Monday, January 21, 2019

An "Oral" Question From Another Blog

I haven't been able to get around to blogs, but one stuck out to me today.

Of course, the title drew me in, and I had to see what he had to say. :)

He shared a story about a woman who was the head of her relationship, and how she would get her man to give her oral as an act of submission.  But he himself didn't feel giving oral was submissive.  He uses oral on his wife as an act of dominance.  He says in the post about oral "in that activity the pleasure giver is the one in control..."  and he also says "Personally I love that feeling of power and control that to me is greater than of the one receiving it. They are the passive ones."  And he wanted to know how we felt about it.  Click the link above if you would like to see the whole post. :) 

I really loved this post, and how it made me think.  It got me to think on our relationship, and how this plays out for us, something I'm not sure I have really stopped to do before.  At least not to the depth I did while replying.  Another reason blog land is so great for our relationships, that it makes us consider things about our relationships we might never have thought about before. :)

So, for his thoughts on oral, of who is submissive and who is dominant in the act, I guess I believe both the couple he wrote about, and his thoughts, that they are both right. :)  Here is what I wrote for a comment.  If you're not into reading about oral, I don't get graphic, or name parts down there, but it is a post talking about oral, just to warn you in case you want to abandon ship for now and rejoin in the next post. :)  As you know, I don't usually do posts like this, but it does have me thinking, and I hope you guys don't mind the change for today. :)

Here is how I replied to that post:

I guess it all depends on who's deciding. :)

In our relationship, I am the submissive. I am overly sensitive down there, so I actually would rather not do this, it's too much. But, my husband decides when we will, and won't do it. He decides for how long, if he will suck, lick, blow, etc. I have no control. To help emphasize this, he will often hold my legs down so that I can't fight, I can't turn away. I am there, and he will do with me what he wants, and I have no power to stop him. My words of begging are often ignored. He decides when I will orgasm, I am not to go before, and I'm to go when he says. He decides how many I will have, no matter if I say I'm done or not.

But, I give him oral as well. Flip the roles since I am female and he is male for the couple you are thinking about. But in my giving him oral, he is still VERY much in charge. He tells me how deep to take him. He tells me if he wants me to go slower or faster, suck harder, to use my teeth or keep them tucked away. He is giving me instructions every step of the way. And recently he holds my neck or fists my hair close to the scalp to keep me in place, he used to just hold my head. I feel even more of his dominance now.

Because of all of this, both are very submissive for me, but giving oral is actually more submissive because it's my head, and his hands are on my head, and he's controlling my head and so controlling me. I feel more owned when he does things with my head than other parts of me for some reason... maybe because it's so close to the brain? Also, he's talking to me, where he can't much when he's giving oral to me. With the words, he's way more in my head. Telling me how things are, how I will do things, how he controls what happens to him because he owns the body that is bringing him pleasure. I'm called his good girl, told yes, I'm doing it right, or to move or do more of this or that. He controls the whole thing, and I just obey every command to his satisfaction.

Anyway... just my thoughts. :)

I never thought to share in the comment on the blog that sometimes I hang over the side of the bed, and that definitely isn't me being in charge.  He doesn't have to give me many orders because he's pushing into me any way he wants.  *blush*

What do you guys think?  If you do oral, which do you find is true in your relationship?  I think every act probably has the potential for dominance or submission for both parties, it just depends on who's leading and who is following.


  1. Thank you for the link EsMay.

    It was great to read your comments and your earlier post which also described your submissiveness in receiving oral sex. Though I sense an enjoyment as well as submission ;)

    I've just received another message from my original correspondent. She wrote describing her sub husband's view, "He says it doesn't look much like he's top when I text him saying 'your face seems to be missing from between my legs so get the f##k up here now and sort it out'."

    So as you say - I guess it is all about who is giving the orders!

    Have fun

    P xx

    1. Pygar, if you asked me even five years ago, maybe a bit further back, if I'd ever like giving oral, you would have got a resounding NO. LOL But things have changed, we have changed. I do enjoy giving it to him most times now, and am still willing the times I'm not so much in the mood. :)

      That, and I love being dominated by the Duke. I love it. So the Duke dominating me, is very fun 95% of the time. The other 5% is usually when I am not in a good mood, or need rescuing from myself, so then, even if I'm not enjoying, I am thankful. :) But I love being dominated by him.

      Yep, that guy is right, he definitely does not sound like he's the top in that situation. :)


  2. Guess I never questioned the D or the s of oral sex. It's just a part of our play. I do love kneeling in front of him, but we don't do it that way every time.

    I did love your response, though. Very honest.

    Hugs From Ella

    1. Hi, Ella. :) We don't do the same way every time either. :) I like the different ways. You know, before this past, I hadn't really thought of the D and s of it either. I'm glad I took the time to process it. :)
      Hugs, EsMay

  3. Hi EsMay,

    This is an interesting question and I love your comment on the post. I think you sum it up well in your last paragraph.


    1. Thank you, Roz. :) It does have me thinking on the things I find submissive, and how they might look dominant to others. It's been interesting, and enlightening. :)
      Hugs, EsMay

  4. My answer is similar to what you describe, actually. As the HOH when I have her give oral, I am in control, guide her with words, or firmly with my hands. When I choose to pleasure her, I am also in control, and sometimes have to hold her still when she climaxes. I find there is more submission for her of course when I have her go down, for various reasons. In part, because she's on her knees, she has to work to please me and she has to constantly take direction from me. I find it helps her in her submission to have her go down regularly.

    1. Anonymous, thank you for sharing. I love hearing the HoH's point of view. There is something very submissive about having to take orders and directions, and I'm sure she'd agree with you that she feels more submissive giving than receiving from how you describe it. Thank you.


Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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