UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

One Bruising Spanking

Right now I am sitting on a bruised behind.  If you remember correctly, you'll know I don't easily bruise, so you'll sadly know how bad this spanking was.  I disrespected the Duke.  I know... I already feel horrible, so no worries that I didn't learn my lesson.

Last night we did maintenance.  I was away for the weekend to a ladies retreat, and on Saturday evening when I got back, I was just plain too tired for him to do it and begged him, with paddle already in his hand, to please do it another night.  Well, by last night, I was off kilter, I already was from the emotionally over charged retreat... hmmm why is it call retreat when you go to grow and learn and push yourself?  Anyway... so he spanked me, but with no talking.  Literally, up and over his lap and paddled.

I needed talking, I needed something, we hadn't connected for a few days before I left really, and really hadn't after I had gotten back.  I just was not in the headspace to take a spanking.  So, I ragged on him for not talking to me, and trying to make me submit to a spanking when I felt there was no real connection between us.  Ugh, I know!  It wasn't as bad as it would have been when we started, not as bad by far, but still more disrespect than I should ever show him.

He lost all confidence... YIKES. :(  I hated that, so we talked, and talked, and talked.  And then, I got paddled harder than I ever thought possible.  I never understood when it was said that within three strikes your bottom could literally be on fire, well let me tell you, I SO UNDERSTAND NOW!!!  I'm not sure I made it to three before the fire was burning so hot I didn't know how I'd stand it.  Another 20-40 or so rained down on my bottom and I could NOT hold my position, something I've been doing really well at lately.  I was so upset with myself for that.

We talked and cuddled, but some things are still off today, and that really bothers me.  He is such a great guy, and I went and made him question himself.  I'm hoping and praying we can get back to the rhythm we had going just two weeks ago, maybe even better, but I'd settle for what it was.

So now to see how we can get back... I think I need to catch up on some rest before I can get back to my happy, submissive self again.  Too many late nights from everything being so busy.  And here I am again, an hour late to bed... but I had to write... ok, I guess it could have waited, but I feel so... unsettled and had to get this out.

This post may not make much sense, sorry, I really am that tired, so if it doesn't, just disregard all I said and chalk it up to "EsMay's crazy".  I hope you all have a good night.  I better hit they hay.

19 comments:

  1. I'm sorry things didn't go so well for you last night EsMay. I hope that you and the Duke will get some time to reconnect today and start to make things right in your world again.

    Callie

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    1. Thank you, Callie. We actually, thankfully, got a chance to reconnect last night. I'll write about it soon. :)

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  2. I'm sorry your feeling disconnected, I know the feeling and it just kinda sucks. I'm sure now that your home and get some much needed rest you two will reconnect and all will be great!
    Hugs
    Kim

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    1. Thank you, Kim, and it worked out just like that. {{{HUGS}}}

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  3. This post makes total sense to me. We went through the EXACT same thing last week. In fact I was going to write about it today at some point.

    What I am going to tell you might sound, nonsubmissive, but here goes, you may have told him something in a disrespectful tone, and you are right in that you shouldn't have said it that way, but don't regret what you said if it is true. If you think holding your tongue with the truth, is submissive, so you don't hurt his feelings, I have to disagree. I have done this on numerous occasions and all it does is build up resentment within, and then my husband gets blindsided at a later date. Again, HOW you said it, well that might be a different issue *wink*.

    Sometimes communication isn't pretty. Especially when it is the heat of the moment. Don't misunderstand me, I am not encouraging anyone to be disrespectful. I am just saying, if you feel it, you should share it. It may cause hurt feelings, but as long as Duke realizes that is not the intent ( it wasn't right? ) he should be able to move on as well.

    Good luck finding your connection. We managed, I'm certain you will too....but you won't if you keep beating yourself up. Remember a spanking is supposed to be a clean slate!

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    1. You know, Barney, they say the longer we're married to someone, the more we start sounding like them. And I have to say, you sound so much like Wilma that you must have been married a LONG time. ;)

      LOL Okay, being serious. The Duke and I did talk, and I was more contrite this time. I agree, we always need to talk about it so that it doesn't build up, I just needed to do it with a bit more love and understanding.

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  4. Good GRIEF!^ all of that was ME. I can't believe how Barney using my computer is messing everything up for me today!!!
    Sorry
    willie

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    1. Oh and I like you new background.

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    2. I kind of guessed that. :) No worries, I still was a smart alec in my reply though, couldn't help it. ;) And thank you, but I actually hated it, for some reason last night blogger was turning all the white in my backgrounds gray... blah. Fixed it finally. Still not sure it's what I want though... but I'll see how I feel in a week. lol

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  5. Awe Es May, I'm sorry this happened and that you are feeling disconnected. From what I know of you guys, I know you will reconnect as close the gap between you.

    As Barney ... oops ... sorry Wilma *giggle* said, if you feel it you should share it (respectfully of course). He needs to know how you are feeling in order to do his job of leading you.

    Spankings go wrong occasionally and things get a bit messy. Especially if you aren't in the right head space. It sounds as though a lot of this can be attributed to you being tired after the weekend away.

    I like your new background btw :)

    ((Hugs))
    Roz

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    1. Thank you, Roz. And I agree, I did feel I should share... and I wasn't mean, but I wasn't as respectful as I could have been either, and I hate that I made the Duke questions himself.

      And thank you about the background, I actually hated that it went gray in the middle, but have it back to white like I wanted. We'll see if I like it in a day or so. The hearts and ribbons and all that I like, and the white center, just can't seem to find a background for outer edges that I like. The one I have now is a gray version of my first background that I had for this blog way back when. lol

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  6. I know it may sound simple, but have you sat down with the Duke and apologized? It's sometimes hard to do that, be heart felt and say you are sorry and let him see how much you hate that you unintentionally made him question his authority?

    The Man is stronger and he is growing more everyday. At the beginning, it was very easy for me to wiggle out of punishment or make him question himself. Many times I had to reassure him and deal with the consequences of my own actions with him.

    That being said, you absolutely must tell him how you are feeling. Next time, you might try saying to him before the spanking, or in the middle of, please, I need this. I want this to do what it was designed to do, IE- clearing the air, reconnecting us, and I am feeling... fill in the blank.

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    1. I actually did, I had to... I wanted to make things right, and wanted to clear the air as soon as possible. And I will be trying to let him know in the future what I need, but in a way that encourages him. :) Thank you, Dana. :)

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  7. Ugh. I know from experience that when I start throwing around phrases that start with "you need to..." DURING a spanking, it NEVER plays out well for us. Yes, communication is crucial, but there are times/places and most importantly WAYS to get your feelings across that work and there are ways that don't work so well. I hope you guys have a chance to talk more today about how to get that connection back.

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    1. Thank you, Tess. And it was a real learning experience for me. I'm not usually disrespectful at all, so even when I am a little bit, it makes a huge, bad, difference in our marriage. :( But we have things worked out now, and I am so glad that that man loves me.

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  8. Awwww :( hugs EsMay!!!!!!
    We've all been there.
    I have learned, in our short time with ttwd, I *have* to say what's on my mind. Otherwise, it eats at me and only creates bigger problems for us.
    Now you've learned that saying things in the incorrect way creates problems for the Duke. I've learned that's one if the good things about ttwd.. You can tell him your opinions and issues with things without making him lose his confidence. You just have to find the right way for you both.
    Shouting and little digs are certainly not the way to go, or other little ways that are disrespectful.
    Spanking clears the slate, but I think in your mind its not clear. Why don't you just send him a quick text or email (whatever you guys do) and tell him everything. You'll feel much better :)
    Big hugs,
    Elle

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    1. Thank you, Elle. :) We had already talked it out before I got your comment, but writing to him is something I should try to start doing when I can't get the time to talk to him one on one. Thank you for that advice. :) {{{HUGS}}} And I agree, I need to make sure my tone and respect are what they should be when talking to him, something I plan to make sure to do in the future, I usually do anyway... so last night was surprising to say the least.

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  9. "What I am going to tell you might sound, nonsubmissive, but here goes, you may have told him something in a disrespectful tone, and you are right in that you shouldn't have said it that way, but don't regret what you said if it is true. If you think holding your tongue with the truth, is submissive, so you don't hurt his feelings, I have to disagree. I have done this on numerous occasions and all it does is build up resentment within, and then my husband gets blindsided at a later date. Again, HOW you said it, well that might be a different issue *wink*."

    I so agree with Wilma here......

    Rosalind

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    1. I agree, how I said it, not what I said. :) And that makes all the difference, and I have to remember that. :)

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