UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Sunday, November 01, 2015

It Ebbs and Flows

This year is so different than I thought it would look like.

First we had a baby.  Then Duke had a horrible accident.  Only a few of you knew before now, but we just bought and moved into our first house.  The Duke's work is changing and moving.  My best friend and I said that 2015 was going to be our year because of how many bad years we'd had leading up to it.  Boy, BECAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.  Such a blessed year, but overwhelming at times, and exhausting.  I wouldn't change a thing, well maybe that the Duke hadn't crashed, but even in that there were numerous blessings that resulted.  A beautiful, loved filled year, but none the less exhausting.

DD is getting back on track.  I've not stepped away from the online world, even though I haven't been blogging.  I have been on a forum, and have been leading a chat night each week again.  I find myself craving talking to other couples, and this way there is so much feedback. 

We have decided to start to read some DD articles and blog posts over the next bit.  It would be nice to get other prospectives again, and to see if there are ways we can be growing that we're currently not working on.

One area to work on is my pain threshhold.  I cannot take near as painful a spanking as I could before the baby.  It amazes both the Duke and I how much I struggle, and then flat out break down because the pain is too much.  I feel a wimp, I feel a failure at times that I used to be able to stay in place, and now, I flail all over the place.  I will continue to work at it, but as I do, the Duke is compassionately using less force in his spankings as well.  I still get the message LOUD and CLEAR when he goes lighter. :)

I am so thankful for this man, that you know only as The Duke.  He completes me.  Part of me feels that might be wrong to say as I have a strong belief in God, and truly, He completes me.  But I feel He's used the Duke to do so as well.  Things have been hard this year, we are not at our best, and are not loving each other at 100% capacity, but still we work together, we help each other, we exhaustingly make sure each other is cared for at the end of each day.

This beautifully exhausting year has made me so very thankful for all that I have.  DD ebbs and flows, it changes week to week.  Sometimes it is strong, and others it might have to sit completely on the back burner.  But it's always there.  It's always a tool that helps us get through.  We are working on making it a bit stronger, a bit more present, but I also can't deny that without it in the past, we would not be where we are now.  Even on weeks it's on the back burner, we learned a lot of other things that help us get through the day to day.

We have learned to talk.  We did not do that since our dating days until we started DD.
I have learned not to think of my needs first because he no longer ignores them.
We still struggle on admitting when we need help, but we have grown.
I am much less likely to be disrespectful in my thoughts.  If I think something disrespectful, there is a voice in my head that instantly says that isn't true, and if it is, to give it context.
Even when I am exhausted, I still try to find a way to bless the Duke each day.  Whether with a great kiss, a meal he likes, doing a chore for him, or what have you.

We plug along, and as I always hope, hopefully soon we'll have more time to commit back to this lifestyle because with it, I am so much stronger, and in honesty, so is he. :)

14 comments:

  1. It has been an overwhelming year for the two of you...and you have both not only survived , but thrived. Any one of those events in one year, would be enough to make anyone struggle.....Your way of DD works for both of you...a blessing....something you have both worked hard at. The rest will come...Thanks for the update...
    hugs abby

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    1. Thank you too for your kind words, Abby. :) Hopefully we are thriving. :)

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  2. Happy to hear from you EsMay! You and the Duke have really dealt with a lot in one year haven't you. I agree with Abby...you have not only survived but looks as if you two have also thrived. Remember...as long as you have honest communication, things will work out and DD looks and works differently for every couple. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help. Sending lots of prayers and positive energy.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. It has been a lot to deal with, Cat. I am very thankful for all the blessings, but it's been a bit much to handle too. Thank you. {{{hugs}}}

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  3. Hi Es Msy, it's so great to hear from you, I have been thinking about you, Wow, you and the Duke have quite a year with a lot of major change. As Abby said, any one of these events can be overwhelming but you seem to have thrived.

    Congratulations on the house! That is awesome news :) I hope life settles down for you some now.

    There definitely does seem to be an ebb and flow to DD and our pain threshold does change, particularly when you haven't been spanked for some time. Take your time and you will get back to where you want to be. Although we haven't practiced DD for some time now many of the benefits remain such as greater communication.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. I am very welcome to the idea of things slowing down. :) I feel the same, Roz, we have learned so much, and I actually just did a post about how much communication we have learned as well. :)

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  4. Hi Esmay, it is lovely to hear from you. Great news about the house, hope baby is doing well. It has been an action packed year for you and life sometimes just takes over. It is good that you are getting back with ttwd, I wouldn't worry about the pain thing, hopefully the Duke will make allowances for a bit!!
    love Jan,xx

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    1. Thank you, Jan. Baby is well, praise God. And so far, he's trying to make allowances, but he is surprised by how little I can take now. But thankfully he's being understanding.

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  5. Life is always ebb and flow. The trick is to roll with it and never allow it to get you down. I think you and Duke have accomplished this.

    Blessing to you.

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    1. Well, we have to some degree. :) I had a really down day yesterday, but on the whole, we look to the brighter side of things.

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  6. Hi EsMay, how wonderful to have news from you. It sounds like things are getting better for you, which is awesome. I also think that you had a difficult time and after all that has happened it is good to go slow. I'd say that it is great that you communicate so well, and I am sure that as a result you'll be able to handle all other situations that come up. Hope the baby is well and wishing you a great week.

    hugs

    Nina

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    1. Thank you, Nina, baby is doing very well. And I hated the going slow at first, but now I see what a blessing it is. :)

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  7. The ebbs and flows certainly happen. You two deserve amazing happiness, and I'm glad things are looking up. Just tell him to keep on spanking and eventually the tolerance will build up again! ;)

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    1. Hahaha, thanks Kenzie... I think! ;)

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