Friday, March 23, 2018

A Little Bit Of Everything - BDSM

First of all, I finally got around to some blogs today, not all, but it was nice.  I'm sorry that I can't get to blogs often, and am so grateful for those of you that still read mine even while knowing that.

This post was quite risqué, and then I didn't feel comfortable sharing so much, so this is an abbreviated version of what we are in this lifestyle. :)  Hope that is okay.

This is post 3 of 5.

BDSM – Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism and Masochism.

I only like light or medium BDSM.  We are not so much into the S&M, though a bit, but I looked it up to make sure, and the first four of six still make us BDSM, though I'm no expert, so just going on what I know here. :)

I love having my hands tied, especially to something.  I like being blindfolded a bit, that one I never know how much I like.  I like being restrained in other ways than just my hands. Sometimes I like to be kept from talking by something, though have done it rarely.  Having it so that I have to fully trust the Duke, it brings a different level of submission, and definitely a new level of anticipation.  And as I mentioned a month or so ago, I love anal play.  There are other things too, but I feel hesitant to share, sorry.

I crave the things he does that makes me literal putty in his hands because of how much I have to submit to his control and fully trust him.  I literally feel this longing bloom in the core of my body, in the core of my heart.  I crave the anticipation of not knowing what is next and being able to do nothing to aid or stop what is coming.  Have I mentioned anywhere in these posts yet that I like giving up full control to my husband? :P  lol  Being tied means I don't have to think.  I don't have to decide.  There is nothing right or wrong I can do in the moment.  I just have to be.

I am not a huge fan of a lot of pain.  Many of you know that I suffer from a constant headache, and often suffer from other types of headaches on top.  But I do enjoy light to moderate levels of pain, and find they can even distract me from my headaches.  I guess maybe it’s the endorphin rush.

One thing I didn't anticipate about this lifestyle is how it got me out of my own head.  Some of you know that I struggled with a lust addiction when I was younger, and if I'm not careful, can still struggle.  Sometimes I'll be with the Duke, and all the sudden my mind can't focus, then I start recalling sex scenes I read in the past, or saw on TV, and all the sudden I'm in those scenes, and not with the Duke.  BDSM, the Duke is always talking to me, keeping me with him, training my focus with each thing he does exerting his control.  And then I don't feel guilty after we're done, because I really was making love to only him the whole time.

So, another aspect of who we are.  I love vanilla love making, and I love BDSM love making.  Both are wonderful, but I do find I come move alive with the BDSM stuff, even if it’s just a plug or tying my hands.  Just getting into that submissive mindset for it, just being reminded that I'm his, and I need to submit.

The Duke's Deductions:
There is something thrilling or exciting about feeling that I can do whatever I want to Esmay. I can tie her wrists up, I can play with different parts of her body, I can cause her pain. I like the feeling that she is willing to give up control for these things to me, to make me happy or to give me pleasure. I think I feel like I have so little control in other parts of my life, that I like the control I have here.  I think I go through my day at work feeling like other people ignore me, that its good at times to have somebody who can't ignore me, who has to give me their attention. Again, I guess it's a feeling of power that I like. 


  1. I love this two are awesome! I found myself nodding my head as I read this...Me too...shared with Master and He agrees giving him that power is a wonderful gift. It is like a mini vacation for us, something that just we share..well and my blog friends...and it quiets my 'voices'...hugs abby

    1. Awww, thank you, abby. :) I like that, it quiets the voices. :) I really like that.
      hugs, EsMay

  2. I am really enjoying this series of posts, thank you both do much for being so open and sharing this with us. There is nothing like the giving up of, and taking control :)


    1. Thank you, Roz, it was fun writing them. Super sick, so even though the next one is written, I may hold off a couple days to post. And yes, I love giving up control, well, to the Duke. :)
      hugs, EsMay


Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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