I wanted to write today about something that has been going through my head. The other day I was stuck between two cars as in the image below.
I wonder at times if I am one of these two cars. The line for me not to cross is clearly marked in many instances. Yet, sometimes, I ride the line as close as I can, like a child testing the line, just because it's so close to what I want. Almost like I'm tempting myself with what I can't have until I no longer have any strength and accidentaly cross over the line. ie, bedtime. I say, oh, just five minutes more. But then that turns into 30, and then that makes me five minutes late for bed, but oh wait, I haven't gone to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, gotten dressed, or anything. So by the time I'm done, I've not just hovered over the line, I'm WAY over it.
But then on other issues, like being disrespectful, bowing to the Duke's wishes, trying to keep a submissive mindset, I tend to be far away from the line, hugging the other wall, doing all I can to be good, respectful, and show the Duke my submission. Like me getting dresses and pretty things lately for the Duke. That's me hugging the wall, liking the safe place. Me going to bed too late, that's me line riding.
So I feel I have to be more like my driving. 2/3 of the way in between, or even closer to the outside line. I have to stop testing those limits. Yes, I want to stay up as long as I can, but it's not good for me, and more, I've promised the Duke I will work on getting to bed earlier, therefore ensuring I'm going to be in a better mood the next day so that I'm more likely to be submissive in other areas of my life as well.
So what about you? Do you find you're a Line Rider? Or a Wall Hugger? Or like with me, do you find it depends on the issue? So, everyone out there in blogland, I want to give you full permission on my blog. If I'm ever pushing limits, and you see this, feel free to call me a Line Rider and make me realize what I'm doing, and that this isn't what I want to be. More often than not, I want to find myself hugging that wall. It's safer, it's comforting, it's where the Duke's arms are always there to catch me. It's where I'm not making him question himself, and where I'm aiding in the harmony of our marriage. I really am glad this small little thing happened to me to make me think.
So here I am, a Spankso, a Submissive Wife, a Needer of a Firm Hand and Strong Voice, a Person Dependant on a Schedule, a Dress Wearer, a Blogger, and now a Wall Hugger. I wonder what is next for me to find out about myself, or a goal to aim towards. :)