we NEEDED DD.  Needed it with our very breath.  Now we still want to practice, but it isn't so need driven.  But, I really believe our marriage would have died without it.  Was it the fact that the Duke spanked me that saved our marriage.  Psshhh, not a chance, and in a way, YES.

Spanking means the Duke needed to take responsibility, he had to hold me accountable, and to do that, he needed to step up and learn to lead.  I had to learn to submit, I had to learn how to take a punishment, I had to learn how to follow.  And in that, we had to talk, A LOT.  Still do.  If DD taught us nothing else, it taught us to talk, about everything.  Our communication had completely died.  If I had to give up DD forever, I'd still be thankful for the communication skills we learned because of it.  We learned to not only talk about everything, but to do so without judgement.  To know we could share everything, no matter how seemingly bad or embarrassing.  Secrets, even things that didn't seem to be secrets, were no longer kept.  Everything came out in the open.

There will always be people that look down on this lifestyle, which is too bad. Even though I fully believe DD probably isn't for even half the marriages out there, it's sad that people may close off a door that could bless their marriage before even giving the idea a real chance because they look at one aspect they don't like, and so figure the whole practice is garbage.  How much we miss in life if we live that way.

DD may not be such a need now, but we NEEDED the lessons it taught us.  Whether we would need those being single or widowed, doesn't matter right now.  We're married, and so we base our needs on that fact.  And so we practice DD, because it's what our marriage needed to survive.  I will not be ashamed of this fact.  In fact I'm happy, proud, humbled, and so thankful to have found this great tool to help solidify our marriage.  The Duke read this too, and he agrees.  We needed this, and there is no shame in that.

Sunday, November 01, 2015

It Ebbs and Flows

This year is so different than I thought it would look like.

First we had a baby.  Then Duke had a horrible accident.  Only a few of you knew before now, but we just bought and moved into our first house.  The Duke's work is changing and moving.  My best friend and I said that 2015 was going to be our year because of how many bad years we'd had leading up to it.  Boy, BECAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.  Such a blessed year, but overwhelming at times, and exhausting.  I wouldn't change a thing, well maybe that the Duke hadn't crashed, but even in that there were numerous blessings that resulted.  A beautiful, loved filled year, but none the less exhausting.

DD is getting back on track.  I've not stepped away from the online world, even though I haven't been blogging.  I have been on a forum, and have been leading a chat night each week again.  I find myself craving talking to other couples, and this way there is so much feedback. 

We have decided to start to read some DD articles and blog posts over the next bit.  It would be nice to get other prospectives again, and to see if there are ways we can be growing that we're currently not working on.

One area to work on is my pain threshhold.  I cannot take near as painful a spanking as I could before the baby.  It amazes both the Duke and I how much I struggle, and then flat out break down because the pain is too much.  I feel a wimp, I feel a failure at times that I used to be able to stay in place, and now, I flail all over the place.  I will continue to work at it, but as I do, the Duke is compassionately using less force in his spankings as well.  I still get the message LOUD and CLEAR when he goes lighter. :)

I am so thankful for this man, that you know only as The Duke.  He completes me.  Part of me feels that might be wrong to say as I have a strong belief in God, and truly, He completes me.  But I feel He's used the Duke to do so as well.  Things have been hard this year, we are not at our best, and are not loving each other at 100% capacity, but still we work together, we help each other, we exhaustingly make sure each other is cared for at the end of each day.

This beautifully exhausting year has made me so very thankful for all that I have.  DD ebbs and flows, it changes week to week.  Sometimes it is strong, and others it might have to sit completely on the back burner.  But it's always there.  It's always a tool that helps us get through.  We are working on making it a bit stronger, a bit more present, but I also can't deny that without it in the past, we would not be where we are now.  Even on weeks it's on the back burner, we learned a lot of other things that help us get through the day to day.

We have learned to talk.  We did not do that since our dating days until we started DD.
I have learned not to think of my needs first because he no longer ignores them.
We still struggle on admitting when we need help, but we have grown.
I am much less likely to be disrespectful in my thoughts.  If I think something disrespectful, there is a voice in my head that instantly says that isn't true, and if it is, to give it context.
Even when I am exhausted, I still try to find a way to bless the Duke each day.  Whether with a great kiss, a meal he likes, doing a chore for him, or what have you.

We plug along, and as I always hope, hopefully soon we'll have more time to commit back to this lifestyle because with it, I am so much stronger, and in honesty, so is he. :)

Friday, August 07, 2015


I didn't realize while updating that to reposts my posts, would literally fill up your blogroll reader feeds! :(

I am so sorry.  So instead of going and approving several posts several times a day, I'll preview a bunch each day, and early in the morning post them... hopefully this will keep you from missing  your posts from other blogs. 

Again, I am SOOO SORRY about that. :(

Thursday, August 06, 2015

Under Construction

It seems only fitting as we are reworking DD that our blog get a makeover.  But it won't show up in the look.  I just have been feeling that I need to edit some posts, and completely delete others.  I used to be very open about who we are.  To the point people who know us would know this is our blog.  So I'm going to go through every post and repost what I feel is safe.  It might take a few weeks, but I feel this is necessary for our family.  I will try to do some of our most popular posts tomorrow, and then work my way back from the beginning. I hope you can be patient while I do this. :)

Thank you.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

We Finally Did It

We had to end up waiting until this past Monday night, but we finally got that first spanking out of the way.

I should have remembered that what I think and what the Duke thinks can be two totally different things, even if we're speaking the EXACT same words.  I thought we'd be going into an easy spanking, just to get us back into the swing of things.  The Duke thought it was an easy spanking, but also wanted force behind it so that I'd take our new start seriously.  I was surprised that I was trying to climb off his lap within the first five seconds.  I can hold my position, we worked hard at that.  But that night, I couldn't have been paid enough money to do so.  I tried, I told myself to behave, to handle it, but I couldn't.

And so you can probably guess that it wasn't long before the tears were coming.  I don't think I got the full emotional release I probably needed, but it was a good start.  Afterwards I wanted to get up and walk away.  But I forced myself to stay and to crawl into the Duke's lap.  It felt odd being there, and showed me just how much things have changed for us over this past year.

I am so looking forward to getting back together as we were, even with our household being different now.  I look forward to more conversations.  To the Duke learning to lead again.  To me learning to let go again.  To us learning to work together more as a team, something that seemed to fall apart when the accident happened.

I have so many hopes, and am so excited.  Through it all though, I'm trying to keep my expectations realistic.  I love this man so much, and am glad it's him I get to go on this journey with as we get back into DD. :)

The Duke's Deductions:

Hi guys.

Yes it was our first spanking in a long time, and this is my first time blogging in a long time. I imagine it is going to take a while to get the cobwebs out and get used to again. Again, I thought I was doing a light spanking, but EsMay started jumping at the warm up lol. I hadn't even moved on to the paddle yet. I got her to settle down and cooperate again. It was good being able to spank her again and feel that feeling of being the one in control. We went to the paddle after the warm up and I thought I was being pretty light with that. It felt good in my hands and good to have my wife submit to the the spanking. I know she found it too hard so it seems we have a few things to figure out in terms of spanking force and quantity I suppose but that is ok, this lifestyle is partly about figuring things out together. Life has been stressful this year so I am hoping this will take away some of the stress. We also went away from home together for a few days this past week so I am hoping this closeness and bonding time will help with the spankings. Anyway, have a good evening.