My wants and my needs, and you will see how they seldom agree.
In making this list, I felt I remembered a similar post from someone before? So even though what I write here is from my head, the idea might be from a memory. :) I found it, it's on God's Gift To Him Blog from 2010. :)
I wrote out like 30-40 wants/needs, but didn't want you having to read all night, so I tried to get it down to about 15-20, and some got combined as well. :)
I want to obey when I feel submissive and healthy and when it suits me
I need him to demand my obedience and submission at all times in all ways
I want to have freedom to test the limits, to decide some of the rules
I need him to remind me that showing him respect means obeying what he decides
I want to feel safe and cherished and comfortable
I need him to sometimes push past my limits for my own good
I want to hide from him, ashamed of my body
I need him to demand my nakedness, even when embarrassing, and to reassure he loves all of me
I want to run away when we fight, I want time alone to fester, time to focus on my hurt
I really need him to keep me with him, or go after me, and not let me build up walls and fears
I want to remain strong, and keep some independence
I need him to demand I let go, let my little out, my fears out, and my longings out and FULLY depend on him
I want to hide when I'm embarrassed
I need him to expose all of me so that I am utterly vulnerable to him
I want to nurse my hurts and fears alone
I need him to make me share everything so that I have nothing to hide
I want to be able to scream my head off during the rare times I'm hormonal
I need to have him step up and tell me that's enough, and to end it if need be
I want to give excuses for why I don't get things done
I need him to hold me accountable
I want him when I'm aroused
I need him to remind me that my body is his and that he's allowed to use me when and how he wants, even in the middle of the night
I want to hide from him how often I'm aroused at times, especially if I feel he isn't
I need him to keep his rule that I must always tell him because it humbles me to have to be so honest, which usually gets him in the mood if he wasn't before ;)
I want to talk him out of some of the rules
I need him to step up and tell me I will be following the rules, or else, and follow through
I want to decide when spankings happen, and how hard, how long, and for what reasons
I need him to decide, I need him to make me trust he won't hurt me, and not turn back if I make excuses
I want to self bash and tell myself how horribly I'm doing
I need him to stop me from hurting myself, and dragging myself to a dark place, to show me how special I am and force me to see the good
This list could go on all day, and I did cut it in half.
I'm such a walking contradiction.
Err... I mean, I don't know why the Duke is so confused. It's not like I'm inconsistent as a woman. :P None of you struggle with your needs vs your wants... do you? :P Of course not, we're all too perfect to have such an obvious flaw! *WHISTLING WAY TOO INNOCENTLY* Way too perfect. :P
The Duke's Deductions:
Thank you for writing this Esmay. This list is really good. I think it is encouraging for me to have this to look at. My natural instincts are oftentimes to think that Esmay is going through a hard time right now or is not feeling well so I should let things go or go easier, Or I think that I don't want to hurt Esmay's feelings, when really she needs me in that moment. So yes, its good to know that in those moments I can still push forward and push Esmay in that way. It is funny how sometimes the best thing you can do in a situation can be to do something that can hurt in the short term but overall can help the most in the longterm.
Hi EsMay and Duke, this is an excellent post and one that is very familiar to me, and I think many of us. Wants and needs definitely don't always match.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
Hi Roz, they definitely don't always match. :) I have to admit, when writing this, there were a couple of times when my wants and needs did match up, so I left those out for now. :P
DeleteHugs, EsMay
I once wrote a post on wants and needs...not quite as specific as yours, but trying to sort out the difference in my head. Your post is excellent, and it has shown your beloved exactly what is going on in your head. I am like you, have lots going on in there...crazy conversations at times...and it is sometimes difficult for me to share it. M has learned to get in my head...and you have allowed Duke in there...Congrats to both of you. hugs abby
ReplyDeleteabby, it is amazing how much I need him to just take control. I think I must be like you a bit, I can do crazy things in my head, for me they are very unhealthy things. He's like my therapy, he brings me out of the dark, he makes me face things head on and deal with them. He's so good for me. :) And I'm so glad M has been getting into your head. A very vulnerable, sometimes scary, but wonderful thing, isn't it? :)
DeleteHugs, EsMay
Wow! You put into words something I was trying to tell Hoss the other day. It makes perfect sense to me and would shine some light on it for him as well. The struggle between wants and needs can be very difficult to explain, it is a very internal struggle. Like dealing with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for Hoss some days. I completely understand what you're saying. Thanks for sharing this.
ReplyDelete--Baker
Thank you, Baker. :) It has already helped the Duke and I twice this morning, and has helped him be more firm. He's asked himself twice now how he needed me to act when he would have let things slip because I got little sleep last night, and he changed his course of action to suit what he wanted and needed. I can see I'm going to be under a tighter reign now! LOL I can't believe the submissive sweetness blooming in my chest and heart at the thought. :)
DeleteEsMay
That is so sweet to hear! Love it!
Delete--Baker
:) Thanks. :)
DeleteThis is a perfect list and the Duke will have a much more successful time taking care of your needs now that he knows what's on your mind. Eric is always telling me: "You are all over the board and I can't read your mind." I'm finally getting to the place where I can tell him for the moment, where I am. Amy
ReplyDeleteAmy, I know, what's with them not being able to read our minds? LOL Actually, I used to be glad the Duke couldn't read my mind, now that it's a rule that I share everything with him, which is good, it wouldn't matter if he could read it or not. It's sometimes a very awkward talk, embarrassing, lol, but so worth it. :) And now that we're realized this tendency for my wants and needs to clash, lol, I see more honesty in the future. *GULP* lol
DeleteEsMay
Esmay,
ReplyDeleteI'm new to your blog and I love this. I also love how your husband attaches his own conclusions to your posts. Brilliant!
I can relate to much of what you have expressed that you need. I'm glad your husband is so understanding and supportive of you.
Jlynne
Hello, Jlynne. I am sorry that I didn't see this when you first wrote. Welcome to our blog. :) And I am glad he is supportive too, I am so blessed. :)
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