I Poked The Bear

And He Bit Back! 

Or, the five implements he used to teach me a lesson did.  I went to bed with welts and woke up with bruises.  I fully deserved them, purposefully aimed for them, and am utterly proud to have them.  :)

Any of you that have known me or followed me for years know I thrive on being obedient.  So, be prepared.  REMEMBER, I love the Duke, I love him more than I love myself.

I FLIPPED THE DUKE THE BIRD! 

AND I'M SUPER PROUD OF IT. :)

So, you probably want context, because it is not like me to be disrespectful, especially to the man I love.

The Duke had been sliding back all week since last Saturday.  I was losing him, and when I lose the Duke, he gets depressed, and retreats inside of himself.  Doing DD is the ONLY thing in our marriage that keeps him from being depressed.  I don't know why it is, it just is.  

IMPORTANT NOTE: This is not to say this will work for anyone else with depression, or to make light of depression in anyway.  This is just what works for the Duke, and my attempt to help him.

Usually the Duke sliding back can take many months to fix, with me fighting tooth and nail to get him back out of the sad seclusion he surrounds himself with.  But this time, we were at the start of this happening.  I had a few talks with him on Thursday and Friday, but still, he was slipping from me. 

Saturday night I was tired and cranky from a pretty severe sinus infection, which I am now on antibiotics for, thank goodness.  I was frustrated at something, and the Duke told me to "Calm down".  And the submissive part of me said to.  And then something in me spoke up.  What would happen if I didn't listen?  And further, what would happen if I pushed his buttons?  Maybe I could stop this whole backwards slide into depression again... I looked at him for a good 10-20 seconds, all the possibilities running through my mind.

And then I did it.  I slipped that single digit up, and standing several feet away, put my hand up pointed at him.  "After little girl goes to bed, I want you to come to me."  OH, he was upset.  And did part of me cower?  NO!  In fact, I had to fight the smile that threatened to overwhelm me and quiet the woman in me who had all the sudden started jumping up and down screaming "HECK YA!"

These five implements, we all met last night. He told me to strip down completely and then put two pillows at the end of the bed and told me to lay over them.  He started hard with the carpet beater.  It hurt so much, I couldn't believe there weren't tears falling.  He said I deserved to be spanked, and went to the thin loopy.  I thought we were done after that.  The spanking was so hard, he'd been spanking me for several minutes by this point, but then he brought out the dowel.  To any submissives out there, never look back to see what your Dominant is holding, it only makes it worse!  lol

Me: "That's supposed to be for conducting music, or practicing magic."
Him:  "Oh, it'll be making magic."

It didn't, really. :P  Then he put me in the corner, which technically isn't a corner, but against our bedroom closet door.  Then the lecture started.  I was to control my temper.  I was never to give him the finger.  We had a young daughter in the room with us, what if she'd seen?  I told him I had made very sure to do it where she could not have seen.  He asked me if that was the kind of example I wanted to be to her.  *Sigh*  No, it wasn't.

And then he told me I was to respect him.  I flung out of position.  I looked at him and said "Finally!  You deserve respect, and you should demand it."  Never before has he demanded I respect him that I can remember.  He always needs me to tell him he is owed it, but never has he demanded.  I was sooo proud of him.  Finally, he was starting to see himself in a worthy light.  It was all worth it in that moment.

Until he said I didn't look contrite enough and started taking the short tilt wand to me.  Um, yeah, that's too short, after like 20 strikes he practically threw it and said he needed something else.  Out came the pink loopy.  In all fairness, it's REALLY HARD to feel contrite when you aimed for this punishment, and it achieved the results you desired, plus more.

He asked if I was good afterwards, and I admitted I was still a bit cranky, and I might need more with the carpet beater.  I asked for it because I knew it would really hurt.  Except, I didn't realize how much he'd use it on me.  He got on the bed, sat against the headboard, got me to climb over his lap, and then started spanking, HARD.  If anyone was outside our room at that moment, I never would have been able to explain away the sounds of the Duke spanking me hard at least 50 times, if not more, with that horrid carpet beater.

By the end, I felt that softness in my heart, and that Dom back that I knew my husband needed.  We cuddled and it was so nice.

Today I admitted to the manipulation, because I don't manipulate, ever, and felt he needed to know.  I am not okay with bratting on the whole... but feel this time I am glad I did... The Duke felt guilty that I felt I had to do it, and I told him he helps me a lot too, we do what we need to.

Me: "I want you to know I will brat like this again, any time you need me to.  I'm not saying it may happen, I'm saying from now on, it will if you need."
Him: (Big Smile) "Okay."
Me: "I'd take a spanking like that every night if it meant keeping you with me... but please don't spank me every night." (lol)
Him: "Only every other night." (cheeky grin)
Me: (I dropped my pants and bent over so he could see all the bruises)  "I'll take this every single night to make sure things are good between us."

And I would.  We're good today.  So good.  I'm sick, but he's here, we're good, and I barely feel the bruises.  If I hadn't looked in the mirror, I would never know.  This is new ground for me, a new area I thought I'd never step into, would hate with everything in me if I did.  But I'm happy.  So, I may have to start earning more punishment spankings... but he's worth it.  He's always worth it.

The Duke's Deductions:
Yeah she is really bruised. I just know yesterday she was giving me the middle finger, and I knew I couldn't have it. She is usually pretty good, so I knew I had to punish her. She didn't seem to think I was serious but I was. We waited until that night once the little one was in bed, and then I got out the implements and gave her the spanking I thought she deserved. I'm surprised by how bruised she is, but I spanked her for quite a while last night. I tried different implements. I think the pink loopy on the left was my favorite of the ones I used, but I know the carpet beater was the most painful. I felt like she didn't have my respect, and I wanted to get her to the point when she felt respectful and submissive again.  I was trying to decide how much she needed, when was enough.  I wanted to see change, that she was less angry, and more respectful.  More submissive.  I was looking for tears, or to see if she was contrite.  I was glad we did it because we're more closer now.  I feel like when she's being good, I feel there is nothing for me to do, so I'm glad I had a reason to spank her.  Maybe we need to find ways to do this without her having to act out.

PS, A couple hours after writing this post and I'm feeling super guilty about bratting, even with the desired results of getting my husband in a happier place away from the depressed thoughts.  This may be a go back and forth thing in my heart and head.  I am so female sometimes.  The Duke offered to spank me for it, but left the decision up to me... eek, hopefully I don't have to take him up on it to relieve the guilt... my poor bottom might not be able to take it. :)