Last night the Duke came in and declared a spanking, and said it was maintenance. I hadn't told him I thought I still needed something from my spanking the night before, because by that point, I was overwhelmed with a problem in my head, and was trying to work it out. I'm sad to say, that creeping up to 36 and still not being pregnant again was what was on my mind. I hadn't thought about it in over a month I believe, and so it shocked me how intense the desire was.
So when the Duke said it was time for a maintenance, I knew it was what I needed, still, I moved slowly. I knew it was going to be emotionally hard for me to get this spanking. But over his lap I went. The warm up was only about 30 swats. And then when the real spanking began, I was only about five spanks in when I started bawling. I don't mean just a little, my whole body was shaking from it. The Duke stopped and asked if I was laughing. When I didn't answer, he then asked if I was crying. I still couldn't answer, I was shaking so bad from the sobs. He apologized for making me cry, which made me giggle for a second in the middle of my tears. The Duke has said that my tears during a spanking are beautiful, and he's even been tossing around the idea for about a month now on writing a post on it. So I told him the tears were good. He sat there and rubbed my back, and then after a bit, pulled me into his arms.
I can't believe how quickly I cried. Maintenance for us is usually about 5-10 minutes, it gets quite hard at one point, and I can't remember the last time I cried during one. But evidently I needed to. After he held me, all was okay in my world again.
I had needed to cry, and just couldn't seem to on my own. I don't know why a spanking allows that release, whether it's that physical pain that allows the emotional pain to release, or if it's being in the safety of the Duke's lap, but whatever it is, I am thankful for it.
I'm okay again if children don't come our way. I'm okay with where our life is now. Yes, according to a number of people, we are way behind on the American dream, no house, one car, no kids, student loan debt. But, then I remembered something last night, apparently if you have a roof over your head, a car to drive, and food in your fridge and cupboards all at the same time, then you're in the top 3% of the richest people in the world. And we have all that. We may not have as much as others, but we still have been blessed, and that is what I have to focus on. I may never have my house, my kids, or a fat bank account, and that's okay. :)