The Duke doesn't know yet what I'm sharing here, I am still processing. It's not that I am withholding information from him, it's just that I had to be out when he got home last night, something that very rarely happens, and then the little one didn't go down until late, and it slipped my mind at that point. He's now at work, and this is not something I want to talk about over the phone on his breaks.
My Dad was talking to me yesterday about how late the Duke has been going to bed. My Dad is great, but he seems to have not noticed that he too stays up late and that is how he knows the Duke does. I said some nights I wonder if he's waiting for me to go to bed. Usually I go to bed a lot earlier than the Duke, but every once in a while I stay up quite late if my head is bothering me, which it has been for several weeks now. I do have a doctor's appointment this afternoon which I hope will help with this.
So I told Dad that the Duke knows he can tell me to go to bed if he feels I am keeping him up or he thinks I'm up too late for my own good. To which my Dad replied quite snarkily and seemingly in anger. "Yes, but does the Duke have to go to bed when you ask him?"
I was upset. My Dad knows I am submissive to the Duke, though he does not know to what degree. He has no idea that in the past week alone I've been spanked, I've been plugged, and that I've had my wrists bound (not all at the same time, though that has happened in the past too.) :). But he does know I let the Duke lead me, and that I will obey him. My Dad has always thought this was good before, and never said a thing against it. So this floored me.
But I was also upset because my Dad sees our relationship, and knows that in our marriage, the Duke is often an over pleaser, sacrificing much for my happiness, even when I argue with him that he's doing too much. That my Dad would look at him in such judgemental light was completely unfair.
So later on I said to my Dad that I thought he was being unfair. That he knows the Duke quite well, and knew that the Duke would do just about anything I asked of him. He agreed the Duke would. Because the Duke is this way, I very rarely ask the Duke to do things that are outside of needs because I don't want to feel in charge, but he will almost always do something if I ask. Yes, he demands things from me, especially my obedience, but he is even quicker to give than take in our marriage.
So tonight I'll talk to the Duke about it. I don't want to. I don't want him to know that my Dad thought such things. But, it's in my rules that I have to discuss anything that is bothering me with the Duke so that I don't bear my burdens alone. I'm glad I have this rule, even though it can be quite embarrassing at times. It leaves me vulnerable and free and I don't have to go around carrying all this guilty weight on my shoulders. I hope he spanks me, I have this guilt over me over all this, though I know none of it is my fault. I just, need to have all this taken from me when I'm already dealing with so much else in my life. I rarely ask for a stress relief spanking, but I think one is in order. Now to get the time to do it. I am hoping we can find a way tonight. I just really need to physically feel the Duke's strength right now.