First of all, THANK YOU to everyone that replied to my post last night. I was really in a bad place and I can't thank you guys enough for your support.
Well we went to be just after midnight last night. I usually go to bed at 11:00pm, but it has not been happening this week. So we went to bed... about as far apart as we could be. Not because we were upset, but because that's just where our headspace was. We used to sleep like that all the time, it's just what became comfortable. But I needed him. I needed to make things right.
I can't remember who made the first move. If he did, I was already thinking it, if I did, I think he was already thinking it. We just kind of came together, and he held me, I mean, really held me. That alone broke down so many walls for the both of us. And once we were touching, I curled right into him, needing all of this strength to surround me, and he did not disappoint.
We talked, and talked. I said I was sorry, I told him how glad I was that he is stepping out and that I still know he is great, and doing great in this new lifestyle we have chosen. We talked about what had happened, he looked over my butt to make sure I was okay. We talked about how if this is becoming too much for him, we can step back, but he said he didn't want to. He really likes how our dynamic is growing, and does not want to go back. I was glad, even with all the hurt from last night, I don't want to EVER go back, and it's always good to hear him say the same.
I realize I'm becoming very soft towards him. I don't know how to explain that right, but just, over all, feeling soft. Not soft like I'm weak, or that I'm being walked all over. But soft as in a softening towards him, a softening of being able to become more feminine, more gentle, more loving, more open. If any of that makes sense.
It was after one in the morning before we were done talking and cuddling, and I fell asleep happy, not caring that I'd get only 6 hours of sleep. The Duke was so quiet this morning that I got another half an hour sleep before I had to be up. It was so nice.
There is still a little difference today, but unlike normal, I'm not going to dissect it. I'm just going to let it be, and keep heading it in a good direction no matter what it turns out to be, and the Duke will be there with me to help and do the same. Though to be honest, I think it honestly is just that I'm tired and feel an early bedtime will be enforced tonight. ;)
Now I'm off to play a video game on the wii with him for a bit before bed. :) He got one he knew I'd like so that we can play it together and have been playing it off and on together for the past few weeks. It's nice, we haven't done that in years. :) And how often do you get to say to your husband "No, I don't want to go to bed yet because I'm not done fighting with you." and it be about a game where you fight together against bad guys and not in real life when you're fighting against each other. ;)
Have a good night everyone.