Embarrassment - Its Seductive and Submissive Beauty

A week or two ago someone commented on one of my posts about getting past the embarrassment, and that has had me thinking a lot since then.  I hope to the person that wrote that, that it's okay to mention the comment.  It was such a blessing to me to ponder it.

As I thought it over, I realized something that I had thought of from time to time, but never really dwelt on.  Not only have I come to accept the embarrassment that can come in this lifestyle, I actually crave it.  Deep down in my bones, to the center of my core, crave the embarrassment the Duke can cause me. 

Now, I'm not talking about humiliation here.  The Duke would never, ever, for any reason in the world, humiliate me.

I hope I can convey here a bit of the beauty I find in being embarrassed with the Duke.  He asks me to do things that embarrass me, and those are the most beautifully submissive moments to me.

No matter how long we do this, no matter how much of my body he has seen, owns, controls, I still find certain things cause a blush to my face.  A hesitancy in my heart to expose myself so fully to him, again.  Part of me wants to be worthy.  Does he still find me beautiful?  Am I still sexy?  Does he still want me?  Will that piece of cellulite turn him off?  Will that roll make him disgusted?  And in it all is his dominant tone and voice telling me to obey.  He hasn't asked me to wait, to obey only when I feel ready and worthy, he wants me to follow through right then, no questions.  And in that moment, I swallow the embarrassment down into my chest, and let it swallow me as well.  I revel in it.  It feels so good.  I swim in it as I get into the position he's demanded of me.  I've surrendered myself to his will, and at that moment, it doesn't matter what he thinks of my body, because all that matters is that I've obeyed.  Even if he were to find some fault in my body, I need him to find no fault in my behaviour.  All that matters is that I've obeyed, and that he's pleased with my surrender.

Naked kneeling, I flush, I crave and need reassurance.  I'm embarrassed to be naked, kneeling at his feet, sitting as vulnerable as a wolf offering up their neck as a show of submissiveness to the alpha male.  My husband, standing over me, fully clothed, I'm so exposed, so vulnerable, and I love that.

Laying on the bed, arms by my head, bottom in the air so that he can either place a plug in me, or put himself there.  I'm so exposed.  He can see everything, especially if he's taking the time to plug me.  He's so up close.  He's making my body do things that until a few years ago were completely taboo, I wonder what I look like as he stretches me in a way that exposes me even more.  There's an excitement in the embarrassment as he takes pleasure in making me do things that make me blush.  An embarrassment in surrendering my body to his manipulations to make it do things I couldn't on my own.  He always tells me how beautiful it was to watch, or how beautiful I look plugged, and the flush in my face rises.

Him examining me.  For no other reason than he wants to explore what he already knows, to run his gaze over all that is his.  I'm so exposed, especially if I'm on my back, and he wants to study me, down there, very up close.  Why?  I have no idea to this day, really.  I have guesses, but when I ask, he just says it's because he wants to.  And that too, makes me blush.  It's what he wants to do, and he'll do it, because he wills it.  I submit.

Laying over his lap, him fully clothed, me naked, me getting ready to submit to being punished.  To admit his authority over me.  To accept that I've messed up and have earned his correction.  I love being in this place.  The fight of feeling I'm a grown woman who can handle her own messes, but admitting I'm not as strong as I want to be, and that I seriously need his leading and strength.  The struggle of feeling small, taken care of, and even embarrassment for not feeling like I'm enough.  That I've failed.  That maybe I've disappointed him.  Now, feeling those last ones aren't a comfortable feeling, but they sink me even more into submission, to being his, to being owned, and giving him all of me, and ultimate control over me.

There is also something about him talking about what he's doing, expecting, seeing, when he does all these.  Reminding me of my vulnerability, my submission, his control over me, his ownership.  It keeps me fully rooted in the embarrassment and surrender that I want to just immerse myself in.  I feel so fully his, so fully controlled, it's so beautiful.

All this and more, and many of them with my clothes on, I promise. ;)  Him telling me to do something in front of others, politely I will add.  As I said, he never looks to humiliate me.  Him telling me that he wants me to stop what I'm doing and do something else because I'm not making a wise decision on my own.  Him telling me to calm down when I haven't realized I've gotten too upset and that I wasn't able to control it on my own.  Having to go to him and admit when I'm horny, which is a rule.  I have to tell him as soon as possible, and I am embarrassed every single time.

But... I find such a sweet submissive place in these times of embarrassment.  A vulnerability I am not sure I have at any other time.  There is always this fear of rejection.  That he'll be too busy, that he'll wonder why he's doing this.  That he'll find me weak, strange, pathetic, a freak.  He never treats me like this, so it's a gift every time he takes care of me.

Anyway, just some of my thoughts on it.  I used to long to get passed the embarrassment, now I hope I never do. :)  In fact, I hope he finds more ways over the years to push my boundaries and my trust in him.

The Duke is sleeping, but I'm going to show him this when he's up... that too will make me blush. :)