UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Duke Post #2

Hi guys,

I wanted to talk to you guys today about something I've read recently. I've been reading Clint's book on Consistency in DD that my wife purchased for us recently and something about it struck. The book was talking about reasons why the husband might be inconsistent, and it was talking the situation where the wife goes to the husband to request DD. In this situation, the husband may agree to try DD, but not be as fully committed to it as his wife is. The book talks about how the husband will give in to his wife's request because he sees it makes her happy.

I feel like this idea relates to leadership and decision-making in general. I realize that I often lack true leadership in some decisions made in the past, the reason being is that in my mind the reason I make my decision is trying to do what I think will make my wife happy, instead of really making a proper decision. To be a true leader, even in a marriage, will mean making hard decisions that may not make everyone happy. Certainly I want to make my wife happy, but that doesn't mean I should make a decision that I feel strongly against. or disagree with. In the future, I will need to take this into consideration when making decisions that affect our household. However, my personality is the type that will go along with what other people (such as my wife) are saying because a lot of the time keeping the peace is more important to me. This just means it will be an ongoing process to try to go against my nature at times, but I believe it will be worth it to have the best marriage possible.

Anyway, hope to talk to you guys again sometime soon.

The Duke.

14 comments:

  1. Love this post Duke! I'm going to have to share it with my husband, because he's the same way and I think this might help him. Thanks for posting, nice to hear from you. :)

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    1. Thank you Kenzie. Any little bit I can help another is good.

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  2. This is such a wonderful, thoughtful post Duke. While any husband desires to keep the peace and make his wife happy, being head of household means making the best decision for the family as a whole.

    I can appreciate this is not easy and it's something I think a lot of HoH's wrestle with.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz. It can be hard for a person to overcome their usual behaviour, but I believe it will be worth the effort.

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  3. Barney has mentioned this very issue to me on several occasions when discussing why we struggle with ttwd. It apparently takes a long time to reprogram oneself.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts Duke. I'm sure Barney won't feel as frustrated with himself knowing he isn't alone in this aspect of it!
    willie

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    1. Thank you Wilma. It's encouraging to know there are other husbands in similar situations as myself.

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  4. Great post. I'm going to share it with my husband too. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thank you Sarah. I hope it helps your husband.

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  5. Thank you for your thoughts, Duke.

    I think that it's similar with my husband too. He desires to make me happy and his leadership style tends to be more on the "diplomatic" side. He prefers to gather in information & opinions before making a final decision. I don't see it as weak or flawed, just how he's wired - and I respect him because even in his gentleness, he is firm. And I guess my part is to make sure he knows that! :)

    Cali

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    1. Hi Cali,

      Thank you for commenting on my post. Every couple works differently, but it's cool to hear how your marriage works. I do feel like I want to be sure of something before I make a decision a lot of times.

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  6. I have considered purchasing the book myself, because my husband struggles with punishing me. Any excuse for grace, and it doesn't happen. I'm glad that you are reading what is best. I'm also glad that you are giving grace, when it is actually very necessary. I'm praying for your wife, that she gets well soon. God bless you both, Belle L.

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    1. Thank you for commenting on my post Belle. God bless you as well. I think you won't regret buying Clint's book. All of the books from them that we have bought I feel are well worth the money. I think a lot of work went into the making of them.

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  7. I think that was part of the problem we have been having with DD. We were having some issues and it came out that he started DD just to please me but his heart wasn't really into it. After a big talk he decided that he did really support it and liked the changes that were taking place, in himself as well as me.

    It's nice to hear things from the Hoh side so thanks for sharing :)

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    1. Yeah I think this is a common thing Mischief. A lot of it I think though is that if a lot of husbands just took the time to really think about it, they would see the positive changes that are occurring in a DD relationship. Thank you for your comment Mischief.

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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