When He Takes Care Of Me

Man, this man loves me.  He really loves me. 

After the personal post last week, I feel this post about something else very personal is way too soon, as my blog is usually pretty tame and I don't want to scare you guys away.  I will not be doing these posts often, I promise... but, the Duke says, quite determinedly I must say, he wants me to write this post because he believes it might help other women out there, and it will help me to process.  (Adding this after finishing the post, it really helped to write it out.  I really do hope you will read, despite my begging you not to in a minute, lol)

Let me say before I start, I will be sharing NOTHING descriptive in this post at all.  What I will be sharing is the dynamic that happened because of it. Let me also say, this is embarrassing to share, so please, feel free to skip over! :) :) :)  I told the Duke I would post because he told me I had to, I didn't say you guys would actually read it. :) :) :)   So trust me, nothing more to read here. :P  Nothing at all. ;)  Just a bunch of gibberish down below. 

Wait.  You're still reading?  What?  You've never known me to lie, and you're wondering why I am now?  Eeek, okay, okay, you caught me.  *GULP*  Here goes...

The Duke loves me.  Sometimes he doesn't always show it well, but he loves me, a lot.  Before Christmas, the acid reflux I struggle with at times reared it's ugly head when I had pork ribs.  I thought just having them once would be no big deal.  But it was bad, really bad, and set off a chain of events where I have been bloated since then, and not able to each much.  I lost 12 pounds in two weeks, and even though I can stand to lose the weight, that's a bit fast.  The pain was keeping me up at nights, and the Duke was done with it.  My medicine, plus over the counter, plus tums was not helping, diet, exercise and less stress was not helping.

We had a date yesterday, and the Duke said we'd be staying home for it and hanging out in our bedroom.  I jumped into bed, all ready for whatever fun he had planned.  Whether it be a spanking, to have his way with me, ;) or just watch a movie on MY new TV.  Yes, I am now the owner of my VERY OWN TV. :) 

Then he climbed in beside me, looked straight ahead, and delivered the shocking news.  He was going to give me a cleaning out. (Remember, NO details will be shared)  I was shocked, scared, was he kidding?  He had to be kidding.  We didn't do that.  That was a kink we'd never talked about.  So we couldn't do it.  Right?  Nope, he'd looked into it, and it would probably help the acid reflux.  What?  NO! 

Still, when I saw how serious he was, I let him, reluctantly.  I was embarrassed, feeling small, feeling embarrassed, feeling vulnerable.  Did I mention embarrassed?  But, he took very good care of making sure I knew he had me, and that he was just trying to take care of me.  After everything was done, I looked it up online.  Darn friggin tootin google, he was right, it could help acid reflux.  If ever there was a time when information shouldn't be so readily available. 

He came back after cleaning up and held me and told me how proud he was of me.  He told me that I didn't fight him once, and he was very proud of how well I obeyed.  Wait, I didn't fight?  Wow, I didn't.  I hadn't wanted to do it, I had wanted a real date, I wanted my body left to my own devices.  I drug my feet a time or two, but I obeyed his every command.  Why?  Where was my fight?  Where was my voice that said no?  I don't know.  Have I gotten to a better place in my submission?  Was it his determination?  The look on his face that said he was more serious with this command than he ever was before?  I don't know.  I just don't know.  We had a nice loving time afterwards before it was time to go back to our family, back to reality.

I spent last night blushing every time I thought of it, going to him for lots of extra hugs, and emailing about it with two blog friends.  I can't thank them enough.  The Duke was so happy.  I couldn't figure out why.  So I asked.  He said I looked and acted so submissive, he loved that.  That, and because I couldn't do as much as I was supposed to be able to, he was going to make do another one today.  What???

Today I was more embarrassed for some reason.  I was nervous, but the Duke was so patient with me and kept telling me how good I was doing and how proud he was of me.  I kept hiding my face.  Finally, he wasn't having it anymore.  "I want to take care of you.  Don't hide from me."  He pulled my hands down.  I scrunched up my eyes.  "Open your eyes, I don't want you to hide from me.  Do you trust me?  I am only doing this because I want to take care of you."  I looked away several times, forcing myself to look back, but not able to keep eye contact long.  Finally, he put his hands on the sides of my face.  "Don't hide from me.  Do you trust me?"  Yes, yes I did, it just was so hard.  I had to force myself to look, force myself with every bit of strength I had as the rest of my entire body wanted to cave in on itself and pretend nothing was happening to it.  I looked into his eyes, and he held my gaze for several LOOOOOOOOOONG minutes.

After everything was done, the Duke was turned on.  The brat. :P
I offered to please him.
Do we have time? I look at the clock, we had 8 minutes until Dad said he'd look after our daughter for us.
Of course we do.  I demand you go quickly.
Deep chuckle.  Yeah right.
I'm the boss.
No, you're not.  
3 minutes later.  I look at him smugly. 
Told you you'd obey me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, that's not fair.  I am not obeying you.
Sure looks like it to me.
Hehehe, I'm never bratty, look what he unleashed!

And, the acid reflux is almost gone, the bloating is gone, and surprisingly the constant headache I fight is a lot less.  Darn tootin google.  He asked me to tell him how I felt, demanded I tell him, and I had to tell him it helped.  Augh.  The Duke refuses to promise to never do it again.  He says he's going to help me from now on if he thinks I need it.... and so, I tell myself, he loves me, he's just trying to take care of me.  *GULP*  I used to hate when he ignored me... isn't there a balance in the middle???  And yet, I feel so loved, so cared for, so happy, why am I happy after all that?  I feel free, and safe, and giddy.  Giddy?  Frig.  He made me feel so special despite it all, I don't know how he did it, but I am some submissive goo right now.  He really was just trying to take care of me, and in the middle of the not wanting to, and the embarrassment is this super soft feeling that he put his foot down, and took care of me, no matter what, because he believed it was best for me... and darn it, if that doesn't make me feel safe and good.

The Duke's Deductions: 
I am so proud of EsMay for being able to take this and being so obedient. I knew this week was hard on our relationship because of other stress, and I wanted to do something during our date that would not just be something fun but would be something that would help her and make her feel cared for and loved by me. I also felt bad that she had been having such trouble eating and sleeping for over a month now and wanted to find some way to help her. I really thought this would help. It has only been 2 so far and so she may need some more, but I really hope she will be able to eat and sleep more normally now. I love her so much.