Submission Questions

It was asked a few weeks ago if I would answer the questions I had shown in a post for the chats I do.  I have meant to get back to them a few times, and have not been able to.  But tonight, my parents were tired early, and so I have a few minutes to do a post. :)  So I do my chat questions in orange when I do chat, so I decided to leave them orange here.  There are five questions here on being submissive, that was the topic that night.

Subs, what rule do you find yourself struggling with the most? What things are you setting into place to help you get better at obeying it?  Hohs, what rule does your partner struggle with most? Are there ways, besides punishments, that you can help them over come this struggle?
I find right now that I am struggling with remembering to put on a dress when I am at home.  Especially with how busy we have been.  Several nights in a row we won't ge thome until it is time for bed, so I literally get into pjs and off to bed.  I just need a couple nights like this, and I get completely out of the habit. :(  Right now my dresses are hanging off te back of our bedroom door, I was hoping they would remind me... but with my parents visiting, that doesn't really help as they have our bedroom.  LOL  But hopefully over time I will do better with this rule.

Is there ever a time is it alright to break a rule? What would be the circumstances?

For me, the only times I would find it okay to break a rule would be in extreme circumstances.  Like if being really sick prevented me, or something came up that made following through on the rule extremely dangerous.  The Duke understands these things, and being safe and well cared for are more important to the Duke than a rule being followed.

If your Hoh catches you as you are about to attempt to break a rule, but have not yet broken it, are you still punished as if you had already done it?  Hoh’s, would you punish your sub to the same degree if you stopped them from breaking a rule, as you would if they had actually broken the rule?

We have not come across this yet, but I would hope that the Duke would use the same corrections with me as he would if I had broken the rule.  To me, the intent is just as bad as the follow through because I wasn't the one who stopped myself.  Now, had I stopped myself, then I think there should be some room for grace because I did reign myself in. 

Should rules be followed by the sub, even if the Hoh is not around to notice?  Even if the sub knows the Hoh will never think to ask?  Should the sub tell the Hoh if they broke a rule that the Hoh would never find out about on their own?  Hoh’s, how would you feel if you found out your sub kept a rule break a secret under such conditions?

I think the answer to this is yes.  First, I want to know that I am doing my best to honour and respect the Duke.  If I am not trying to behave when he is not watching me, really, how much control and guidance am I letting him have over my life?  I don't feel that the lifestyle I have chosen is one where I get to pick and choose when I want to be good and when I want to go and do my own thing.  As for the next questions, the Duke and I are looking to increase our intimacy and honesty.  How can this be done if I am okay with keeping secrets from him?  Especially when they concern my willingness/ability to follow through on things he has asked of me?  I feel that a lie by omission is still a lie.

Subs, do you work best with a lot of rules, or only one or two?  Do you find you work better with a lot of room to be yourself, and live your life the way you want, or do you thrive more in having a tighter structure and more accountability?  Hoh’s, what do you find your sub works best with?

I find I am kind of in the middle.  I need the Duke to check in with me daily to show that he is in charge, but it doesn't have to always be with a command.  I do find I need about ten rules probably, but I don't mind having more, of have him micromanage a bit more... do I want every single minute of my day planned?  I don't know, right now, I can't imagine it, but I've thrived in every other aspect of DD, so maybe I would if this happened as well.  I do know that I love being accountable to the Duke about my exercise, making the bed, bedtime, chores, and such, and they have really helped me.  I do notice I'm doing more things lately to keep up with things, and part of me hopes that if he notices, that he'll be proud of me.

So these are my answers, I hope they don't sound too pathetic, or too short.

- The Duke's Deductions:

First off I would like to say that EsMay does a great job with the Sunday night chat, and I think anyone reading this who likes this format should check it out. You get to share your answers to similar type questions with others who are into DD, and though different people may have different answers. I think we can all learn a bit from each other. As for EsMay's answers, I do realize that sometimes EsMay can be lax in the dress rule, however usually on the nights we get home and she is too tired or stressed to put one on, I am also too tired or stressed to even think about what she is wearing. However, I need to realize this is not really an excuse for me, and if I want to get the most out of DD, I should strive to be more consistent in my enforcing of the rules. However, right now with her parents here, I am okay if we do not follow this one every day, as I want EsMay to feel comfortable as she can while visiting. For the rule thing, I knew when I married EsMay that sometimes dues to her health there may be times where she is not able to follow certain rules, and I understand that. As a loving HoH, the health and physical well being of my sub is of paramount importance. In the case of her not actually breaking the rule, I am actually surprised at EsMay's answer. I would have let her get off if it was only intent, because it doesn't seem fair to me. However, realizing that the sub would like her attitudes corrected, not just her behavior, I will know for next time not to give leniency if I am the one who has to stop her. For following the rules when I am not around, I feel that EsMay should still follow the rules. If she does not just because I am not enforcing the punishment, I feel it would not be true submission. However, I know that EsMay would always tell me the truth even if I didn't ask, so I know this would not be an issue for us as a couple. For the last answer, yes, I am very proud of my EsMay for being able to take care of so many chores. Thank you.