UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Feeling Loved

I want to first of all apologize that my background keeps changing every few weeks.  Still trying to create one that is me.  I think this is the closest yet.  It would be near perfect, but I have to save the file as a jpg to make it a small enough file, and it's making part of it all pixelated to do so. :(  I might just give in and get a background that is premade and all pretty. (Since posting this I was able to get it to look right, so might keep it) Let me know if the background is too busy for any of you on this one.  I had a similar background already to go, but it was all in shades of pink, and it proved to be TOOO much, too much pink, and way too busy.  lol  (And No, my house, or anything I wear, is NOT this girly.  LOL  But it just seems right for how I feel about DD, and my husband.  If you saw me though, and saw my house, you'd think I was more of a tomboy. hehe)

So anyway.  The last few days have been quite an adventure. 

On Sunday we tried our maintenance.  It didn't go well.  We were supposed to do it on Saturday night, but I had a girls night.  It started at six and was supposed to end around nine, but I loved it when people stayed until 11:30.  That always lets me know I did a good job, and people are enjoying themselves. :)  So that pushed maintenance to Sunday.

The problem was, until Wednesday last week, the Duke was doing good.  He was stepping up, he was being in charge, he was putting his foot down.  Thursday, gone.  Literally, he disappeared and was back to the old husband I'd lived with all along.  I spring cleaned this place from top to bottom, TWICE in the past two months, as I've said before.  Thursday night I just needed his help moving a desk.  It's about 200lbs.  I can move it on my own, but it's very hard, and now the washer we have sticks out into the hallway a bit further than it used to (there is a cut out in the hallway for it) and so it would have been near impossible for me to do on my own, especially without risking hurting myself, a lot because the desk has to be tipped up on it's side to go down the hallway.  Well, I asked the Duke for help, and he gave me a huff of a sigh. :(  I looked around the apartment at the several hours of work I had done that day alone, and I do know he worked all day, but I just needed ten minutes.

Something similar happened on Friday night.  I just needed a bit of help with something I couldn't do on my own.  Nothing big, I can't even remember what it was now, I just remember I couldn't do it alone.  Saturday came, I had the whole place now cleaned from top to bottom.  All I asked of him, because my back was giving out from all I had done all week, was to sweep the kitchen and bathroom, and do the cats' litter.  I cleaned everything else, right down to washing some walls. 

I really didn't feel I'd asked much of him.  While off work I took over all the chores except garbage and cat litter.  But it seemed that the less he had to be responsible for, the less he was willing to help.  Saturday night after everyone left, I knew I needed his help for ten minutes, so I asked for it, knowing he'd huff again like every other time.  I hadn't had a chance yet to run the wires for my office, I just needed him to stand on the other side of the wall to grab the wires as they wouldn't pass through on their own.  It did end up taking a few more minutes, but then we were done.  I only needed it done that night because we'd had no time before to do it, and I needed to know if they were long enough or else I'd have to buy new wires after church.  They were long enough, JUST. Whew. :)

Anyway, come Sunday, I felt like such a burden.  Here I was, doing all this to please him, cleaning the place, making it more relaxing for him, more relaxing so I could be less stressed for him.  I doubt in all those days he even had to do 45 minutes of work.  So when he wanted to do maintenance, I felt so low.  What had happened?  Why was I such a bother?  Was he getting frustrated?  Would it build up and he'd just leave?

So maintenance did not go well.  I ended up frustrated.  I didn't yell, but I did VERY strongly put across my point of how I asked him to do so little to help me, and that I'd worked my butt off every day and night getting our place all cleaned, organized, set up for the office, and finally decluttered.  I've never been this good at decluttering by half, neither has he.  I felt all my pride in my accomplishment go flat.  It no longer felt special that I had been able to do what I'd never been able to before.

Nothing got settled that night, no matter how much we tried.  The next night, we talked.  Monday is our DD evaluation night now.  We established that in boot camp.  He listened.  Really listened.  That night I got another maintenance.  OUCH!  He's NEVER spanked me that hard.  He said it was because apparently the night before hadn't been hard enought.  I couldn't stay still, I tried, it hurt way too much.  So he held me in his new favourite position. :(  You know, the one where he's at the head of the bed, I'm over his right knee, his left one holding my legs down, his right arm holding my back down and his left hand is swinging.  (He's right handed, so glad he used his left, his right would have killed me!)  He kept spanking, and I kept flailing.  I felt so bad about that, I just couldn't stay still.  Then it happened.  What so many of you have talked about, and has never happened to me.  After several minutes, I flopped.  I lay there like a limp noodle over his knee.  He told me that was good, that was how I was supposed to take a spanking.  His insistence surprised me.

I also had a panic attack in the middle, the being held down, I couldn't breathe.  He relaxed his hold, A BIT, and talked me through it.  I was upset with him at the time, why wouldn't he just let me go?  But now I am so glad he didn't.  I needed that spanking.  I needed that reset.  After that I was back to my old playful self again.  Which earned me three sets of swats!  *blush*  But all in good fun. :)

I had saved some documents for him lately, and he read a couple of them last night.  The ones he'd read were the one Mick wrote about a year ago or so for Hoh's and also "I Need" that Willie wrote last week. I added a few things of my own to that list, and then wrote just a few words about why each line was so important to me. It really helped drive the point home.

Later on I wanted to finish my blog look, so when he told me to go to bed, I asked for three more minutes, which ended up being twenty.  At eighteen minutes after my bedtime, he told me to get to bed, NOW... I did... a minute later... but first I opened an email, and replied one sentence to another email I really wanted to send.  I admitted this when we were doing our devotions in bed.  I got swatted for it.  And I felt so loved!

I feel so cared for when he steps up.  Why can't I feel like this when he steps back and off the ball?  He says he doesn't love me any less when he does that... maybe it's because my love languages are Quality Time and Physical Touch.  Both of which a spanking and the cuddle time afterwards give me.  I'll have to think on that.  Do any of you find that your Love Language helps define DD in your marriage?

PS, went to the kitchen after writing this to do last night's dishes, and they are all done!  Okay, maybe I'm PMSing because that makes me want to bawl.  LOL  Wow, I guess our talked really helped.  I feel a bit guilty now for being so hard on him. :(

16 comments:

  1. Sometimes when StrongMan is being distant, grouchy, reluctant to help with whatever task I think I need to have done right now.... I later find out that he was under enormous stress of his own and one more thing was just one more thing that was too much. Maybe the Duke is having some stresses you are unaware of? Either way, I am glad things are better now. Hope it's smooth sailing through the weekend too. :)

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    1. He was a bit stressed. He has been worried about me going back to work, and if it will all work out alright. I really wanted to be sensitive to it, but it still hurt when he was so reluctant to help.

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  2. I commend you for asking for help, even though you knew what his reaction would be. If it were me I would have done it myself and then ended up hurt. Ya, I'm smart like that.
    I like the way that you guys were able to talk and "maintain" and get things corrected.
    Glad things are better now....

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    1. I used to be that way, but I think I would have ended up with an ever crankier husband had I hurt myself. LOL And thank you, I'm glad things are better now too. :)

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  3. I'm glad that the two of you worked through it and you find yourself in a better place now. And I think the new blog design looks great! :)

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    1. I am glad that you like it. :) I really like the ribbon and the buttons, still unsure of the background behind. LOL And I am in a better place now, thank you. :)

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  4. Congrats on the spring cleaning! We try to keep our place fairly clean but we have this one cat that seems set on making a mess. It would be comical if it wasn't for the fact that we have to clean up after him. Anytime we pick things up and put them away he comes through and knocks things over. I swear he does it on purpose lol. I remember one day I went through and picked up everything in the bedroom, living room and kitchen. I spent a long time cleaning and was proud of myself. Then off I go to work and Tm gets home before me. Well I come home to find him stressing about the mess. What? Didn't I just clean it up? Darn cat had spent the afternoon running around knocking things over.

    Anyhow I am glad things worked out for you there in the end and even if it didn't feel good, due to circumstances, at the time I am sure it feels nice now knowing what you accomplished and having it all cleaned. It's always nice to feel loved. :)

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    1. I WOULD GO CRAZY! lol It can be so hard to keep up with as it is, if the cats did that, I'd go postal. LOL One of the cats will knock something over from time to time, and once when it was a potted plant right over where I sit one morning, I was none to happy. But thankfully they are usually very good. You poor thing!

      And you are right, it does feel great to have it clean! :)

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  5. I think knowing each other's Love Language plays a huge part in any relationship!

    And I know I have to fight that yucky feeling that sneaks in whenever it feels like my hubby takes what seems to be a step away from me; like going back to "his stuff" after a wonderful weekend away or after an incredibly intimate experience, like you had with bootcamp.

    I have to give myself a pep-talk to remind me that he's got other things on his mind as well as loving me, and that he's a "Waffle" and I'm "Spaghetti", lol! (a book about men keeping things compartmentalized in their little "waffle squares", and women liking things - or at least being able to handle things - all mixed together) I hope that visual can encourage you too ~ ((hugs!))

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    1. I do agree Love Languages play a huge roll. We have never been able to find out the Duke's. We do know that Gifts isn't one, but the other four, well, he gets about an even score on them all. I do think though that Words of Affirmation is probably his highest, and Acts of Service. He loves it when I bring him his plate of food all made up, instead of doing it up himself.

      Waffle and Spaghetti, lol, I had heard about that a while ago, but not much about it, so I forgot. What an idea, but probably so true. :)

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  6. Noodle over his knee--yup. How do they just know that this is how it is supposed to end. It's not like it's something you talk about. :)

    It sounds like you two are doing really well Es May.

    Oh...the background is pretty. It is busy but if I keep my eyes in the middle it is okay b/c your print is big enough and the background is light.

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    1. I know... I never told him I was supposed to go limp! Grrr, lol. And as soon as I did, he was so proud of me. I told him later not to be, I had no control over it. LOL

      Does the background bother your eyes? Because I want it to be okay for everyone, and I'm still not sure I'm crazy about it. I really like the ribbon and buttons though, but still thinking on the background. ;) So if it bothers your eyes, I'll fix it sooner than later. :)

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  7. Hi Es May,

    I'm so glad you were able to work through it and are in a much better place. It does sound as though you two are doing really well to me. I understand that feeling of not feeling cared for when he takes a step back.

    "Why can't I feel like this when he steps back and off the ball? He says he doesn't love me any less when he does that". I love that line. It's so important to remember that they don't love us any less, and that they haven't given up.

    I love the new design, very pretty :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. I am glad you like that line, I don't think I thought as much about it when I wrote it, but now it really has me thinking. :) I do have to remember that he hasn't given up, just may need a break.

      Thank you, I am glad you like the new look.

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  8. Aw, it's hard to go through those phases when it just doesn't seem right, and you end up frustrated, but it sounds like you guys worked through it wonderfully and things are going well now. :)

    I love the new design/background, very cute! :)

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    1. Yes, it was so good to have it all worked out. :) And I'm glad you like the background. :)

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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