Thursday, April 24, 2014

Two Mistakes, One Spanking

So, things here are changing.  Some of these things are going to take a bit of getting used to.  The Duke is really growing into his own, and I really, really, don't have the reigns anymore.

I got spanked the other night, for two offenses. :( I don't get spanked often for things I have failed to do, I really do try to do my best to do as the Duke asks, but on Monday, I failed, twice. I have two rules for submission sake, and only two rules. Make the bed, and wear dresses at home. I am ashamed to say that I didn't do either. And what is worse? I didn't even remember to. Monday, I had the day off, but the Duke did not. I also had a migraine. So with my schedule off, and not feeling well, it honestly never crossed my mind. The bed wasn't made because I'd spent the day in it. A dress wasn't put on, because I stayed in my pjs, just willing the pain away.

The Duke has been so patient with me during this winter. A several month sinus infection, and two bouts of strep throat, and I was quite sick since Christmas. The Duke not only was very patient with me, he also brought me breakfast in bed almost every single morning, and not just toast or cereal, but eggs, a slice of bacon, hash brown patties, and at times , toast with it. He also helped me with several chores several times. He really is taking good care of me.

But Monday, he decided he needed me to be a bit more attentive. Yes, I had a migraine, but I hadn't had it all day, just most of the day. I could have gotten the bed made and a dress on. And even if I'd had it all day, I still had the ability to do both of those things. They aren't hard, don't take a lot of energy, and neither one takes me more than a minute to do.

The spanking the Duke gave me was not hard, and he did wait until my head was able to handle it. It wasn't long. But it was a reminder that he expects a bit more out of me. That I can't take not feeling well as an excuse to get absolutely nothing done. I am to exercise every week day, and clean a room of the house every week day, he didn't hold me accountable to those, he knew they would be too much. But he does want me doing what I can. And he's right. I'm not sure why I forgot, but I expect more out of myself, and now, it seems, so does the Duke.

You know, I'm not even fully sure what it is the Duke is thinking on this, so it'll be kind of cool to read his own thoughts here. :)  Things are changing, DD is growing in areas I hadn't imagined.  The Duke is really getting me to allow him to be in charge in ways I didn't even know I needed a leader. I would have told you that after a migraine, I wasn't up to a spanking, no matter how tame.  But I was, I just didn't know it.  I have a safe word if I ever really needed to use it.  I don't need to use it though.  He knows.  I don't know how, but he knows what I can handle. 

I'm stepping back, and letting him decide.

- The Duke's Deductions:

I knew we didn't do a maintenance this past week, but I knew I still needed to do something to show my dominance and that I was in charge. EsMay is usually a very well behaved girl, but I saw my chance when I saw that she had not made the bed or worn a dress. I knew I had been slack lately on punishing her for not following those rules, so when I had the chance, I made sure to take it. I let her know that she needed a spanking. It was not a long or incredibly hard spanking, but it was enough to let her know who was in charge, and that I had expectations of her that she would need to submit to.

21 comments:

  1. Well this was an honest post. I have migrains too and they can be quite debilitating. I end up in bed after receiving an injection to get rid of them. In this case the bed would not have been made and I would have been in it with my pj's on and the room dark. While I understand these rules, could an exception not have been made since we dion't plan for migrains to happen? Now on the other hand, if you woke up fine, and the migraine occured much later I can see the point. Bed made after getting up and dressing appropriately. Just my thoughts, not critizing.. I see both sides.

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    1. I do try to be honest, lol, but maybe I do go too far in it. :) And I didn't think you were critizing at all. :) I hopefully explained a bit better in my next post, but the Duke really did take good care of me, and only asked me what he knew I could do, and I'm ashamed to say, but I did have time before the migraine to have done both things... I do have migraines that are completely debilitating, and on those days, he wouldn't even ask if I'd done a single thing. I am so blessed to have him. :)

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  2. It's hard sometimes to remember to put our mates first when we aren't at our best or when schedules get interrupted isn't it? I'm sorry you had a migraine, those definitely suck! I'm glad for you though that the Duke took the opportunity to let you know that he had high expectations for you because he knows what you're capable of (cause I think sometimes you forget just how awesome you are). I love how the Duke says that you are usually very well behaved, that is a great compliment!

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    1. Oh, River, thank you... I am so tired right now, heading to bed as soon as I answer these, but even tired, I still blushed at your compliment. And yes, being well behaved was something that really touched me when he said it. :)

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  3. Rules are rules I see Dukes side .. If I'm not well I just need to text email or call D to explain I'm doing nothing so he's not surprised ... Maybe doing that next time will help . Two rules that's it? while we don't have actual rules I have very high expectations I need to stick to . I think in the years raising four kids working full time , keeping the house up dinners made pets bills and going to school I think I set the bar to high lol .. D likes stuff done by the time he's home , but I think letting him know ahead nothing would be done would get me out of a spanking... I bet you don't let this happen again :) good for Duke for keeping consistency going :) hope you feel better :) ~ s

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    1. Yes, I will have to make sure next time I tell him. Usually I would, I think it just took remembering I didn't do it this time, lol. I'll have to work on that. :)

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  4. I get migraines as well. We have an unspoken rule that if I'm not feeling well, I have to let Steve know. He usually calls when he takes his lunch break and shortly before leaving work so I have no excuse for not letting him know. If I haven't said anything and he comes home to find the chores weren't done, I'm in trouble, although he does wait until the migraine is over before he carries out the punishment.

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    1. Dana, that is interesting. :) I love how Steve is with you, always so loving. :) The Duke always reads these comments, so now I'm wondering what he'll do with what you shared here. :) Should be interesting to see.

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  5. Hi EsMay, I hope you are feeling better now, and that you are keeping up with your rules this week to save your rear end
    love Jan,xx

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    1. LOL Definitely am being good so that my rear end is in good form! :) :)

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  6. EsMay, I am sorry about your bad headache. When I thought about headache and spanking, my own head almost started to ache. But actually it was nice that the Duke made sure that you were able to handle the spanking. Migraine can be so nasty, but he did not spank just for the spanking’s sake and waited for a suitable moment with you feeling better, therefore I think it was a positive experience for you and him.
    I think that the way you and the Duke have connected and deepened your relationship is awesome. You write about the changes, and for me they sound as positive as can be. Maybe the Duke expects more, just like you do. But none of these expectations are rigid rules, instead the Duke looks closely what you can do in your situation. I love when HoHs do that. Hubby does it too, and in the right moment I get butterflies in my stomach from that. (currently my stomach is too small for many, though;) ).

    hugs

    Nina

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    1. Nina, wow, I didn't know we showed all that, that is kind of cool actually. Yes, the Duke really does check in on me a lot, to see where I'm at, and make sure he's making the best choices when it comes to me. It's a bit hard getting used to the attention, but I'm finding I am liking it. :)

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  7. This is again a fine example of doing what works for you. I too have migraines, and seeing the posts, I wonder if stress and being wired with deep emotions doesn't have something to do with it? There are times I could handle a spanking after one and times not so much. I think it is great that you both have come so far.

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    1. Oh Dana, I have learned that when you are prone to headaches, anything that can set your head off balance can trigger a migraine as well. So yep, emotions, stress, even another type of headache can trigger a migraine on top. :( I think that the same is probably true here about spankings... there are times after a migraine I could handle one... other times, would not be able to.

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  8. So glad all is well in your world. Have a great weekend.

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    1. Thank you, Leigh, I hope that you have a wonderful weekend too. :)

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  9. For me I would have to agree with Annabelle as on the very few occasions when I get a migraine I am completely pole-axed. But it is so easy to read something and because we are not there, and we are not you, we don't know how to react to what you have written.

    You are so much stricter than us, and you have all these rules, but you both decided on these and you are happy with them. It is easy to see the love and high regard the Duke has for you and I like to see that. I suppose the only rule I would object to would be wearing something just because my husband said I had to. I simply cannot dig the garden in a skirt, and remember all the years I HAD to wear skirts and dresses to work as I taught the Plymouth Brethren. I even had to take the children on geography outings eg to the seashore studying erosion, whilst wearing a skirt. It just doesn't sit well with me. But I have to tell you that I have friends who simply refuse to wear jeans or trousers because they don't like them and not for any other reason.

    A rule that is good for one person doesn't suit another and vice versa. I somehow feel your spanking was a TOKEN and that the spanking I received this week 'just because' was probably a lot worse. I am so interested in hearing about other people's experiences and opinions. We all have to do what is best for us as a couple, don't we?

    I so hope your head has settled down, Es May. Are your migraines food related or stress related? They really are a pig. I hope you both have a great weekend!

    Many hugs
    Ami

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    1. Oh, the Duke lets me away with not wearing a dress all the time. LOL Which makes me laugh that it is even a rule. I don't have to wear one when cleaning, when company is over, when I want to leave the house for any reason, when I want to do a project that requires a lot of moving around, when I want to exercise, lol, and the list probably goes on. :) But he does like it, when I'm resting at home, or just doing a few quick things, that I be in a dress. For us, he sees me being more submissive, more soft, and he likes that. He also finds me very pretty in a dress... and since he didn't used to really notice my physical appearance, that means a lot to me. :) And I don't eat my triggers for migraine, but sadly, a bad night's sleep will mean one most times, and weather. :(

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  10. Hey EsMay and Duke...when I first read this, I was very disappointed with you Duke but then I realized that I'm looking at this from my personal experience. I suffer from horrible migraines when I am unfortunate enough to eat anything with MSG. When I get one of those, I am laying down in a dark, cool room...forget getting dressed or any chores or moving. Even brushing my teeth or washing my face causes too much pain and can induce horrible porcelain goddess hugging! Once the migraine starts backing off, I still have to be careful as it seems to be knocking at the back of my head saying "move wrong and I'm gonna come back and get ya...big time!"

    So what I was trying to explain with all my rambling is that this is a perfect example of how just as migraines are different for everyone, TTWD is different for everyone. If this worked for you two and EsMay could handle the spanking without impacting her head pain/nausea, then who am I to say it was wrong!

    Hope your migraine is gone EsMay and wishing you both a lovely weekend.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. OH, Cat, I have had those migraines! {{{hugs}}} So not fun. :( And if I'd had one like that, not only would the Duke have told me not to do anything, he would have ensured I stayed in bed. I promise, this one was not as bad as that, and it only lasted about 5 or 6 hours, so I honestly did have time before and after to make the bed and don on a dress. And I do have those migraines that threaten to come back too, and I was so thankful this one was not one of them. I am glad that you realized the Duke would do good by me. :)

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  11. Reading this made me realize I am guilty of using not feeling as an excuse to not complete my chore list. I went and repented to my hoh and am sitting here with a blistered bottom for it and it's early to bed for me until he feels he can fully trust my word again. Thank you for helping me to submit to his authority.

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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