UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Friday, October 04, 2013

Advice???

So, I know months ago, it was asked on someone's blog if anyone had submission exercises that their spouse used on them to really help them feel submissive, and at the time, many people said they didn't really have any ideas... but we've all grown in our relationships since then, and hoping this is okay to ask.

I struggle lately with keeping my submissive mindset.  I spend so much time in charge outside of home life, that it can be a bit difficult somedays to make the switch when I'm with the Duke again.  When this happens, the Duke's natural tendency is to let me lead as this is how it always used to work for us.  He's getting better at standing up, but I feel we need some fresh ideas on how to help him keep his HOH hat on, and for me to find that submissive mindset to not take charge by mistake.

It can be something small, or huge, but I'd love to hear your ideas.  He can already tell me to do housework or exercise, but I mean... something besides that that can be done at the drop of a hat.

If you have ANY suggestions, I'd love to hear them. :)  We are not very good at thinking outside of the box, and would love any ideas you have, or tales of things that definitely worked for you or your spouse. :)

I hope you all have a great weekend, and hopefully that thing I wrote about the other day, I'll have processed through it more and can write more about next week. :)

18 comments:

  1. Greetings there EsMay, I think this is the first time I'm commenting on your blog. My wife and I haven't been doing TTWD for a real long time, however, I do have one thing that has helped some, to the extent we've carried through with it. It's my wife dressing 'feminine' - so skirts and dresses. It doesn't solve the big problems, and it may seem sort of old fashioned, but it seems like it at least helps with the submissive attitude. Just my two cents.

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    1. THANK YOU foothills, you just reminded me of something the Duke asked of me last weekend, and without this comment, would have totally let slip tomorrow. He asked that on the weekends I dress in dresses. I don't do this, ever. I own one dress and it is scratchy, I'd be surprised if I wore it the whole time we've been married... I'll have to go buy some now I think. lol And welcome to my blog, I am so glad that you came by for a visit. :)

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  2. I find that it's little things, like when we are talking, I kneel at his feet between his thighs and he holds my face. Or, he calls me Little Girl. I ask him specifically what shows him that I am submitting to him, and he tells me, and I strive to do those things. I often come home and change clothes. This signifies to me that I am done with one role in my life...

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    1. Thank you, Dana, I really like those. :) We have decided this week after readings these responses that I'll come home and change into a dress every night after work. :)

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  3. Hi Es May,

    I like the ideas above. Perhaps he could ask, tell you to wear a certain item of clothing or jewellery? As Dana said, I too quite often kneel at this feet while he strokes my hair, holds my face etc. Also, I quite often sit between his legs and rest my head of his thigh watching tv etc. I agree with Dana too that it's often the small things that make the biggest difference. Doing small things for him, fixing his drink etc.

    You may recall I also wear a vanilla collar (necklace). It really does remind us both of our roles. It is a constant reminder of him to me when we are apart and reminds him of his dominance when he sees me wearing it.

    I will email you if I think of some other ideas. Hope you are having a good weekend :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Hey Roz, so the Duke did ask me to wear dresses when at home now... so we'll see how that goes, so far so good. :) I really like the idea of a collar... and want to talk to him about it, but feel it's a discussion in the future... but it has me hoping. :) Thank you so much for these ideas. :)

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  4. I'm not sure how much help I'll be since this is something I struggle with myself. I have noticed that I feel more submissive when I dress to please Steve. Not just dresses and skirts, but wearing outfits I know he likes, spritzing on his favorite scent and wearing my hair down.

    Like Roz said, I also have a vanilla collar, actually just a heart pendant on a black cord. The necklace fits tighter than I normally wear so I'm constantly aware of it when I do wear it. For a long time, I wore it daily, but I took it off a while back because I was sick and for some reason didn't put it back on.

    I look forward to seeing what other responses you get.

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    1. Oh, doing a scent is a good idea... I never wear any, but the Duke might really like that, I'll have to think on that, and get his ideas. :) Thank you.

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  5. Hi E's May,
    I struggle with this also. But some of the small things I do that helps is, I let him pick out my undergarments that he wants me to wear for the day, I make his lunch for him every morning and I try to have a glass of his favorite refreshment ready to hand him when he walks in the door from work.

    I love the vanilla collar idea! Have a great weekend!
    Kim

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    1. Thank you, Kim. I love the idea of the drinks... I carpool with him to work though, lol. But maybe I can get him a drink once he sits down. :)

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  6. Hmm, I don't know if we have any submission exercises, but maybe we do. I do try to have coffee waiting for him when he get's home. When I'm "spinning like a top" or not listening, he makes me sit on the floor while he talks, or gently holds my chin while he talks. Sometimes, when we're watching a movie, I'll sit on the ground by his legs, but I think that's just for the awesome back massage I get :) Have a great weekend

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    1. Thank you, Jennelle, I really like the thought of him holding my chin to talk to me when I'm spinning out of control, I'll have to talk to him about that. :) I've thought of the sitting between his legs on the floor while he watches tv, but not sure I could do it and be at all comfortable. lol I think I'll try it though. I have started sitting side by side with him more though, and am really liking it. :)

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  7. I have to agree with the dresses. I don't wear them much myself and before Tm didn't really have any. He got me a couple at one point and I have found wearing them puts me in a submissive mindset. I mostly just wear them around the house on weekends and sometimes only for 3-5 hours but I have to admit it seems pretty effective for us. I hope you find something that works for you! :)

    hugs,
    mischief

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    1. Hey Mischief, we are trying the dresses, and I find I'm liking them, not sure they're making me too submissive, but I am trying, and we'll see after I wear them a bit more. :) They do make me feel more feminine though, that is for sure. :)

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  8. When MM goes out of town, he will often ask me to do something for him on a daily basis. It can be something that I wear or as simple as watering the lawn. The point is that I have to think about it, remember to do it and get taken a bit out of my own comfort zone b/c I am doing it for him.

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    1. Thank you, Susie, I think that's a really good idea... I'll have to let the Duke know about it, and then see what he decides. I think he'll like this idea. :)

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  9. Some suggestions:

    For your part: look for ways to serve him. Does he like a cold drink when he comes home? This may seem...squirmy lol...but Jason likes me to remove his shoes, and I give him a foot massage when he comes home from work. I will sometimes give him a back rub, too. Are their certain foods he likes? Does he like you to sit by him when he watches tv? For a long time, I used to go do my own thing when he was watching a show I had no interest in, but it became clear he prefers I sit by him. I will often lay with my head in his lap and read or nap. lol Does he like it when you warm his food for him? Try doing small, submissive things. Say "May I" instead of "Can I." Ask "Is there anything I can do for you today?" When the two of you are having a conversation, be sure not to interrupt, and make sure you let him speak first. These are all things I personally find help me into my "submissive" place. I also sit by his feet. I love this. He plays with my hair or holds my hand while I talk.

    For his part -- he does little, subtle things to require my submission on a daily basis. He instructs me to kneel. If I'm getting a bit irritable he will give me a subtle hair pull and whisper "be a good girl." He calls my name and expects me to come without question, and immediately. He asks me to get him a glass of water, or something similar. He basically commands me on a constant basis -- not in a domineering way, but it is very dominant. He will sometimes make me hold his hands and look in his eyes. He will instruct me to go upstairs and get ready for bed. He will require I ask permission for things.

    For what it's worth, we personally found that bedroom submission helped cultivate D/S into our entire dynamic. He calls all the shots in the bedroom, and I am not allowed to refuse a single command. If I even balk at it, I'm immediately spanked. I'm completely submissive in bed and he's completely dominant. Over time, this has really brought us both to a place where we are very happy. (For what it's worth, I do have a safe word, and I have used it).

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    1. LOL, I should try the foot massage, Jason Girl, it would be sure torture to the Duke, lol, but only because he's so ticklish. :) I really liked these suggestions, and will see if there are some the Duke likes, and some I really want to try on my own, especially saying May I instead of Can I. Thank you.

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