I feel all stressed inside... and not sure how to fix it.
We've had a house guest the last few nights, and I don't know if he's leaving today, or in a few days, and that has me stressed. He is our landlord, and a friend of the Duke's. He's visiting to check up on the place, and I am all stressed.
One of the reasons, we are the supers here, is that one of the tenants is always complaining, I mean all the time, I'm afraid to answer my phone or leave the house because they'll trap us, and I'm afraid to answer the door because it's always them. They drive me bonkers, and I just know they'll expect us to fix things that he said no to when he leaves.
Second of all is our landlord himself. He really does put us in a tight spot with the tenants. Also, he hates me. When the Duke is not around, if I say hi, he won't even look at me and walk on by, or just ignore me. My best friend knew I wouldn't lie, but witnessed it this past summer when he didn't realize she was coming out behind me. She waited for him to answer, and when he didn't, came out and said hi to him too. He all the sudden said hi to both of us. I have always felt judged by him. He will often invite the Duke to hang out with him and his wife, but not me. He's invited the Duke on trips, and not me. I don't know what I've done, and I try to be nice to him, but it never works. So having him here is stressing me out. I spent most of last night in my room reading on my kindle.
I want the Duke to hang out with him because they're friends, and I want him to hang out with him so that I don't have to. But on the same note, I miss the Duke. I'm still recovering from all that went on last week, still feeling vulnerable, and wishing I had the Duke's strength with me. Tonight we have to visit with a widow friend of mine, and it will make it a bit easier if our guest does indeed try to stay another night.
One thing I have noticed different about his visit this time around, is that I'm not holding the Duke up to my standards. I used to wonder why the Duke never talked about me in front of this guy, why he never tried to say good things about me, why if I was so important to him, why my name never comes up when he's talking to his friends. It used to drive me bonkers and make me feel unimportant. Now, if he did so now, it would be nice, but I don't need it. The Duke loves me, he shows me this is in so many ways now that I have no doubt, and if his friends never see me as good, that is okay. I have a lot of friends that love me, and I have to be okay with being myself, and not living to please his friends, who I can't seem to please anyway.
So anyway, not really sure about what this post is about, just needed to get my thoughts out so that I can deal with this guy a bit longer. I hope you all have a good weekend. :) I will be trying to catch up on blogs at that point. I haven't been commenting much this week, in my attempt to catch up, but hoping to be commenting on your blogs again this weekend. :)
PS Two free DD books out today on Amazon. :) Not sure if they are erotica or not.
Holding Hannah (Masters of
The Castle) - Maren Smith
The Submissive School Girl - Jane Pearl