Money is tight right now. I don't make much money, and the Duke's job is all the sudden not certain. Due to this, we're trying to be even tighter with money than we already are.
I don't believe in spoiling my daughter. She does have a number of toys, but we are very picky about how many, that they are educational, help develop hand eye coordination, manual dexterity, encourage imagination, etc. Because we don't want to spoil her, I don't ask often to buy her things. But the other day I saw something I wanted her to have. We had just bought a used Little People Disney castle with a handful of princesses and princes for a really good price. I didn't expect her to really play with it yet, but we have a little girl over often that I thought would like it in the mean time. But baby girl spends a couple hours a day playing with this castle and Little People.
Last week someone was selling the Little People Snow White and Seven Dwarfs set used. The Duke said no to my getting it. He knows I want to get more characters for her because of how much she's playing with it, and he's alright with that, but he thought the price was steeper than we should go. So he said NO. NO. He said NO...
It hung in my heart. I'm not sure why. It sat there heavy, hurting my feelings for some reason. He's said no to me dozens of times. I remember the first few times had hurt similarly, but that hasn't happened in a while. This time it did. I felt my need to be submissive WAR with my want to provide this toy to my daughter that I knew she would love. It hurt to not get this for her.
I know I'm doing the right thing in accepting the Duke's answer, but I am surprised at how much it's still bothering me. I mean, it's just a toy. She doesn't even know we were thinking about it, so she won't miss it. Maybe it's a sadness over money needing to be so tight as well. Not sure. I know that if it were a need, he'd probably be more open to me spending the money.
So here I am, learning how to immerse myself in submission more. Even though submission can be hard, I am enjoying the beauty. The Duke is definitely giving more to me time and attention wise. He's seeing to more of my needs. He's challenging my submission, and helping it grow. I spend as much time blushing as I do smiling, but I still am thankful. Maybe I'll share next post some of the things he's doing... maybe I'll even be brave enough to share some of the ones that make me blush! Blushing just saying that! lol