Well, the few of you that I wrote yesterday and admitted where I was with the Duke, he was becoming very inconsistent, will wonder at this complete turn around, don't worry, I'm wondering at it too.
I am a maid of honour in a wedding in December. I have never been in a wedding before... so I don't know what to think. I ordered my dress, and added the $20 to have it customized to my figure... and now they are saying that I can't make it to my size because my breasts and hips are not drastic enough in size difference from my waist. They then proceeded to ask if I was pregnant, or offered to sell me a corset as well.
I was devastated. I know I am larger than I should be, but not that much, and they do have dresses to fit every single measurement I have, just not all in the same size, so that is why I paid extra to have it custom fitted. I also have lost 30lbs this year, with the disease I struggle with, it makes it a lot harder to lose weight, and even getting this 30lbs off has been hard. Even being bigger than I should be, I don't have hips, my hip bone is literally only a half inch wider on either side than the bone at my waist. And up top, I literally used to be called "pimple boobs" for a reason. I didn't pick the dress out, all the bridesmaids are wearing the same thing. So I felt attacked by this company, and angry that they said the dress could be customized, and apparently can't be.
I started crying. It has taken a long time for me to not hate my body, and this horrible disease. Even writing about it now, I feel the tears coming back. I work out, I avoid so many foods, and still, I'm big, and their email today made me feel horrible. I am not pregnant... and not being so when I so want to be made that question even harder. And wearing a corset so that I fit their mould when the dress was supposed to be made to fit me... well I got angry and started belittling myself. I was angry that I can't beat this disease. I got angry because if I can lose more weight, the chances of ever being skinny are still really far fetched. I got sad and called myself fat and stupid. I was just a bawling mess.
Imagine my surprise when the Duke comes up behind me and starts to pull my pants down. I whipped around, and begged him to stop. I threw myself into his arms and just bawled. I begged him to please still spank me if he felt I needed it, but later. I told him, right then, I just needed him to hold me. He said okay, but that I was to stop calling myself fat and stupid that very moment.
Fifteen minutes later we were in the car on our way to work, and I was still worked up. A car passed me in a no passing zone. I want to tell you I acted my normal self and just thought the person was being irresponsible and left them alone. But that would be a huge lie. I blarred my horn, and as soon as they passed, gassed it to tailgate them. The second the Duke heard the car accelerate, I heard "Stop it, NOW!"
Me: "But they were..."
The Duke: "I don't care, I want you to calm down right now."
Me: "This is getting added to my spanking tonight... isn't it?"
The Duke: "Yes, it is."
Augh, two offenses in one day? What came over me???
Would it help to say I think I'm ovulating finally, after a couple years of not, and that I don't know what to do with the onslaught of emotions? This being frazzled happened last month as well, it was the very first time we had signs my hormones were getting back in line... I think I'll have to start tracking this, and finding ways to remind myself to stay calm.
So... the Duke was backing off of DD it seemed... now... woah, someone lit a fire under his bottom! lol
Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. *Gulp*