Does needing to ask your husband/dominant for help ever make you feel naughty? Undisciplined? Like a child?
I have to ask the Duke with help getting enough sleep. On my own I'm making decisions that are not leading to a good nights sleep. I haven't gotten five hours any night for at least six nights. It means making some changes I just flat out don't want to make. One, is that 11 at night is the first time all day I get any time to myself. I want to read for 30-60 minutes. Then I lay there, in bed, and am bored, and over tired, and can't sleep, so I pull up my tablet to play Gin Rummy, I haven't played games on my tablet in ages until this week. And then all the sudden an hour is gone. I try again to sleep, and I don't give myself much time before I bring out my kindle and start to read. I'll usually fall asleep reading it, but the second I put it down, I'm WIDE awake again.
Even though the kindle is on the lowest light and very dim, and the tablet is on the darkest blue blocking night mode, I'm sure they're not helping me sleep. I also need to just bite the bullet, and try to go without time to read before bed for a week and see if I do better. That weighs heavy on my heart, that is my time to finally relax. I feel a deep cry in my heart against this idea... but this lack of sleep is not healthy, and I'm getting headaches.
So... I will be asking the Duke today for help and for some new rules... because when I'm so tired at night, but can't sleep, I just don't have the will power to make the right decisions.
Eeek... I hate admitting this stuff, to myself, and to him.
I don't get punished often, I HATE disappointing the Duke. Something in me thrives and blossoms in obeying him, even if it's not something I necessarily wanted to do... so I know this will be good for me... still I drag my feet. He'll know by bedtime tonight if we can find two minutes to talk.
Esmay, I have this same issue regarding diet and exercise. J used to hold me accountable in these areas but recently has decided that he no longer feels the need to and since I haven't made as healthy decisions as I once did.
ReplyDeleteSome of us find that certain areas of our lives are better managed when we have accountability in those areas and I think it's one of those things where, "it is what it is."
I can understand why needing help from the Duke can make you feel childish. I struggle with negative self- talk in this area as well.
I think what's harder though is when J doesn't understand my need for accountability in these areas. When he doesn't see my need as a 'need' and thinks I should be able to handle it myself it's difficult to explain why I feel I need it.
So my question to you is, is the Duke understanding of your needing micro- managing in some areas?
Know too that he can give you guidance without making this a punishable offense. Maybe he needs to enforce a bedtime for your daughter so that you get that alone time way before 11 pm. Maybe he needs to enforce a time that you have that alone time/ media time, and a time that you are to go to bed and everything gets shut off. Ultimately it's about supporting your health and well-being which supports your ability to parent and be submissive to him. When it comes to support, we all need that in some capacity. It's okay to admit that you need help.
Thankfully the Duke is very understanding if I need something. We don't do it in a micro managing way, well the first days he'll check in daily for 2-3 days, and then leave it as an expectation that he'll put his foot down on if he sees me flat out disobeying, but won't purposefully check for after that. We leave it that it's my responsibility to go to him if I'm breaking the rule, and if it keeps happening, we sit down to see if we've set a realistic expectation.
DeleteWhen the Duke works earlier shifts, I can usually get an hour to myself in the evening, and he's starting to put little one to bed some nights. But when he doesn't get home until almost midnight, or when there is a lot of family staying with us like last week, I find it hard to get some time to myself. I think I'm just going to have to start telling them I need to go off for a bit by myself, and not feeling guilty about it if we have a lot of company altogether.
I'm sorry you've been struggling with keeping up with the diet and exercise. I find it's hard as well to keep those up. I'll do good for a bit, and then start slipping, and slipping, and completely sliding by the end. Too bad chocolate didn't count as dieting. ;)
Hi EsMay ... Jlynne has some wise words ... much more than I could offer. Childraising times are hectic and crazy days. I hope your Duke gives you the support you need whatever that turns out to be.
ReplyDeleteHugs! ... nj
NoraJean, they sure are hectic times. :) We just talked about it, he's off today, but I thought he'd be out today. He agreed to change some of the rules, but not as strictly as I thought he would. I only pick up the kindle or tablet when I can't sleep. He has agreed to increase the time I wait to 20 minutes before picking them up, but he's not sure it's good for me to just lay there for hours if I can't sleep with nothing to do. So we'll try that and see how it goes. :)
DeleteHugs, EsMay
Perhaps you could start reading actual books, the screen effect won't be as influential then. I understand that requires a light on, but if you have to go through the trouble as opposed to just rolling over and picking up a kindle it might help. They say no screen time an hour prior to bed. I don't have an issue with falling asleep (staying asleep however!LOL).
ReplyDeleteAs for asking for help, I can't say I have done that since the start of ttwd. For myself personally, B's influence isn't great over me if I asked for it myself. He has tried to step in when I am dieting or whatever, but I have always felt like if I want it, truly want it, I can do it myself. True though, it is easier if he wants something to obey him. I guess in my twisted mind, I am not 'obeying' if I ask him for it in the first place. Yes, I suppose I have issues. LOL.
Good luck breaking your nighttime habits so you get the rest you require.
willie
Thank you. The first night did not go so well, it was 2:30am, and I was still fighting to get to sleep. But last night went much better. And I don't think those are issues, we each feel different about things, and that's the great thing about TTWD, finding what works for each of us. :) :)
DeleteEsMay
Hi EsMay, I have been awol from blogland lately due to tech issues and am just trying to catch up.
ReplyDeleteI totally hear you on the sleep issues and wanting some down time to yourself before bed. I am a total night owl and never get enough sleep. Frankly, I'm sick of being tired constant!
I know I am my own worst enemy with getting into bad habits. This is definitely something I need to work on too.
Such great advice and food for thought above.
Hugs
Roz
Oh Roz, I hear you. I'm so tired of being tired too. lol I am also my own worst enemy when it comes to getting sleep. :)
DeleteHugs, EsMay
Is it possible to switch your alone time from evening to morning? (I know, easier said than done!)
ReplyDeleteNot right now with my job, and the time little one is falling asleep. :( Though I'll talk to the Duke and see if there is a way we can rework things. Hoping to get little one to bed sooner here in the near future. Right now she's fighting tooth and nail. Don't know where she gets her stubbornness from. *whistling innocently* lol
DeleteEsMay
I can relate to this not enough sleep. I remember Lee LOL saying he had never known anyone that could place their head on a pillow & fall asleep within minutes. That was ME, I so wish I was like that now. I would say do not read on your kindle, I stopped doing that at night several months ago (I am not sure if it has helped). You need some ME time, I am not sure of your schedule but I do know most children do best with a regimented schedule. We put our children to bed Early (yes, I was a selfish mom, I wanted Me and US time). Kids went to bed at 7:30 for years LOL but we had some US time and I had some ME time. That time kept me sane. It was important for this mom to be Sane. LOL Good Luck I hope you get some well deserved sleep, I started struggling with falling asleep several years ago and I still do not have it resolved.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Been working on getting her to bed earlier over the past few weeks. Currently she is getting to sleep around 9:30, which is good when I think she was going to bed at 11:00. But literally, if we even tried at 10:30, for months she'd treat it as a nap and be up for hours in the middle of the night. This time she got strep throat, and I took full advantage of how tired it made her to get her to bed earlier. So far, it's working. I do want to get her to at least 8:00, so I'm half way there. :) :) I won't get much more time with the Duke, as he often works evenings, but still, I'd get some me time. Though she'll now be up at 6am if I get her to 8pm... so we'll see. I do like sleeping until 7am, but might have to give that up. :) :)
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