Another Line That Helped My Marriage

If you remember, about a month ago I shared a line that helped save my marriage.  And thank you to everyone who commented, we felt very supported. :)

"Once Does Not Equal Always".  Is a line that perhaps did not save my marriage like the other, but it definitely helped change it, and any marriage I have shared this tip with, vanilla and DD, D/s marriages, people in person, and friends out in blogland.

So where did I get these absolutely wonderful words of wisdom that I will explain in a minute?  Well, from a slots game of course. :P  This one is called Rome & Egypt from Jackpot Party.  The woman, she looks sweet, submissive, calm, obedient, and to be honest, maybe just a bit nervous.  Ah, a place I've heard Doms and Hohs like their subs and tihs to be. ;) That girl looks like she's about to be spanked. ;)  Look how she's nervously clutching her stomach, and she may even be a little bit frustrated. ;) The man, he looks strong, in charge, determined and focused.  She IS his.  When their reels come up together, he looks like he's looking at her with pride, and a look of "you better behave".  And that fist, yeah, she's so getting spanked.  lol  I know, silly, really silly, but I loved it, and is what it reminded me of every single time. :)

They're slots, so sometimes you win big, and often you lose big, way bigger.  I played this game when I needed to relax, but not think.  When I'd win big, sometimes I'd raise my bet (not real money, just play money) hoping to win more, and lose all my winnings.  It annoyed me, and sometimes made me angry that I could win a million, and then proceed to loose a hundred million time after time, some nights it was not the relaxing tool I'd hoped.  I felt the game was rigged.  Way To Go, EsMay, of course the game was rigged.  Augh.  Once in a while I'd keep winning, but it was rare, usually it was the one win and I'd go broke trying to get another.  One day I told myself.  Stop. "Once does not equal always" and to not expect to keep winning just because I had once.

The Duke and I were in a very bad place before DD.  I was invisible.  We'd come home each night, eat in the living room doing different things, and the Duke would get on and play video games.  He'd come to bed a lot later than me, and then be too tired in the morning to communicate.

Then we started DD.  And the Duke really tried, but I still had so much hurt and anger to deal with.  There were times he'd do something he'd done in the past that would really hurt me all over again, like ignore me one night, not talk to me, do something he knew annoyed me.  My first words would be "Why!  Why does he always do this?"  But he didn't.  Not anymore.  His times of hurting me were getting less severe, happening a lot less often.  He REALLY was trying. And that is when I realized I had to start quoting the line I used in the game.  "Once does not equal always."  Just because one night he acted like his old self, didn't mean he did on the whole, or that he would continue to.

I could have let those moments that still hurt me, rule me.  I could have railed at him and tore him down and become a real horrible wife.  But that was my issue.  He was making progress.  I couldn't expect him to become a new man over night.  So, I decided to do the right thing.  To count those nights as off nights.  Not make a big deal about them.  Not make him feel that I was waiting to pounce on every single thing he did wrong.  He didn't need that.  He was in unchartered waters, learning to lead our marriage, something he never thought himself capable of.  If I'd given into the mentality that one bad night was all the time, and tore him down, I might have made it so that we never could have done DD, because he would have been a fearful mess.

So, this line came up a lot in my life for a while, when my first reaction was to ask why this or that always happened.  It usually didn't.  It's taught me to focus way more on the good than the bad. :)  Do I always succeed in that?  No, but I really do try, and most times succeed.  My marriage and life are way better because I focus on the good.

Have you found you've had to do the same in your marriages/relationships?  Now that I've shared the two lines that have helped my marriage, do you have a quote, or thought, that has gotten you through, or improved your marriages/relationships?  I'd love to hear them if you're willing to share. :)

The Duke's Deductions: 
Yes I still struggle with this at times. It's good to have some grace, to realize once isn't always. One thing marriage has taught me is that my natural instinct is to be alone, so it is still hard to fight against my natural instict, but I realize I have got to keep trying.. I love EsMay so much and am so thankful that she has shown this grace to me and has stayed with me all these years and been willing to fight for our marriage. She has grown so much as well, and I am so proud of her for that.