This year is so different than I thought it would look like.
First we had a baby. Then Duke had a horrible accident. Only a few of you knew before now, but we just bought and moved into our first house. The Duke's work is changing and moving. My best friend and I said that 2015 was going to be our year because of how many bad years we'd had leading up to it. Boy, BECAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR. Such a blessed year, but overwhelming at times, and exhausting. I wouldn't change a thing, well maybe that the Duke hadn't crashed, but even in that there were numerous blessings that resulted. A beautiful, loved filled year, but none the less exhausting.
DD is getting back on track. I've not stepped away from the online world, even though I haven't been blogging. I have been on a forum, and have been leading a chat night each week again. I find myself craving talking to other couples, and this way there is so much feedback.
We have decided to start to read some DD articles and blog posts over the next bit. It would be nice to get other prospectives again, and to see if there are ways we can be growing that we're currently not working on.
One area to work on is my pain threshhold. I cannot take near as painful a spanking as I could before the baby. It amazes both the Duke and I how much I struggle, and then flat out break down because the pain is too much. I feel a wimp, I feel a failure at times that I used to be able to stay in place, and now, I flail all over the place. I will continue to work at it, but as I do, the Duke is compassionately using less force in his spankings as well. I still get the message LOUD and CLEAR when he goes lighter. :)
I am so thankful for this man, that you know only as The Duke. He completes me. Part of me feels that might be wrong to say as I have a strong belief in God, and truly, He completes me. But I feel He's used the Duke to do so as well. Things have been hard this year, we are not at our best, and are not loving each other at 100% capacity, but still we work together, we help each other, we exhaustingly make sure each other is cared for at the end of each day.
This beautifully exhausting year has made me so very thankful for all that I have. DD ebbs and flows, it changes week to week. Sometimes it is strong, and others it might have to sit completely on the back burner. But it's always there. It's always a tool that helps us get through. We are working on making it a bit stronger, a bit more present, but I also can't deny that without it in the past, we would not be where we are now. Even on weeks it's on the back burner, we learned a lot of other things that help us get through the day to day.
We have learned to talk. We did not do that since our dating days until we started DD.
I have learned not to think of my needs first because he no longer ignores them.
We still struggle on admitting when we need help, but we have grown.
I am much less likely to be disrespectful in my thoughts. If I think something disrespectful, there is a voice in my head that instantly says that isn't true, and if it is, to give it context.
Even when I am exhausted, I still try to find a way to bless the Duke each day. Whether with a great kiss, a meal he likes, doing a chore for him, or what have you.
We plug along, and as I always hope, hopefully soon we'll have more time to commit back to this lifestyle because with it, I am so much stronger, and in honesty, so is he. :)