Obey. Such a simple word, with so much meaning.
My obedience though? It's as missing as hers has been. I put an A.P.B. out on it, and got a simple note back. :P
I guess part of this hard week is all the judgement I've gotten this week from people I know in real life. It's like people have come out in droves to tell me how much I'm failing at being a wife, mother, friend, daughter, etc. I know at times I talk about the Duke on here, and my attitude isn't always right (I always ask his permission before sharing), but I never complain or talk bad about him in person, ever, and rarely do even with him. I have to really be struggling first because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I try to make sure not to complain about other people, put them down, or talk behind their backs. So it just shocks me sometimes how critical people can be when I don't do the same with them. I'm finally at a place to put it behind me. Just so many at once became harder to push aside than normal.
Thank goodness obey is a verb. Because I don't feel like listening, submitting, following rules, etc. But still, I obey, it's the right thing to do, even if I have to fight to do it. I would expect the same from my daughter as much as she can, and I expect no less from me. I have even done extra projects with baby girl today, and extra cleaning around the house to try to get into a better mindset of serving and being thankful.
Obedience in my heart is here somewhere, it's often a full blown craving that is seldom satisfied. I'm not exactly sure how to deal with "Who gives a care" EsMay. People talk about an alter ego. Maybe she is mine. lol Hopefully, for my bottom at least, that is not the reply I give the Duke if he asks me anything. Though I have been tempted. If I suddenly disappear, you'll know I gave in. lol
I have suggested several times this week that we quit DD, did I mention the note from my submission saying it was gone on a LONG vacation? The Duke says I'm not allowed to make any decisions about it when I'm like this. The Stinker. But thankfully he also hasn't pushed any DD structure on me as well... though maybe that is just what I need. Have the stubborn brat I feel inside beat right out of me. :P I don't know how to brat, I've never done it, but I feel one growing... she has instigator written all over her. She wants to stomp around, roll eyes, and stick out her tongue. Things I don't do, but boy do I want to all the sudden.
I can laugh at the thought of the Duke ruling her, though I'm sure I wouldn't be laughing if he did. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, today is better than I've been all week. The sun is out, it's nice and cool, but not cold, and about to go outside. Hopefully finally seeing the sun will help. :) I just opened the window a few minutes ago, and I definitely feel my energy rising. The headaches I've fought all week are pretty tame today.
I hope you guys are having a better week than I have been. And if you have any extra submission hanging around, feel free to send it my way while mine is evidently enjoying a cruise or some such nonsense. ;) I'm not used to not feeling submissive, and feeling a bit lost in it all. But it should come back soon, unless it finds a tall drink of dominance somewhere. lol If it doesn't come back, I'll have to find a new name for my blog. :P Maybe the Duke should have a set of letters for me to spell obey every day like the ones little girl has above. :) I wouldn't mind getting a treat every day for behaving, and a toy or book at the end as a reward. Oh, now I'm going to ask. HAHAHAHA I'm so going to ask. :) lol