UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Slowly Growing

I've disappeared for over a week, and I'm sorry about that.  It's been an emotional week, and it took a lot of processing for me.  We had something happen out of our control last week, and it was really hard emotionally to get through... I just had to deal with it and needed a lot of alone time to do so, so I am sorry that I am behind on your blogs as well. 

But during that time, I've been learning a lot about DD as well and about our marriage.

Over the past few months, I've been on over kill with having a reved up libido.  Not sure why, but I've been going crazy.  I think it might be the hormone vitamins I'm on, but can't say for certain.  There have been a few nights where I'm still awake at 3 in the morning because I can't sleep, my body is just too wild.  It's caused a lot of stress for me, and in the past, I would never have let the Duke know about it.  I thought I was a burden to him in this department.  The Duke never really sought me out for intimacies.  If we were intimate, it was because I brought it up, but I was always reluctant to do so for some reason.  Now, this year with DD, he has initiated more, but I am still nervous to initiate myself.  But I needed to last week, I was up until 4 in the morning one night because I literally had not slept until that point and knew that us being intimate was going to be the only way I was going to get any sleep at all because I was so reved up.  That is when the rule was made, the Duke said he wants me to tell him whenever I'm struggling like that, even if it's ten times a day, even if it's 4 in the morning.  It has made it a lot easier for me to admit.  and I'm actually kind of glad, it helps me see that me having a more reved libido than him is not something he is upset with me for. 

Another thing I am learning is that the Duke does not think of things often on his own.  He just doesn't, and honestly, he never did.  So me thinking, oh, he'll come up with things on his own for DD, well that just isn't going to happen.  So I took him some ideas you guys gave me last week, and now he wants me wearing dresses when I'm at home.  So this week I bought three dresses, and when a friend of mine found out, gave me a dress she bought and never wore.  So I have a skirt I already had, and four dresses, and have been wearing them the last few days.  It makes me feel good to wear them, and I actually feel more feminine.  I've never really gone around wearing dresses, and my not owning any since we got married will really show this point.

The Duke and I have had more talks, and I'm realizing I need to set some more things in DD and not just wait for him.  So, I'm trying to show more submission without him going for it first.  I'm asking permission for everything I do now.  I know it was weirding him out a bit, but he's getting more comfortable about it.  Imagine my surprise the other day when I asked if I could buy a book, and he asked me to tell him what it was about first.  I hesitantly told him, worried that he thought my increased libido was from reading books, and would say no.  But that wasn't his reason, he just wanted to be able to make a decision and wanted the facts to make that decision. 

So, we're growing in yet new ways, bit by bit, slowly.  Where does this all lead us?  Not sure, but it feels good.  It's not bells and whistles, it's not my heart pounding in my chest or floating on cloud nine, and maybe that's just me still recovering from last week, but whatever it is that we're going through now, it's a peaceful comfort that I have that we're settling into something that's going to last.

12 comments:

  1. Life on an even keel is a good thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, sunnygirl, I'm trying to remember that. :)

      Delete
  2. It's difficult for the one with the higher libido to know what to do with their sex drive. I'm the Hoh in the relationship and that's me. Even if the other partner is willing to participate in sexual activity more often, sometimes what we want is not simply a passive participation but more of an active one. That's one of my struggles anyway.
    Regardless of that, it sounds like you and the Duke are increasing in your love for one another through some difficult times, which is an awesome thing. Keep your head up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. foothills1981, I think the same could be said here, passive participation makes me feel unwanted, or unloved, but thank goodness this is becoming a thing of the past for us, and he's really there for me now. :) And we are increasing in love, and I am so thankful. :)

      Delete
  3. EsMay,
    This is such a wonderful post! I can hear the peace you are feeling in your voice. :)
    I am the one with the higher libido too, so I can sympathize with you there - but I've also learned that it's only by good communication (even if it's embarrassing) that anything can be resolved or worked out in a marriage. (My hubby has happily complied with my desires, and I'm happy to say that his libido has greatly increased in the past year as well) :D
    I'm so glad that you found a way to improve your submissiveness by wearing dresses or skirts, and asking permission. It's sometimes the little things that can change everything. :)

    Much love,
    Cali

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, we talk about it, lol, but he wasn't really hearing me for the five years before DD, now, he's listening and as the same for you, he too is getting a better libido. :) And Cali, it is the little things sometimes, you are right. :)

      Delete
  4. EsMay,
    I'm sorry you had such a bad week, but you sound like you're in a better place now :) It's so nice when everything starts to settle down a bit, and starts to feel just really normal. I'm so happy for you, you sound like you're learning how and what helps you to stay in a good and submissive mindset. I still need to work on that :) HUGS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Jennelle. :) I am trying to find the things that work, I really do want to stay submissive, even if he isn't leading all the time. Have had a house guest for a few days, so that's actually taken me completely out of the mindset because this guy really looks down on me, and I have been hiding away... will be glad when he is gone.

      Delete
  5. Hi Es May,

    I'm so sorry you had a rough week emotionally.

    You know, I don't think we ever stop learning in ttwd. It made me smile to read how much you are learning and growing together. I love how you two are able to communicate and I love how the Duke made that rule and how he takes care of you :)

    I really like your last paragraph. A peaceful comfort is good! :) Oh, I'm with you on the dresses and skirts too. I also feel more feminine and submissive wearing them.

    Hugs,
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL Roz, as embarrassing as the new rule is, it is actually a blessing. :) I've had a lot less stress and feel closer to him. :) You know, I can't believe how feminine just putting on a dress is... man, wish I'd realized this before. lol {{{HUGS}}}

      Delete
  6. Peaceful comfort...I like that Es May.

    The skirts and dresses make me feel/act more feminine too. So many of us have had that same experience.

    I'm wishing you a much better week!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL I had to go back and look when you said about the Peaceful Comfort, I didn't even remember saying that, and though, wow, how profound. lol Oih, I have my days. I am glad I am not alone in the dresses changing me a bit. :) Thank you, Susie.

      Delete

Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

Troll comments and spam will be deleted.