UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Saturday, March 11, 2017

"I do NOT want you to worry about this."

Those are the words that the Duke said to me yesterday when I started to fret over how to tighten up the budget when he got another warning at work for not meeting his sales target.  When his job switched between companies, he was told he would have the same position, which technically he does.  But now they care about sales, and not customer service.  A bad move for the company I think.  Not once in over a year has he been Q&A'ed over how he serves the customer. 

Anyway, I was worried.  He works so hard, his job is very stressful, and he still gives and gives at his job.  And in fact, there are many times he can't meet his quota because there isn't enough customers that meet the criteria for a sale.  Which REALLY bothers me!  How can he be held responsible for something that is impossible for him to accomplish?  Anyway... sorry, little rant.

So when I worried about what to do it if he lost his job, he put his foot down.  Plain and simple, and FIRMLY said.  "I do NOT want you to worry about this."  Of course, my worry got the best of me and I spoke to challenge him... :(  "But I am responsible for the budget, and I need to be working even harder to save us money right now, and..." "I DO NOT want you worrying about this."

*GULP*

Okay.  It is one command I will struggle to obey, but will definitely work on.  Since he is the bread winner in our family, that makes it even more stressful.  I make a bit of money on the side, but no where near enough to cover our expenses.  We do have money saved up, but just shy of the amount needed to replace our oil tank and furnace that have to be replaced in two months.  Actually we have enough for the replacement, but have decided to go $500 more and get a heat pump with forced air instead as it will be much cheaper in the long run.   We will have enough in two months for that, but that leaves no room for needing money for if he loses his job.  We've been trying to save all we can, and still, the house and car have needed repairs, we both missed A LOT of work in February because of winter storms, add a few other unexpected things, and it's all just set us so that our little emergency fund to get us through if a job was lost is now depleted.  But God has never let us go without before, so we just have to trust, and I have to sit down and trust that I can do as the Duke asks of me.  To NOT worry about it... Hope I can do it. :)

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

Last Night

I want to thank everyone that wrote to help calm me down.

All that work up, and nothing happened.  Our daughter got a fever, and with freezing temperatures outside, we decided we had to keep her home, and the Duke did not want me to go by myself.  So I ended up not meeting with my sister after all.  So now I just hope this is the end for now.  I am sad that things have gotten to this point, but the Duke doesn't want me talking to her anymore.  And that actually feels great.  This isn't my decision.  I would decide to keep putting up with the abuse, feeling I had to to keep our relationship going.  But the Duke sees that that isn't good for me.  I feel such relief that this decision is made for me!  I don't need to feel guilty for stepping back either, I'm just obey my husband.  It's out of my hands. :)

Monday, February 06, 2017

Terrified :(

Today my submission is being tested to a completely new level.  Today I do not want to do something with my whole heart. 

I think I mentioned it a bit ago about a sister that believes I have lied to her, and now has brought up more and more things she thinks I've lied about in the past.  It has been one horrible phone call after another.  Thankfully, the Duke says he no longer wants me to talk to her... AFTER he wants me to visit with her tonight because she's in town.  He is going with me... and my parents are supposed to be there... but I'm still TERRIFIED.  She says everything she's accused me of has been in love to help me bring the truth to light.  But I have told the truth, everyone in my family believes I've told the truth except for her.  She even went so far as to get her family to call and sing happy birthday to my daughter, and then ask to speak to me alone just to accuse me again.  It ruined the day for me, and I spent an hour in tears.  I don't want to talk to her anymore.  I don't want to see her. I have done all I can to keep the peace and still she attacks.

But, I'm going.  The Duke wants me to.  He feels we should show the more mature side in this.  I literally feel like I'm going to throw up.  Thankfully the Duke has also said if she tries even for a second to bring up all this garbage, or accuse me of anything, he will tell her we will not be discussing it, and that it is time for us to leave.  Part of me hopes she says nothing, part of me hopes she says something in the first two minutes so we can turn right back around and leave.

This is NOT going to be a fun night for me. :(  I really, really, REALLY would rather not go. :(  I have a broken toe... that didn't work as an excuse. :P  *SIGH*

Maybe afterwards I'll ask for a spanking to get rid of the stress.  We haven't done one lately, with parents now living with us, we get little time alone... but it might be a night to do it.