I've disappeared for over a week, and I'm sorry about that. It's been an emotional week, and it took a lot of processing for me. We had something happen out of our control last week, and it was really hard emotionally to get through... I just had to deal with it and needed a lot of alone time to do so, so I am sorry that I am behind on your blogs as well.
But during that time, I've been learning a lot about DD as well and about our marriage.
Over the past few months, I've been on over kill with having a reved up libido. Not sure why, but I've been going crazy. I think it might be the hormone vitamins I'm on, but can't say for certain. There have been a few nights where I'm still awake at 3 in the morning because I can't sleep, my body is just too wild. It's caused a lot of stress for me, and in the past, I would never have let the Duke know about it. I thought I was a burden to him in this department. The Duke never really sought me out for intimacies. If we were intimate, it was because I brought it up, but I was always reluctant to do so for some reason. Now, this year with DD, he has initiated more, but I am still nervous to initiate myself. But I needed to last week, I was up until 4 in the morning one night because I literally had not slept until that point and knew that us being intimate was going to be the only way I was going to get any sleep at all because I was so reved up. That is when the rule was made, the Duke said he wants me to tell him whenever I'm struggling like that, even if it's ten times a day, even if it's 4 in the morning. It has made it a lot easier for me to admit. and I'm actually kind of glad, it helps me see that me having a more reved libido than him is not something he is upset with me for.
Another thing I am learning is that the Duke does not think of things often on his own. He just doesn't, and honestly, he never did. So me thinking, oh, he'll come up with things on his own for DD, well that just isn't going to happen. So I took him some ideas you guys gave me last week, and now he wants me wearing dresses when I'm at home. So this week I bought three dresses, and when a friend of mine found out, gave me a dress she bought and never wore. So I have a skirt I already had, and four dresses, and have been wearing them the last few days. It makes me feel good to wear them, and I actually feel more feminine. I've never really gone around wearing dresses, and my not owning any since we got married will really show this point.
The Duke and I have had more talks, and I'm realizing I need to set some more things in DD and not just wait for him. So, I'm trying to show more submission without him going for it first. I'm asking permission for everything I do now. I know it was weirding him out a bit, but he's getting more comfortable about it. Imagine my surprise the other day when I asked if I could buy a book, and he asked me to tell him what it was about first. I hesitantly told him, worried that he thought my increased libido was from reading books, and would say no. But that wasn't his reason, he just wanted to be able to make a decision and wanted the facts to make that decision.
So, we're growing in yet new ways, bit by bit, slowly. Where does this all lead us? Not sure, but it feels good. It's not bells and whistles, it's not my heart pounding in my chest or floating on cloud nine, and maybe that's just me still recovering from last week, but whatever it is that we're going through now, it's a peaceful comfort that I have that we're settling into something that's going to last.